Family Waffling--Vent--partly OT

[srwarden1928]

I think this is the right board for this. I dont know if I just need to vent, or if there is something productive I can do.

background--DW wanted to plan a trip to the beach for us and her sister and their family. In late December, I noticed that availability of the motel where DW and I like to stay varied for the entire month of June. One day there were rooms, the next there were not. I told DW that if we really wanted to stay at our preferred place, it might be a good idea to go ahead and book rooms. BIL did not think it would be good for them to go due to the economy. SIL said she and DN would go without him if necessary, book the room & she would try to talk him into going later. So I book two rooms.

About three weeks later, I mentioned in passing that the deposit would be due mid February. A couple of days later, SIL told DW she would have to cancel & would pay whatever cancelation charge she had to. I waited until I got the bill for the deposits to cancel her room in case she changed her mind, then canceled it. The people were nice enough to apply the deposit to OUR room and not charge any fee since I had reserved both rooms.

Now DN is a college student. She has never been to Disney. She had mentioned this several times. I talked briefly to DW about taking DN to Disney. She seemed ok with the idea. Then I talked to DN about summer plans. I told her that DW and I were committed to the week at the beach, and she was welcome to join us. She accepted. I then asked if she would want to and be able to do Disney the next week, thinking the 4/3 deal. She said getting off work for two weeks would be no problem for her. DW and I are both teachers, so we have the time, money, and job security to do this. So I book Disney. I got the resort I wanted and everything seemed to be going well.

Then last night DW is upset with me. SIL found out about Disney. She cant go for two weeks. DW claims to not remember discussing Disney and she has already been. Well I knew SIL could not go on a trip for two weeks. The second week was not planned until AFTER she cancelled her room at the beach. I think I can cancel Disney without a penalty at this point. DN really wants to go to Disney. I want to take her, and I thought DW did too. I dont know if I will be able to get SILs room at the beach back for her. She has NOT committed to going or asked to get the room back. I think (speculation here) that DW was just really disappointed that her sister was not going to be able to go again. We have taken several trips in the last few years without them. We used to travel with them frequently.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Pumbaa_]

give her the beach motel info - hope you can join us. take yourself out of their booking fiasco, it can only get worse

the 2nd week is independent from the first week, not sure what the beef is there

hope it all works out!

 

[srwarden1928]

The reason the second week is tied to the first is that they will ride in the car with us. If they cant stay the second week, our van is how they plan to get back to Tennessee. I think DW just really wants to vacation with her sister and is putting pressure on SIL to go. My response was she is an adult, so I respect whatever she decides for herself. I have always booked for her in the past so we end up in the same motel since they ride with us.

Thanks for the suggestion. I appreciate the feedback.

 

[Erin1700]

How about sending SIL an email saying "Sorry you can not join us for week 2, I can help you find a great rental car deal to get back to TN after week 1 if you would like!"

 

[disykat]

Let me see if I have this straight. You were planning a one week trip with SIL to the beach. SIL backed out and cannot go. So you kept your trip plans and added an additional week, in Disney.

Now SIL is mad because you made the trip that she's not planning on going on longer and added Disney?

Has she actually indicated she still wants to go? Is she able to get reservations at this point at the place you will be staying the first week?

 

[srwarden1928]

DW is upset that SIL cannot go and is still trying to get her to change her mind. SIL cannot do the second week. She would only go if its a one week trip. DW really wants SIL to go. She has conveniently forgotten that we discussed adding Disney and left it as up to DNs schedule. DN will go on whatever trip happens. She enjoys traveling with us.

 

[poohfriend77]

First of all, I think it's really nice of you to take your niece on vacation, and I understand your wife is disappointed. But... it doesn't seem fair that your wife is still trying to talk SIL into joining you if she said no for financial reasons. It's probably just making SIL feel worse and may be causing problems with her husband because he's the one who first said no.

Sounds like you and your wife need to decide what's the most important thing. Going to the beach/Disney or spending time with SIL. You could arrange a shorter/cheaper long weekend somewhere if your wife just wants family time. Or you could say "sorry things aren't working out this year, sis. Let's all start saving for next year!" No matter what you decide, I hope all this stress/disappointment doesn't ruin your vacation.

 

[srwarden1928]

Now that some time has past, I think I may have a better take on the situation.

SIL heard from DN about the possibility of Disney. SIL was never going to be able to do Disney in 2009 and did not really want to anyway. SIL starts to regret canceling her part of the trip. She tells this to DW. DW is really sorry that SIL cannot go this year. She really enjoys traveling with her sister. We all traveled together several years in a row somewhere, then we havent for several years. So DW decides that the Disney plans are keeping SIL from going, so she forgets our discussion about Disney and leaving it to DNs work schedule.

DW is not the Disney fanatic that I am. She does enjoy herself while she is there. She does not at all get into the planning months (or years) in advance. She will enjoy going to Disney again. She would be satisfied if it didnt happen until another year.

I think that I can get the $200 back from Disney if I cancel before the 45 day mark. (Correct me if Im wrong there). I know I have to pay for the rest of the package at the 45 day mark. Since I really want to go back to Disney and would like to be able to share Disney with DN, I think I need to leave the Disney reservation alone for now. If SIL changes her mind AGAIN and can get a room in ST Pete, I am willing to let Disney go for this year. But I dont want to give up the Disney reservation now just in case that happens.

I am NOT willing to skip vacation altogether. Getting away does much for my personal state of mind. If WE could not afford to go anywhere, that would be a different issue. WE can afford it, and we WILL go on a trip. I can and will be flexible about what trip we take and how long to accomodate others needs and desires. I am willing to add in other trips other weeks or weekends, etc.

I appreciate the feedback and the opportunity to vent. I will consider other suggestions as well. Thanks to all the DIS friends.