ex husband rant

[Briar Rose 7457]

Melissa, that sounds great. we need more people like your cousin.

 

[niks81]

In reading some of the other posts I'm curious about how you work out when the kids don't want to see their parent they don't live with? My dd has gotten to that point but he threatens me with court actions and contempt (which a lawyer told me last week that wouldn't hold up in court). So what do you do?

Well I was 13 when my parents were officially divorced. To be entirely honest, I grew apart from him long before he left--he just was so mean and he hurt my mom every single day he lived there. At one point I tried to hit him LOL I hated him.

I went to see him a couple times, but the day my dog disappeared (and never returned by the way ) I said forget it. It was an all out war--luckily we had a great attorney. My dad has threatened EVERYTHING you could imagine...and he did take us to court several times, but a judge ruled that when I was 15 I could make my own decision. At the time of the trial I was 14 1/2 and I just drew it out, and I told him he'd have to put me in a cop car before I ever went over there voluntarily. Jerkwad LOL After I turned 15 he couldn't let me be though--he took us back to court and I was forced into mandatory counseling.

I'm not saying this to be funny, but I truly think he was sleeping with the psychologist because the lady told me EVERYTHING was my fault LOL I was like, really....at 15 I'm the one at fault for everything? My mom was appalled, and horrified and to make a long story short, the lady lost her license to practice for things she was saying and doing to me, and come to find out...other patients.

After that it was sianara pops. LOL Never looked back--he's dead to me now. My stepdad has done so much more for me and he's the only father I could have wanted.

So I guess what I'm saying is, check with your attorney about what you can do. When they reach a certain age in their teens I don't think it is required anymore--but you really need to check. There are ways to get out of it.

GOOD LUCK....you will need it

 

[Cruise04]

Melessa - BRAVO TO YOUR COUSIN!!!!! There are men out there that do really care. I have a husband now who treats my daughter like she's his own as does his family. Absolutely not expected when I started dating him or when I married him. I'm very fortunate.

niks81 - sorry to hear that regarding your dad. I don't wish them to not have a relationship but she gets tired of being used a middleman (and I have demanded that stop, even to his lawyer) but it hasn't. I'm in the process of trying to get an attorney - that in itself is a very long story.

 

[aprincessmom]

In reading some of the other posts I'm curious about how you work out when the kids don't want to see their parent they don't live with?

When we divorced it was written into the agreement that DD could have a say in the decision of whether to visit her dad or not. It was a fairly drawn out process to have this done. You can PM if you'd like and I'll give you the details.

Our divorce was amicable...no real disagreements or points of conflict. That was one of the deciding factors in the judge allowing this.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I've been separated/divorced for almost 10 years now. my daugthers are 13.5 and almost 12.

two years ago my ex filed for a change in custody. we saw the judge many times over the course of a year before her Honor denied his petition. the judge told my ex that he needs to work at his relationship with his children, since as they become teenagers there are fewer and fewer things the court can do to force the kids to visit their father.

right now my girls are seeing their father, though not as frequently as he would like. but they have a less than happy relationship, and I suspect I'll be dealing with those issues sooner or later.

 

[niks81]

niks81 - sorry to hear that regarding your dad. I don't wish them to not have a relationship but she gets tired of being used a middleman (and I have demanded that stop, even to his lawyer) but it hasn't. I'm in the process of trying to get an attorney - that in itself is a very long story.

Oh of course you don't wish them to not have a relationship! LOL I was just using my situation as an example!!

My brother was younger than I and so he was forced to go until he also became 15 years old. He was also used as a middleman I'm not sure of the relationship your DD has now with him, but has she tried to talk to him about it?? Sometimes they are less on the defense if the child talks to them versus the EX.

The very last resort for me was to cut ties because you couldn't tell my dad anything...he was always right. And quite frankly, it tired me out always having to fight for anything. If your ex is a bit more intelligent than my father, you may have a better chance I do hope it works out though. Good luck

 

[Cruise04]

Their relationship gets rockier and rockier with each visit! And when he starts saying stuff about me and his mom starts using me and my family wrong in conversations - makes my dd not want to go again. I really feel bad for her. I didn't have a great relationship with my dad either as I was growing up but now we have the best relationship. I hope for my dd that someday that happens, but I never see it happening. We are now struggling with the graduation end of things - 8th grade only but still. It's very stressful knowing these people are going to be in my house in a few weeks. Kind of freaks me out!

 

[4greatboys]

niks81--As a mom I just want to give you a great big Im sorry your dad didnt try harder to have a good relationship with you and Im sorry my x doesnt try harder with my 2 oldest.

 

[niks81]

Originally posted by 4greatboys
niks81--As a mom I just want to give you a great big Im sorry your dad didnt try harder to have a good relationship with you and Im sorry my x doesnt try harder with my 2 oldest.

That was nice of you

I have been harshly judged by those that don't know the situation very well, about me not seeing him, but it really was the best decision for everyone, including him--he just doesn't realize that.

I guess I am just really thankful that I have a stepfather that loves me and does more for me than I could dream of. I feel very lucky.

Sometimes parents don't realize what they do to their kids. I hope that you guys have better luck with your ex's....I hope they realize just what they are doing and turn it around.

I hope your ex tries harder too.

 

[niks81]

but they have a less than happy relationship, and I suspect I'll be dealing with those issues sooner or later.

I wish that I could tell you it gets easier, but I honestly can't.

 

[pajamommy]

Does anybody have an EX who is NOT a "jerk"?

Yep, me! My ex is just the best there can be! I tell him all the time that if I had to be divorced, I'm glad it's from him, because he is just so great to me and our kids. Actually, he's a much better ex-husband than he was a husband, lol!

To the OP, I'm sorry about your situation with your ex, I hope it all works out and you don't have to deal with all that court stuff.

 

[niks81]

Jen, let me just tell you---you have won the lottery LOL It's not the cash lottery....it's the ex husband lottery which is even more valuable

You truly are luck