Family Reunion-and no one shows up?

[HighClass]

Has that ever happened to you?.

80% of our extended family lives in my general area-10% live an hour away-the remaining 10% live two hours away..

The 2 hour away branch is hosting the reunion and no one wants to go! Only ONE person has signed up. We have 10 days left to mail in the letter and dinner $$(I was doing it next week), but now I am reluctant to commit if noone else is going

Other reasons-We have never had this in the summer (always has been in the Fall due to our hot climate()& it will be the weekend after 4th of July(some may be on vacation that week)

 

[MoniqueU]

This would be my dream come true. Every year they schedule the family reunion for when my DH works.So this year they told us to give them the dates. We did and then got told no that wont work for them. Why bother asking and then complaining that you don't get to see him. My DH works at a job where he can't take time off and no one else is usually willing to swap weekends off. Snd it's not an office job where you can just dump your work on one of your coworkers. I will end up going I guess but would really rather not go.

I imagine some in your family might feel the same as I do or have other plans. I know my family has exactly 1 week where all my kids are out of activities and we can do something, it may not involve my DH but the rest of us could go do something.

 

[Tink888]

What are the reasons no one is going? It is just because it's two hours away?

Does the family hosting this year always travel the two hours to attend when the other families are hosting? If they have, then personally I would go just out of consideration to them if they have always traveled to see everyone else. Yes, it's inconvenient when so much of your family lives so far from them but families are inconvenient, if you love eachother, you show up for eachother. JMO

 

[chirurgeon]

Sounds like my family reunion this year. Our reason for not going is my sister scheduled my #1 niece's graduation party the next day. It was the most convenient day for her family to have the party, so no reunion for us this year.

Kim

 

[Sleepy]

We had our first family reunion 5 or 6 years ago. The starting point of the reunion was my straight maternal family line going back to my greatgrandparents. So, of my maternal grandmother and all her brothers and sisters (who are now dead), their families were present at the reunion. We had so many people show up. Problem is, only a handful were willing to mingle. Some of these people my mom had not seen since childhood. It was a huge disappointment for her.

I chalk it up to the fact that my greatgrandparents were poor, and 90% of their descendents followed the same lifestyle of living very poor, not expecting better, not trying for better, and not really venturing out past the county. Anyone they did not communicate with on a daily basis were like outsiders. It was like each person searched for the table that had pictures and personal items of their direct family line and they never left the table. We realized our family, at least through that lineage, was not meant for family reunions in the sense we had anticipated.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

I would still go for wo reasons

1) I bet most of family will show up even if they dont RSVP or maybe there saving it untill the lst minute

2) Who needs the whole family to have fun? Im sure you'll have plenty of fun with just the family who are hosting it.

 

[Pixiedust34]

What are the reasons no one is going? It is just because it's two hours away?

Does the family hosting this year always travel the two hours to attend when the other families are hosting? If they have, then personally I would go just out of consideration to them if they have always traveled to see everyone else. Yes, it's inconvenient when so much of your family lives so far from them but families are inconvenient, if you love eachother, you show up for eachother. JMO

I agree.

We don't do family reunions in our families, but the OP's post did strike a nerve with me. We live about a 9 hour round trip from family. We visit 2-3 times/year--used to be 3-5 times a year when MIL was in a nursing home but we cut back since she passed away. Apparently, the road goes only one way as far as our siblings are concerned. It's been almost 13 years since dh's brother visited us and almost 8 years since my sister visited us. They are "too busy" to make the long drive, so it's on us to travel or our kids would never see their aunts, uncles, and cousins.

If the main reason for the OP's family for not attending is because they have to be the ones driving this time, I think they could bend and be the ones who travel for a change. Give those who live far away a break from the travel and the chance to host a family event. They might be looking forward to being the host family since they don't get a chance to do it often.

 

[HighClass]

I've waited this long, because I'm taking my elderly Mom and was very hesitant over this outside event, mid day, mid summer, because of the heat. She is insisting she wants to go

Reasons???

I really think its summer activities for many (for the last 20 years its been mid-October). could be cost of gas, no more "elders" that keep us wanting to keep in touch (my Mom is the last surviving of her generation-except her sis who is ill and wont attend).

 

[Bren's Mom]

We've never had a family reunion, but my mom is pushing for one. I'm hoping to hold her off indefinitely. I know that my summer is about 90% booked already, between dss's 8th grade grad events and party, a baby shower, a wedding shower, a trip to the Cape, 4th of July party, dad's 60th b-day weekend, niece's 5th b-day (also a weekend since they live out of state), oh and Father's Day, and dh being away for a guy's weekend, etc, etc. It's crazy. I don't know when I'd find the time to attend one let alone plan it.

I'd say that if your family generally comes to your area then it's only the right thing to do to try your best to attend this year even though it's farther away. I'm thinking that generaly busyness and the heat might be the two big factors in addition to the traveling.

 

[minkydog]

You're kidding?!! how very sad...

We have a medium-size extended family, about 54 adults & kids. We live all up and down the east coast, from Maine to NYC,Pennsylvania, Virginia & North Carolina, and the Deep South, Georgia-Alabama-Mississippi, and Washington state and the UK.

We have been having family reunions every 3 years for the last 20 years. We begin planning about 18 months ahead of time so everybody has time to get it on the calendar and save up. No matter where we have a reunion, someone has to drive or fly a lonnnng way. Sometimes people can't come because of illness or some other big commitment, but most of us make the effort to go. Our reunions are always in July, sometimes in Georgia, sometimes in the mountains of Virginia or North Carolina. It's hot but nobody has died from it so far.

Our reunions last 4 days/3 nights. Usually we stay at a resort or state park and eat all our meals on-site. We always have a Trail-in dinner(some make it to the site before others,and some come late.) And we always end the reunion on Sunday morning with brunch. The only ones that can't make it every time are the ones in the UK and the ones in Washington state.

We have a grand time sharing our scrapbooks, videos, slide shows. We all bring our musical instruments and jam. Last time my DS22 brought his Rock Band set up and the teenagers had a blast playing that for hours! It was fun for the adults to watch them having fun. Last summer we were there for July 4 and got to be in the big parade--it was so much fun!

I cannot imagine planning a family reunion where nobody comes. That is just too sad for words.

 

[disneychrista]

We have 10 days left to mail in the letter and dinner $$

Is sending in money for dinner your normal? To me, this would be a turn off.

 

[OceanAnnie]

If there isn't a big turn out, (and you still want to go) I'd maybe suggest eating out at a restaurant at a halfway point. It would be a nice way to gather, shorter distance to drive. No trouble for the "host", they'd be off the hook. Win-win.

 

[dispor]

Is sending in money for dinner your normal? To me, this would be a turn off.

I wondered about that, too. If it's usually a potluck, people may be upset that it is different this year and they are being charged.

Or, it could be that everyone else is doing what you are doing - and waiting to see who all is going... LOL!

Or (and I hate to sound mean), but the 80% may be wondering why they have to drive 2 hours to a reunion when the majority of them live within a short drive of each other. When people "move away" from family, I really feel that the burden is on THEM to come back to visit. I'm sure host is very disappointed. Maybe once you rsvp, others will follow...

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry OP!!!!

I think it could be a combination of all the things that people have mentioned so far.

Usually, it is the older family members who are the 'glue' and if only one is sure to be attending... and other relatives are kind of holding off... nobody is sure who else will be there, etc...

While it certainly is not 'fair', the drive could also be a factor. Now, I have driven 2-4 hours MANY times to attend family functions. I know that I am the odd-man-out, as only one sister lives farther from 'home' than I do. And, I am well aware of the demands that this places on the majority if they are the ones expected to travel. If there are families with children, then the traveling and overnight accommodations, food, etc.. can be quite demanding.

Also, people are just SO busy... there are the big sports events, camps, etc... that the kids are involved in. Work functions. Family functions on the OTHER (inlaws) sides of the families, Precious family vacation time... Which is just now a matter of days with how the schools operate. Etc... Etc... Etc....

However, with all the above considered... this may be the year where the family reunion may not be the primary priority for many.

If this event is an 'outdoor' barbecue/picnic in the heat of July, I know that I would not, personally, be excited to drive that far for what is planned.
I do think that perhaps the hosts have not really taken a serious grasp of how to make something like this 'inviting' and 'exciting'... worth traveling for...

If I were you, and I wanted to maintain the annual family reunion, then I WOULD go ahead and make your plans.
Let everyone know that you will be there, and you hope that other family members will also be there 'with bells on!'.

I think that at the last minute, family members who are able to fit this in may attend. There may be more than you would think!!!!

 

[disneyjunkie]

You're kidding?!! how very sad...

We have a medium-size extended family, about 54 adults & kids. We live all up and down the east coast, from Maine to NYC,Pennsylvania, Virginia & North Carolina, and the Deep South, Georgia-Alabama-Mississippi, and Washington state and the UK.

We have been having family reunions every 3 years for the last 20 years. We begin planning about 18 months ahead of time so everybody has time to get it on the calendar and save up. No matter where we have a reunion, someone has to drive or fly a lonnnng way. Sometimes people can't come because of illness or some other big commitment, but most of us make the effort to go. Our reunions are always in July, sometimes in Georgia, sometimes in the mountains of Virginia or North Carolina. It's hot but nobody has died from it so far.

My family is the same way.

Our reunions are always in SC. We have family members from NYC to GA and two families in Texas and CO. The reunions are always the first weekend in July. It's hot a heck down there, but who cares.

Those of us not in SC are expected to travel. It's much cheaper to have the reunion in SC than in NYC or DC.

We have a huge fish fry on Friday evening. A BBQ on Saturday afternoon. Tons of fireworks when it gets dark (fireworks are legal in SC). We end the reunion with church on Sunday followed by a HUGE southern dinner.

I'm in the process of sending out letters for our 2010 reunion. (We have one about every 3 years). I spent the day collecting old pictures from my mom and aunts. My cousin in Texas is setting a web page for us. The cousins in SC are securing a venue and caterer for Sunday's dinner. My uncles will cook on Friday and Sunday. We all pitch in to ensure that it’s a success.

I can't imagine not attending or not being excited about our family reunions.

Is sending in money for dinner your normal? To me, this would be a turn off.

We always have a family reunion fee. Usually about $40 per adult and a $10-15per child.

 

[Inigo]

Maybe the reunion needs to have a set date, so that everyone always knows when it will be, and what to expect in terms of the meal.

The family reunions for my side of the family are always the same dates. On the third Sunday in August, the B&H reunion will be held at the church where Cynthia B and John H married back in the mid 1800's. There are no longer church services there, but the building is still standing right next to the cemetery where most of my ancestors on that side are buried. The reunion has been held at that location and on that day for 134 years now.

On my dad's side of the family, the reunion doesn't go back as far. It's my dad's siblings, spouses, kids, and grandkids. On the third Sunday in June, we'll be at either at the city park located on the land my great-grandparents used to own, or at my Aunt Mary's farm.

The format is always the same at both, with a pitch-in meal.

 

[Free4Life11]

How often do you have reunions? I think anything more than every 3 years is overkill IMO. Then again my extended family is scattered all over the country and it's difficult for everyone to join up.

 

[disneychrista]

We always have a family reunion fee. Usually about $40 per adult and a $10-15per child.

And what do you get for this fee? It seems like a lot to me. It might be time to change this to a potluck or something simular. I would be less likely to attend if I had to pay $100 to attend (assuming family of 4).

 

[HighClass]

Ours is $10 for a bar b q dinner and soda & some of that goes to rent the facility-VFW hall or park pavillion(in the beginning everyone did pot luck-but find that the catered dinner easier)

We always had it in the small town where Great grand-father was the doctor..ususally the 1st or second Saturday in October

As the older generation aged, the hosting went to my generation ("Hosting" is sending out the invites, finding a place, getting a caterer etc) and so last one -3 years ago-was in one hour away city & this is first time in 20 years its in the 2 hour away city.

 

[disneyjunkie]

And what do you get for this fee? It seems like a lot to me. It might be time to change this to a potluck or something simular. I would be less likely to attend if I had to pay $100 to attend
(assuming family of 4).

What do you get for the fee? Mostly FOOD

Dinner on Friday
Breakfast, lunch and dinner on Saturday
Breakfast and dinner on Sunday

My family would flip out if someone suggested a potluck.