Favoring one child over another

[monkeyboy]

Was talking with someone today that had nothing but great things to say about one child and didn't mention the other one.
Sad part is kids are like 6 or 7.

Sad really

 

[golfgal]

I know someone like this-her younger DD is just the be all/end all and she tells everyone that, including her older DD who is actually a better student, better kid and a MUCH nicer person .

 

[sparks19]

This is whyi am afraid to have a second child lol. I just love dd so much that my mind cant fathom being able to have that connection with a second child. I am sure it probably wouldnt happen and i would love all my children very much but its a scary thought to me lol

I just cant imqgine how the other children must feel

 

[Wall-E1]

Sometimes(often)((just about always, lately)), I favor the cat over the kid. I think he knows it, but I can't help it. The cat is so fluffy and soft, and the kid is a teenager. It's no contest, really.

 

[Acklander]

This is whyi am afraid to have a second child lol. I just love dd so much that my mind cant fathom being able to have that connection with a second child. I am sure it probably wouldnt happen and i would love all my children very much but its a scary thought to me lol

I just cant imqgine how the other children must feel

LOL - When I was pregnant with my 2nd son, I remember thinking that I couldn't let the second child know that my first was my favorite - I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as my first one. Within 24 hours of having him, I couldn't believe how silly I was for thinking that.

 

[Belle0101]

Sometimes(often)((just about always, lately)), I favor the cat over the kid. I think he knows it, but I can't help it. The cat is so fluffy and soft, and the kid is a teenager. It's no contest, really.

I sometimes favor my dog over my entire family! That's a whole other thread though.

 

[sparks19]

LOL - When I was pregnant with my 2nd son, I remember thinking that I couldn't let the second child know that my first was my favorite - I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as my first one. Within 24 hours of having him, I couldn't believe how silly I was for thinking that.

Lol i am glad im not alone in that. Yeah logically im sure i would love a second, third, fourth child just as much but it just doesnt seem possible lol just like i had no idea how much i could really love someone until i had my DD so it just doesnt seem possible that i could love that much twice lol

 

[Kat77]

LOL - When I was pregnant with my 2nd son, I remember thinking that I couldn't let the second child know that my first was my favorite - I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as my first one. Within 24 hours of having him, I couldn't believe how silly I was for thinking that.

I remember being afraid I could not love my adopted children as much as I loved my biological children. How silly I was!

Thats very sad Monkeyboy.

 

[RitaZ.]

It happens all the time and parents don't even realize they're doing it. They will be the first ones to tell you that they love and like all their children equally. However, if you know the parent(s) on a personal level, you realize that they favor one child over another. I don't think it's something they intend to do; it just happens. If a parent has a child who meets his/her expectations and/or their personalities are better matched, it's easy to favor that child without realizing it.

 

[bdcp]

I actually know a woman whose parents constantly praised her older sister. She was smarter, prettier, etc. and they told everyone. Well, she has major self-esteem issues, married an older abusive man, and is now divorced. She has anorexia and refuses to deal with it. She has said she is trying to please her parents by being thin and pretty. What she is is sickly looking and scared of her own shadow. She spends hours in the gym and anytime her supervisor tries to get her help, she bolts and changes jobs. As soon as she gets wind that a supervisor is trying to refer her, she finds another job. A referral would not hurt her careerwise, but she is convinced there's nothing wrong with her and everything she does is making her more perfect. I ran into her a couple of weeks ago and she was limping, probably from working out too much and having no real muscle. Her idea of working out is to spend hours on the treadmill.

I never doubted I would love my second child as much as my first. I always thought that was a weird thing for someone to say.

 

[punkin]

LOL - When I was pregnant with my 2nd son, I remember thinking that I couldn't let the second child know that my first was my favorite - I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as my first one. Within 24 hours of having him, I couldn't believe how silly I was for thinking that.

so true

 

[mrsstats]

They just did a show on this on ABC - What would you do.

My MIL favored her younger son. Was always obvious. He past away a few years ago.

 

[cm8]

Heal all wounds. Children will always remember how the parent made them feel and that will make it difficult to cope with in the future. From what I have seen and also experienced, is that the child who was neglected ended up being the child that was the most dependable in the future. I could never treat my children that way

People caught up in situations like those don't end up doing well, the one treated like Cinderella and the ones who are given the world.

 

[MoniqueU]

It happens all the time and parents don't even realize they're doing it. They will be the first ones to tell you that they love and like all their children equally. However, if you know the parent(s) on a personal level, you realize that they favor one child over another. I don't think it's something they intend to do; it just happens. If a parent has a child who meets his/her expectations and/or their personalities are better matched, it's easy to favor that child without realizing it.

This is my house. My husband sepnds some time with our oldest son, especially while he was playing football. Not as much as he should.

My youngest DD he will crack a joke with here and there and that is it.

My middle DD he drops everything for. She plays polo and if he is off work he is at her practices and 12 hour days at the games on weekends. He will take her calls at work and not mine. If she and I both leave a message he will call her back. If I have something I need done around the house it most likely won't happen. Just yesterday I said my mobile laptop wasn't working and he didn't get to it. My DD said the pool needed to be cleaned because she wanted to lay out. He was out there cleaning it minutes later. IT doesn't matter what amount of money I spend on her but if I do it for the others I might hear how I have gone overboard.

IT has gotten to the point where we argue about it. Well actually it is me making a big fuss about it and him not responding or making an effort with the other kids. My best friend sees it big time and I am sure my other kids are hurt by it. I am at a loss at what else to do?

 

[Iheartdis]

This is whyi am afraid to have a second child lol. I just love dd so much that my mind cant fathom being able to have that connection with a second child. I am sure it probably wouldnt happen and i would love all my children very much but its a scary thought to me lol

I just cant imqgine how the other children must feel

OMG I felt the same exact way that's why I waited 6 years to get pregnant again! But of course once you see that cute little face you fall in love instantly!

 

[Feathers]

My mother is kind of like this with my sister and I.

She'd always wanted a "little princess" to braid her hair and paint her room pink and play dress up with barbie dolls. She loves the idea of a little diva girl...

Sadly I'm the opposite of that, and painting my room pink when I was little wasn't going to change that. I grew up on fantasy novels, video games (gore DOES equal awesome sometimes, no lies) and a love for freaky things and reptiles. I was perfectly fine with vanishing into my room to play by myself for hours, and I spent a lot of time on the N64 and playing with my chameleon. I wasn't a fussy child, and now I have fantastic grades, I'm going into University, and I would rather wear comfy sneakers to Grad instead of heals (costs less too!). On top of that, I eat healthy and cook for myself. Not to mention a good job.

My younger sister on the other hand, is EXACTLY what my mother has always wanted. Prissy little diva princess, who gets a new toy every day even when she doesn't behave. She has a bad attitude problem because my mother never diceplined her like my dad did. She's bossy and often makes up little stories to get me in trouble if I do something she doesn't like (like not letting her have more than one fudge-pop), and my mother believes her over me.

Would you believe a 6 year old over a 17 year old? She would, no questions asked...

It gets annoying but my dad notices enough and spends a bit more time with me playing Mario Kart and sharing PS3 games.

It's a pain trying to get ahold of the TV, I can tell you that. My sister has it on 24/7 so I either end up making her cry if I want to watch Batman or something for 30 minutes, and I have to play my games well after 9pm. Mom doesn't like to have her cry, so I lose the TV.

 

[GAGirlInVA]

I was the unfavored child. I still am and I have very little to do with my family. I've had to set up healthy boundaries. In fact, my mother favors our oldest so we have had to set strict limits. She finds that unfair and has nothing to do with any of our children. Her loss.

I have four children and I do everything in my power to not repeat the cycle.

 

[ems_mom]

My sister tried not to but very obviously favors her first son. He does better in school, volunteers at church, etc.

I can relate to the situation because I'm the middle daughter. Actually the third of five.

 

[Disney Doll]

Sometimes(often)((just about always, lately)), I favor the cat over the kid. I think he knows it, but I can't help it. The cat is so fluffy and soft, and the kid is a teenager. It's no contest, really.

I would imagine most people refer their pets over their teenagers!

 

[golfgal]

This is my house. My husband sepnds some time with our oldest son, especially while he was playing football. Not as much as he should.

My youngest DD he will crack a joke with here and there and that is it.

My middle DD he drops everything for. She plays polo and if he is off work he is at her practices and 12 hour days at the games on weekends. He will take her calls at work and not mine. If she and I both leave a message he will call her back. If I have something I need done around the house it most likely won't happen. Just yesterday I said my mobile laptop wasn't working and he didn't get to it. My DD said the pool needed to be cleaned because she wanted to lay out. He was out there cleaning it minutes later. IT doesn't matter what amount of money I spend on her but if I do it for the others I might hear how I have gone overboard.

IT has gotten to the point where we argue about it. Well actually it is me making a big fuss about it and him not responding or making an effort with the other kids. My best friend sees it big time and I am sure my other kids are hurt by it. I am at a loss at what else to do?

The way you describe their relationship is a little creepy actually. I think I would strongly urge my DH to get counseling, not that it sounds like he will listen to you though.

I think it is impossible to be "equal" all the time. At different times of their lives our kids have needed us more than others. I probably spend more "time" now with our DD mainly because she usually wants to go along shopping or running errands more than the boys, I offer to take them, they roll their eyes . When they were younger, DS18 was more in need of our time so we spent more time with him. DS16 we jokingly call our "forgotten" child. He is pretty easy going and laid back and prefers to do for himself. We have to make a conscious effort to do stuff just with him (more when he was younger, now he is a teenager so....). He asks for very little so when he does want something, he usually gets it.

I was the child that got the unequal attention in our family. It went on until my mom died. As a young child it was very hard to deal with but as I got older it was almost a joke. After our oldest was born my mom came to stay with us for a week. She complained to no end about our microwave (it was a small one left over from my college days-it worked just fine). For Christmas, she gave my sister and her husband a new microwave . We got nothing that year because she decided that we didn't "need" anything. My sister's "old" microwave was 2 years old. . The two of us joke about that still. We stopped visiting my mom when she started doing the same thing to our kids. We would go visit and the other grandkids would talk about the things they got from Grandma, our kids would get nothing. Or worse yet, she would give the things to the other kids in front of our kids and have nothing for them. Her rational was that our kids didn't "need" anything . The kids were little and they didn't understand that.