Family Crisis! What to do??? Please help!

[mickey2minnie1]

Hi! I have benn a poster for awhile and have been planning this trip for soooo long. My family as well as my parents were supposed to leave for this trip of a lifetime next Friday the 26th. On Wednesday my father went into emergency open heart surgery. It was a complete shock to all of us. Needless to say, they will now not be going. (We do have insurance for actual package, not airfare or parties and shows)

He is doing great as of now and will come home this weekend. We are so blessed that they found this now and not during our vacation. He is our super stron superman. My children dearly love him.

My parents still want us to go because we have been planning for so long and the kids have been so excited counting the days. They do not know when they will be able to go and want us to go and have a great time knowing that my father is OK. My principal gave me the leave to go on this 10 day venture (kids first trip) and my husband finally was able to get the leave from work. It is heartbreaking for all of us at the thought of going without them, yet I know it is so difficult to get everyone together again and do not want my mom to feel pressure for rebooking.

I just do not know what to do. I am so torn. My parents tell me to go and ideally the kids and I could go back with them one day if I can get a smaller amount of leave, but money is always an issue, as many of you know.

The best laid plans... I just feel so torn in every direction because I am on overload since I was the planner for everything. A part says I should take my family if all is well with my dad and the other part says reschedule.

Sorry to ramble. I just really needed to let go.

 

[LadyShea]

I would go, personally, especially since your Dad is doing well and your Mom doesn't seem to need help. They want you to go, the kids want you to go, you have the time off etc.

No, it won't be the trip you imagined, but can still be fun and you can show your dad the video and pics of his grandkids having a great time. I am sure that would make him happy

 

[RachaelRol]

Absolutely go. Your dad is better and they want you to go. You could email them pics daily or send them something from the parks while you're there.

 

[Hannathy]

I would go! Think about how bad it will make your Dad feel if his grandchildren are disappointed and can't go. If he is like most Grandparents that would hurt his heart more than the surgery. Go and maybe the thought of going with his grandchildren in the future will give him an added incentive in his rehab- and if you can't go for awhile, maybe it will become a kids and grandparents trip! Even more special.

 

[Mkrop]

Defintely go if they are encouraging you as well. I like the idea of emailing pictures if you can, and have the kids mail postcards back to Grandpa or make him a care package with some ears and stuff.

 

[kristic0776]

I would suggest going also. It sounds like your dad is pulling through this and i would think that he would feel guilty if you cancelled because he wasn't able to go. Do what the others suggested, show video and pix, send a package of souveniors, call from the parks, and just have a good time. You have been planning this for a long time and saving for a trip like this isn't easy, plus getting the time off at the same time is a big deal. Go, and have loads of fun. I'll see ya there! we leave on the 23rd (red eye) and will be there unitl the 30th!

i'm glad that he is doing well. hugs to your family.

 

[snubie]

I would suggest to go also. You never know if the opportunity will arise for you to go in the future. Your father probably wants you to go to.

 

[brymolmom]

I'm sorry this happened but you HAVE to go! Your children are counting on it and you need to focus on your family first and your parents second (well, unless they really NEEDED you to stay).

My mom had bypass surgery in January and if he's anything like hers was - it will be a LONG recovery. It might be quite a while before he is 'up' for a big trip. BUt that doesn't mean that your kids and you aren't 'up' for one.

GO - have fun - and call home every night to check on him and make you feel more comfortable.

 

[2goofykids]

I would say to go. Your parents have told you to go and if you don't your father may feel bad (and I'm sure he doesn't need that right now). Also everything else is in place and who knows when that might happen again. You never know what life will bring down the road. Your kids have been looking forward to your trip and if they are worried about Grandpa they may become more worried if you decide to stay at home.
I hope everything works out for you and your Dad gets to feeling better really soon!

 

[GoinToDisney]

I completely agree with the other posters. Your kids are counting on this trip. Your dad would feel horrible if they had to miss out. Money is always an issue, but Disney doesn't have to cost a fortune. Just check in when you can and have fun. That is the best thing you can do in this situation.

 

[mickey2minnie1]

Thank you all for your replies. You have no idea how much your encouragement means to me. I am going to talk with my mom tomorrow to make sure that they really want us to go. The wonderful thing is that as much as my children want to go, they are accepting of the fact that we may be postponing and not a selfish complaint. I am shocked!

I want to tell them how important it is for the kids to share this with them and see if they can look forward to next fall maybe going for 4 days (I think we can manage in every direction with that and they were not to keen on going away so long) and having the trip being all about them at that time.

I will let you know what happens this weekend.

As of this afternoon, he is fever free and up a bit and is expected to come home this weekend. It was so good to see him last night!

 

[tadamom]

I'm glad your dad is doing so well!

I'm also with the others in saying go. If your parents are okay with you going, then go. I know it will be hard without them there but let the kids fix them a special souvenir package. Good luck!

 

[pantherlj]

Glad to hear he is doing better. I would say go. I bet they would feel very sad if the kids were disappointed because of them. Sounds like your kids are handling it well though!

 

[MouseMemories]

I am so glad your father is doing well and beginning his recovery. I do have to agree with the others......you should go. If you don't, it might add an additional burden onto both of parents with having the guilt of thinking they delayed this amazing trip for you and your family. Also, if you don't go, he may try to rush his recovery to reschedule the trip. So, go, have fun and check it all out. Going without them this time gives you a great excuse to plan another trip!!

Hope you guys have fun! Tell Mickey we are going to be on the way on November 3rd!

 

[EnchantedPrincess]

I am so sorry about your dad, but glad to hear that he is doing better. While it wasn't the trip that you had been planning all along, I still think that you should go.

 

[dana1003]

i would go and take notes while your there this way when you come home you can start planning the next one w/them and you'll have a better idea of what to expect.

 

[newholidayx2]

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. DH, DS & I had a WDW vacation scheduled. DH was diagnosed w/kidney cancer and had to have his left kidney removed. He still wanted DS & I to go to FL so he could rest at home. He was actually being discharged from the hospital the day we flew to FL. It was nerve wracking, we kept in touch and all was well.

Your Dad could be looking forward to the rest. Glad all went okay.

 

[Renysmom]

First I am happy to hear your father will be okay.

Last year, 10 days before our trip my father-in-law passed away, he was a young 93 years old . It was unexpected and hard on all of us. I talked to my DH and told him the trip was his decision to go or not to go, we would all understand if we didn't go.

DH thought about it and realized that his dad would have wanted us to go, there was nothing we could do, so we went and while there we went to MGM and had a special toast to his dad. You see he had been an artist for MGM for years, all during the heyday of Hollywood. He had met all the stars and been on the lots of many of the famous MGM movies. It was fitting and we know his dad knew we were there because as we made the toast, the clouds that had been there all day opened up and there was sunshine everywhere for a brief time.

Go on the trip knowing that your parents can join you on the next trip, feel no guilt and enjoy yourself. Your dad's doctors gave you a precious gift of time with your dad, don't make him feel guilty that he spoiled the grandkids big trip. Just take lots of pictures and call him each night.

 

[mickey2minnie1]

Hi everyone and thank you for all of your good wishws. They have helped soooo much!

I thought I would know after speaking with my mom yesterday, but she actually kinds threw me. I told her that the trip was important to all of us and we wanted to go with them. DH and I were thinking maybe Feb, but were't sure if my dad could travel by air that soon. We figured the kids could wait that long.

She returned by asking about spring. Maybe beginning of May. I told her it would start to get warm and it could be a possiblility but I did not want her to feel pressured by having a trip hanging either. So I offered to reschedue a smaller trip for next fall (easier for DH to get off) or before Christmas to see all of the lights.

I see on her face that she is torn. I realize how much she really wants to go. A year to me would be a year to get my dad strong but it is a long time to wait for her.

My kids DS 10, DS 7, and DD5 have be unbelievably patient. I feel so guilty from every way. Having everything hang in the air for the past 5 days. I know that they still of course want to go. They have seen their Nonno and know is is OK. They love him dearly.

To cut the trip short would not benefit us really in the money department because we would have to pay to either reschedule flights or loose money for the Halloween party.

Fellow DISers, this has been so stressful and heartwrenching.

A part of DH and I would like to go ahead and take the kids because everything is in place and we fear that if something with someone else came up and we really could not go how would we tell the kids twice? On the other hand I saw my mom's face and I know she wishes that they were still going. Even a day after the surgery, my dad asked if they were still going to Disney on Friday, God bless him.

Any further thoughts, my DIS friends? Dates of trip are 10/26-11/4.

 

[Ava31]

Ok, I'm going to go against the grain and say "wait." I can understand how painful this decision has been for you, I would have ulcers trying to decide. But, my family's first Disney trip was last December and we went with my parents.

It's obvious how much you want to take the trip with your parents and, although they're being valiant and telling you to go, it seems that you can tell that your mom is regretful. My brother suddenly passed away 2 years ago, and it made us realize how important family is and how tenuous life can be. My parents aren't in stellar health (Dad's diabetic and overweight, Mom's got arthritis and multiple other aches and pains) but I know they wouldn't have missed the thrill in my little girls' eyes for anything. Likewise, my girls are very close to their grandparents and often seem to prefer spending time with them to us (the fact that Grandma lets them have 2 popsicles before dinner doesn't hurt ). The kids would wake up in the morning and knock on the door between our rooms and when Grandma and Grandpa let them in, they'd snuggle up in bed with them for a few minutes. Even if they hadn't gone to the parks with us, those moments would have been priceless.

You shouldn't feel guilty about giving your children that extra time with their grandparents. I understand that you don't want to disappoint them, but someday they'll see that it was those precious moments that made their lives richer. I hate to say it, but grandparents are not people that we grow old with. If we're going to learn anything from them, or experience their love, this is the time to do it.