Feeling down

[Piglet203]

Hey everybody, I don't know if you remember me since it's been a couple months since I've been active on these boards. Maybe this will refresh your memory....Mickey76 proposed to me during our May/June trip and it was a big thing on these boards.
Well, I'm posting because I'm feeling like a pretty crappy person. Without getting into everything.....Mickey76 and I had a pretty bad arguement yesterday and as the result he is taking the weekend to himself. During my time alone (which seems to drag on and on) I've been realizing a lot of my faults. I don't know why but I tend to look on the negative in everything and forget all that is positive. I feel like because of this I may have ruined everything. All I want to do is call him or see him, but I know that it wouldn't be a good move. I'm feeling so guilty, mainly because during this time I see where I can be a better fiance to him. I'm just afraid it's too late. Last night I was thinking about everything that had happened and going over our relatoinship. I kept thinking to myself saying "God, here I am getting mad over little things when this man treats me so damn great." I mean it's not every man that will plan for months and months to propose to the one he loves. I am just so mad at myself and so scared right now. If anyone has advice or can relate please reply....maybe it will make me feel better and little more optimistic about the situation. Thanks for listening.
Carey (Piglet203)

 

[Rajah]

*hugs* I can relate. I, too, tend to dwell on the small things or the bad things. I swear my husband is the most patient person alive.

If you don't think contacting him to apologize would be a good idea, what about preparing something for him for when he gets back? At the very least an apology and "I love you" card, or a dinner, or something that would show him that you love him?

*hugs* Good luck!

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. I hope this all blows over and things get back to where they were before the argument. I'm betting they will

 

[Boots]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[Saffron]

{{{{Hugs}}}} Carey. I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and I can understand how you feel. It seems to me that you learned a lot about yourself this weekend. Hopefully the two of you will work things out and be a stronger and better couple because of the reflective time you've both had this weekend. Take care.

 

[Piglet203]

Thanks guys......I was so glad to see someone wrote back. I'm just really upset right now and need people to talk to you.. I knew I could count on people at the DIS. I just feeling helpless because i am waiting to see what he thinks about "us" I don't want to push him further, so i don't want to call....but it's also hard to get through the days without him.........even hearing his voice or knowing that we will be ok.....don't know what to do.....

 

[Dan Murphy]

Hi Carey. Ahhhhh, love, its ups, and downs. You guys will do fine, these brief seperations give you time to think a bit, and to desire each other more. They are good at times, part of the 'process'. You certainly indicate how you feel, I have read in the past here how he feels. Hang in there, Carey, and welcome him back when he sees you again. {{Hugs}}

Dan

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Instead of dwelling on the "bad" or your guilt, try to focus where you need to make changes to improve things and make them.
When you focus on the bad, you are in essence continuing your own "self centerness" and making everything about "YOU" again. It is a way of stalling so you don't have to do the work.

How do I know this? I focus on the negative too. But as I am older now, I know that talk is cheap. It is the action in the right direction that counts.

I'll bet things will work out! Good Luck

 

[Kallison]

I would call and say I'm sorry. After a fight that is always good to hear. Everyone gets in arguments at times, but the ability to admit you may be the one at fault will go a long way.

 

[helenabear]

Carey, I do know that big fights are a part of every relationship like that. Just give him the space and when he comes back just tell him how you feel. I am sure things will work out for the best {{{hugs}}}

 

[newmousecateer]

{{HUGS}} sweetie. I can relate to that. I had such a crappy life before I met DH (with the exception of the love and joy of my DS).

I was the same way. But you know what? He taught me to enjoy even the smallest of joys in life, take one day at a time, taught me that laughter definately outweighs dwelling on the bummer things in life, taught me to wake up in the morning and be thankful for everything I have, plus a lot more.

This let me open up to him and cherish the time we spend together every day.

You can do this too. Embrace the love and happiness he is offering you, and you too can learn to find the happy things in your life every single day.

 

[Piglet203]

Thanks again for everyone's advice and kind words. I'm trying to hang in there, I really am. I am just trying to keep myself occupied and get my mind off of it. It's just so hard to sit and wait and feel helpless. Someone made the point that maybe I am focussing on ME too much adn I totally agree. I think that a lot of times I make bigger deals about certain things because I am thinking of myself. I just hope that he does call me soon and is willing to listen to my thoughts adn that he hasn't given up on us. I love him too much.

 

[Kama89]

Hi Carey!
I really don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to give you a {{{HUG}}} and let you know I'm thinking of you. Just tell him many of the things you've told us here... you expressed yourself beautifully here and I'm sure you will with him as well. God Bless...and come here to talk or vent any time!

 

[Tinkbell]

Hi Piglet. It's probably best to give him his time alone right now. When you are both ready to talk, you can tell him what's on your mind. Even the happiest of couples have their arguments. ((HUGS)).

 

[tnkrbell]

{{hugs}} Hope things work out for you two!!!

 

[Dream]

You have a very wise fiance'. I can tell from your posts that you have taken the time to reflect on your relationship and yourself and this reflection has gotten you to a new realization and a re-affirmation of the love you feel for him. This is a good thing. What you are experiencing now is what people mean when they say "You need to work at a marriage". It is not easy ...and Cinderella and her Prince are just a fairy tale. There is no "happily ever after". Just tellhim what you have so sincerely told us here...you should be fine. Keep talking to eachother, keep reflecting ,and know that love is a living thing that changes and grows and ..yes...sometimes hurts. You two have had such a beautiful start....hang in there....together!

 

[d.kurz]

Hi Carey. In our relationship, DH is the negative one. So I probably know more how your fiance feels....

Dh and I have been together 22 years. He still struggles with negativity and moodiness. I've learned to let him work through it. I have ALWAYS accepted his heartfelt, sometimes tearful apologies after he has hurt me in one way or another. Because I know he TRIES to be a better person all the time. And because we love each other. It's hard for my DH, and it's probably hard for you. Change isn't easy. But DH HAS changed a lot in 22 years.

So all you can do is try your best. And your fiance will understand.

{{{{hugs}}}} to you and him!!

 

[JohnTBap]

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[tiggerlover]

No advice, just {{{HUGS}}} I hope things get better for you and your fiance.

 

[Piglet203]

Thanks for everyone's kind words. Unfortunatley, things don't look good. I am asking anyone that uses these boards and "knows" him on here to not talk to him about this . I think that would be a bad move. Today after I got out of work I went to his house because he said we need to talk. I really can't type everything because it really wouldn't be right and I am unable to because of my emotions. All I can say is that he took the ring back. He wants a lot of time to himself. He wants no communication with me, but only time to figure out his problems. I do respect his need of isolation right now, but I find it unfair to me. Prior to the arguement I thought we were fine....planning wedding things....talking about future and now......my ring finger is naked and I am feeling more alone then I ever have. I hope that he takes this time and realizes he wants me in his life...but I am trying to avoid getting my hopes up. I just really need people right now......I'm so upset and lonely......i appreciate all that listen and respond..........Carey