Facebook dilemma

[MushyMushy]

Boy that is a dilemma! For me, I think I would give her a pass on inappropriate language and keep an eye out for other things going on.

I did tell a friend once that her daughter had some inappropriate pictures on MySpace and she appreciated me telling her. She didn't tell her daughter who the info came from, though.

 

[pyrxtc]

maybe my SIL would be visiting one day and I would accidental leave my Facebook page open or encourage her to join and friend her. I once tattled on my babysitter to her mom because of her Myspace page and she was 15 at the time. She was posting when she was home alone, where she went to school, when the house was empty, all kinds of things like that. It was easy to tell where she lived and when the perfect time to come over was.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Profanity? Ehhhh... it's just words.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'd have your DH suggest VERY strongly to his sister that she or her DH should join FB in order to monitor their children's posts. I wouldn't tell them outright, but I think I'd make it a point to let them know that you do it.

I read DS the riot act the other night because an ordinary Google search told me that he had become a "fan" of a FB group who very name was libelous (and the family of the kid being targeted is not averse to filing lawsuits, not to mention that ganging up on someone online is just WRONG.) The catch is, DH had found it first, over a week before, and made him remove the posting, but it was merrily living on via Google.

After seeing that, DS actually realized that we really WERE right, and that just pulling down the post doesn't always let you fix your mistake. He decided that he doesn't want to be on FB right now, and he closed the account on his own initiative. Now I'm sure that he'll probably get tired of being out of the loop in a few weeks and open a new one, but at least he's taking a break for awhile, and at least ONE warning finally did sink in.

FWIW, what DH told him regarding language on FB is this: We know that you and your friends talk like that when you think adults can't hear you, and we know it's common. The key is, it is one thing to SPEAK those words, but it's something else again to write them down. As long as you don't speak them in our hearing, or write them anywhere, we won't get on your case about it.

 

[SaraJayne]

I don't friend nieces/nephews/acquaintances that young. I've had that situation come up a few times, but it makes me uncomfortable. Either that I won't like what I see on their page or I don't want to worry about another friend writing something on mine that may not be kid-appropriate or whatever.
So I keep my 'friend' list to adults only.

I wouldn't tell her parents about that stuff, if it's just language. I would only step in if there were safety concerns.

I have friended my son and younger nieces and nephews...however, my own personal rule is, no one under 18 has access to my wall. If you are under 18, you are blocked from seeing my wall.

 

[MerMom60_94]

I am in the camp that says, unless there is dangerous behavior, I wouldn't tell the parents. I would be monitoring her page and wanting to keep the lines open in case there were ever anything more dangerous going on.

A few of the kids in the neighborhood where I live (who used to hang out with my daughter) have friended me. I never friend the kids but will accept if I get a friend request from them. I have definite opinions of who is a good kid and who is trouble from some of the things I see posted. Then again, I can't say I have changed my opinions on any of them - it just confirms what I already knew about these kids.

 

[ZachnElli]

We came across this with our 14 year old neice this fall. We told dh's sister, well, he told his other sister who told his sister. BUT, and this is a big but, she is, well, trouble. At 14 she's drinking, doing drugs, skipping school, had std's and been bragging about trying to get pregnant!! She was removed as a "friend" from most of her cousins (they are same age, to just a tad younger) and mine. She sent me another friend request, but I really don't want to see what she writes or what her favorite sexual position is!

 

[MerMom60_94]

We came across this with our 14 year old neice this fall. We told dh's sister, well, he told his other sister who told his sister. BUT, and this is a big but, she is, well, trouble. At 14 she's drinking, doing drugs, skipping school, had std's and been bragging about trying to get pregnant!! She was removed as a "friend" from most of her cousins (they are same age, to just a tad younger) and mine. She sent me another friend request, but I really don't want to see what she writes or what her favorite sexual position is!

Wow, how sad. Now THAT is when I would step in and talk to the parent. A little foul language I would roll my eyes at, this child sounds troubled though. I hope, for her sake, she turns it around.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Like some said, if it's just inappropriate language (no matter how bad it is), I wouldn't say anything to her or her parents. If you think she's engaging in dangerous behavior (drugs, drinking, etc), I'd let your husband say something to her parents.

 

[PixieTopaz]

Also, keep in mind, facebook recently changed their privacy settings to give users more control. For example, I could write a profanity-filled status update and allow everyone but family to be able to see it. This means that the parents monitoring their kids accounts from their own separate account would never know it was even on the wall.

.

OMG-I didnt know this. No wonder my college kids Facebook page seems boring

 

[minechuchie]

I had the same problem today with my niece....who is 20.
She was using some profanity to express her "sadness" because she recently broke up with her boyfriend.

I posted a message that went something like this

really?.....you have more class than this(language).

She immediately posted a message that said you are right I am taking it down.

Good luck!

 

[Silent1CB]

I would definitely talk to her about it and if she doesn't watch what she's putting on there or even if she unfriends you I would let her parents know.

My daughter and alot of my Catechism students are my fb friends and they know that I will comment on anything that is disrespectful.

This is how I am with my niece & nephews on FB. I jokingly ask them if they are trying to look like a loser gangsta on purpose? Guess its working.

It reminds them every once in a while that there are adults around even if its not their parents.

I do not snitch on them to their parents. They have not done anything that bad yet. Something illegal or dangerous behavior, sure. But not swearing. I don't want to lose their trust.

 

[alexensmom]

If you are close to your SIL I would let her know about the language, but not if the language was once in a while. My DD's friend put up a couple inappropriate posts and I just let her mom know she may want to check out her DD's posts. I am really close to her so I didnt feel out of place. I know I would want my brother to tell me if my DD consistently put things on FB I wouldnt approve of.

 

[EllaM]

I would say something though probably through my DH. A SIL is still an outsider unless you have a pre-existing friendship outside the marriage. Given what happened with that girl in MA, I find it highly irresponsible for parents not to monitor their child's web accounts. The risk is once this girl realizes she's being watched by adults she will take it all further underground.

I loathe Facebook because it creates these types of situations. Kids (and some adults) get on it because they want a website without doing any of the work. Back in my day when being on the internet was a right of passage we learned HTML, PHP, MySQL, Perl, all the ins and outs of Apache and created a web presence around a favorite hobby or passion. (Usually something we could later translate into an income.) If people were not able to grasp those concepts or lacked the time they were limited to web surfing, email and IMs. Content tended to be a lot more interesting and valuable because the barrier to create it was so high. Now we're drowning in inane chatter.