ex husband vent

[hugabearjo]

I just needed a place to vent tonight. I have custody of my dear three boys. I wouldn't change that for the world and I am not complaining about the money I spend on them mind you. BUT!!!!! ex is supposed to pay child support, he pays a little every month and is $10,000.00 in arrears. so I don't know why I thought I would get any different response.

I wrote to him after going to the orthodontist. I have put off going because of money and now I know it is beyond time to help them. Their bite and appearance are suffering without treatment. THey are aware of the severity of their teeth and need treatment. I approached ex with the 14,750 bill for the 3 kids and he chewed me out for asking him to contribute his 50 % as ordered by the courts.

He had a good job that he quit because he was going to get fired because????? they never would tell me. But, since then he has choosen to work min. wage and change jobs a lot at that. His new wife took the kids off her insurance for spite after I took the kids to Disneyland. She said I showed her that I was capable of taking care of them myself because I took them on vacation. She was helping him fofill his court ordered obligation but, she decided no......

After he left I went back to school and worked my tail off to finish a degree so I could support my kids. He through that in my face. He refuses to get a job in his old field where he could make decent money and pay his support and some of the extras too.

I am just so frustrated that he places all the stress of finances for the kids on me.

Have any other single parents out there been "punished" for going on vacation. Anyone have success in making a deadbeat follow the court order? Support enforcement has been no help at all......

Thanks for reading.

 

[Tuffcookie]

What state are you in? If the child support money goes thru a state child support agency I would contact your case worker. How far behind does he have to get before they will take legal action? Mine pays his support thru an agency. He's current on that but as far as medical bills, which we're suppose to split, I'm covering 100% myself. My youngest is in braces right now. My insurance paid 50% of the cost. The ex's insurance doesn't cover orthodontia. We are suppose to split any difference the insurance doesn't cover...him paying 60%, me 40%. In July he quit making payment altogether. I finished paying the ortho off myself. Please talk to your case worker about the situation. The kids shouldn't be suffering because of his actions!

Hugs,

TC

 

[floridaminnie]

Currently go back to court b/c DD's father also isn't paying his portion. He pays what he wants when he wants and how much he wants. He is currently over 8,000 in arrears and he doesn't see the problem with that. Don't know exactly what's going to happen with the outcome of court. We've been fightening over this for almost a year now.

 

[BedKnobbery2]

A paralegal who works in my office went through almost the same exact thing. She always felt like going through the court systems again would be a waste of time, but her supervising attorney finally convinced her to do it, and she is now receiving child support AND getting the orthodontist's bill paid. I would strongly urge you to speak with a family law attorney and see what can be done. In some states (including mine) they can garnish the offending parent's wages--take the money out before he or she gets the paycheck, just like taxes. And many states have protection laws to bar a parent from taking a lower paying job just to avoid child support--they base the support on the earning potential rather than the actual income.

I'm sorry you and your boys have to go through this. Good luck to you all.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

What a loser, take him back to court. Tell them to garnish his wages.

 

[Belle1962]

I believe the Child Welfare Act of 1985:

MANDATES wage garnishment except in a few circumstances

Provides that the State Office of Child Support Enforcement MUST represent you for FREE or nominal cost REGARDLESS of your income if you have custody/support order (and they do include medical coverage).

Call your local child support enforcement office first or see if they have a website.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I agree. Loser.

I hope it works out for you. I'm sure it is difficult and stressful.

 

[browneyes]

Throw his butt in jail.

 

[DukeStreetKing]

Originally posted by browneyes
Throw his butt in jail.

Sorry, but that wouldn't solve anything. Getting the court system to garnish his wages would be the best option. He'd be obligated to pay his share no matter what kind of job or how well/poorly it paid. Throwing him in jail would only prevent him from making any money at all.

When my ex-wife and I got divorced we set up our own payment schedules for everything and basically just had an attorney look over it and then the judge signed off on the divorce. I paid what I had to pay until my daughter turned 18. I had to work a couple of jobs to get it done, but that was my decision. Children should never have to suffer financially due to parent's divorces, it's bad enough they suffer emotionally.

 

[browneyes]

It would show him he needs to have responsibility for his kids though. He's not paying his child support, in my opinion, he's neglecting his kids. Garnishing his wages would be the 2nd thing I'd do if I was in hugabearjo shoes.

 

[sharbear]

I paid what I had to pay until my daughter turned 18. I had to work a couple of jobs to get it done, but that was my decision. Children should never have to suffer financially due to parent's divorces, it's bad enough they suffer emotionally.

Clap, Clap, Clap.....

 

[mickeyboat]

I remember hearing a story about a judge in NC who told parents who were in arrears with their child support to come to court with the money or their toothbrush. It was amazing how easily they could come up with the money when they were threatened with jail time.

Good luck to you.

Denae

 

[4greatboys]

DukeStreetKing~~I think its great you paid your support, even getting 2 jobs to do it. Her x is $10,000 in arrears, he didnt get that way by paying his suport. Maybe he needs a wake up call from the jail to show he must pay it.
for you hugabearjo. I dont think he is going to give you any extra money til you show him you mean business. He is REQUIRED to help support his kids even if you can go to Disneyland or whatever he doesnt approve of.

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by DukeStreetKing
Sorry, but that wouldn't solve anything. Getting the court system to garnish his wages would be the best option. He'd be obligated to pay his share no matter what kind of job or how well/poorly it paid. Throwing him in jail would only prevent him from making any money at all.

I agree throwing him in jail would cost him his current job..and possibly make it difficult for him to get another job..

so although it might be a wakeup call it does no good if he's awake but unemployable....

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

in NY someone who refuses to pay child support can lose their dirver's license and any professinal licenses they hold. I htink that works better than jail.

have you gone to court and argued that he's deliberately underemployed? some court will calculate his child support obligation based on his earnings in the higher-paying profession even though he's not actually earning that amount.

I garnished my ex's wages, and when he wouldn't pay the orthodontist bill I got a judgment against him and took that out of his wages, too. there's a limit as to how much you can deduct for arrears, though. a friend of mine will be collecting child support arrears long after her kids are grown, because she's garnishing her ex's wages and he owes her thousands of dollars.

befor the garnishment, my ex's biggest excuse was "you earn more than I do, you don't need the money."

the children have the right to the financial support of both parents.

 

[stego]

geez, rehashing it after all these years...

It wasn't fun then, and I realized life was just too short to worry about something I had no control over. Specifically my ex. Yup, got the court order, got the garnishment, the thing was...
she didn't work. She'd hop from boyfriend to boyfriend, get paid under the table.

In other words, she used ALL her resources to avoid her financial responsibilities. It coincided with the rest of her parenting responsibilities. Why should financial be any different? It took me a long time, with suggestion from others: look at her behaviors. How is she DEMONSTRATING parenting responsibilities? Oh yeah, I could go on and on: well, she's supposed to be doing it; morally, blah, blah. In time, I figured,
that and 50 cents will get me the newspaper. I wasted time working myself up in a good lather over something I had absolutely no control over.

I would suggest this: Pay attention to your ex's behaviors. Write all his behaviors down. Review them. EXACTLY how through his behaviors is he DEMONSTRATING parenting responsibilities? Just because you have the children living with you DOESN'T MEAN HIS PARENTING RESPONSIBILITIES STOP. He is responsible for them 24/7/365. Period. How is he demonstrating that? I figure you divorced him for a reason, right?
I think his recent behavior indicates you made the right choice.
MOVE ON. You can make the choice to NOT give him the power over you. Your EX doesn't sound like someone who is thouroughly, honestly, and fearlesly reviewing his attitudes and behaviors on a daily basis. When was the last time he came to you, put aside WHATEVER WRONG you did, and just apologized for his actions? Remember, he is SUPPOSED to be setting the example for his children.

Basically, your ex lives in fear. You do not. Period. You are OUT of that situation, living it, with your children.

I quit a number of years ago keeping account of how much my ex owes. It's in the TENS of thousands, I believe. I will NEVER see it.
I decided to get on with my son's and my life. And gosh, we are so much happier.

But I will say this: every night, I hit my knees next to my son's bed, and we say our special prayers for his old mom. Why? Because it's the right thing to do.

She's still out there, miserable and desitude. I have no control over that. But what I can do is the next right thing: HOPE.
Hope that she gets help, one day.

over and out,
Fred

 

[Serena]

My sister's ex quits his jobs or gets fired, every couple months. She has to pay to have the paperwork done each time he finds a new job. She can't afford the lawyer fees to do that.
She's thought seriously about just forgetting it. It's very stressful for her and her new husband gives her a hard time about it all.

 

[Mishetta]

My SIL (finally) married the guy she had children with, after he left his wife with 1 y/o twins. She made him quit his good paying job to be a SAHD &, in the state they live in, the courts could only go after his income ~ which was ZERO. In the meantime, she's working 3 jobs just to spite her DH's ex (& children obviously) from his former marriage. (She's some piece of work!) Anyway, this has been years now & he finally returned to work part time. So they won. I don't see how he doesn't feel any obligation to help his children from his former marriage, but I guess some people have no conscious!

Just for the record, I can't be friends with someone like that. We haven't spoken in 10 years now & I'm so glad to be rid of a rodent like her!

I have no advice, just prayers & hugs that it all works out for you. I have to wonder if you're not the ex-wife of my SIL's husband though!!

 

[frannn]

My ex had a great job for the last few years we were together, so for a year or two after separation, I got the court ordered child support garnished from his paycheck. But, in keeping with his history and behavioral patterns, he lost that job and the few others he's had since. Long story short, he now hasn't worked in several years, and has been living off an work injury settlement that is now close to gone. No wages=nothing to garnish. I don't have his bank acct #, so no dice there either. I would never put a lien on his house (inherited after the fact), car, etc because I feel that affects the kids. We went back to court & lowered his support obligation based on his not working and his watching them after school in lieu of chipping in for a caregiver (I work full time). I had no problem with that. He was supposed to provide health ins, which he does not. My DH does that and helps support the kids, bless him. Ex pays 50. for two kids-I'm not even sure anymore if its weekly or biweekly because its been so long since I received it. He loses his drivers license every time the support gets into the few thousands, then somehow, he pays it. He brings it up in front of the kids and uses it against me, but it is actually in the hands of the courts. NYS is cracking down on deadbeat nonpaying parents. Unfortunately, they can't change the mindset of the parent to make them understand that it is their obligation to support the kids from the moment they are conceived till they are of legal age to support themselves. Just because I am married again does not mean my DH has the obligation to support my ex's kids. He does it because he's a wonderful, caring man. He does have a problem with my ex, but so do I. He's a little (ok a lot) off kilter. I think it is worth the $ he owes for support to not have to be married to him anymore. I can't wait for the day when the kids are grown and he is just a bad memory. DDs will be 11 and 15 this year, so we have a bit of time to go....My DD could use braces, but I woyldn't hold my breath for ex to contribute more than a "promise" to pay. That won't put food on the table. He does truly love the kids, though, so I can't fault him that. Comments like, "Tell mommy to have fun at WDW with my support $", (as if he paid regularly) are unnecesary and bad for the kids.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I'm really sorry you and your children have to go through this. I agree that your x is a loser, big time. What a great example for his children.

I'd follow every option to get the money owed your children.
They deserve to be provided for by both parents. However that happens - willingly or not - is fair.