Experienced Parental Units..HELP me

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

DS4 is suddenly becoming um..difficult?

Problem number one: He's always been tenderhearted, he's one of those easily 'hurt' children. (Drives me CRAZY, but I digress). He cries REALLY easily. I know it's not really helpful to tell him to knock it off (and probably not mentally a good thing LOL) but it's now to the point where stuff like "Get up before it hurts!" has stopped working. He gets in the car after preschool and says 'so and so knocked me in the head and I cried" ...every day. Accidents or not..Any suggestions? I'm afraid if I can't figure out ways to get him to cope he'll be made fun of. Maybe that'd get him to quit. *sigh*

Problem number two: I'm sure this is an age thing, but he's suddenly having a hard time with back talking. I'm sure this is because I stated, ever so proudly, that he stopped backtalking after doing it once when I popped his mouth in the spanking thread . I realize that this is a BIG deal suddenly and there's no way I can do that over and over. (Meaning, I'd be popping him every 3 minutes..that's how often this happens..) I haven't done it with this sudden onset of backtalking at all, hoping I could find ways to redirect him and teach him with words that backtalking is wrong. So far, nothing I says sinks in. He's not really 'snotty' when he does it, it's more like:

Me: "Gavin, please go downstairs and play"
Gavin: "But I wanna play upstaaaaaiiirrrrs" (oh ya, he's started whining too, but that one is easily fixed with 'i don't understand whiny voice')
Me: "Gavin, I SAID to go downstairs, please do it now"
Gavin: "BUT BUT BUT"

ETC.

I'm going CRAZY. I don't want to raise my voice every time it happens because..again I'd be yelling all day I've tried getting on his level, but it's stopped working.

SO, anyone have any amazing phrases or ideas that work? coughwithoutthinkingimastupidyoungmomcough

 

[LaraK]

Whenever one of my kids over reacts to a bump or bruise I always offer to cut the injured portion of the body off. The stop complaining for some reason

My four year old is into finding his own power too...I try to figure out what I can let him control and give him choices. Sometimes it works, sometimes is doesn't.

He's also a drama llama...he NEVER gets to hug me...he NEVER gets to pick the story...he NEVER gets a drink...that I ignore completely.

Mostly I would suggest alcohol...large quantities...for YOU.

 

[Master Mason]

With any kid you have to find out what motivates them, what is important, and then be willing to take that thing away from them. Every kid is different.

With my older son it was sending him to his room, he couldn't stand that, with my younger one, sending him to his room just meant he could play in there or take a nap, didn't faze him a bit.

 

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

Whenever one of my kids over reacts to a bump or bruise I always offer to cut the injured portion of the body off. The stop complaining for some reason

My four year old is into finding his own power too...I try to figure out what I can let him control and give him choices. Sometimes it works, sometimes is doesn't.

He's also a drama llama...he NEVER gets to hug me...he NEVER gets to pick the story...he NEVER gets a drink...that I ignore completely.

Mostly I would suggest alcohol...large quantities...for YOU.

AHAHAH My husband HAS threatened to cut 'it' (whatever it is) off ROFL. We're just so FED UP! I tried "wanna go to the hospital?" and he answered "YES!" *Sigh*

and ROFL alcohol eh? "THIS IS MAMA'S MEDICINE. LEAVE ME ALONE"

 

[kellyg403]

My ds14 was very much like this when he was little. The good news is he stopped for awhile from 11-14. This year he backtalks like crazy. So he has teenage experience before he was a teen.

With the crying, what worked for me was just changing the subject and not giving any attention to the crying or the story of crying. Mean I am sure for some but my ds would cry over spilled milk literally. He is the sweetest and kindest kid you could know, but sensitive..boy is he sensitive. And he plays football. Never could figure that out. It finally petered out because I think
1. he got older and 2. it was no longer an attention getter. Mom always tried to console him, or make it better or whatever. One day I didn't because I really couldn't take it anymore when he was 10.

As for the talking back. My way of dealing with it in all the kids was the minute they started talking back, I would find them, put them in their room and make them sit on their beds with one finger over their mouth in the quiet sign they use at school. (Even mom's learn something from kindegarten!). That got old real quick and they were good for at least 5 days. I was willing to just have break! That way I could store up some strength to start again.

Kelly

 

[MickeyCrazedMom]

I have absolutely no advice for you because I too have a 4 year old!! DH and I just said the other day that we think 4 is the worst age. Not 2 or 3, but 4. Just got one through it, and another in the middle of it. And it's not just my kids, we had 3 4 years old playing at our house today and the whining and sassing going on was crazy! Good luck!

 

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

LOL I love that a football player has this issue. That does make me feel better for some weird reason.

and HAHA ya this is suddenly a hard age! 3 was worse than 2 and now 4 is worse than 3!

 

[BrerMom]

Look at it this way:
If you don't kill him first, he'll make a really good husband some day.

 

[minkydog]

He sounds like a pretty normal 4yo to me. whiny, bossy, oppositional, crybaby--yep, normal

First of all, ignore the bits about "So-and-so hit me and I cried." So? Just say sorry and move on. He'll probably try to escalate too--continue to ignore it. Eventually he'll move on to something equally maddening that will work better (in his eyes.)

Second, back talk is what 4yr olds do best. They can make a saint cuss! They have just enough words & motor ability to seem to make sense and they can throw some terrific tantrums. Don't buy into it. When you tell him to do something and he doesn't do it, tell him again. Remind him that if you must tell him a third time that he will lose whatever privilege he cherishes most (Barney videos, dessert, play date.) Whatever privilege you choose, make sure it is something you can make good on within 12-24 hours. No sense in taking away his trip to Disney that isn't even going to happen for 5 months.

Good luck. I thought 4 was worse than 2 and about equal to 14.

 

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

Look at it this way:
If you don't kill him first, he'll make a really good husband some day.

DH is a very good husband for this same reason. I wonder if he was a crying mess at 4. I'll have to ask my MIL

He sounds like a pretty normal 4yo to me. whiny, bossy, oppositional, crybaby--yep, normal

First of all, ignore the bits about "So-and-so hit me and I cried." So? Just say sorry and move on. He'll probably try to escalate too--continue to ignore it. Eventually he'll move on to something equally maddening that will work better (in his eyes.)

Second, back talk is what 4yr olds do best. They can make a saint cuss! They have just enough words & motor ability to seem to make sense and they can throw some terrific tantrums. Don't buy into it. When you tell him to do something and he doesn't do it, tell him again. Remind him that if you must tell him a third time that he will lose whatever privilege he cherishes most (Barney videos, dessert, play date.) Whatever privilege you choose, make sure it is something you can make good on within 12-24 hours. No sense in taking away his trip to Disney that isn't even going to happen for 5 months.

Good luck. I thought 4 was worse than 2 and about equal to 14.

Yeah I do the whole "I'm sorry, so tell me about art time" thing. It hasn't worked yet but maybe if I keep trying. (He'll just keep talking about it. Eventually I turn up my radio. ROFL)

Ok so the back talk thing is totally normal right now? I was afraid somehow my good(ish) parenting flew out the window or something. and LOL I NEVER give a punishment I can't keep. I learned that one the hard way when I threw away a toy he CHERISHED. It really hurt me more than it hurt him. LOL

So um..after 4 do they get sweet again for a while? PLEASE?

 

[Tinijocaro]

I'm not a big fan of the whole "totally ignore when they have a complaint of pain or something" Sometimes, they just need it to be acknowleged.
Child: "Mommy, I fell in school and really hurt my knee"

Mommy: "Show me honey, ooh, I bet that hurts" Now Mommy doesn't have to go overboard with syrupy sweetnes, but at least acknowledge it.

I have 4 kids and my 2nd child, a dd, gives me play by plays for all her many aches and pains. That's just the type of kid she is. I tried the ignoring and totally downplaying thing and it just made her more upset, so by letting her have a voice, it helps a bit.

My boys, I hardly hear a peep from when they get hurt, but they still like to know that I care, even a little bit when they DO tell me about something.

Oh- and the backtalking thing? Now you know why so many in the animal kingdom eat their young!

 

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

I'm not a big fan of the whole "totally ignore when they have a complaint of pain or something" Sometimes, they just need it to be acknowleged.
Child: "Mommy, I fell in school and really hurt my knee"

Mommy: "Show me honey, ooh, I bet that hurts" Now Mommy doesn't have to go overboard with syrupy sweetnes, but at least acknowledge it.

I have 4 kids and my 2nd child, a dd, gives me play by plays for all her many aches and pains. That's just the type of kid she is. I tried the ignoring and totally downplaying thing and it just made her more upset, so by letting her have a voice, it helps a bit.

My boys, I hardly hear a peep from when they get hurt, but they still like to know that I care, even a little bit when they DO tell me about something.

Oh- and the backtalking thing? Now you know why so many in the animal kingdom eat their young!

Ok so maybe I'll have to try a bunch of these things..one for a week or something and see what works best. I was so frustrated this week that I finally started saying (in a deadpan tone) "stop crying, you're ok". Which actually works..I wish he'd learn how to not START crying. I guess that's really out of my control.

and Seriously. Those animals are smart!

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

Don't ask me. I can't control mine either.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I always liked the series Your ____ Year Old (fill in the blank.) IIR, the year my kids were 4, I read Your Four Year Old two or three times for reassurance. They sell the series in major bookstores, and you can often find them in used bookstores in the parenting section. Good luck.

 

[just4today]

I'm not sure yet about problem 1, but I can definitely say for the backtalking/whining problem - find a way to positively reinforce when he behaves appropriately. Reward him generously in the short term when he responds to your requests without the backtalk or whining. Gradually extend the time between rewards, working up to a bigger reward.

 

[disneygals]

I always liked the series Your ____ Year Old (fill in the blank.) IIR, the year my kids were 4, I read Your Four Year Old two or three times for reassurance. They sell the series in major bookstores, and you can often find them in used bookstores in the parenting section. Good luck.

Yes, I LOVE those books. They seem to matter of factly list all the ridiculous things your kid will do. It's also good to read those and say well at least my kid isn't doing THAT!

As stated, 4 year olds are a handful.

I agree with Tinijocaro, just acknowledge the feelings, he may be stressed at school, but not know exactly how to tell you.

My mother had to be taught to just listen, empathize, and not give advice. (used to drive me crazy!) I think she finally got it in her sixties.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm no help. Ds5 tends to cry for over a minutes when he gets a boo-boo. He's not over the top, but I'm used to ds10, who, never past the age of 3, would cry in front of people. He's gotten pretty seriously hurt, and walks it off - never would he break down in front of his friends. My gf's ds7 cries like a baby over everything - I was always embarrassed for him. So now I find myself being the bad parent, telling him to act like a big boy and not a baby girl. I just can't stand whiney sissy boys! Even my DH, when sick, doesn't complain - I know, he's one of the few!

 

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

I"ll check out that book, THANK YOU!

I think this week I'll try to be really consistant on awknowledgement and moving on. I can't help that he cried at school (I just wish I could LOL) Is it wrong to secretly hope someone says "Um, you cry too much" at school? LOL My DD2 doesn't even cry HALF as much as he does. She cries when she's SERIOUSLY hurt and quits within a minute. I know she's hurt when she cries. Yet DS will say OWWWWWWW when I touch his back to herd him ahead of me (that one happens when he's grumpy tho) baaahhH!

and LOL My husband is sensitive to my feelings and such, but he will NOT even ADMIT when he's sick. I hear that's unusual from my friends whose husbands whine about it. hahaha