Ex-Husband, Teenage Daughter and Allowance

[jaye614]

My daughter, age 17, doesn't have a job - I would rather she concentrate on school and her friends.

Her dad sees her about twice a month, he lives about an hour away. He gives her $20 per month allowance. During his last visit, they usually go to dinner, he asked her if she needed any money - she finally said yes, he gave her $10.

She doesn't have a car (we can't afford one for her). She drives my car, I pay for the gas, her car insurance, her cell phone, upcoming prom, and I give her money whenever she needs it.

She wants to ask her dad for more help. Would it be better for her to do so in person, on the phone, email? I believe that he doesn't volunteer to help in any way financially other than child support because I always seem to get whatever needs to be paid for - paid.

What's your opinion??

 

[Serena]

I'm not sure I understand.
Does she need money for something? Does she want her allowance from him increased. Does she want him to pay for somethings that you are currantly paying for? Are you having a hard time getting things paid for?

 

[jaye614]

She's a teenager who likes to have money to go out with her friends, to the movies, etc. I guess she could ask him to help with the car insurance or raise her allowance. Unfortunately, every time he says that he is going to help with something, he never comes through.

 

[Serena]

If you know he won't help, then why put yourselves through asking?

 

[Doesney]

Well I am in a similar situation, but on the other end. My husband has a 17 yo from a prior marriage. He pays child support, medical, dental expenses that are not covered, and in all actuality he probably spends twice as much on the kid than the mother. I think a 17 yo is capable of earning a little spending money, if not I still do not think the dad is responsible for allowance.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

She's a teenager who likes to have money to go out with her friends, to the movies, etc.

She should get a job. If she has time to go out with her friends, she has time to put a few hours into a job a week. It won't hurt her, it will only make her more responsible. I don't think, you deciding she doesn't need to get a job, means that her Father has to give her more money. Sorry.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Her dad sees her about twice a month

I'm just curious, if he only sees her twice a month, what could she possibly be doing to deserve ANY allowance from him? It seems to me if you want her allowance raised, you should step up and pay up. You're the one who doesn't think she should get a job. I say, put your money where your mouth is, don't put HIS money where your mouth is.

 

[jaye614]

Thanks for all your advice!

 

[KimRaye]

I WISH my ex would give my 16yoDS an allowance, of ANY amount! For anyone to think that child support and medical/dental coverage covers MORE than 1/2 of the cost of a growing teen, is ridiculous, in MY personal case anyway. Seriously tho, divide the costs of the entire household to see what ONE person's 'share' is.

I don't want my DS working right now either. He WORKS (struggles) to maintain his C/B grades and, work would definately take away from that. So, I end up paying for everything 'fun'. What I do to make us BOTH feel better about this is to give him chores, not regularly but, often enough that he has pocket money.

jaye614, it can't hurt (too much) to at least ask.

 

[shortbun]

I understand that her Dad could kick it up a notch. I agree that
she's old enough to get a job now and contribute some too.
It's not as if you guys are rolling in money, AND handling a
small job and all that comes with it would be good for her at
this point. I don't think whatever part time job she gets would
really impact your financial situation that much but it would be
good for her to know she was earning her own spending money.
Can you not speak to your ex about all of this, explaining the
high cost of things for girls this age and the job versus school
participation ...? OR-if you think she should do it, help her plan
her strategy. I think it should be done in person.

 

[Disney Doll]

When I was 14 and 15, I babysat and earned money that way, and didn't get an allowance anymore. When I was 16 I got a job and earned money that way. I too went to school during all those years, and was able to keep up my grades.
I worked at an ice cream store on Saturday and Sunday from 10am-6PM. During school vacations, worked those same hours every day.

If you feel you need more money to support your DD, then go to court and ask them to change the support amount. If your DD feels that she needs more money to spend on amusement when she doesn't even have a job, I'd say tell her to get a job.

If she's got time to spend hanging out with her friends on the weekends, presumably she is not doing schoolwork during those times. She can take a little time from that to get a job and earn money.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

She can ask him however if he says no then what? Have you sat down and added up her expenses with her? I would do that first. Create a balance sheet so she can see it on paper. Go from there. If she decides she "wants" more than what you are willing to put out each month, then tell her she needs to work.

For the record my 12yo recieves a set amount of allowance, $10/week. If you don't want her to work then get her a "set" amount and tell her she has to budget for the week/month.

 

[clh2]

I agree with many of the other posters. While it seems that you don't want her to have a job...what about having her pick up an occasional babysitting job? Then you two would have flexibility for determining when a babysitting job would not interfere with school.

Let's face it - school is very important. However, how much school work actually gets done on a Friday or Saturday night? There is another thread around about what people are paying their babysitters these days - while it is very geographically based - it looks like many sitters get paid between $5 and $10 an hour.

And, keep in mind that summer vacation is on the horizon. Is she making any attempts to seek out employment for just the summer? Keep in mind that if she does take a job at a mall or a fast food place - she is under no obligation to keep it once school starts up in the fall.

Don't feel bad about her not having a car. So what if all her friends have one. So what if she is the only kid in school who doesn't have one. What would she really need a car for if she doesn't have a job?

While I am well past my teens - I didn't earn an allowance after I started babysitting when I was in 7th grade. I bought all my own clothes, and provided for all my entertainment costs. And when I was 16, I was working at the local McD's ( I could walk there after school and get picked up or walk home after I was done with work.) And, I entirely paid for my first year of college.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I'm also in favor of her getting some form of employment if she wants more money. Even a few hours a week, enough for some spending money. At that age, I was paying for all my own clothes, own school lunches and entertainment. However, I'm not suggesting that--it can be stressful, and you don't want to be impacting her grades.


Keep in mind that she'll be out of HS in a couple years, and either working full time or in college. It's certainly not too soon for her to be learning where money comes from, how to budget, etc. You want her to look at the big picture before she's at college, paying $200 for a new textbook when used are available, blowing off expensive classes (that you're paying for), or skipping the cafeteria meals to buy pizza night after night--all of which can waste money. it's much easier to waste someone else's money than your own!

 

[Tiggeroo]

I don't let my kids work during the school year either. And raising teens involves alot more then food and health insurance. So many things come up that cost money.
But even though I won't let my teens work a regular job during the year, I have no problem with them babysitting here and there, or cutting some lawns on a Saturday morning. The sort of thing that doesn't require a permanent commitment and can be scaled back when needed. I also insist that they have a full time summer job. My sons have been told that they have to pay half of their car insurance this way before they get their license.
I think you need to do both. Talk to the dad about increasing her allowance, and getting her to contribute. You definitely don't want her to go off to college and have to get her first job then, and have that be the first time she needs to balance her budget.
You should also possibly speak to an attorney about having the child support increased. It sounds like there are regular expenses that if he was helping with would free up more of your money to help your dd out. You might want to make sure his support will be continued thru college as well.