Extremely small wedding, should I feel bad? Updated

[zdesiree]

Hi Everybody!!

My "husband" and I were planning of getting married since we've been living together for 7 years now and we have three kids already. The thing is that we will be going to WDW on Nov. 29 and I thought of an intimate Disney wedding. He liked the idea, but when we went to talk to his family , his aunt has never been on a plane and never will be, his brother says is too much money, his grandmother, if the rest of them are not going, she does not want to go. The only person that said yes immediately from his family was his mother.

The thing is, I don't think is fair for me. This is my first wedding, for him is the second and it will make my dreams come true . We have the option of getting married anyway in Disney, but it will only go his mother, my mother, my grandmother and our 3 kids, (my sister can't go because she is saving for in vitro )and I don't know if I should feel bad for him and drop the wedding idea at Disney, since it will be only the 8 of us.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Hi Everybody!!

My "husband" and I were planning of getting married since we've been living together for 7 years now and we have three kids already. The thing is that we will be going to WDW on Nov. 29 and I thought of an intimate Disney wedding. He liked the idea, but when we went to talk to his family , his aunt has never been on a plane and never will be, his brother says is too much money, his grandmother, if the rest of them are not going, she does not want to go. The only person that said yes immediately from his family was his mother.

The thing is, I don't think is fair for me. This is my first wedding, for him is the second and it will make my dreams come true . We have the option of getting married anyway in Disney, but it will only go his mother, my mother, my grandmother and our 3 kids, (my sister can't go because she is saving for in vitro )and I don't know if I should feel bad for him and drop the wedding idea at Disney, since it will be only the 8 of us.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

You have to decide how important getting married in Disney is to you. Every woman should have the wedding of her dreams, but some consideration should be taken with others. If just his mother comes would that be a problem? How would the rest of his family react not being there? Could you have a celebration afterwards upon returning home and show video of your special day? So many ways to work it out and everyone can be happy.

Pray about it, believe me, it works for me! Keep us posted okay?

Blessings,

Denise

 

[robinb]

It sounds like a wedding at WDW with family is not going to work for you. Is it possible that you can have a small wedding at home and then have a reaffirmation of your vows at WDW? Or maybe just a honeymoon for you and your kids . As someone who has been married for 11 years (with only one child ) I would say that the wedding itself is pretty meaningless. It's what you do with the marriage is what counts.

Good luck!

 

[zdesiree]

I told him about the idea of getting married at WDW and afterwards the small wedding at home. But he told me that he knows that if we get married at Disney first we won't do the small wedding after that . So just a few minutes ago, I told him the other way around, small wedding at home first and then Disney. He liked the idea more . But in that case I have to see how can I deal with a budget for two weddings . I know both are small, but we have to pay for them both, since my mom can't help me.

Wish me luck!!

 

[ead79]

If you can budget for it, I think the idea of having a small wedding at home, then a vow renewal at Disney sounds like a good idea. Though you would have to save for two events, some of the items could be used for both, such as your dress, clothes for your children, cake topper, etc.

 

[robinb]

I am not a Disney Wedding expert, but I think you can get married (or have a vow renewal) at one of the resorts without having to book things through Disney itself. I think you can hire an outside official (pastor/etc) to meet you somewhere and then plan your own celebration. I'm sure the experts will correct me if I'm wrong!

Of course, if you want (and can afford) to have a Disney Wedding Planner help you that would be cool too .

 

[ead79]

Robin is correct, although you have to be VERY careful about this. You could only do a ceremony like this in your resort room since Disney is very strict about all weddings being handled through Fairy Tale Weddings. If you tried to have your ceremony anywhere in public, then you could be asked to stop. If you don’t need the resort room or park tickets, you could look into an Intimate Add-on through Fairy Tale Weddings (it includes all the package elements except the resort and tickets—which you can get on your own much less expensively). That would be an option to save some money and still go through FTW. Also, the Swan does weddings, so you could look into their pricing (I know they are typically less than FTW).

 

[ohanafamily]

Hi all,

zdesiree, I had a similar problem. My family is tied to a business, and they "Don't Get It". We wound up getting married in Dallas and doing a Disney cruise because I wanted me family there. Almost half of our gust list was my family and relatives. She had her sisters (both of her parents have passed) with their families. Almost all of our friends flew in (some from as far away as Hong Kong) If it had not been important to me for my parents to be there, it WOULD HAVE BEEN AT WDW!.

I have been to lots of Destination Weddings, and you really find out who your friends are . My suggestion? If Disney means a lot to you and your kids and you want to be married there, Go For It!. The two people who matter will be there, and the kids will always have a positive memmory. I would not pander to the family and pay for 2 weddings. I would suggest a Reception back home when you get back. I would considder using the extra money (if there is any) to fly your Aunt there for the ceremony, or your sister. Your Aunt praobably is afraid to fly, but could use a trip to WDW. Your sister, well, I know how bad it can be for them, and they could probably use the break even more.

BTW, FTW gets you discounted room rates, and airfare is kind of cheap right now...

I hope this helps,

 

[ely3857]

Hello,

I agree with ohanafamily, DO NOT pay for 2 weddings just because your family are making you feel bad (intentionally or otherwise)

DO what you want and if a Disney wedding is what you want then thats what you should have.

Perhaps when his family see you are going to go through with it wether they are there or not they may change thier minds about going.



Jodie

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

Obviously, you intend for this to be the only time you get married, you don't want to regret not having the wedding of your dreams. If Disney is the wedding you want, then that is the wedding you should have. On the other hand, if having those family members there will make it so that you don't regret the day, then go with that. It is just important that you have the wedding YOU want, not the wedding that your (or his) family wants. After all, your the ones that will be thinking back to it the most and it will mean the most to you in the long run. Hope this helps!

 

[sweetpeajoey]

Do you really want to sacrifice your dream wedding for his family who are all as far as I can see are thinking about themselves??

His Aunt..... I have an Aunt like that, she won't go on a plane.... but if she really wanted to see you get married wouldn't she be looking into other modes of transport.... or braving a plane??

His brother..... too much money?? He can get a cheap flight and stay off site for $25 a night if he really wanted too.

His grandmother.... I thought you said his mother was going, why can't she go with her??????????

Basically, I am planning my own wedding at the moment and that is just an hour and ten minutes up the road from where I live and some people say that's too far. I don't care... I found my dream location and I'm going for it.

Don't feel bad about going far away to get married... besides anything it will be less stress than organising your familly to get to the wedding near you. Believe me... I know!!

My fiance is reading this mail I am posting over my shoulder... he agrees with me.... he said to tell you: if you want a bigger wedding we'll come!!!!!!

 

[scrump]

How does your fiance feel about most of his family members not being there? Maybe he feels that as long as his mother is there, he doesn't place a ton of importance on the others not being there, or perhaps he feels that he MUST have as many people on his side as possible come to the wedding? For me, this would be the tie breaker. After all, it's his day, too. I wouldn't really enjoy the day knowing that he wanted his aunt, brother and grandmother there, and they weren't able to attend. On the other hand, if he's indifferent to the whole matter, why not go for the Disney wedding?

Disney afterwards sounds great, too. Just make peace with what you decide on so there aren't any regrets. If you truly truly want a Disney WEDDING, then please address that wish!!

Sounds like you've made your relationship work for 7 years and 3 kids!!! I think you definitely deserve your dream celebration!!!

 

[iluvpiglet]

We had the same problem when we decided on a destination wedding. Everyone told us that was too far away and they couldn't afford to come. We are getting married at Cypress Grove Park which is 15 miles north of WDW and are honeymooning at WDW. We said fine. We would love for you all to make but if you can't we'll show you the video. Now, we have close to 40 people coming. They changed their minds real quick when they realized that we weren't changing our's.

Good Luck! I wish you all the best and I'm sure whatever decision you make will be the right one! Just decide and stick with it. Everyone will come around!

 

[zdesiree]

You guys are great!! Now I don't feel so bad. My DH2B has mix feelings about the situation because he would like to see his family there (nobody went to his first marriage because they didn't like the girl), but at the same time he knows his family are making the situation difficult.

I told him the different suggestions you guys gave me and he asked me if we could do the small wedding at home before the trip, so now I'm looking if our pocket can hold it (I'm the financial planner at home).

Hey! Maybe I can do the wedding and you guys can be my guests!!

 

[ohanafamily]

zdesiree, if it is between Oct 22nd and Oct 30th of 05, RRBB and I will come (if invited), we might have to find a sitter for TagBabyIan (he will be an 11 1/2 MO), but we would be honored...

 

[zdesiree]

You guys won't believe it, but I'm having my small wedding (30 guests) at home on May 21, 2005 . So I'm planning everything like crazy. We are doing the Disney wedding between nov 30 - Dec 7, but I haven't decide the date yet.

Thanks to my mom that she got an extra money and told me to use it for the wedding.

 

[robinb]

You guys won't believe it, but I'm having my small wedding (30 guests) at home on May 21, 2005 . So I'm planning everything like crazy. We are doing the Disney wedding between nov 30 - Dec 7, but I haven't decide the date yet.

Thanks to my mom that she got an extra money and told me to use it for the wedding.

Congratulations! I think you picked the best of both worlds .

 

[ohanafamily]

Yippeee!!!!! sounds really wonderful. PD and have a wonderful wedding and life together!!!!!

 

[ead79]

Great news! It sounds like this will really work well for everyone involved. Enjoy planning both events!