Feeling a little left out in Sister-In-Law's Wedding.

[rgf207]

My sister in law is getting married. I am so happy for them but I also feel a little left out in the whole situation.

DW is the Matrin of Honor which I knew because it's her sister
DSIL future sister-in-law is in the wedding and
Bride's Future sister-in-law's husband (Groom's Brother-In-Law) is in the wedding.

Basically I am the only family member left out of the wedding party. I can't help but feel a little bummed about it. Am I wrong or am I being selfish?

I would never dream of saying anything to anyone in the family except DW.

 

[Christine]

My sister in law is getting married. I am so happy for them but I also feel a little left out in the whole situation.

DW is the Matrin of Honor which I knew because it's her sister
DSIL future sister-in-law is in the wedding and
Future sister-in-law's husband is in the wedding.

I'm confused--wouldn't this be the groom?

 

[Chattyaholic]

No, you are not wrong for feeling hurt.

I was too when it happened to me at both of my SIL's weddings.

Both were bridesmaids when DH (they are his sisters) and I got married. I have no sisters of my own, so I envisioned being close with his sisters. Never happened.

When SIL #1 got married, she asked me to cut the cake. I had expected to be asked to be a bridesmaid, so it hurt, but I never said a word. DH wasn't asked to do anything, not even be an usher, and I know he felt bad about it too.

When SIL #2 got married we weren't asked to do anything. Again, it hurt.

But what can you do? I know it's hard.

 

[mommasita]

I would also feel hurt and left out...

DSIL got married last year, and both my OTHER SIL and myself were matrons of honor. Same goes for the best man. MY DH and OTHER BIL were both best men..

 

[rgf207]

I should rephrase.

Bride's Future Sister-In-Law's Husband or Groom's Brother-In-Law

 

[flipflop]

I understand why you feel left out. I am sure it is especially awkward when you are at family events and the others are talking about the wedding plans. What does your DW think? I think you are wise to not make a fuss about it.

 

[Hannathy]

I always feel wedding parties are for the BRIDES immediate family and close friends. I don't consider in-laws immediate family for wedding parties. Sorry, but I wouldn't feel left out at all. There are only so many slots-should the groom not have his best friend/and or close family member in the wedding so his future wife's BIL can be in it? sounds a bit silly to me.

 

[momm2four]

I sympathize with you. My DH and I were married in June of '93, and I asked both of his sisters to be bridesmaids. His youngest sister got married 5 months later and I was asked to help with,.....nothing.

I felt totally left out. I understand that she grew up in Chattanooga and had lots of other people to ask to be bridesmaids, servers, etc.but couldn't she have at least asked me to man the sign-in book or something?

I don't feel as though I was being petty. I wasn't angry nor did I have bad feelings toward her. I was very happy for them as we all started dating at the same time. I just felt a little left out. Natural feeling, if you ask me.

Fourteen years later, it's all good, lol.

On a good note, just think how unstressed you'll be on the wedding day,
Lori P.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I can see how you would feel left out and hurt. I'm sorry. It's horrible to be in a situation like that.

Maybe they didn't want to pair you with someone besides your wife, which would have meant choosing you as best man? I bet that is more the issue than not wanting you in the wedding.

 

[Christine]

I should rephrase.

Bride's Future Sister-In-Law's Husband or Groom's Brother-In-Law

Oh, I see. Wow, this family stuff gets confusing.

To be honest, I would probably not be hurt so long as there is nothing malicious behind any of it.

During weddings, as I'm sure you know, there is a limit to how much you can involve everyone in your life and often we have to make some really difficult choices. I know that when I got married, I had three younger boy cousins that I loved EQUALLY and I was thinking of a way to incorporate them all into my wedding. I couldn't think of a way. I did need one candle lighter. Two of my cousins were brothers and then I had another cousin who was off on his own (no siblings). I picked him because I felt bad about choosing between the brothers (didn't want to hurt one). I ended up hurting my aunt's feelings because I didn't pick one of her kids.

No matter what you do as a bride, sometimes you can't win. I understand you being hurt because you probably feel that whatever relationship you have with this SIL warrants a place in the wedding? I guess that's where people get hurt because they feel their relationship had more value???

Try not to take it personally or get hurt until you can truly find a reason to be hurt. Oh, and I just wouldn't say anything either.

 

[kellyg403]

I would feel left out too. I was a bridesmaid in my ex sil's wedding though, as an afterthought though. It was quite obvious that my inclusion in the bridal party was just to be nice. When all the other members were getting their nails done etc I was not even informed that it was happening. At the church when they were taking pictures, ex's family did not include myself or our children in any family photos, but I was, of course, in the pictures that included all the wedding party. It did not make me feel happy for myself or my children. Seeing as how the groom's family had spouses/children in their family photos.

Well, 3 years later I was glad I wasn't involved. My ex sil would have a hard time displaying some of her photos! I divorced her brother after he had an affair. So, I guess though I was hurt at the time...there was some divine intervention that day.

Kelly

 

[Principessa Alba]

I'm a little confused by the relationships but you are a guy and it's your wife's sister getting married right?

It might just be that she thinks she's doing you a favor because you are a guy. There are guys (like my husband and practically every man in my family) who really hates having to be in weddings (too girlie, ya know! ). Maybe she just figures you are happy you dodged a bullet.

Be enthusiastic for her anyway and she'll be thrilled, I bet.

 

[rgf207]

I'm a little confused by the relationships but you are a guy and it's your wife's sister getting married right?

Correct. It's so hard to figure out these in law relationships

It reminds me of the spaceballs quote

"I was your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate"

 

[Christine]

I guess my thoughts would be:

1. How close are you to SIL.
2. The people that SIL has asked to be in her wedding--are they "figureheads" or are they special relationship type things.

In my wedding, every person that I asked to be in the wedding was a very close friend or relative. The only one who was not was my future SIL (DH's sister). I was just getting to know her and thought it would be a nice gesture to include her in the wedding.

As for the men in the wedding, my DH (the groom) did ALL of the choosing in that area. I may have requested a spot for one of my male family members as a groomsman; however, I had none of that particular age group.

So, is there any reason that you feel your SIL *should* have included you? Do you have a very close relationship with her or do you feel that you are just owed a position in the wedding because your wife is in the wedding? Not trying to criticize because everyone does have different ways of picking their wedding party.

I also know that it can be uncomfortable to be alone at a wedding.

When my BIL got married--he is much younger than us and I have known him since he was 3--he asked my DH to be best man. I was not invited to be in the wedding party nor was I hurt. The bride had her own friends and family in the wedding. But it was a bit awkward at the wedding and reception as I had no "date."

 

[rgf207]

I guess my thoughts would be:

1. How close are you to SIL.
2. The people that SIL has asked to be in her wedding--are they "figureheads" or are they special relationship type things.

In my wedding, every person that I asked to be in the wedding was a very close friend or relative. The only one who was not was my future SIL (DH's sister). I was just getting to know her and thought it would be a nice gesture to include her in the wedding.

As for the men in the wedding, my DH (the groom) did ALL of the choosing in that area. I may have requested a spot for one of my male family members as a groomsman; however, I had none of that particular age group.

So, is there any reason that you feel your SIL *should* have included you? Do you have a very close relationship with her or do you feel that you are just owed a position in the wedding because your wife is in the wedding? Not trying to criticize because everyone does have different ways of picking their wedding party.

I also know that it can be uncomfortable to be alone at a wedding.

When my BIL got married--he is much younger than us and I have known him since he was 3--he asked my DH to be best man. I was not invited to be in the wedding party nor was I hurt. The bride had her own friends and family in the wedding. But it was a bit awkward at the wedding and reception as I had no "date."

I am pretty close with my DSIL.

I do not feel I am owed any position. Basically it boils down to me being the only family member not included in both sides (bride's and groom's). I am very happy for both of them and have no hard feelings nor will this affect anything down the road. It will just be very awkward for all of the planning events, parties, rehearsals and wedding/reception. That is why I feel left out.

 

[Christine]

I am pretty close with my DSIL.

I do not feel I am owed any position. Basically it boils down to me being the only family member not included in both sides (bride's and groom's). I am very happy for both of them and have no hard feelings nor will this affect anything down the road. It will just be very awkward for all of the planning events, parties, rehearsals and wedding/reception. That is why I feel left out.

Yeah, I guess I see your point then. It does seem odd given your relationship with her.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I can totally understand how you are hurt. I doubt that you weren't asked because the couple doens't love you or care, and I understand how couples cannot ask every family member to be in the wedding. But feelings are seldom about logic and its understandable you feel the way you do.

Nine years after my brother's wedding it still hurts that I wasn't asked to be a part of anything and that my son wasn't asked to be a ring bearer. I mean it doesn't keep me up at night but in the end it would have been nice nonetheless.

Familes!! At least you don't have to rent some crappy tux!

 

[froglady]

I have 4 brothers; two of them had formal weddings, and I was not a bridesmaid (or anything else) at any of them. None of them were ushers at OUR wedding, either.

My SILs (DH's sisters) were already married when I met him, so I was not in their weddings, and I met three of them for the first time at ours. The 4th had made it clear that she was beyond the ugly bridesmaid dress stage, thank you very much! (She's still my favorite after 30 years, and the one I'm closest to- both emotionally and geographically)

I have had multiple nieces and nephews get married, and my children have not been in any of their weddings, even though some of their cousins have. One niece had one cousin, but not her two years older sister, in her wedding party, because they are closer.

I've always thought that it was up to the bride and groom to choose their own attendents, based upon THEIR relationship with them? I know it might be politic to choose future biological in-laws, but it certainly isn't required.

In the OP's case, he could very well be a former in-law someday. I hope that's not the case, but it is possible. His wife will ALWAYS be her sister's sister.

 

[java]

Ok let me think. Do you have kids that are going to the wedding? Maybe she thought one would need to be in charge of kids- whereas the other SIL/BIL combo do not??
I am grasping at straws here but trying to come up with a reason- I know it stinks to be the odd man out.
What could be the reason that they asked the "couple" and not you guys as a couple? Is it so that they could walk down the aisle together? While your wife would be with the best man? Who is the best man by the way?
Whatever it is know that in wedding craziness people do strange things that usually have nothing to do with you. She could have some bizarro bridezilla reason?

 

[rgf207]

In the OP's case, he could very well be a former in-law someday. I hope that's not the case, but it is possible. His wife will ALWAYS be her sister's sister.

LOL. So could the groom's Brother-In-Law who is in the wedding