feel pretty low...

[Frank_Bullitt]

Ditto what Mark said.

I'm 30 years old and and not in a relationship and a year ago my brother (twin brother, in fact) got married, and the advice I got was the exact same as what the other posters have said.
You can either feel sorry for yourself and get deeper and deeper into depression, or
You can change your perspective. In my case I was facing the prospect of losing my bro and best friend to marriage, when in fact I was gaining a SIL...and sure enough everything worked itself out. I spend alot of time with with his new family, expanded the friend circle, chat with like-minded folks and generally accentuate the positive.

Also WRT the single bit, its not as bad as its all cracked up to be, I've known a bunch of folks who were in toxic relationships and were miserable. I look on the benefits of being a thirtysomething single professional (see the avatar)

Cheers

 

[acm563]

Ditto what Mark said.

I'm 30 years old and and not in a relationship and a year ago my brother (twin brother, in fact) got married, and the advice I got was the exact same as what the other posters have said.
You can either feel sorry for yourself and get deeper and deeper into depression, or
You can change your perspective. In my case I was facing the prospect of losing my bro and best friend to marriage, when in fact I was gaining a SIL...and sure enough everything worked itself out. I spend alot of time with with his new family, expanded the friend circle, chat with like-minded folks and generally accentuate the positive.

Also WRT the single bit, its not as bad as its all cracked up to be, I've known a bunch of folks who were in toxic relationships and were miserable. I look on the benefits of being a thirtysomething single professional (see the avatar)

Cheers

Nice avatar and that has always been an added benefit for me when I am single I have more toys and more $$$ in the bank.....

 

[Natalie_89]

thanks every1

 

[Mousecop]

And, thanks from me, also.

Natalie, consider also speaking to your physician about depression. If you are finding it harder and harder to deal with this stuff, your metabolism may be a bit out of whack and a short course of medication might help. Think of it this way: if you got a tooth ache, you'd see a Dentist. If you've got emotional stuff that needs it's own sort of band-aid, then see your physician.

I did, and it was worth it.

Mark

 

[BarbieGal457]

...i dunno y but all of a sudden im noticing im single and im gettin slighty depressed... xx

I'm a Natalie too!!!! I love finding other Natalie's, I never hear that name. But on to what you posted about. I definitely have been there, and it is sooo rough, I know, but like PPs said, enoy being 19. Being with someone isn't always the most important thing, you know? I was in a relationship for years that ended with him cheating. I was heartbroken, but then I realized that I'm young and there's still so much out there. It was really hard to get over, and it still sucks sometimes, but there really is so much out there. You never know what's waiting around the corner, you never know what you're gonna find or who you'll meet even in the next five minutes. I just try to take every day as it comes, and that makes it easier sometimes. I know this isn't the best advice out there probably, but that's just what makes it easier for me, I've found.

 

[Disneyfan63]

Hi,

Ditto what other posters have said. At 45 I have never been married--after a very financially toxic relationship in my late 30s, I enjoy being single so much that the possibility of being without a partner forever isn't terrifying. People who find out that I'm single sometimes ask me how I managed to never get married.

I think I'm a pretty good catch. My only regret is that staying single has been remarkably easy. On the other hand, while I enjoy company, I don't mind being alone. I like myself because I'm actually a better person than I think I am. Liking, and loving, oneself; and IMO being close to God, is crucial to happiness.

You're 19 and attractive with a great smile, and God loves you.

Jim

 

[Natalie_89]

I'm a Natalie too!!!! I love finding other Natalie's, I never hear that name. But on to what you posted about. I definitely have been there, and it is sooo rough, I know, but like PPs said, enoy being 19. Being with someone isn't always the most important thing, you know? I was in a relationship for years that ended with him cheating. I was heartbroken, but then I realized that I'm young and there's still so much out there. It was really hard to get over, and it still sucks sometimes, but there really is so much out there. You never know what's waiting around the corner, you never know what you're gonna find or who you'll meet even in the next five minutes. I just try to take every day as it comes, and that makes it easier sometimes. I know this isn't the best advice out there probably, but that's just what makes it easier for me, I've found.

another natalie woo its good advice thank you xx

 

[Natalie_89]

Hi,

Ditto what other posters have said. At 45 I have never been married--after a very financially toxic relationship in my late 30s, I enjoy being single so much that the possibility of being without a partner forever isn't terrifying. People who find out that I'm single sometimes ask me how I managed to never get married.

I think I'm a pretty good catch. My only regret is that staying single has been remarkably easy. On the other hand, while I enjoy company, I don't mind being alone. I like myself because I'm actually a better person than I think I am. Liking, and loving, oneself; and IMO being close to God, is crucial to happiness.

You're 19 and attractive with a great smile, and God loves you.

Jim

 

[Flametamr]

Natalie, You are a very pretty lady and reading your posts you obviously have a good heart. You will find the right person some day. Sometimes life is not fair. And being alone with a child to raise sucks. I know this all to well. My wife died 6 years ago and left me to raise my daughter alone. I wonder each day why this had to happen and why do I have to be alone. I don't have the answers yet but I do know this much. Your little boy is counting on you to hold it togeather. For his sake and your's don't rush into a relationship just to keep from being alone. Try to focus on the good things you have and not dwell on the bad thoughts. Get up each day and try to do one thing new. Try not to stay in the same place doing the same things every day. Before you know it time will fly by and you will be happy again. Thats the hope that keeps me going.

I wish you peace and happiness, Joe

 

[jadeheart6]

Heck, I'm heading down solo with my ex's three girls in a couple of weeks. Yeah it kinda sucks being the only adult but I'll make the most of it. Enjoy being single and try not to let it get you down.

 

[kgle]

Oh I know how it feels. Been there done that. Got engaged last year, broke it off. Ever since I have felt so much more alive, seriously. I have been a single mom for almost 3 years, and just now started to realize that I am okay by myself. And honestly- its such a good feeling! I don't feel like I need to depend on anyone else for my happiness. I am so busy with work and school and DS that it would be hard to take on anything else right now, especially devoting my time to a man! I have come to terms with the fact that there is a possibility that I won't find someone and I won't get married, and for the first time in my life that doesn't bother me.

You'll find someone You are still young! Just look at your little man and he will remind you that your life is awesome!

As Mark said- just surround yourself with those people you know and love and leave some openings for someone new. That is exactly what I am doing, but at the same time not focusing on the fact that I am single.

 

[nortney]

Natalie,

In addition to all the other wisdom passed along here, consider that you may wish you were alone if you end up in a bad/toxic relationship. It's simply not worth it to your soul to be engaged in a relationship, just to be in a relationship, when that relationship does not feed you emotionally.

That's at the core of being happy with yourself first. When you are happy and comfortable with yourself, you attract the same sort of people into your life, and these are the people with whom you can form healthy relationships. When you are alone, or unhappy, those are the sort of people you attract into your life, and the kind that form toxic relationships because they don't know any other kind.

Some people never understand this, and until recently I could count myself among those people. I've been married more than once, and to women who were toxic and unhealthy. Until recently, I wasn't happy with myself, and 'needed' someone in my life. Only now do I understand the power of choice, and the ability to choose (instead of need) someone with whom to share my life. Only now can I say that I am happy with myself and the life I live, the friends I have and the value I bring in my community.

This doesn't mean I wouldn't make a choice to add someone to my life and share important things with that person. But I don't need to do that to have a fun time with my life as it exists now. That is a much more centered way I choose to live.

I hear the pain of loneliness in your messages, and I hear how much you hope for companionship. But please remember that these are things you must get from yourself, from within, than from other people. You will never find someone that can give you all that you need, because that person just doesn't exist for anyone. But you do have the ability to get all these things for yourself from yourself.

Surround yourself with people with whom you want to hang around. Invite good things and good people into your life. And create space in your life for those people to come in.

The universe always gives us what we are supposed to have. Right now, perhaps you are not supposed to have a partner. Mucking around with the universe is usually a bad idea, and gets you hurt very badly. Perhaps there is a lesson during this time that the universe is trying to teach you about yourself. Be open to it - figure it out and try to learn and embrace it. When you have learned the lesson, the universe is more likely to present you with choices for a partner.

These were painful lessons for me to learn, and I suspect for others that learned them as well. But I believe you are strong enough to learn them and to be healthier at the end of the journey. Why do I think this? Because you reached out for support in your very first message. That tells me how strong and determined you are.

It will work out.

Mark

I'm sitting here early in the a.m. surfing the site as I count down two weeks until I got to Disney. I happened upon this thread and thought about the original post and how many, many years ago I was that age I remember being there.

Now as a middle aged woman I know the importance of being happy with yourself and the fact that if you aren't happy with yourself to begin with you can't be happy with anyone else.

Kim

P.S. Mark - I'm taking the Barbri/PMBR books with me to Disney - have any helpful hints (other than to leave them at home...lol)? February is fast approaching!

 

[Mousecop]

Mark - I'm taking the Barbri/PMBR books with me to Disney - have any helpful hints (other than to leave them at home...lol)? February is fast approaching!

Oh Kim - dragging those books around must be painful! It certainly brings back memories for me. It was so long ago that I took the exam, I had to chisel out my answer on a stone tablet. Doing the multi-state that way was a pain, especially changing answers.

I will tell you that the best thing I did, right in the middle of bar review, was to go to Lake Tahoe for a long weekend (I'm a California lawyer). It allowed me to shift gears and recharge, so when I dove back into the review and then the exam, I had more energy. Now, while that worked for me, I won't suggest that it'll work for you. But I think putting the stuff down from time to time and doing something that feeds you emotionally it about the most valuable thing you can do. You are feeding your head - don't forget to feed your heart.

Practicing is more than just knowing the law - it's all about listening to your clients to figure out what they really want and what they really need and then helping them see that for themselves. The way most clients articulate what they think they want often has no relation to what it turns out they actually wanted/needed. That's the part that uses your heart, so don't let that atrophy. Keep your heart and your head connected and you will find parts in your practice that are just joyful. It's unfortunate that they don't teach this in law school.

And the exam WILL test the skill of listening to clients, in the guise of reading the exam questions carefully and exploring possibilities in your answer.

PM me and I'll share my email. If you need support, I'm here. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Mark

P.S. Thanks for creating the "WOW Mark Club" and for being the first member! Very cool!

 

[Mousecop]

Natalie (_89, not BarbieGal457, although you can tell me if you want to ),

Can you check in and tell us how its going? We're all wishing you good wishes and thoughts - please tell us how it is going.

Mark