facebook DH accepted his mom's request on my account

[Magic Mom]

Then her husband should rectify the problem.......

In no way should the OP feel obligated to have her MIL as her friend on facebook, forever....

If the DH wants to be on facebook with his mother... He should open his own account, explain the error to his mother, and 'friend' here himself.

I guess I'm just not as quick to hurt people.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If the MIL would be so 'hurt', then that is her issue...

IMHO, parents and and inlaws who expect to be 'friends' with their kids are crossing boundaries....

If MIL wants to set up a broad facebook family account and invite family and inlaws to visit and participate.. GREAT!!!!! Her choice. But, to any parent-inlaw who feels entitled, issues a request, and would be so hurt as to not be allowed full 'friend' access to their child's/inlaw's personal account.... IMHO, that crosses some very strong boundaries. Every time. No question about it.

 

[Ceila]

I guess I'm just not as quick to hurt people.

Most people aren't, but I think you knew that already.

 

[nancytoby]

Just change your password, don't tell him and unfriend his mother. That's what you get for giving him your password and letting him use it.

Took the words right off my keyboard.

Why oh why does anyone let someone else use an account when they can get their own for FREE?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Or, alternatively, change the username on your current facebook to read, Yourname & DH'sname. Use that as your couple's face to the world and friend family there. Post only the most public of news there.

Then open a different facebook account to be yours alone. Use an email address for this account that is yours alone. Gradually shift your friends that are not friends-of-the-family over there. And don't leave yourself logged in to that account, or your DH might wreak havoc there too!

Love it. There are many older folks I know on FB that are "couples". I think this is an excellent solution.

I would choose the path of least resistance. Now I would probably tell DH that I was doing this because he friended his mother without your permission thus making this account "his".

Just make sure your DH does NOT have your new FB account password!

 

[ilovepete]

I would be irritated as well. I am not friends with any family on FB and I like it that way. Luckily, it has not been an issue yet.

As for your situation, I'd just block MIL from what you don't want her to see in your settings.

 

[Magic Mom]

As for your situation, I'd just block MIL from what you don't want her to see in your settings.

That or the previous posters suggestion of transfering that account to your DH and then making a new account just for yourself.

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

I have co-workers whose friend requests I accepted to prevent any hurt feelings. However, I maintain different "friend" lists. My privacy settings are set up so that my co-worker list is always "excluded" from status updates, etc., so it looks like I don't post at all when they look at my page.... but those I still want to see my photos (close friends, relatives), etc., can still see them. I can still post something directly on my co-worker's walls (happy birthday, etc.) if I want to share something with them directly.

How do you set it up so that they can't see status updates/etc?

 

[jeepgirl30]

I went in and blocked her from seeing my wall posts and posts by others. She can still see the pics which is what i'm guessing is why she wanted on there.

 

[BroganMc]

So if you got a friend request from you MIL you would have turned it down? Wouldn't she have been pissed off you if you did that?

Facebook gives you the option to "not now" accept a friend request, which let's you indefinitely ignore a request without actually denying it .

Honestly I don't get the whole Facebook world. I have an account but rarelyuse it. My SILs do and so do their kids. There's a contest to see who can collect the most friends. But most of my friends do not maintain accounts. We email, skype or text message each other. If we want to broadcast pics and video to the world we have other methods.

I get a lot of friend requests from my relatives friends, especially the niece and nephews. I ignore them. It's just not appropriate for me to be friending my 11 yr ok'd nephews best friend. I think half the friend requests are done automatically as Facebook trolls your account looking for connections. One of many reasons I hate Facebook.

OP, change your password. Tell DH to get his own account. That's what the service is for. It's your digital face. I hate it when I get couple messages and don't know which half writing.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

FB causing family strife - time to get rid of FB.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

FB causing family strife - time to get rid of FB.

Why? Why not just fix the problem?

 

[shortbun]

Facebook is boundaryless and this is just another example of the problems it causes. So, you now have to p.o. your husband or his mother. I have several friends who have closed their accounts because of mistakes they have made, problems that have occured with 'friends' and my brother even had a stalker who came to him via his girlfriend's Facebook page and somehow got on his. I'm talking about a guy who actually came to his door and threatened him-all through Facebook. No Facebook here. This board is chalk full of people complaining about breaches and problems, on line affairs of their mates and children being bullied on Facebook. I don't recall the USMail, cell phones, even emails having these kinds of problems.

 

[jeepgirl30]

Why? Why not just fix the problem?

I agree! I don't really think I said this was a major family battle or anything. I'm just a little ticked off he didn't ask me before he accepted.

I changed the settings and am blocking her from my wall posts. Situation fixed.

I like facebook. I don't post daily or have some personal goal to have more friends than anyone i know. I have reconnected with a few people I lost touch with for whatever reason. I had one sorority sister that left school after having a really bad semester and did not return. we lost touched but over the years I really missed her, I tried looking her up but her last name is common and I did not know she moved to another state (country for a time!). She found me through facebook.

I don't blame facebook! I'm not calling divorce lawyers either. I am actually not even changing my password! I don't care he logs on and reads posts. I just didn't like him adding my MIL!

 

[PaulaSB12]

Facebook is boundaryless and this is just another example of the problems it causes. So, you now have to p.o. your husband or his mother. I have several friends who have closed their accounts because of mistakes they have made, problems that have occured with 'friends' and my brother even had a stalker who came to him via his girlfriend's Facebook page and somehow got on his. I'm talking about a guy who actually came to his door and threatened him-all through Facebook. No Facebook here. This board is chalk full of people complaining about breaches and problems, on line affairs of their mates and children being bullied on Facebook. I don't recall the USMail, cell phones, even emails having these kinds of problems.

Stalking has been going on a lot longer than facebook, as has infidelity and bullying. My sister was stalked way before facebook even existed lots of unpleasant stuff through the post he even came down and left stuff on our doorstep.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Since no one else brought this up I will:

What if the situation were reversed and it was the DH who wasn't letting his wife use his FB account? I shudder to think of all the accusations of infidelity and "lawyer up" posts we'd be seeing here.

I agree (once again) with Bama. If an internet resource is causing family strife, it's time to get rid of the resource. Hopefully the FB fad will go the way of the blogging fad and we'll see an end to all the crap that comes along with FB.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Like other pps said, I'd change the name on the account over to your DH's then recreate a new one with your nickname for yourself, let your old friends know about the change... Minus one maybe

I get how it got this way but I'd be annoyed so I'd have to change things. Stepping in to assume my identity in any way shape or form would be crossing a line for me, maybe no harm was meant by it but it would still seriously bother me. If it's ok for him to step in and friend people for you it should be ok for you to create an account for him.

 

[nancytoby]

It's not about Facebook, it's about personal boundaries. I wouldn't read DH's email or his regular mail, and I'd be pretty darned upset if I discovered that he read mine, for any reason. Being married doesn't mean surrendering all identity and privacy, at least not in my household.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I'd have to change things. Stepping in to assume my identity in any way shape or form would be crossing a line for me.

It's not about Facebook, it's about personal boundaries. I wouldn't read DH's email or his regular mail, and I'd be pretty darned upset if I discovered that he read mine, for any reason. Being married doesn't mean surrendering all identity and privacy, at least not in my household.

THIS!!!!!
If my DH did what the OP's did... Things would be changing...
Him having access to her FB account is one thing...
But, for me, any and every adult, even married people, have a right to individual personal communication. Man, or woman.... No double standard.... It's not about that... It is all about basic human respect, personal space, etc....

She has apparently suggested getting him and account, which could be either hers, or theirs jointly...
But her account is HER account.

IMHO, the minute her DH started posting things, accepting friend requests, etc, on her personal account... He gave up any right to expect any access to her account.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

It's not about Facebook, it's about personal boundaries. I wouldn't read DH's email or his regular mail, and I'd be pretty darned upset if I discovered that he read mine, for any reason. Being married doesn't mean surrendering all identity and privacy, at least not in my household.

Agreed.