Family travel dilemma....

[smkiya]

Soooo, I think my sil will be coming with us in October to WDW with her 3 kids. Me and dh were going to drive down with our 2 kids and have her follow in her car if she came. She states that she doesn't want to drive there alone with the kids. So I said maybe we could rent an SUV or van, and I checked the prices... $1500 was the cheapest!!! I was only planning on spending $300 for the drive, not almost $800! I am not paying that much to rent a van, sorry. Maybe I'll just suggest that dh ride with her, but I don't know if he'd be agreeable to that, even though it is his sister. What do you guys think?

 

[sk!mom]

I think that you are not responsible for the travel plans of others. I'd tell her that the rental is too much but you are happy to caravan. If she refuses then her travel plans are up to her. Maybe she would prefer to fly her family?

 

[Tissa]

I agree with the other poster. Let her know she can follow you or look into flying. I'm driving alone with my kids, following my cousins. No way I'd suggest we all ride together even if they have a suburban. I want my own wheels and do not want to be dependent on them.

It is your vacation.

 

[EthansMom]

Not your problem. Repeat after me: "Not my problem. Not my problem." Repeat as many times as necessary.

I've got some family members like your SIL. You could accomodate her on this issue by forcing your DH away from his family and into her automobile. But then you'll have to deal with SIL being late to leave the house (like you're packed up and ready to go and she's still packing) or she'll need to make 30 stops on the trip down. Oh, and then when you get there she'll want to stop for 2 hours to pick up groceries.

My opinion: *If* you want her around, tell her what resort you'll be at and when. Let her worry about her problems.

 

[smkiya]

Thanks for the replies. I asked dh and he is not agreeable. He said he doesn't want to spend 16 hours cramped in her car (he's 6'2"). When she mentioned riding together in a van, I was hesitant anyway because then we couldn't really go our own way when down there. I was happy the van was so expensive. She doesn't fly so thats out... I've secretly been thinking what you've been saying, and I guess if she doesn't want to caravan, then I guess she can't go.

 

[mom2meiko]

traveling all in one car is bound to cause headaches and conflict. i would just explain that you are doing what works for your family, it's what you are budgeted for, you hope she can caravan down with you and if not, you can meet up when you all arrive. maybe you could suggest that she find someone else to ride with her that could help share the driving - maybe a friend or older babysitter or someone?

good luck!

 

[smkiya]

Just thought of a potential problem... MIL may offer to pay for the van rental if thats what's keping sil from going. How do I prevent this without being rude? I'm now stuck on the fact that I want my own vehicle and I'll be pissed if I get stuck having to do EVERYTHING together.

 

[Mama to Three]

I don't know what kind of van it would be, but I know that my Odyssey wouldn't hold 3 adults and 5 kids (especially if any are in car seats) especially on a long drive like that. If any of the kids are in car seats there is your out... y'all won't fit!

ETA: Plus all that luggage? No way do I think it would work.

 

[Marty Moose]

If MIL is willing and able to fork over $800, why doesn't she just go down with SIL and make a trip of it?

Or would that just cause MORE problems for you??

I'd start dropping hints in preparation for an in-law ambush...ie, "It's probably best that we couldn't afford a van anyway as we have SO much luggage we never would have been able to everyone anyway!"

Good luck!

 

[fussymonkey]

OMG the gas alone would cost a fortune. That many people you'd need a full size van, and they get like 12 miles to the gallon.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

The fact that she doesn't want to drive alone says to me she really doesn't want to go.

Also, if you rent that van I'll betcha 10 bux she still bails on you with some other excuse.

Don't ruin your own vacation turning yourself inside out to make her happy. I mean, sheesh, is she an invalid? Get in the car and drive! Tell her she can follow you guys in her car, you can chat on cell phones if you want on the way down. We've done that a few times with friends, it's fun!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Just thought of a potential problem... MIL may offer to pay for the van rental if thats what's keping sil from going. How do I prevent this without being rude? I'm now stuck on the fact that I want my own vehicle and I'll be pissed if I get stuck having to do EVERYTHING together.

All you need to say is that you want your own vehicle in Disney, and that the MIL and SIL are welcome to rent that van and meet you down there.

Just tell them that to enjoy your vacation it is important to you to have your own vehicle. It's nothing about them, it's what YOU need. I'm sure they'd understand that.

We've done a LOT of trips with friends and family, and I will tell you what works for us is not trying to force too much "togetherness" during the vacation. Everyone ends up getting annoyed with each other and then getting sick of each other when you try and do everything together. If you ride down in that van with her by the time you cross the WDW gates you're going to want to throttle her. .

We try and meet up for meals with the people we vacation with, and they have our itinerary so they know where we'll be if they want to do stuff with us. That way we don't sit around waiting for them and they don't feel like they have to follow us around all the time.

There are quite a few threads about this, too...

 

[tlh0726]

Totally agree with a previous poster. No way would you fit everyone into a van along with all the luggage and other stuff.

Plus when you checked the pricing, did you ask them how far you are able to take the van? It may be unlimited mileage, but normally it is a surrounding state limit. My DH travels alot for business. Some of his co-workers have been hit by big $$$ penalties that were imposed by the rental car company when they returned their rental cars (las vegas). Apparently there is sometype of GPS in the units and it turned them in that they were out of the 3 state region.

My suggestion is to make a plan. Agree to rest stops every so many hours, stopping to eat at this time. etc.
Maybe you could ride with her for the first segment (get her over the nerves) then ride with your family, and switch back and forth.
Whatever you do, you need to make it perfectly clear (and soon) that it will be 2 vehicles AND that once you are there you will be doing your own things and meeting up from time to time. (stress it on several occasions that you will not be doing everything together, they will be on their own the majority of the time)

 

[smkiya]

I had a long talk with dh about this late last night. He told me that if she really wants to go and we tell her the van (12 person) cost too much, that his mother will feel bad and she will definately pay for it. Mil can't go because she doesn't like to travel, she has 9 animals of her own and would also be sitting for sil 4 dogs, and checking in on sil 7 cats. (I must say though they are obsessive cleaners and sil is a groomer, their homes are immaculate and their animals are always clean.... you'd never know they each had so many pets).

Anyway, dh made it clear that his sister expects us to do everything together. He says that she will see it as a vacation for the kids, not her and want to keep them together. I can kinda see a point, I mean dd will be 5 and her cousin is 6 and they are best buds... I don't think dd would be agreeable to a split up. Plus, I like hanging out with my 13 and 11 year old nieces (they'll be 14 and 12 during the trip)... frankly I'd hitch up with them and meet up with the rest later, I know the 3 of us would have a blast. Dh said that there's adult things at night that he wanted to do, that he and I could do together if sil came too. Dd, dh, and sil will celebrate birthdays while on the trip so it should be memorable for all.

We'll probably do Disney again next year or the following year. So the plan we came up with is, we'll tell her the van is too expensive. If she really didn't want to go that will be the end of it. If she really wants to go then dh is sure his mommy will pay (I talked myself into them coming, so I think I may have dh work on his mom from the other end). If she changes her mind last minute, it's not on my dime... we'll just go along with our original plans. If they come and I experience too much togetherness, dh and I will ditch them at the house and drink our frustrations away! Either way, I think it might be ok... I'll have to let you know on the post-trip boards. Thanks for the great advice!