Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[hmerritt]

I'm so sick. It's like something you would only read about. I have been scrimping and saving and scrounging for 18 months to take my kids to Disney, we were scheduled to leave July 15. A friend gave us tickets and we started to save change, birthday money, christmas money, pennies, and spare dollars in a special box we dubbed "the disney box", beautifully covered and decorated. I have gone through a horrific divorce for the past 27 months. We have not been to Disney that entire time and so we've very excitedly and patiently planned and scheduled and plotted our trip. I have dining plans set in place and even a few special surprises. We made 3d crafts, posterboard schedule creations covered in glitter and then celebrated when we hit our 30 day countdown.

After 27 months, my divorce was finally final June 3. Hours later my ex husband remarried in a huge wedding with everyone but his children. Fast forward to yesterday when him and his new wife picked up our children for visitation and to my horror, drove straight to disney for a 10day whirlwind vacation. My kids didnt even know how to tell me when I spoke to them last night where they were. My sweet baby girl cried and texted me "im sorry".

I just dont even know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Is my trip too tainted even to continue? Will my children be so exhuasted from this trip that they will not be able to enjoy our trip. Will it be a "been there done that" trip OR after 12 visits in their life, can momma offer them something totally different than dad and how do I pull it together in the next two weeks? Hardcore Disney fans, please step up.


Very sad in Ga,
Heather

 

[jazz0007]

What a spiteful man. I'm sorry. My opinion is that you still go and have a wonderful time! It can't possibly be the same trip to them and from the sounds of it your daughter would rather it be with YOU! Maybe ask them now what they did (restaurants etc) and try to plan a little differently as much as you can. I KNOW my kids would not mind going again even so close! How old are they???

ETA: What kind of a father has a big wedding without his kids present!! Definately take them......they will have more fun with you.

 

[MsPeggySue911]

But that's just me. If the kids were going right now for 10 days with the dad then I wouldn't bother taking them again right after they get back from one trip. Especially if they have already been 12 times. If you had to scrimp and save and roll pennies and take the kids birthday money to save up for it, it sounds like it would be more of a hardship than an enjoyable trip and maybe the money could go to better use for something else.

He sounds like an A$$ but there's nothing you can do about that. Obviously you know that because you are divorced, but look at the bright side, your kids got to go to Disney for 10 days. It doesn't matter which parent takes them. And now you have one child crying and feeling sorry for you because the dad took them. The kids shouldn't feel bad that dad took them to Disney. It's not their fault he trumped you. They should not worry about it and have a good time.

 

[tweedlemom]

Wow! I'm so sorry.

The good news is that Disney is HUGE, and even though your kids just went to Disney, there are a ton of things still left to do. Print out some park maps and have them circle their favorite attractions so you know to do those again. Have them point out things they wish they had done, but didn't have time for. Where did they eat? Eat at other places this time. DId they do rope drops? Late extra magic hours? If they woke up early last time, make it a point to stay until clsoing at MK one night. Did they catch all the fireworks displays? All the parades? Did they visit waterparks? Downtown Disney? The Boardwalk? DId they get character autographs? Focus on making this trip different from the one they just had, and they will have a blast. Besides, just being with you is sure to make the trip special in its own way. Work together with them to tailor-make this trip unique and special. Do not compare the two, just use their prior knowledge to make it different! Everyone leaves WDW wishing they had more time to do this or that, and now your kids have that chance! Enjoy and best of luck on a fabulous trip!

 

[huge mickey fan]

Is there any way to postpone your trip. Say in October-December. You could take advantage of some of the holiday events. That would make it a totally different experience. Otherwise I say go, enjoy your kids. You earned the chance to take them.

 

[laalaa]

Awww Heather, I am so sad for you.

What a mean thing for your ex to do. I presume he has done it to out-do you?

However, I think that your own trip will still be special. You have planned it all together, put so much time, effort & money to do it. That in itself means so much and I am sure your children will realize this.

Sending you wishes (all the way from Scotland!) that you & your children have a magical holiday xxx

 

[palmtreelover08]

Wow- he is a skank! You need to go- it is something you and the kids worked hard for and will mean alot to them- give us the kids ages- people here will be able to give u great special ideas- like watching the fireworks from the poly beach..

 

[sleeperclan]

I agree that you should go!!! You and your children have been sharing in the excitement of saving, planning, etc for awhile. Don't try too hard to make it better...enjoy being together, slow down, and just take in the magic.

 

[satorifound]

Could you maybe just change the date by a couple months? That way they won't be back to back....

It sucks that your ex did that.

 

[WTP]

First off, so sorry about your divorce. My parents split up when I was 10 and my father also remarried very quickly, so I know what kind of pain your family is going through.

I think you should try to go if you enjoyed it. I know as a child, I wouldn't have minded at all! Really your ex only robbed the kids of some anticipation, but there is no reason you cannot take them as planned. Although, if you feel like you would not have a good time, perhaps just a postponement is in order. But I think you need to be the judge of that.

Hugs!

I think the best thing you can do as a mom is to be happy for your kids when their father does something "nice" for them is to try to be happy for them, with them, etc as much as you can. Listen to their stories and try not to focus on your disappointment when speaking with them. (DO find another adult or two or three to help you with this...you need an outlet!) If you feel up to going, don't try to compete. Do what you and the kids want to do and don't worry about whether dad just did it...if they want to do it, if you want to do it, go for it.

 

[hmerritt]

My daughter will be turning 10 right before we leave and my son is 12. We have so carefully planned every detail that Im just in shock. Since someone gave us tickets, that's the most expensive part of the trip. The next part was the accomodations which we saved and saved for. This trip meant more to us that just being at Disney. It was a celebration of a new chapter as a new little family. A 2.5 year divorce is no picnic for anyone.

We carefully planned our weekly schedule, picked our favorite restaurants and made dining reservations.

 

[DaniB]

Oh wow, what a piece of work he is!! I'm so sorry. What a horrible mean thing to do!

EDITED - I just read your post above about already having the Disney tickets. In that case, consider switching the trip to a different time of year. Maybe in September for MNSSHP if you can take the kids out of school? Or perhaps spend Christmas there this year?

 

[wdwnut61]

I'm so sorry

 

[hmerritt]

I thought about postponing but I am now within that 31 day window and I rented points from a DVC member signing a contract. grrrrr..... I worked extra hours every week leading up to now so I could take the week off without losing any pay since I do not have a job with benefits or vacation time.

 

[mom2travel]

I am so sorry. What a jerk! I feel so bad. Your poor kids must feel so conflicted.

I say don't let him being a jerk ruin you trip. You and the kids have been planning your special trip so take it! Maybe use his trip in a positive way - let the kids tell you what they liked and didn't and use that knowledge to tweak your trip to be even better.

The kids will be looking to you to set the tone. So even though it will likely be hard for you, be the better person and be positive. Ask them what on the trip w dad they liked and didn't, whether they'd change anything on your to-do list, etc

Have a wonderful trip with your kids!

 

[Shir Kahn]

That's just horrible. I would ask the kids if they wanted to go again right away or postpone it for later in the year if that's possible. Here's hoping karma finds your ex-spouse.

 

[sissy_ib]

My Sydney will be turning 10 right before we leave and my son Alex is 12. We have so carefully planned every detail that Im just in shock. Since someone gave us tickets, that's the most expensive part of the trip. The next part was the accomodations which we saved and saved for. This trip meant more to us that just being at Disney. It was a celebration of a new chapter as a new little family. A 2.5 year divorce is no picnic for anyone.

We carefully planned our weekly schedule, picked our favorite restaurants and made dining reservations.

That is a lot of work for your kids to have it taken away from them. You will also have some sort of cancellation fee since you are so close to arival. You should go. It will be so different for you kids since they will be with you and they helped plan the trip. It will be a much more meaningful trip for them.

 

[squirrel]

So Sorry!

Sounds like your kids are a bit older. I would ask them if they want to go as planned or wait a few months (if that's an option for you).

Even if you go as planned, I'm sure they will have a great time. You all worked together to make this trip happen.

Sounds like your daughter already has some idea of what kind of man your ex is.

 

[troynkasey]

I can't imagine what you're going though and not sure if I can give advice as far as what you can do or should do. Obviously, they will have a completely different time compared to when they went with him. That you can bank on. I have two girls and they're daddy's girls, but there's something about when they go with their mom that trumps what they do with me.

With that being said, they may enjoy it more if they go in a few months to take a break from it after a long trip. The alternative is to go somewhere else. I know that's not the same as Disney, but it would still be special....

Either way, it'll be special because it's with you. Hang in there and I'll pray for you.

 

[sydneysmom]

Heather, I'm SO sorry this happened to you. We went through something very similar....in 2009 we planned our Disney trip and we were SO afraid that my DH's ex was going to do what your ex did. We actually had to postpone it until 2010. (for different reasons) but she's a spiteful thing, and we decided not to tell our DD that we were going to take her to Disney. let me tell you, keeping that secret was NOT easy ! But, we also never got to do the countdown or get her excited because we knew if we did, her mom would take her to Disney first just to spite us. She's just that kind of person. Somehow, we actually pulled it off and she had the time of her life.

That being said, we decided that if her mom DID do that to us, we'd still go. the experiences that your kids had w/ your ex aren't going to be the same ones that they'll have with you. Plus, you and your kids have been looking forward to the trip. To be honest, I'll bet they'll have a BETTER time going with you because it was YOUR little family's surprise.

Sit down w/ the kids and ask them point blank, what do they want to do? My bet is they want to go there with you more than anything. Much love to you, I know how crappy the ex's can be. and how spiteful they can be. Don't let him take THIS away from you.
Go, have fun, make beautiful memories !!!!
Jill