Father just diagnosed with cancer - so sad

[Prose]

I am thinking about all of you a lot today -- my dear SIL called this morning and MIL is not doing well. Her breathing is very difficult, and has been unable to sleep or be comfortable. We are hoping the hospice nurses can help adjust her medication so she can at least sleep.

We had a very hard conversation with DD today about her beloved grandma, and she understands I think as well as any 8 year old could - how do you explain that you don't want someone to die, but you don't want them to keep lving in pain?

It is a great comfort just to know that others out there may be thinking of us and sending good thoughts and prayers. Hugs to everyone .

(ps- Hannahbanana - that's my DD's nickname!)

 

[julm26]

I have been thinking about the two of you and hope this finds you holding strong and taking care of yourselves.

My mom is not doing well and I am just going through the motions of day-to-day life. Started talking to my 3yr old about people being very, very, very sick and not getting better.

I hope this finds each of you in good company and support during these difficult times. Pancreatic Cancer is a beast - someday hopefully we will find a cure for it.

God Bless and know you are held in prayer here in Pittsburgh....

Julie

 

[Torontogal]

Well, the cancer spread to my dad's lungs very fast and finally his liver. The chemo (Gemzar) did not work for him. My dad was 78 and a hero. He wanted to live. He went into unconsciousness on Saturday and died peacefully. I miss him deeply and not sure how to deal with his loss. It is very painful. I was with him when he went into unconsciousness and told him how much I love him. I told him he was my hero and tears came out of his eyes. He even opened his eyes when I spoke to him and he tried to say I love you too. I will never forget it.
Hopefully oneday they will find a cure.
Thank everyone for your support.

 

[Maryr1]

I am so sorry. Remember that while the pain is deep, the love is deeper. I hope that you find comfort in your memories. While your father is gone in body, he lives on in your heart. How lucky you both were to share such a deep, honest, true love. God bless you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Prose]

Torontogal...may hugs to you and your family...I am so sorry about your dad. My MIL's suffering ended Tuesday morning, just after midnight. DH and I felt so much more peace, knowing that she was no longer in pain. She was afraid that no one would come to the funeral, but coming from the service to the cemetery the line of lights behind us was unbelievable. She wanted us all to throw a big party right after the services, and the house is just now quieting down from an amazing house full of friends and family. I know it hurts now, but know that your dad is with you and at peace.

 

[Rustysmom]

I'm so sorry for your losses.

I'm going through this right now with my mom. I'm pretty sure it's stage 4 too because they saw mets to her liver and lungs. I don't know how advanced they are.

Her doctor told my DH this morning that they found the marker in her blood, but I'm not sure of the numbers yet. She'll get the biopsy results by Monday and can probably go home then. I'm pretty sure they aren't going to want to do any treatments for her either.

I'm still numb. This is so unbelievable and it sounds like a horrible, horrible way to go. At least if she had some other kind of cancer, maybe she would have a chance. I told her this morning that the doctor found something in the blood test and that what they told her is probably right, and she seemed to accept it, but I don't know if she realizes how bad this will probably get.

I hope they find a cure for this horrible disease.

 

[zalansky]

Toronotogal & Prose (rustysmom too) - you are in my thoughts and prayers. I have been where you are at and I am sorry for the way you are hurting. God bless you all.

Hospice sent me a card this past Xmas that had a beautiful phrase on it which is very true. "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

May your wonderful memories of your loved ones ease your pain & sorrow during this difficult time.

 

[Torontogal]

Thanks everyone for all your kind words and support.

I was reading my 1st post on this board only 1 month ago. I had so much hope then and after 1 month of diagnosis - I am mourning my father's death. I still cannot believe it and miss him dearly.

The cancer started in his pancreas and moved to his lungs. It then went to his liver and kidneys. He went into a diabetic coma. I remember screaming at the nurses to stop staring at him but to get a doctor. I even pressed the blue emergency button on the wall. The nurse said to me (in a calm voice) "honey..you need to let go.." His body was shutting down. She told me that he could hear me. I told him he is my hero, I love him, he will forever be in my heart, etc. He even opened his eyes and tried to say I love you too.

I am missing my dad and cannot stop thinking about him. I pray he is in a better place. I am looking into grief counselling as I cannot stop crying and cannot imagine life without dad.

 

[zalansky]

torontogal - I am sorry to see you hurting this way, but do know its all part of the grieving process and it will take time. I was the same way the first week after my father died. I don't think there was more than 5 minutes that went by when I didn't start sobbing. Hospice did send out a grief counselor and my sisters and I all talked with him, he was very spiritual and it really helped to talk with him.

Know too, this is something we all eventually go through, losing someone we love so dearly. The pain can be unbearable. Time will help heal you. Please know, you are not alone.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

This was very hard to read tonight...

To those who have lost loved ones on this thread....I am so very sorry.. I get frightened when I read your posts and know how fast this disease can spread and take them away from us.......I am just living my life with DH one day at a time.....getting through radiation and chemo one day at a time, and hoping for more time.

Reading your post Torontagal made me cry.......I know that he could hear you and I am so glad that you said those incredible words to him.. "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal" incredible quote, thanks Zalansky for sharing that with us..

Torontagal, I wanted you to know that what you are feeling is normal.. you are grieving the loss of your Dad, someone you adored. I never thought I would get over losing my Mom... I actually thought I was having a breakdown, I could not stop crying. It took a while, and I had to put on a brave face for my children who were also grieving the loss of their beloved Nana...To this day, I have her bathrobe and pajamas hanging in one of my closets and the dress she wore to my wedding, she is gone 21 years. You will get through this, but it will take some time....you will then remember the beautiful memories of you and your Dad. HUgs to you... please stay strong, get help if you need it.

Prose... I am so glad that you gave your Mom a great sendoff with a party and that your family and friends were with you for her funeral. Please accept my sincere apologies for her loss.... It seems like everytime I turn around someone else is losing a loved one and hospice is there helping the family.

Rustysmom... please try to be brave and do the best you can......I am thinking of you as I am right there with you dealing with cancer right now.. Tonight in church when they come to the part of the Mass where you pray for people.....I was trying to remember all the names here that are in pain and finally just said please take care of all of us posting on Coping and Compassion....help us get through whatever is in store for us or our loved ones..

HUgs all around...

 

[LParente]

I am so very sorry for your loss. My dad passed away on Friday only 3 weeks after being diagnosed with germ cell cancer. He was walking around enjoying life just over a month ago. Your story of your last moments together touched me because they are so similar to my last hours with my dad. Being told his body was shutting down tore out my heart because I was not ready to let go. Please feel free to pm at any time. We are going through this at the same time and really do feel your grief. My dad was my hero and best buddy and the world is a much lonelier place without him.