Feeling overwhelmed..need prayers, good thoughts (LONG)

[6_Time_Momma]

I am feeling rather overwhelmed right now and could use any prayers or good wishes anyone can spare. DH is still stuggling with depression/anxiety. He is now on three different meds....BuSpar, Wellbutrin, and Klonopin. Some days are such a struggle. August 12th was our 17th anniversary. We had made plans to go to dinner and movie. As it got closer, he started saying things like "I don't think we should go. Bradley Scott just can't handle these guys for a few hours."

I said he could. (He's 16 and has watched them before). So, then the day before our anniversary, he "picked a fight" with me over money, so that basically on our anniversary, we were kind of distant to each other. We did go out to dinner, but came home right after. We were talking to each other, but it was minimal. We have not "celebrated" our anniversary since Gabrielle was stillborn. We found out two days after our anniversary four years ago that she had died and four days after, on the 16th, she was delivered stillborn 20 weeks into our pregnancy. Every year, an argument seems to crop up right before our anniversary preventing us from celebrating.

About a week after our anniversary this year, he apologized and said he just couldn't bring himself to celebrate around that time. I still hurt about losing Gabrielle, and sometimes I cry, but I can talk to people about her without crying and I can still feel happy most of the time. He, on the other hand, seems like he still is in an acute grieving stage. He hardly ever talks to me about her even when I try. He will cry if he even tries. Even during happy times, like Destiny being crowned princess at Polish Festival, he thinks about how he wishes she (Gabrielle) could be here to share in that.

It took me forever to convince him to go to the doctor to get treatment in the first place and now he is, but doesn't seem to be improving. I asked him if he thought about going to see a therapist, but he keeps saying "Let's just see if the meds work." To top it off, he is steadily losing weight. He has gone from 145 pounds in January to 124 pounds currently. He has no fat on him. His doctor checked his thyroid and it was okay. The doc is waiting four more weeks to give his newer med a chance to work before he wants to do anything further about his weight.

And to top it off, although Destiny is improving in her anxiety, she is having nightmares (probably from the medication) and she seems to be picking up on my DH depression about Gabrielle. Several times, she has been up in her room crying and when I ask her what is wrong, she says "I miss Gabrielle." She was only five when we lost her and Destiny never saw her or such, so I don't quite know how to respond to her. She goes back tomorrow to the psychiatrist fortunately.

So, anyway I am feeling so overwhelmed tonight. I have not gotten much sleep in the past four days. The 48 hours from Thurs through Friday, I probably got a total of four hours of sleep between Bradley Scott's car accident, taking him to the ER, talking to the insurance company, and work. And trying to plan this walk for Down Syndrome in October. And dealing with my own health issues right now.

On a good note, one that I hope will help me in a positive way, some coworkers asked me to join a bowling league. After a struggle with guilt about being away from my family on one of my night's I'm actually off of work, I said yes. (Okay, I'm still actually struggling with the guilt). This will be the first time I have actually gone out with friends, believe it or not. I'm trying to tell myself that I deserve some "me and the girls" time, but yea I feel guilty. Give me a few nights out having fun though and I expect that to change.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I go back to the doctor Thursday to find out some test results. Destiny goes tomorrow, and DH goes on the 25th, so maybe there's still time to convince him to ask the doctor about seeing a therapist. I appreciate any and all good thoughts and prayers!

Oh yea, and my brother gets married on Saturday and my girls are flower girls, so I'm going a little nuts trying to get shoes, hair pieces, etc, too.

 

[Pamomof3]

You and your family our in my prayers, I have three beatufil children DS 12, DD 11, and DD 5. About 7 years ago I lost a baby I know how it feels. I wish the best of luck with everything and I know how it is to vent you should never feel sorry or bad about that. If you need to vent again just let me know.
God Bless!

 

[Blueeyes101817]

 

[disneycutie84]

Sending you some pixie dust!
I really hope things turn for the better for you and your family. DBf told me once that with every "up" in life, there is a "down" and vise versa. I think an "up" is coming your way.
Best of luck to you.

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

Prayers and pixie dust are being sent your way.

 

[Chipperdini]

.

 

[barkley]

good wishes to you and yours.

keep on the dr. about the weight loss. when i first went on anti depression and anti anxiety meds i dropped a bunch of weight-and i also had sleep problems (could'nt sleep a wink-despite heavy doses of ativan). turns out some people's body chemistry is such that they have to take the meds in the opposite manner the manufacturer reccommends (mine said had to be taken at night because it caused drowsyness-also warned about possible weight gain). once the doctor changed the time i took it to mornings my weight stabalized and the ativan could be cut back. and the doc. is right-meds take a while to 'kick in'. my dh was on buspar and it took several weeks for him to feel like it was making a difference.

 

[marlasmom]

Oh Kristy. I don't know how you do it all. But when you are down, there is no where to go but up.

 

[safetymom]

 

[MushyMushy]

You certainly do have a lot on your plate. Hang in there.

 

[catherine]

Positive thoughts and PD ****** heading your way!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Your DH needs a therapist, no doubt about it. He needs to get it out of him with someone safe.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers that your DH becomes ready to accept help and get well. {{{HUGS}}}
Also here are some prayers for that bowling game of yours... Get out and enjoy yourself!

 

[disneymouse]

sorry your and DH are going thru this. you will be in my prayers.

 

[Christine]

Can I ask what kind of doctor is treating your husband?

I hope it is a pyschiatrist and not a general practitioner. You know, general practitioners are not the "greatest" at treating depression and anxiety. They only are like the first line at treating this stuff and really should refer people out. The anxiety and depression medications are actually quite complicated and it really takes an "expert" in pyschopharmacology to be able to help someone who has a bit more than mild anxiety or depression--which sounds like your husband.

I can tell you from my experience that I have taken both Wellbutrin and Buspar. Both were huge appetite killers for me. Neither of them really helped, although, fortunately their side effects were minimal. In the "arsenal" of medications for anxiety and depression, both Wellbutrin and Buspar are "little guns", if you know what I mean. This could be why your DH is not making a more rapid improvement. But it does take time. Also, when I had severe anxiety, no matter how much I ate, I dropped weight like crazy. When you have adrenaline running through your system all day, it tends to have that effect.

I hope everyone feels better soon. I know how awful it is to go through this.

 

[kellyg403]

Hugs and prayers for your family. I lost my daughter Kayla Anne 11 hours after birth 13 years ago. It has been a long struggle and I can empathize with what you are going through. My xdh was trying so hard to be the rock of the family at the time that he never really greived like I did. 9 years later, after divorcing and going through some rough times he confessed that one of the reasons he was so angry and distant was because it hit him that she was gone. Our daughter passed on Good Friday and Easter was difficult. Hopefully he will go see someone. I do know that one of things that did help me personally was on her birthday to celebrate her. It helped to remove the stigma from the Easter holiday for my other children.

I hope that all is well with you and your dh is able to get help in whatever way is comfortable.

Kelly

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I'm not in the medical field but it does seem like your husband needs to talk this out with someone. Good luck getting him to see a therapist. Hugs to you and your family.

 

[Disney Ella]

That is a lot to handle. I think everyone is right that your DH could benefit from some therapy too. I know it's hard not to feel guilty but you deserve a night to yourself. Go, bowl, have fun!

 

[dental wiz]

Wow, hang in there.

 

[Kristi1357]

 

[4nana]

Kristy sweetie, know that many positive thoughts and prayers are headed your way. I can imagine how tough it is trying to hold it together for everybody . Sending prayers that your DH will seek the proper treatment to help motivate him and he feels better soon. Sometimes men can be so proud and stubborn dealing with their health issues. Is there another family or church member he respects who could talk to him?

As far as the bowling league, it sounds as tho you could use a little 'me' time dear, so try not to feel guilty. You need to take care of yourself while holding down the fort and do what it takes to release some of your stress.
Remember, even tho we're not RL friends, we're always here to lend a shoulder.

Easier said than done I know, but keep your chin up and believe that God doesn't give us anymore that we can handle. Best wishes to all your family and Godspeed. ^i^