Family is suffocating our Family trip UPDATED

[kmk1180]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't know if anyone can help but I have to vent.

We have an awesome trip planned in Oct.
BLT MK view/AKL CL
MNSSHP/Sunrise Safari/Wishes Dessert Party/Princess Breakfast/Fishing Excusion/Tea Party with Alice

(my kids are 6 & 4)

My wife just called
Her cousins are going to be Orlando the same time as we will be.
Staying off property renting a house.
But part of their group has canceled so they have an open room.
And are inviting my wifes parents to join them.
So now she thinks we have to invite them to join us as well
since my parents invited themselves already.
Since they would in Orlando it would rude not too.

I SOOOO Don't want to (to put it as nicely as I can say here)
Why:

1. We just spent a week with her parents in Orlando in Jan and they choose to join us at Disney only 2 days. They've had chances as is.
and go there with them about every other year as is
(her parents rent a house in Orlando for 3 weeks every year)
2. I don't care about her cousins. It's our trip, why should we feel obligated
to spend our vacation with them, when we see them maybe once every other year as is.
3. I don't want to drag around a group of 12 -15 people trying to agree on what ride to do next. we wouldn't get anything done.
4. ALL Plans are booked ADR's and all reservations.
5. My parents act like they are 90 years old and will not spend half a day with us, after that they'll be tired and go back to the resort. (my parents need a scooter as is to get around long enough) That'll be the only time we have as a family of 4 together and after all our trips we have yet to have a family trip alone.
6. Bad enough my parents invited themselves, felt like we had agree to since it's probably their last trip to WDW (my wifes parents are about 15years younger) I want that time for ourselves not make others happy.
5. My parents and her parents are only Ok with each other, not taht they don't get along but they don't really interact much even when they are together. My parents already think we spend more time with her parents and go to Disney with them all the time. Her parents joining would only upset my parents.

again....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHH.

UPDATE

AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH

so after all that yesterday I sentmy wife's parents this....
basically offering to change our Boma ADR to invite the two of them.
and saying they could meet us at the parks either at AK or EPCOT
one of two days.
explaining it's too late to probably make ADR's for the whole group of about 12-15.
(which we still don't know exactly how many that would be)

What was their response?
Well..since the cousins invited them it would be RUDE to not spend the time with them.
(remember they will be with them a whole week at a rental house)

Really?
It's rude to have 1 meal without them?
But it's fine to invite yourself onto OUR VACATION?????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Oh well, at least it sounds like they won't effect our trip now.

 

[babyrich]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't know if anyone can help but I have to vent.

We have an awesome trip planned in Oct.
BLT MK view/AKL CL
MNSSHP/Sunrise Safari/Wishes Dessert Party/Princess Breakfast/Fishing Excusion/Tea Party with Alice

(my kids are 6 & 4)

My wife just called
Her cousins are going to be Orlando the same time as we will be.
Staying off property renting a house.
But part of their group has canceled so they have an open room.
And are inviting my wifes parents to join them.
So now she thinks we have to invite them to join us as well
since my parents invited themselves already.
Since they would in Orlando it would rude not too.

I SOOOO Don't want to (to put it as nicely as I can say here)
Why:

1. We just spent a week with her parents in Orlando in Jan and they choose to join us at Disney only 2 days. They've had chances as is.
and go there with them about every other year as is
(her parents rent a house in Orlando for 3 weeks every year)
2. I don't care about her cousins. It's our trip, why should we feel obligated
to spend our vacation with them, when we see them maybe once every other year as is.
3. I don't want to drag around a group of 12 -15 people trying to agree on what ride to do next. we wouldn't get anything done.
4. ALL Plans are booked ADR's and all reservations.
5. My parents act like they are 90 years old and will not spend half a day with us, after that they'll be tired and go back to the resort. That'll be the only time we have as a family of 4 together and after all our trips we have yet to have a family trip alone.
6. Bad enough my parents invited themselves, felt like we had agree to since it's probably their last trip to WDW (my wifes parents are about 15years younger) I want that time for ourselves not make others happy.
5. My parents and her parents are only Ok with each other, not taht they don't get along but they don't really interact much even when they are together. My parents already think we spend more time with her parents and go to Disney with them all the time. Her parents joining would only upset my parents.

again....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHH.

Dont change any of your plans. They are already "planned". If your family wants to see you, give them your schedule and say, here is where we will be and this is when we have free time. Dont feel obligated, its a vacation, your vacation.

 

[kmk1180]

If it matters heres our plan as is.

Arrival day...land at 4pm, just eat and swim.
Day 1. WCC/ EPCOT F&W

Day 2. MK break to Fishing Excusion/Tea Party.
back to MK
Fireworks from room.

Day 3.HS Jedi Academy, Star Tours, TSMM, Indy Jones.
Lunch at SCI Fi
Break
MNSSHP that night.

Day 4. MK all day, Wishes Dessert party at 8pm
(my parents leave)

Day 5 Sunrise Safari/AK
Dinner at Boma

Day 6 EPCOT in AM/ off to Vero inafternoon.

Day7-8 Vero just the 4 us.

Day 9 Go home.

 

[MaestroTK]

I agree. I would keep to my original plans. Vacation time is too valuable to waste on different agendas. But its always easier said than done!

 

[afwdwfan]

I've got nothing useful that I can say that will help you, but I'll say I'm sorry, and I understand. Not really a good way to handle it, but good luck and I hope it works itself out so that you can have a great vacation.

 

[HillPete]

I agree with the PP. Don't change anything. Call your cousins (or whoever, I got a little lost in there) and say "We're free Thursday for lunch, why don't you meet us at DTD and we'll get a bite and catch up." That way, you're agreeing to see them, but it's on your terms and doesn't interfere with your schedule. If that time/date doesn't work, offer to have them over for pizza when you get home. It's your vacation, you are the ones who should enjoy it!

Have a great trip!
--H

 

[alayne]

I know how you feel. We had family come with us in April (my family and not DH) so my DH had to make a lot of adjustments.

Therefore, I booked a WDW / DCL vacation for Thanksgiving and we are not telling anyone until it's to late for anyone else to book.

It will be our first family vacation with our DS7 and no one else.

I'm so excited!

 

[secretpantssam]

I wouldn't change your plans. Maybe let them know your tight schedule and offer one day or even just one meal (if you have one free) to meet up and do something. Your DW may want to spend some time with her family ( at least understand that and don't make her feel bad). But as long as you offer some time, they might be happy.

 

[dopeyluvsgrumpy]

I agree if reservations are already made I wouldn't change them, but maybe you could do something extra with the entended family. Tread carefully with DW with regards to her family....I know for me I would be a little upset if my DH didn't want my family around, but did his. We had a similar situation a few years back. We took my mom but then DH sister and her family wanted to come as well. In the end it worked out where we did our own thing but met up with the sister and her family for a couple hours one day of our holiday. Good luck and have a wonderful vacation regardless of what happens!

 

[huge mickey fan]

I would tell them about the few break times and say this is when we would have time to see you. Otherwise the schedule is set and we can't miss or rearrange due to the money already spent. The extra items are not changable. I will say that both sides of the family will probably get over it.

 

[TDC Nala]

All you can do is tell her you don't want to. But it sounds like she wants to, if for no other reason than she feels like she has to. You might have to bargain with her so that she feels like she can spend some time with her family. I'm not sure you will get away with insisting that she not see her parents or cousins at all.

Don't change anything. If they want to meet up, fine. If your wife wants to go meet up with them, maybe she can go, and you can stay in the park with the kids or do something with your parents.

 

[mattsdragon]

Let them all know that under no circumstances will you be changing the reservations you already have. Tell them that you would like to spend some time with them, but if they want to spend time with you guys, it has to work around your plans. It's your vacation.

Don't feel obligated to spend every waking minute with your extended family. You'll miss magic with your little ones.

And join the DisDads.

 

[Feckless]

When you say that your wife wants to ask her parents to "join you", what exactly do you mean? I'm assuming from your post that they will be staying off site with her cousins. Won't they be spending their time with the niece and nephew who invited them down in the first place? I am also assuming that those reservations have been made well in advance and for the number of people that you were expecting at the time.

Unfortunately (or fortunately!) it is up to your wife to deal with her parents. But you and she have to be on the same page first. I think that you need to see if there are any specific dining reservations, etc. that can be changed to accommodate extra people. If there are, then use ONLY THOSE to include your inlaws. Then you will be seen as making the effort to include them somewhat in your holiday, without the whole thing being completely submerged. Your wife will need to say something like, "How great that (cousins) offered you the room! It will be great for you to spend some time with them! Of course, we had everything booked and planned before you decided to be there, but we were able to add you to [occasion]. Also, we could meet you for lunch at [xxxx]." That way, you can have your family holiday, not offend the ILs and set out defined boundaries.

Good luck!

 

[rock_doctor]

we are a Disney family and it is not uncommon to come across a family member when on property. And because this does happen often they never assume they can tag along or for that matter even ask...

While i understand that you think it is rude not to ask them along, i think it is extremely rude for them to push themselves on you and your family. Imho, the wife needs to tell them that the trip is already planned, all plans are firm and the idea is for the kids to spend time with your parents. Her cousins invited them, then her cousins should entertain them. If you mother-in-law is pushy then your wife need to lay down the rules now. If they can't deal with it, then too bad for them. With them staying off property that means you will constantly have to make plans on how to get them on property. Too much work in my book just to be nice. I would not do it.

 

[Jeafl]

I feel your pain. We travel with my extended family every year, in fact we just got back from a week in the Smoky Mountains a few days ago with 14 people in tow. I'm still reeling from the effects.

You need to be firm. Tell them that all plans are made, and that ADR's can't be changed (they probably can't at this poiint). If you want to meet them during your free time, tell them where you will be and what time. I have learned over the years that we (meaning my immediate family) are the ones that ALWAYS do the compromising in order to save the peace. I refuse to do it anymore. I am planning a trip in December with just my husband and kids because my kids have begged me to have us do something without the rest of the family. Believe it or not, it sometimes puts a strain on the kids too. I can't believe how much we are all looking forward to doing what WE want to do for a change, and not having to worry about anyone else.

Good luck--you're going to need it!

 

[t_catt11]

Let them know where you will be (park and whatnot). If they want to join, great. Try to swing a table once or twice if you like... but leave your ADRs as is,and leave your plans. Don't go out of your way to become a tourmob, you won't enjoy the experience.

 

[mamaprincess]

This is exactly why we are keeping our next WDW vacation a secret. We make plans then other family members invite themselves along and we have to make all the compromises. Not happening again. No one knows that we are going in December. We are all looking forward to this trip because we will get to focus on each other and do exactly what we want. My husband was so fed up last trip that he didn't even want to go this year. It will be a long time before we tell any of our family members that we are going. We've decided from now on to just keep it to ourselves unless we plan on inviting others.
We are going to enjoy our trips just with our immediate family for a while.

 

[kaybird]

Guess we are a "more the merrier" group. I wouldn't change my plans, but offer to include them in a couple of scheduled activities if it works out. Perhaps they could get ADR's for Boma around the same time, then go out as a group and us the nightvision binoculars. Or make a time to all meet for Dole Whips... Lots of fun possiblilities without ditching them all together. Jmho

 

[Jeafl]

This is exactly why we are keeping our next WDW vacation a secret. We make plans then other family members invite themselves along and we have to make all the compromises. Not happening again. No one knows that we are going in December. We are all looking forward to this trip because we will get to focus on each other and do exactly what we want. My husband was so fed up last trip that he didn't even want to go this year. It will be a long time before we tell any of our family members that we are going. We've decided from now on to just keep it to ourselves unless we plan on inviting others.
We are going to enjoy our trips just with our immediate family for a while.

Same with us! Everytime I mention a trip we're taking to a family member, the next thing I know we have people coming with us. I've kept our December trip "on the down low" so far, and plan to as long as possible.

 

[juliebug1997]

I say keep your plans and let them make their own. Tell them some of your ADRs so that, if they want to, they can maybe meet up with you guys but that's about it.

I kind of feel the same way. We went on a Disney cruise this past March and immediately signed up for another next June. I told my husband he could invite his parents if he wanted. I really don't think that they'll come since my FIL doesn't like making plans more than a month or so out, but I'm nervous nonetheless.