Feel guilty leaving a child home.....

[Marc A.]

My DW and I are taking our oldest child DD (3 1/2) this October and are leaving our soon to be 1 year old DS with my parents. My DW and I are starting to feel a little guilty. We know he would not be able to truly appreciate a trip being this young.
Anyone ever done this or can reassure us that this is not a bad thing.
Thanks

 

[Harmony]

We've never done this but whatever your choice...don't feel guilty. Make the choice and stick with it. If you are feeling guilty, maybe it's not the right choice? Only you and your DW can answer that.

Just wanted to share this positive point about taking your son, he's freeeeeeee! LOL (this coming from someone who took her son since he turned 1 so the advice is a bit biased. )

Whichever way you finally decide, don't feel guilt.

 

[disneyfreak74]

OT a little bit. But we are going in Sept. My cousin is going and she has 3 boys. They went in Sept 06 and the middle boy HATED it. . He was 8 at the time. He cried and cried and cried!!! Didn't want to ride Test Track. . .Soarin. . .NOTHING!!! Said he was scared!!! My cousin said that she does not want a repeat of this in Sept when we go. For one his dad will not be there so SHE will have to sit out and that puts her other 2 boys in a small pickle (12 and 7. . .the 12 year old is WAY to ADHD to let him take the youngest on a ride by himself). Like I said this was a little off topic!!! But she said that she is going to leave him with her mom!!!

 

[tnkr_bell]

Personally, I couldn't do it. We are planning on going next May when youngest dd will be 15mos old and I can't wait. She may not remember the trip, but I still think she would enjoy it.

When we went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago we were at the Childrens part of the Zoo and I held dd up to the bird cage (she 5mos old right now) and she just laughed and giggled at the birds flying around. Will she remember this, no. But I will and I know it gave her some enjoyment.

Maybe you need to reevaluate why you are leaving ds. If it's because you don't think he would enjoy himself you might want to think about taking him, because I think he would have a blast. If there are other reasons then maybe it is a good idea to leave him with G-ma and G-pa.

Like pp said, if you're feeling guilty then maybe you need to sit down and reevaluate the situations and your reasons for not taking him.

Sorry, this probably wasn't much help.

 

[KJF]

Personally, I couldn't do it. We are planning on going next May when youngest dd will be 15mos old and I can't wait. She may not remember the trip, but I still think she would enjoy it.

When we went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago we were at the Childrens part of the Zoo and I held dd up to the bird cage (she 5mos old right now) and she just laughed and giggled at the birds flying around. Will she remember this, no. But I will and I know it gave her some enjoyment.

Maybe you need to reevaluate why you are leaving ds. If it's because you don't think he would enjoy himself you might want to think about taking him, because I think he would have a blast. If there are other reasons then maybe it is a good idea to leave him with G-ma and G-pa.

Like pp said, if you're feeling guilty then maybe you need to sit down and reevaluate the situations and your reasons for not taking him.

Sorry, this probably wasn't much help.

I agree completly w/ this post. I could never ever leave my kids at home, at any age. We go on so few vaca's that I want the whole family to be there. My DD went on a cruise w/ us at 13 months. It can be hard, but the memories I have are priceless to me. When we were on the cruise, we did have a mom come up to us almost in tears in seeing our DD, she was missing her little one she left at home. So, you may want to think about how you'll feel when you see the other little ones enjoying themselves. You really do need to evaluate your feelings now before you're depressed over it on vacation. Good luck in your decision!

 

[belle&beast]

This topic has gotten ugly in the past, so be prepared....

My opinion is that if you are already feeling guilty, then you will probably miss the baby even more when you are away. It is not a bad thing to do, but be sure you are comfortable with your decision. I would have had a really hard time leaving a baby so young, but I have also been called overprotective. Good luck in your decision!

 

[GSUJillybean]

DH and I just had this conversation.

We HAVE to go in 2008 to avoid losing some reward points. DS will be about 6 months old.


Since he's free, have you thought about including him in the reservations, thus leaving you the option of changing your mind closer to the trip.

We're taking DS, but, if at the last minute we feel like he won't do well, DH's parents will take great care of him.

It's a hard decision-- and don't let anyone tell you what to do.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I am leaving my 2 year old home when we go in two weeks. My DH is also staying home, but MIL is coming up to watch DS for 3 of the days we are gone. Yes he is free except the airplane ticket, but I know my son. He HATES new things. He is clingy and whiny, the heat would be to much, and he would just generally be crabby. My DH didn't want to go so this was a good solution.

DD and I are going with my Mom, Sister and her two kids. While I, at times, feel pangs of guilt, I also know that I will have a better time (as a whole) not having to worry about him. He will be at home having fun with Grandma, Grandpa, and Daddy. However, I will say that if DH was going DS would be going as well.

 

[steph613]

We took our 15 month old to Disney with us last September and we were really surprised by how much fun she had! She was able to ride almost everything our 4 year old wanted to ride and when she couldn't, one of us just waited with her while the other rode with our oldest.

I was really nervous about how she would do, because, well, you know how they can be at that age but in the end, I am so, so, so glad we brought her along. It really wasn't hard at all. The hardest part was the bus ride to and from the parks because she didn't understand why she couldn't get down and run around. Also, she would get bored at the character dinners just because they took a long time. And I know she won't remember anything but we have memories I wouldn't trade for the world. She really had a blast!

Of course, that was just our experience and it really depends on the child. You know your DS best and know his limits. If you think he would be miserable, then do him the favor of leaving him with the grandparents and go and have a great time! But, I just wanted to let you know that it might not be that bad taking him along. Good luck in your decision!

 

[daisyduck123]

Honestly, I could not do it.
Even though your DS will be too young to remember, he would still be there with you, having a great time & being in all of the pictures.

I'm a scrapbooker, & there is no way I'd be able to scrapbook a trip with just me, DH, & DD, knowing that there is another member of our family missing in all of the pictures. I would take my DS...he's part of the family & I would want him there with the rest of us. If he wouldn't be able to enjoy himself (being cranky, too hot, too tired, etc), then I'd just hold off on the trip & we'd all go when he's a little older.

If you truly will be able to enjoy yourself without him, then I say, "Go & have a good time!"

 

[pamole]

1. As has been previously stated, if you feel that you are doing the right thing for your family, then don't let anything anyone else says make you feel bad about your decision; BUT, b/c you asked ...

2. I just worry that the "pangs" of guilt you feel now, will be magnified 1000% once you're there and can't do anything about it. I know that when I hear about people going to WDW sans children, I am sooooo jealous -- not b/c they go, but b/c they are able to go w/o guilt! A few years ago when DD was 2 and DS was 1, I wanted to surprise DH w/ a 2nd honeymoon, and since the 1st honeymoon was at WDW, I gave some thought to going back, but I knew that I couldn't look at other kids and not wish ours were w/us. Still went on the 2nd honeymoon -- took a (non-Disney) cruise, instead!

Maybe you and DW could look at your itinerary and see if you can use many of the tips available here in the various guides to modify the trip to include your son. Since your daughter is only 3 1/2, I am guessing you are not doing "commando-Disney" anyway, so it's not like you will have to pass up on a lot of things just b/c of him.

Or, is there anyway that your parents could "tag along" as babysitters? Maybe even at a cheaper, non-Disney hotel, so that if it got to be too much for your son they could just take him for the day?

Just my thoughts; hope all goes well for you and have a great time!

 

[WDWorBUST]

You are not wrong for doing what is right for YOUR family.

Having said that I could not do it. Especially since we took our DD for her first trip at 13 months and she had a ball. Did she have fun because she was at Disney? I'm sure all the stuff she could do did contribute - but more importantly I think she had fun because she was with mommy & daddy 24/7 for 10 days.

But you really need to do what works for you. I will say our trips with her since she has been older have actually been more difficult. She was a breeze at 13 months - she just went with the flow (of course she was and is a laid back child)

Good luck deciding!

 

[Marc A.]

Thanks for all of the responses guys...
To make things clear we really don't feel guilty. I think it's more nerves for my parents and him being w/o us for the first extended time. Before our DS was born we went on vacations and left our DD with the IL's at least twice. Although we missed her we never felt like we were doing something wrong or mistreating/depriving her. It's also not like we will be totally relaxing at some island resort out of touch with reality.
Just wanted some input from other parents on how they felt.
Again thanks everyone. Our DS's time will be here soon enough.

 

[angeleigh]

In 05 I took my three dd and left my 1 yo ds home with his father. I didn't really want to at first but my dh didn't think that he would enjoy it and thought that the heat in July would be way to much for him. I missed him but the girls had a great time and the two "boys" had a great time at home. Last year we all went and ds enjoyed it so much that he even convinced dh (who is not a huge fan of disney) to return this year.
There are pros and cons and many opinions on this matter and I say go with what you feel most comfortable with.

 

[DVCLiz]

Thanks for all of the responses guys...
To make things clear we really don't feel guilty. I think it's more nerves for my parents and him being w/o us for the first extended time. Before our DS was born we went on vacations and left our DD with the IL's at least twice. Although we missed her we never felt like we were doing something wrong or mistreating/depriving her. It's also not like we will be totally relaxing at some island resort out of touch with reality.
Just wanted some input from other parents on how they felt.
Again thanks everyone. Our DS's time will be here soon enough.

I'm so glad to read this. It always amazes me how judgemental people get about this topic. And when did it become a requirement of parenthood that if something pleasurable made you feel guilty it was an automatic no? Or that it had to make you feel guilty at all?

Sometimes grown ups get to make decisions that don't suit anyone other than themselves. It doesn't make them a bad parent - in fact I think more of the parents who are able to leave their children occasionally and do something by themselves than I do of the "Oh, we couldnt possibly leave them until they are going away to college" crowd.

Sometimes being a good parent means doing something for one child at the expense of another. It isn't always fair, but it's nothing to feel guilty about.

 

[livie1205]

dont let anyone make the choice for you...I have done it ..we have 3 kids two of them have other parents too...the way we have things set up it would be very hard to work around it 100% of the time so we cant let the guilt control us all the time,my son 10 is going with his dad to universal this week, without his stepbrother or half sister...and it is ok...all the kids understand how it works and they have all been alone with us and together as a family...BUT we live in florida so wdw is not a once in 5 year thing...

 

[lulugirl]

I'm so glad to read this. It always amazes me how judgemental people get about this topic. And when did it become a requirement of parenthood that if something pleasurable made you feel guilty it was an automatic no? Or that it had to make you feel guilty at all?

Sometimes grown ups get to make decisions that don't suit anyone other than themselves. It doesn't make them a bad parent - in fact I think more of the parents who are able to leave their children occasionally and do something by themselves than I do of the "Oh, we couldnt possibly leave them until they are going away to college" crowd.

Sometimes being a good parent means doing something for one child at the expense of another. It isn't always fair, but it's nothing to feel guilty about.

Very well stated!
I knew when I read the OP the standard reply would be "well, I could NEVER leave any of my children at home...."

If your DS will be safe and happy w/ your parents then don't second guess your decision. Have a fun vacation w/ Dd!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Whatever works for you...that is my thought. We haven't left any kids behind while taking others, but we have left our kids behind totally so me and DH could have some time alone together. I'm not a monster, I had the normal feelings a parent would get with missing their child. Me and DH went on a cruise and I think on day 4 I had slight meltdown for about 10 minutes with crying that I missed my babies, I called my kids while we were in port (who were really too small at the time to say much) and all was well in the world again. Sometimes you need time to recharge a little bit and even if you are taking one and not the other, I certainly would not feel guilty over it (especially given the age of your littlest one). Do what is right for you and your family and ENJOY!!!

 

[trulygoofy]

Your 3 1/2 YO will probably really enjoy getting all of your attention for a few days, and I bet your parents will enjoy some alone time with the 1 YO too!
Have a great trip!

 

[auntie]

I would leave him with the relatives prior to your Disney departure for a trial run. Say a couple of days..to see how it all goes. If you are comfortable with your decision as to not take him for this trip, and it's just that you are concerned how it's going to go back at home..then again, I'd have a short trail run, so that you will feel totally comfortable in your choice. How does the older child feel about you're leaving your son home. That might also be something to give some thought too. Frankly, I'd be more comfortably leaving both kids and going on a couples only kind of trip..rather than leaving one child behind....however that's just me. Kids kind of get the idea that it's a "mommy-daddy" vacation when they are left together with grandma and grandpa..or whoever the caretakers happen to be. I don't know how one child would react to being with grandma while the rest of the family was not around? If they are accustom to this..if you've done it before from when they were younger, I suppose it wouldn't be an issue. My only other concern might be that frankly a one year old can be a handlful for grandparents to handle if you are going for a week or so. There is huge difference between babysitting for a few hours or even a weekend and an entire week or more. Leaving an older child..who might already be off the bottle and potty trained would be a good deal easier. A one year old is at that age where if they are walking..they are running! Good luck with your decision, you know your family best. Enjoy your trip.