family problems

whtyger97

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May 30, 2002
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Warning : I am going to discuss some mental health issues, if they disturb you please don't read any farther.

I am really fusterated and need to vent. My sister has been suffering from depression for over 5 years now, or rather she has been recieveing treatment for that much time. She has been hospitalized again today. I don't even know how many times shes been hospitalized, my guess would be between a half a dozen to a dozen times, normally for a little over a week, sometimes for a month or two at a time. She has also particiapated in intensive out patient programs, and has been seeing a consoluer (sp?) all this time.

The doctors have switched her diagonis at times from severe depression to bipolar or borderline personality. She self mutilates, mainly cutting but lately burning too, and has recently 'developed' an eating disorder. She has had her medication switch numerous times and even had serveral sessions of ect. Nothing seems to help.

The most fusterating thing is I don't get any one to talk to about it, what should i do to best help her? I asked why she's going into the hospital and its because 'she not doing to well'. Also does anyone have any other suggestions for alternative treatments? Or places with resources for families?

I just want to take her and shake her, she's only 22 and has her whole life ahead of her, she had a full scholarship to a good school, but she only was able to use a few semesters of it before her depression got so bad she couldn't handle school.
 
I am so sorry to hear what you and your family have been going through. I can understand how difficult it is for you to see this happening to your sister.

I have no suggestions for other treatment. All you can do is continue to love and support her as best you can and keep her in your prayers. In the meantime, get on with your life as that is something you do have control over.

God Bless.
 
I worked in the mental health field for 10 years. It is a very difficult situation for the families of these patients. My best suggestion to you is to find someone you can talk to (therapist etc.) You can not take on the responsibility of the illness your sister has. It is an illness and it is frustrating. My thoughts and prayers are with you sister but also with you and sthe rest of your family. It is a long battle and you need to keep yourselves strong.
 
Your sister sounds a lot like my Aunt was but, my Aunt is older and, was diagnosed much later in life. Besides being involuntarily hospitalized (only briefly), you can substitute jail time. Bi-polar is something to be recognized by the individual and, willingly treated. It sounds like your sister may be the same as my Aunt was, UNwilling to acknowledge that anything was wrong and, UNwilling to continuously take her meds. Sure they keep appointments, SAY that they're taking meds, etc. but, outwardly everyone knows otherwise. I know the feeling of 'take her and shake her'! It wouldn't work tho. :( We know them to be different but, for some reason, something else is wrong.

My Aunt finally saw the light/hit bottom and, she's been fine for several years now, meds are her schedule. She knows her limitations and, imo, has overcome more then I could without a mental handicap/illness. I pray your sister gets the proper help and support, it's very hard in the support dept. when no one seems to know what to do but, every bit helps! And, for you, I suggest talking to her Drs. privately, if they'll allow that and, keep posting here. Someone is sure to have some experiences with this.

It's a tough and sometimes, a very TOUGH LOVE, thing to handle but hopefully, in the end, love & support will guide your sister as well.

Prayers for her, she's sooo young. {{HUGS}}
 

what should i do to best help her?

KimRaye gives good advice. Until she is willing to become better she won't. Your hands are tied. Also do not fall victim to "something" you can do to make her better. I know this sounds harsh but until you are able to collect yourself and be able to handle the situation try and stay out of it. And you will become stronger once you accept that your sister is TOTALLY responsible for her own behavior. You will I promise!
{{{HUGS}}} I know how frustrating it is.

My MIL is paranoid schizophrenic. After years of on meds/off meds & forced hospitalization(not fun) and a load of grandchildren we became "tough".
She now knows that if she wants to participate in our lives she has to be on meds. (She is very scary otherwise)
So far so good. It took about 12yrs.
 
I feel for you. We have depression in our family and it is difficult. My sister has severe deprssion but is doing great on her meds. After 2 years she accepted that she will need to be on meds inorder to function. They after 13 years have had to change meds on her a few times but she knows when it is time and her therapist and Pshychiatrist are great. We had to go thru several before we found the right ones.
This year my Nephew was diagnoised(sp) with bi polar disorder. His breakdown came the week before Christmas. It was a shock to his family. I wasn't shocked but I am familiar with the stages. My in laws are having a lot of trouble with the whole thing. I hope they all get some help, it is difficult enough but if your family has issues with medication it can be even worse. Of course to add more to the mix the poor kid told his parents he was gay.
I think there is a fine line between genius and insanity and this child is a genius but he can't seem to stay intersed in anything long enoug to finish. He has been to 2 colleges in 2 years and got great grades but has no idea what he wants to do. It is such a difficult thing to comprehend, mental illness. I hope that your sister finds the right therapists and I advocate for you and your family to talk to someone if you are having trouble. I found it helpful when we were trying to get my sister taken care of. I have been trying to explain to my inlaws that if you have diabetes you don't expect the individual to just get over not making enough insulin so you just have to look at it that way. I am sure that it is difficult for the person going thru the depression to understand it but the brain is just so complex and the chemicals to regulate thoughts are also complex. I hope that your sister comes to grips with the medications that she will need to take. It has made all the diffference in the world for our family. Mysister is now the mother of 4 children. They are all wonderful and she is a great mother. He husband is a great guy too. It has taken her a long time and alot of work but she knows how important her health is now. Recently her son was having a problem with his sleep patterns and she made an appointment with the doctor immediately. We have discussed with all our children the need to make sure you are mentally healthy as well as phsysically healthy and there is no shame in asking for help.
I hope that you will post when you just need to talk. I find that it is good just to get it out there for me. There really are people who aren't judgemental in the world and many who are wlling to listen for you sake. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
 
No answers nor suggestions, whtyger97, but know my good wishes are with your sister, you and family. {{Hugs}}

Dan
 
Well its not much of an update, my sister is still in the hospital, its a week today. They changed her meds again but no word on when she'll get out.
My mom baked her really yummy chocolate chip cookies that i almost stold because she said she wasn't going to eat them. I did help myself to a few while i was there :).

Thanks for all the support, it means alot. I have friends and stuff here but i just get down when i hear shes in the hospital again and its nice to have another outlet to vent.
 
I just got a few books suggested to me to read. I thought I would post them for you. It may help you to learn more about the illness. They are "Bipolar Survival Guide for Patients And Their Loved Ones", "Bi Polar Disorder, A Guide for Paients And Families", and" I am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help". Hope that you and your family get thru this trying time.
 
Hi just wanted to send you and your family some pixie dust. You sound like such a caring person. As the sister of someone who had a breakdown and a survivor of many undiagnosed relatives I would only suggest that you find a support group. It can be such a positive step for you and you need support as much as your sister does. Take care.
 
National Alliance for the Mentaly Ill (www.nami.org). This is an incredible organization and has state run groups too (in Mass its Mami.org). Local chapters have support groups for people who have a relative/friend with mental illness that meet once a month. These support groups are very helpful and you can get a wealth of information from other people who are going thru or have gone thru what you are experiencing.
 
HI,
I have been reading your thread with interest. I am sorry that your sister has been so ill. I think from what you have said that she probably has a Borderline Personality Disorder. My husband is a psychiatrist who specializes in the borderline patient. He has written 3 books on the subject, in fact, his latest book, "Psychotherapy With Borderline Patients, An Integrated Approach" was just published a few months ago. His name is David M. Allen. Maybe your sister's psychiatrist could order the book. When other doctors can't handle a borderline patient, they send the patient to him. I asked him if a clinically depressed person would self-mutilate. He said that a clinically depressed person might try to commit suicide or even actully kill himself or herself, but not cut or burn himself over and over. He also mentioned that diagnosing a child who is only about 17 as being bi-polar is very difficult . He tries to keep the patient out of the hospital if at all possible. He also mentioned that when doctors keep switching from one diagnosis to another, that the true diagnosis is the borderline patient. Also, he said that it is not uncommon for a borderline patient to also become anorexic or bulimic.
I hope she gets the help she needs. I know from what my husband has said the treatment can be slow and lengthy, but she can be helped. Harriet
 
I know how frustrated you feel at not being able to help your sister. My son, who is 23,has a severe anxiety disorder that mostly manifests itself with driving, and therefore, affects his whole life. He was diagnosed about three years ago, but I am sure he exhibited signs of it as a teen, I just didn't recognize it for what it was. My heart breaks for him when I see how it affects his ability to find a job, go to school, etc. If only I could just shake him out of it, I would. The hardest part is when family and friends think he is just lazy. Do people think someone would chose to live this way? The worst culprit of this thinking is his father, from whom I am divorced, and who my son lived with for the past four years. Thankfully, my son has recently moved in with me and my DH. He is getting better, but it is a slow process. My only advice is to continue to be there for your sister, let her know you love and support her, and continue to search for information on how to best help her. Good luck.
 
No one "wants" to live a depressed life. Please don't think you can "shake" sense into someone. Try to get some counseling for yourself. This is such a stressful situation for you I'm sure. Sending out good thoughts, prayers and pixie dust to you.

(please send me some of those yummy chocolate chip cookies)
 













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