Farting Etiquette

[kimluvswdw]

We went to Machismos (burrito bar) for lunch so I am guessing that my husband will be gassing me out later. Poor me.

 

[donald&daisy]

This thread is like a train wreck that I can't look away from...sometimes I laugh, sometimes it makes me midly nauseous....

 

[wardfamily1]

This thread is like a train wreck that I can't look away from...sometimes I laugh, sometimes it makes me midly nauseous....

No kidding, I just saw that it was still on the first page of the CB and was shocked. So of course I had to look again to see what else was posted. I couldn't stop myself from clicking.

 

[2princesscuties]

Hi all,I just have to say that my side is splitting from laughing so hard Well,I have a couple to share with you.Growing up we never used the word fart either.My grandmother would always refer to it as shooting a bunny I always thought that was kind of crude.Then when I was about 20,my BF and I were on vacation and I had eaten something that did not agree with me,well I had the WORST gas ever.Some friends were to be arriving soon at our hotel room so we all could go to the boardwalk,I panicked and grabbed a bottle of perfume.Well it turned out the bottle of perfume I grabbed smelled like roses. Needless to say our friends walked in and said"Wow",some people's poop really does smell like roses I was quite embarrassed.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

OMG this is so funny!!!!!

last plane ride to orlando a nice distinguished well dressed older man sat next to me in the aisle seat............and proceeded to fart ( silently) several times on the trip. ( i kept blaming dh who was in the row in front of me..........and he kept swearing he didn't do it, I then figured out on the next one who the culprit was)

then at disney last year........in line for pirates of the caribbean............a farter is right in front of us..........omg it was awful and no where to run.[/QUOTE]

You think that is bad? Try being a child. They are at butt level and they will be the first to loudly ask "What is that smell?!!!!"

 

[JessicaR]

I just remembered something really funny. When my youngest was about 8 I saw him sticking a dryer sheet in his underwear! The bus was about to come and I asked him what the heck he was doing. He told me he was farting a lot that morning and maybe it would help if they smelled like flowers! I forgot to add that to his baby book so am doing it now!

 

[sunsprinkle24]

We were in line at Buzz in January and someone farted. It was awful. We were in the part of the line that snakes around so you couldn't tell if it was the person in front, behind, or on the sides of you. The people in the line opposite us were glaring at us, and I wanted to say, "Don't look at me!". I was so embarrassed and I was innocent!

 

[paintnolish]

This thread must be catching...dd had a stomach bug last weekend. We thought she was better, but it was lingering. She "gas pooped" in her undies the other day. There's nothing like hearing that declaration in the middle of the night.

 

[dixie lolly]

This thread is so contagious. We were traveling to an archery tourney and giggling about this thread all the way and the things on here had happened to at least one of us that was riding in the vehicle.

We even had the girls boyfriends in on the discussion.

 

[SandraVB79]

This thread is hilarious, but I should not read these kinds of threads at work. My colleagues really wonder what is wrong with me when I laugh so hard when I'm actually supposed to do boring work.

I don't really have anything to add other than that my two dogs have been killing me with SBDs all week. Holy moly.

I'm still waiting to fart in front of DFi. I just can't seem to do it yet...much as I want to, to just get it over with! The first one is the worst!

This reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie farts in front of Mr Big when they are in bed!

 

[Southern4sure]

This thread is hilarious, but I should not read these kinds of threads at work. My colleagues really wonder what is wrong with me when I laugh so hard when I'm actually supposed to do boring work.



This reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie farts in front of Mr Big when they are in bed!

Don't laugh too hard....you might let a squeeker out.

 

[Angelhalo]

This thread is hilarious, but I should not read these kinds of threads at work. My colleagues really wonder what is wrong with me when I laugh so hard when I'm actually supposed to do boring work.



This reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie farts in front of Mr Big when they are in bed!

DH thinks it is fine and dandy for him to fart up a storm! He lets them rip whenever, wherever. But if I let one go, he looks at me in disgust. The other day I was like look, I have to fart too just like you! he was like yeah but guys are supposed to fart and be gross. Girls aren't supposed to be like that!

Aye yi yi, I wish I could go back and correct that lesson in his childhood!

 

[Todd&Copper]

I never heard of dutch oven (the picture explained it to me) We call it turtle!

Now in my bodily function lexicon, a "turtle" is when you start to have a bowel movement, but the turd is not quite ready to come out, so after poking out a bit (or at least what feel like poking out a bit - I can't actually see it of course), it sucks itself back up into your butt, like a turtle retreating back into its shell.


It is so interesting to see what different people call these things!

 

[SandraVB79]

Now in my bodily function lexicon, a "turtle" is when you start to have a bowel movement, but the turd is not quite ready to come out, so after poking out a bit (or at least what feel like poking out a bit - I can't actually see it of course), it sucks itself back up into your butt, like a turtle retreating back into its shell.


It is so interesting to see what different people call these things!

I learn something new everyday on the DIS... But I'm not sure I wanted to know things like this!

 

[Stacerita]

Now in my bodily function lexicon, a "turtle" is when you start to have a bowel movement, but the turd is not quite ready to come out, so after poking out a bit (or at least what feel like poking out a bit - I can't actually see it of course), it sucks itself back up into your butt, like a turtle retreating back into its shell.


It is so interesting to see what different people call these things!

Once again I learn something new. Guys I know usually call "turtle" when they get into a cold pool. I would explain though.

 

[RVGal]

Now in my bodily function lexicon, a "turtle" is when you start to have a bowel movement, but the turd is not quite ready to come out, so after poking out a bit (or at least what feel like poking out a bit - I can't actually see it of course), it sucks itself back up into your butt, like a turtle retreating back into its shell.


It is so interesting to see what different people call these things!

That was a very... thorough... explanation.

I've heard that called prairie dogging.

 

[tinkbutt]

I think this thread has gone in a whole new direction

 

[JodyLynC]

Note to self: Do not read this thread while eating lunch....

 

[scottishduffy]

Thinking of you all.....

http://www.toilette-humor.com/top-ten-farts.html

and Also:

Silent But Deadly (SBD) Fart
The type that remains totally inaudible, yet somehow causes all the occupants of a room to collapse. Can smell like anything, nasal investigators rarely have time to distinguish an odor.

Eggy Fart
Smells very much like rotten eggs (or Hydrogen Sulphide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bunbuster.

Windy Fart
The sort of fart which goes 'Whoosh', and is more felt than heard. A little like an SBD, but louder and considerably less toxic.

Growling Fart
Happens deep within the rectum (and therefore has no smell). Some how never meets the light of day. Tends to growl like a dog at the vets.

Worrying Fart
The kind which seems to be a fart right up to the point at which you release it. At this stage matters become less sure, as it feels too solid for comfort. You go to the bathroom and check your underpants at the next possible opportunity.

Prelude To A Poopie
You feel like you have got a large beefy one, but out comes a tiny squeaker fart, and the head of something massive. You tense your buttocks fast, lest you give birth to the brown equivalent of a zeppelin.

Compost Fart
You know the compost heap that a gardener keeps at the bottom of the garden? Well if you jump on it you will have some idea of what a compost fart sounds and smells like. Do not attempt this one while you have company.

Beefy One
Sounds loud, and butch eg. 'BRAAAAMMPPP!' Will smell a bit like the rotting offspring of a B.S.E infected cow and a dog-turd.

Present (a.k.a 'Time I Wasn't Here' Fart)
The type of fart which seems harmless, but then brings a small poopie as a housewarming gift. You shuffle off to the toilet, and thank God you weren't in a business meeting when it happened. If you were in a business meeting of course, you're screwed.

Squeaky Fart
Sounds like 'Wheeek'. Normally smells foul.

Bunbuster Fart
'BRAAA!' Sounds like a Beefy one, except much more sudden and much much more powerful. Generally smells eggy or beefy. Leaves your ******* smarting. You really feel these babies.

Trouser Ripping Special
Sends seismic ripples to the next city. Rips the back of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby at the time will suffer hearing loss.

Escape Pod Fart
You think you got away with this one. You forced it out as silently as possible, and nobody heard. You take deep sniffs through your nose, as discreetly as possible. You smell nothing but your deodorant. Then 30 seconds later, as if released from a stasis field, everyone starts to cough and splutter. You point to the person next to you and try to look innocent.

Brewer Fart
You try to push a brewer fart the last furlong, but it stays firmly lodged deep within your bowels. You come to the conclusion that it is some form of gaseous landmark.

Sphinctal Napalm
Tends to occur a few hours after a hot curry. Nevermind the smell, worry about the burning sensation and the nasty stain you know it must have left.

Stalker Fart
Occurs when you leave the room to politely fart elsewhere, and save people the trouble of breathing your flatulent devils breath. You go back into the room, but LO! The foul nasal bombardment has followed you, and you are duly criticised for poor manners.

Burble Fart
Bubbly!

On The Spot Fart
You didn't even know it was there, but suddenly 'Brrmp'.

Not Now! (a.k.a Anal Control Fart)
You feel the presence of a mighty fart, and are unable to release it due to your situation. Happens on first dates, at important meetings, and on other such inexcusable occasions. You clench your buttocks together so hard that you nearly give yourself a stroke, and wait for the pressure to subside. Success depends on a number of factors, but Sods law tends to win out in the end.

Hydrated Flatulation (a.k.a Wet Fart)
The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants, and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. You might not like this little bugger, but you feel right at home with it.

GNL Fart
Gambled 'n' lost. You take a gamble that it's going to be a fart and stay where you are, but realize tragically that this is much more than a fart...

Underwater Fart
Often done in the bath, or while swimming. Sounds like the engine of a nuclear sub. Can be smelt on rising to the surface, and experienced wind breakers will often catch the fart in an upturned jam jar, in order to set light to them.

Gunshot Fart
Gunshot farts sound just like a gunshot. They are exceedingly rare. In fact they are so rare that most people don't know they even exist. One report continues: "I have only witnessed one gunshot fart myself, my own, and almost scared the poop out of my girlfriend who was lying asleep beside me at the time. She thought it was a gunshot, and it was so named." A few others have refered to these rare creatures, so proving their existance.

Tandem Fart
Tandem Farts are the worst smelling and longest lasting farts ever to be recorded. They are so named since they are the only fart that is detectable by the nose on a Tandem bicycle (bicycle built for two) as it is being pedaled. A tandem fart occurs when the captain of the bike farts and the stoker smells it. As you can imagine, the fart most be extremely strong to compete with the wind and to get to the stoker's nose. Extremely disgusting farts off of a tandem are sometimes called Tandem farts, but they can never be confirmed as true Tandem.

 

[scottishduffy]

My personal favorite remains the squeekers...