Excuses to tell friend do not want to go Disney with them?

[wvjules]

How about you tell her a truth. “No, I really need to travel alone. I need the me time”

This! This! and This!

 

[2Lunds]

OP you should shift your perspective on this. You're making this all about her, and her feelings/reaction. You should be focused on what makes you happy instead.

YES - she'll probably be mad/hurt because she can't wrap her mind around why you want to go to WDW alone. AND? If all you do is worry your whole life about other people's reactions, I promise you'll have an unsatisfying life.

I'm not saying you should do anything to hurt people on purpose, but a certain amount of friction is life is unavoidable, and you are simply not responsible for everyone else's thoughts and feelings.

It almost seems like you want us to say "You're awful, you must take her no matter the cost!" and none of us are.

The best lesson any of us can learn in life is YOU DO YOU. Life was waaay too short for anything else.

Go on your trip. Post your photos. If there is fallout with her later, simply tell her, "I'm sorry you're hurt, doing this trip alone was important to me, and I hope we can move past this."

 

[Lilsia]

Generally speaking people with autism aren't the manipulating type at least not in any way that people normally would think. I see absolutely no reason to go down that road with the situation the OP has given us and am not sure why you would

My autistic aunt is quite similar to the OP's friend. Ironically she actually has another autistic friend that is even worse than her constantly inserting herself into planning although generally not vacation it's usually shopping or going on a walk or something. There isn't any bullying going on in the traditional sense. Their brains tend to work differently than that.

HA. As you said, "generally", but that is not always the case. I have know autistic people that are aware that what they say and do has an affect on others. The point was that the OP feels manipulated whether or not it was intended. She should not allow herself to be emotionally manipulated regardless of who the other person is. No one is obligated to anyone. And I think that you need to stop posting on my comments since you seem to ALWAYS find something wrong with them.

 

[Miffy]

OP, I feel for you, but I also agree with all the posters who recommend honesty. There's no substitute for it.

Would she really follow you to WDW if she found out the dates? Would she book her own room or would she just show up at your resort--although I'm not sure how she'd know what this was--and demand to stay with you? If so, this is a real problem, verging on stalking, and if this is the sort of person she is, then you might be better off ending this friendship, no matter how much it would hurt your friend. Because right now, you're being hurt--or you're hurting yourself by remaining friends with someone you have to be so so careful around.

You want to go to WDW by yourself or, at the very least, not with her. You're going to have to suck up the courage and tell her this. It's your vacation, your time, your money. Not hers.

Maybe this sounds mean. It isn't meant to be.

The only other thing I can think--is there another place you'd like to go on vacation, maybe even a long weekend, and that would be fun to do with this friend? So you could offer her a substitute to WDW?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

HA. As you said, "generally", but that is not always the case. I have know autistic people that are aware that what they say and do has an affect on others. The point was that the OP feels manipulated whether or not it was intended. She should not allow herself to be emotionally manipulated regardless of who the other person is. No one is obligated to anyone. And I think that you need to stop posting on my comments since you seem to ALWAYS find something wrong with them.

Yes I said generally as a way of normal discussion because to say it in absolutes would not be correct. But there is a pattern enough to understand that the brain of someone autistic does not function the same someone who is not neurodivergent. IDK I guess it seems like you tend to jump to the conclusion people are the worst sometimes they are for sure just not as a baseline. As far as quoting your posts, I'm pretty sure it's been more than 3 or 4 months maybe even more since I've quoted you so either you're more upset about my responses to you than I have ever realized or you're thinking of another poster.

In your above comment no one would think that anyone should allow themselves to be emotionally manipulated. I'm sure you do know autistic people who are like that. But that doesn't take away that they tend to think differently than us nor that every autistic person is secretly manipulating people, emotionally and being a bully (all attributes you mentioned in your comments). It is much more likely and more common that someone who is autistic isn't picking up the social clues nor have the understanding of why someone wouldn't want to do activities with them. Even the OP doesn't feel her friend is what you describe.

 

[gmi3804]

This friendship sounds like way too much work. All relationships take work, but this is not the kind you should have to do. A real friend doesn't put someone in that situation. If she can't handle your sensitively explained wishes....

I guarantee you that in ten years you won't miss this person.

 

[Redheadprincess]

You do Disney different that is all. I have a brother and his family that we cannot go with because they only ride rides. No shows, restaurants, characters, nothing but rides. So having an honest conversation about how neither is you would enjoy your trip because of your personalities.

 

[persnickity]

Maybe it's because I'm autistic, but there are a lot of assumptions being made in this thread that feel a little gross. Autistic people can vary a lot, just like non-autistic people! I didn't see the OP imply that their friend was being manipulative, but it seems like some people have that impression, so I could have missed it. I find it more likely that she suggested something that, to her, seemed logical. She has a single friend that she shares many interests with, they are both interested in visiting Disney World, and she thought, "Hey, we could go together!"

OP hasn't mentioned ever dissuading her from this thought and seems worried that she will be upset. She may or may not, none of us really know, because we don't have the full picture. It seems weird to me to accuse her of anything malicious or say she can't possibly be a worthwhile friend based on the information we have.

Anyway, OP, just be kind but direct. You intend to have a strict plan and packed schedule on your trip and will be militant about sticking to it, and you are not sure that it would be enjoyable for her.

 

[Lilsia]

Maybe it's because I'm autistic, but there are a lot of assumptions being made in this thread that feel a little gross. Autistic people can vary a lot, just like non-autistic people! I didn't see the OP imply that their friend was being manipulative, but it seems like some people have that impression, so I could have missed it. I find it more likely that she suggested something that, to her, seemed logical. She has a single friend that she shares many interests with, they are both interested in visiting Disney World, and she thought, "Hey, we could go together!"

OP hasn't mentioned ever dissuading her from this thought and seems worried that she will be upset. She may or may not, none of us really know, because we don't have the full picture. It seems weird to me to accuse her of anything malicious or say she can't possibly be a worthwhile friend based on the information we have.

Anyway, OP, just be kind but direct. You intend to have a strict plan and packed schedule on your trip and will be militant about sticking to it, and you are not sure that it would be enjoyable for her.

Well the statement that stood out to me was when the OP said that, "She’s not the type of person to accept me saying I’d rather go solo or with someone else and if I did say I’d rather go on my own she’d probably still book herself onto the same flight/hotel and weeks I’m going unless I lied and said I’m going with someone else." If someone can not "accept" that others have their own lives, that is a problem. It doesn't matter what issues a person has, as another poster commented, that goes into stalker mode. If someone flat out tells you something and you can not "accept" it, that most definitely is not right.

 

[gmi3804]

If someone flat out tells you something and you can not "accept" it, that most definitely is not right.

...and it's certainly not OP's problem.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

What excuses do I give a friend for not wanting to go to Disney/ Florida with them? She’s not the type of person to accept me saying I’d rather go solo or with someone else and if I did say I’d rather go on my own she’d probably still book herself onto the same flight/hotel and weeks I’m going unless I lied and said I’m going with someone else.

I know I sound like an awful friend for not wanting to go with her but I think we would fall out and it would reck our friendship. She is consistently late, too chilled and slow paced to be fast paced and going from place to place in a theme park quickly and lacks organisation skills it would be like looking after a child for a week/2 weeks I would have to do all the work. I know your probs reading this and thinking why are we friends but I dunno strange things happen and we are like a double act as we are polar opposites. She has autism like some people in life do so the things I have mentioned above I know my friend can’t help and anything else in life as her friend I’m ok with but 2 weeks away in each others pockets maybe too much and stresses me just the thought of going to Disney with said friend. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, other people in my life have suggested telling them I’m going with someone else but then what about when I show photos at the end of the trip and just me in the photos? I feel I may have to lie to protect her feelings though? I’m from the uk so would be a big commitment to go on a 2 week vacation with a friend you not keen on going with anyway.

I wouldn’t be denying her a vacation incase anyone thinks I’m being cruel as she goes away a lot with a friend also.

Sorry for the long post does anyone have any suggestions or been in a similar situation that can help?

Can you tell us how it came about that you two ( or just the friend) were planning a vacation? I assume ( maybe incorrectly) that she asked you and started talking like it's definitely happening) and assumed you would go?

 

[mikeishere]

Can you tell us how it came about that you two ( or just the friend) were planning a vacation? I assume ( maybe incorrectly) that she asked you and started talking like it's definitely happening) and assumed you would go?

Knew my love of Disney parks and stated we should go together I sort of laughed it off and have avoided mentioning it since

 

[sheilafri]

Honesty is the only policy here.

You can have it both ways; tell her you like to go full speed, rope-drop to fireworks, and on your perfect vacation (a phrase I use with my family on every trip) nothing motivates like abandonment. You'll go on your own if anyone else is not ready when you are. You also don't like sharing costs for rooms etc because it can get messy and you just don't want to deal with it. She can join you, but she should keep in mind (and make this really clear), you will probably only see her at meals.

If she still insists on going, then go, but don't make any plans for her - she is on her own for that too.

BTW - paragraph 1 is my perfect WDW trip so you really should not feel bad about presenting this to her in this manner. YOU will not be happy if you compromise, so don't.

Make it a more general thing rather than a rejection of her. “I go full tilt and I don’t want to compromise on my plans. I don’t want anyone or anything to slow me down. “

 

[HopperFan]

The fastest way to to lose a friendship is to travel with them. We have traveled with friends and family and we have learned to choose very wisely. This sounds like a recipe for disaster with lots more hurt feelings than being firm about her not going. To preserve your friendship you will need to be firm about your plans.

YOUR VACATION is not her vacation no matter how close. You owe her nothing, you do not owe including her on your vacation and she shouldn't expect that. If you think she would legit book herself on same trip to crash your vacation .... you need to put a stop to the possibility.

You have the complicated situation of work mates and time off is usually not private. Again YOUR VACATION, your precious time off. I would put in for my vacation and tell no one. If someone asks say you have not decided on where you are going but emphasize you are looking forward to "me" time and traveling all alone to relax. If word spreads as fast as you say then she will hear from others you are traveling and are excited about traveling alone. If she then brings it up to you, continue to reinforce you are taking a ME vacation all by yourself. If she pushes you, be firm, tell her you do not wish to travel with others and you will not be making any plans with others. If you have to hurt her feelings slightly - so be it, this is about YOUR vacation, not her need to insert herself. If she says she doesn't like to travel alone and tries to change your mind - tell her to ask around the office and find another friend to travel with. YOUR vacation is going to be alone. You need this private time and you enjoy traveling alone.

When you are within close range of your trip and folks ask where you are going, just say you decided on Florida, and again you are so looking forward to your ME trip. Be firm, keep it simple, this is about YOUR VACATION and you are traveling alone. Your description sounds like every reason in the world you can give her why she won't enjoy traveling with you will be brushed aside and she'll still want to go. Don't bother with why not, just stick to you want to travel ALONE. Black and white.

You are friends, you want to stay friends and that means not vacationing together.

 

[mikeishere]

The fastest way to to lose a friendship is to travel with them. We have traveled with friends and family and we have learned to choose very wisely. This sounds like a recipe for disaster with lots more hurt feelings than being firm about her not going. To preserve your friendship you will need to be firm about your plans.

YOUR VACATION is not her vacation no matter how close. You owe her nothing, you do not owe including her on your vacation and she shouldn't expect that. If you think we would legit book herself on same trip to crash your vacation .... you need to put a stop to the possibility.

You have the complicated situation of work mates and time off is usually not private. Again YOUR VACATION, your precious time off. I would put in for my vacation and tell no one. If someone asks say you have not decided on where you are going but emphasize you are looking forward to "me" time and traveling all alone to relax. If word spreads as fast as you say then she will hear from others you are traveling and are excited about traveling alone. If she then brings it up to you, continue to reinforce you are taking a ME vacation all by yourself. If she pushes you, be firm, tell her you do not wish to travel with others and you will not be making any plans with others. If you have to hurt her feelings slightly - so be it, this is about YOUR vacation, not her need to insert herself. If she says she doesn't like to travel alone and tries to change your mind - tell her to ask around the office and find another friend to travel with. YOUR vacation is going to be alone. You need this private time and you enjoy traveling alone.

When you are within close range of your trip and folks ask where you are going, just say you decided on Florida, and again you are so looking forward to your ME trip. Be firm, keep it simple, this is about YOUR VACATION and you are traveling alone. Your description sounds like every reason in the world you can give her why she won't enjoy traveling with you will be brushed aside and she'll still want to go. Don't bother with why not, just stick to you want to travel ALONE. Black and white.

You are friends, you want to stay friends and that means not vacationing together.

Thanks, what your saying sounds good

 

[HopperFan]

Thanks, what your saying sounds good

Keep it simple and truthful. You want to travel ALONE. Do not make it about her at all, you don't want to travel with anybody. That is the truth. Give minimal info, just stick to your plan for a solo vacation. Simple and truthful means no spinning or stories or discussion. Nothing to discuss.

And have a great trip!!!

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

Knew my love of Disney parks and stated we should go together I sort of laughed it off and have avoided mentioning it since

I understand this!
I have vacationed at WDW many, many times. Almost always my sister has been a companion whether it was an extended family stay or my daughter along or just her and me. We are good travel partners.
My 2 best friends I would probably NEVER want to go to Disney with:
Re: one of them simply would never understand my love and joy over small and simple things!
one would never get past the cost...of anything, and would literally tear every single purchase apart and not leave it alone all day long!
one can not order a meal anywhere( and I do mean anywhere) and not have some negative comment or complaint). after 40 years I know it's coming and I still cringe just going out to lunch!
one doesn't have kids and honestly there are things she just has never understood when it comes to kids and raising kids! so why go to a festival of children?

 

[JerrodDragon89]

I dont have to make excuses

I used to go by myself for years and will join others for a short time but everyone knows how I Disney and its not for everyone. Trying to hit every ride and not wait over 40 mins for most rides is just not for everyone and lucky for me my friends understand that

 

[LiDa]

What excuses do I give a friend for not wanting to go to Disney/ Florida with them? She’s not the type of person to accept me saying I’d rather go solo or with someone else and if I did say I’d rather go on my own she’d probably still book herself onto the same flight/hotel and weeks I’m going unless I lied and said I’m going with someone else.

I know I sound like an awful friend for not wanting to go with her but I think we would fall out and it would reck our friendship. She is consistently late, too chilled and slow paced to be fast paced and going from place to place in a theme park quickly and lacks organisation skills it would be like looking after a child for a week/2 weeks I would have to do all the work. I know your probs reading this and thinking why are we friends but I dunno strange things happen and we are like a double act as we are polar opposites. She has autism like some people in life do so the things I have mentioned above I know my friend can’t help and anything else in life as her friend I’m ok with but 2 weeks away in each others pockets maybe too much and stresses me just the thought of going to Disney with said friend. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, other people in my life have suggested telling them I’m going with someone else but then what about when I show photos at the end of the trip and just me in the photos? I feel I may have to lie to protect her feelings though? I’m from the uk so would be a big commitment to go on a 2 week vacation with a friend you not keen on going with anyway.

I wouldn’t be denying her a vacation incase anyone thinks I’m being cruel as she goes away a lot with a friend also.

Sorry for the long post does anyone have any suggestions or been in a similar situation that can help?

Long post deserves a long reply! lol

It sounds like you have the perfect thing to tell her: You are my friend & I love spending time with you, but we have such different styles that it would be frustrating for both of us. I like to do Disney at 100 mph & you are much more laid back. We would make each other unhappy & I wouldn't have that for the world. I'm very set in my ways. Perhaps we can plan a trip somewhere else where we will be more in synch.

Three times in my life I had people invite themselves along & it was always a bit of a disaster.

• Once, when a child, my sister & I couldn't say no because an acquaintance invited herself & my mother felt trapped. Everyone was confused about why this other child was there!
• The 2nd time, my friend invited herself & made herself a nuisance to my other friend, who ended up locking the bedroom door at night because he was afraid she'd let herself in. (She would never have done that, but she was relentless!)
• The 3rd time, I just lied to my friend & told her my appointment ran late & spent the day without her. We both had a great day. Just not together.

I would never allow myself to get to that point again. In fact, I agreed to go to France with a travel buddy, thinking we would hit Paris & run around for a few days, like we usually do. Then she told me she had recently learned she had French ancestors & wanted to make it a "legacy" trip -- I was supposed to follow her around the countryside while she explored places of significance to her long-dead ancestors. I just said that's not what I had in mind, but if she wanted to do Paris, I was all in. If she ever went to France, I never heard. But we didn't go on a trip with vastly different expectations and goals.

 

[LoveToDisney]

I have had someone in my life such as you describe. They live in an alternate reality and agree with any conditions to join you but they simply can’t live up to what they say through no fault of their own. If you decide to say you aren’t taking anyone because you are meeting up with friends, the photos issue can be easily solved. Many times when I’m by myself at the parks and begin visiting with others I’ll ask if I can take their picture. They always say yes. Add a few of those pics in the assortment when showing your trip to your friend and when you come to one of those pics, they are some of the people you met up with….problem with pics solved and no feelings hurt.