Family Obligations, when is it too much?

[sharbear]

My family feel like you should attend each and every family obligation. My DH did not grow up this way and frankly wants to spend some time at home.

This is the situation. My cousin recently got married. They live 2 1/2 hours away from me and I am the closest relative to my aunt (distance). I went to the wedding shower in April (during our spring break). I went to the wedding in June which was 9 hours away. It was quite an expense to go. Now they are having a baby shower for her Labor Day weekend. I think that this is too much. I do not want to travel over Labor Day weekend to go to yet another shower for this girl. My sister is in a snit because I'm not going.

Also since she just got married, I think that she should have waited until the baby was born and then have a shower. My mom who lives 10 hours away is coming in October to visit relatives and I think that they could wait until my Mom can make it.

I have enough of family, I just want a break. Am I being unreasonable?

 

[Beauty]

I think it should be your choice where you go. Maybe send her a Gift Certificate and your best wishes and say sorry but you had immediate family obligations.

I definatly don't think you should go if you don't want to, and they should understand as well.

 

[DonnaS]

My sister is in a snit because I'm not going.

I think the first time you say "no" will be the most difficult. This seems like a prime opportunity. Your sister will get over it.

 

[Itsanalias]

I think they're too much when you've gotta come on a message board asking this question. No, you're not being unreasonable. We all can only do what we can do. Your family should understand that.

 

[sharbear]

Thanks guys. I always have this tug of war between my DH who doesn't understand about family stuff and a family who expects that I attend every outing. I also think that when you are 7 months pregant when you get married, it's a lot to expect a baby shower before the baby is born.

I had complications when I was pregant with my first and I had him at 36 weeks. I didn't have a shower until after I had my baby and we all lived for it. In fact the things that you get at a baby shower are usually things that are used after the baby gets a little older. (sorry, I'm venting about a family disagreement, I shouldn't) But boy that felt good!

 

[Jenn]

Just say no! Tell them you just can't make the trip and send a gift.

 

[Harambe]

I agree with DonnaS - the first time you say NO is the hardest.

Every year we drive 2 hours down to the Cape for Christmas at my sister's. My husband's family gets together the day after Christmas so everyone can spend Christmas with their immediate family. For eleven years - he sighs and rolls the eyes because we have to tell our kids to stop playing with their toys, get in the car, and drive!

This past winter, it was bad weather and DD got a bad ear infection Christmas Eve. I knew I didn't want to stick her in a car and have the possibility of getting stuck somewhere while she had a fever. So I called my sister - and I have to tell you - I felt like throwing up, I was so nervous!

Well when sister #3 heard I wasn't going, she quickly called to say she was staying home too. It was the best Christmas we had in a long time! But we had nothing to eat since I only make desserts for the dinner and my sisters cook the meal. So we had scrambled eggs and cheesecake! LOL! Of course, DH says he will never travel on Christmas again.

I feel for you because I know how some family members make you feel - but I don't feel you are being unreasonable at all!

Stick to your guns. Don't sound wishy-washy when you say no, but say if firmly. You will be so glad you did! Good luck.