Ex beat us to WDW.... now what?

[maggiebeth]

My husband and I have been trying to take the kids to Disney for the past two years. They have never been to WDW before and have been wanting to go for years, what kid doesn’t? My husband and I were planning a vacation to WDW last year and discussed it with his ex, they have two sons, and she stated she was going to try to take the kids last year as well. Shortly before booking our trip we found out we were pregnant with our daughter and our trip would fall when I was approximately 38 weeks pregnant and decided to postpone it a year. We informed his ex and she said they decided against going as well.

Fast forward to January of this year, we decided to plan our vacation for this fall. We cleared the dates and plans with my husband’s ex wife, you know the right thing to do, and told her we were keeping it a secret to surprise the boys. So we booked our trip. We were so excited! Taking the kids to Disney for the first time, they’d be ecstatic!

February she calls and says she has to discuss something with him, she’s planning a Disney trip for spring break, 6 months before our trip! I have never been more angry in my life! They’re currently in WDW now and I still can’t get over the feeling that she stole something from us. She knew we had plans and a trip booked that was supposed to be a surprise and swoops in and takes them before us! While I always knew she was spiteful towards my ex I never imagined she’d stoop this low. I’m so angry and while we discussed cancelling our trip or saving it for another year, we decided to still go. Anyone else experience this or have any tips on how to cope?

 

[Firebird060]

I have no advice for you on this specifically, but I will say dont let your Husbands ex taint or steal the magic of Disney, depending on the age of the kids, I doubt they will complain about going to Disney twice in a year, and since you are going at a different time, aka Fall, which is also during Mickeys not so Scary Halloween "extra cost Halloween party" , it will be a different experience for the kids. First doesnt always mean best. But thats just my 2 cents

 

[MamaBelle4]

Even if Mom is trying to make it a competition and rush in and beat Dad in everything, don't stoop to her level. Frankly, you're lucky she's going first. She's going to be the guinea pig. You get to ask the boys what they enjoyed and what they didn't. You have a real opportunity to plan a great trip for them. Plus you won't be there during the unholy amount of crowds that define spring break. And they'll get to share the experience with their new sibling.

I can't imagine how hard it is, when a family is split both parents miss many of their children's first experiences. It is inevitable. She is getting this one. I hope they have a lovely time. When you go in the fall, it will still be magical. The kids will still be overjoyed and happy. And I hope you have a lovely time too.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

She is their mother. I don't see the big deal. The kids get to go twice in one year! They will be ecstatic. This is about the kids. Not you and your husband. Be happy for the boys and don't let being angry or bitter funk up your trip.

I am divorced. Missing things comes with the territory. Honestly, I would have to be at my kids first trip to WDW. Luckily my XH and I were married on the kids first 3 trips to WDW but if we weren't we would have had to make an arrangement. Take the kids together or I will take them first. Actually on the kids 4th trip to WDW we were divorced and we took them together and we got along fine. He was going to take his mom but she bailed, then his sister bailed and he didn't feel comfortable taking them alone so a few weeks before he asked me to go and I said yes. I was bummed about missing that trip since it was going to be a "magical" age for DD being 5 but it's part of being divorced. I had to eat that one and it sucked. But it did work out for me at the end.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

On the outside looking in...
It seems like she also did it the right way.
Sounds like she came up with the idea when thinking about what to do for spring break.
She spoke to your DH about it and clearly they came to an agreement.
I know you probably feel like you have a say but unless you've legally adopted their kids its ultimately up to them not you.
As for what to do now? ummm.... go as planned???? (unless the kids come back saying they don't like it there)

 

[Tiki_Sara]

Best thing to do is let any resentment go and have a ball of a time in the Fall. The kids will be happy to go again, I'm sure. They'll have an idea of some stuff they want to do and will enjoying planning their next trip with you.

 

[maggiebeth]

On the outside looking in...
It seems like she also did it the right way.
Sounds like she came up with the idea when thinking about what to do for spring break.
She spoke to your DH about it and clearly they came to an agreement.
I know you probably feel like you have a say but unless you've legally adopted their kids its ultimately up to them not you.
As for what to do now? ummm.... go as planned???? (unless the kids come back saying they don't like it there)

While I’m angry about the whole situation it is really my husband who I feel bad for, he is heartbroken. I know the kids will be more than happy to go a second time in less than a year, however he was really looking forward to taking them to WDW for their first trip. It kills me to see his heartbreak. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to BS she has pulled when it has come to their co-parenting. Their agreement was more of him relenting because she threatened to not allow us to go if he said no to her. If she had mentioned when had booked our trip a month earlier that she was considering a trip there as well I don’t think it would have been as bad, but it was almost like a game to her. Try to beat their dad down yet again.

 

[NYCgrrl]

It's not a contest contrary to anything disparately matched parents might think.......oh which also explains why they are now divorced, LOL.
BTDT and threw the t shirt away.

The ex used to do things like that to me. I'd call in advance of Christmas and give him the heads up that I was buying an Atari; he'd present son w/ a Nintendo before my gift arrived. I swallowed my anger, brought my gift back home, and bought son Nintendo cassettes (whatevah they were called back then, LOL) for his use before I left (the ex returned to France w/ one of our sons and I remained in the USA).

It all payed off for me in the end so keep the future in mind and don't focus so much on the petty game playing currently going on.
Just keep focusing on what is in the children's best interest and trust me they will grow up and "see the light".

 

[Minnesota!]

While I’m angry about the whole situation it is really my husband who I feel bad for, he is heartbroken. I know the kids will be more than happy to go a second time in less than a year, however he was really looking forward to taking them to WDW for their first trip. It kills me to see his heartbreak. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to BS she has pulled when it has come to their co-parenting. Their agreement was more of him relenting because she threatened to not allow us to go if he said no to her. If she had mentioned when had booked our trip a month earlier that she was considering a trip there as well I don’t think it would have been as bad, but it was almost like a game to her. Try to beat their dad down yet again.

While I get your anger, and your husband's, being she is the mother, she didn't really do anything "wrong".

However, you might have the upper hand here. You will know what things they did not get to do, being they went over Spring Break, they didn't have time for. You can provide them with that experience. Fireworks, special meals, rides, character meet and greets, etc. It will aid in your planning the surprise... they will come back and say "we didn't get to do XXX", and you can add that to your itinerary, knowing they really wanted to do it and couldn't etc.

 

[sponica]

It's still their first trip with their father and that is distinctly different than the first trip with their mother. Granted I'm an outsider in this family dynamic.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

While I get your anger, and your husband's, being she is the mother, she didn't really do anything "wrong".

However, you might have the upper hand here. You will know what things they did not get to do, being they went over Spring Break, they didn't have time for. You can provide them with that experience. Fireworks, special meals, rides, character meet and greets, etc. It will aid in your planning the surprise... they will come back and say "we didn't get to do XXX", and you can add that to your itinerary, knowing they really wanted to do it and couldn't etc.

Exactly.

Each trip is different and when you go with different people, that changes it up as well.

As their mother, it makes sense for her to want to take them. Even for their first trip.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

While I’m angry about the whole situation it is really my husband who I feel bad for, he is heartbroken. I know the kids will be more than happy to go a second time in less than a year, however he was really looking forward to taking them to WDW for their first trip. It kills me to see his heartbreak. This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to BS she has pulled when it has come to their co-parenting. Their agreement was more of him relenting because she threatened to not allow us to go if he said no to her. If she had mentioned when had booked our trip a month earlier that she was considering a trip there as well I don’t think it would have been as bad, but it was almost like a game to her. Try to beat their dad down yet again.

And perhaps this is why you shouldn't ask these opinion based questions on here. No one ever gets the full picture when they don't know the person posting. Vent to your friends and family and move on. You knew that you were marrying someone that came with an ex wife and kids.

 

[DISNEYSQUIRRELS]

Disney has so much to see & do, there is no way possible their mom will be able to get to everything & since they have never been before, they have no idea what to expect. It takes time to digest a vacation at Disney, even for adults & people that go all the time. My point being, they won't totally realize how much fun they had until they are anticipating going again-this is where you & your husband come in at exactly the right time with YOUR trip
When the boys return, keep them talking about their trip to build excitement for their time there with you, their dad & baby sister. Take them to see the things they loved & get to the things they missed the first time.
Maybe plan something special like a character meal or have them done up like pirates at the Pirate's Den-whatever fits your schedule & budget, the point is putting your stamp on how you "do Disney".
Your vacation will be the boys most recent trip to Disney!

 

[Betty Rohrer]

My husband and I have been trying to take the kids to Disney for the past two years. They have never been to WDW before and have been wanting to go for years, what kid doesn’t? My husband and I were planning a vacation to WDW last year and discussed it with his ex, they have two sons, and she stated she was going to try to take the kids last year as well. Shortly before booking our trip we found out we were pregnant with our daughter and our trip would fall when I was approximately 38 weeks pregnant and decided to postpone it a year. We informed his ex and she said they decided against going as well.

Fast forward to January of this year, we decided to plan our vacation for this fall. We cleared the dates and plans with my husband’s ex wife, you know the right thing to do, and told her we were keeping it a secret to surprise the boys. So we booked our trip. We were so excited! Taking the kids to Disney for the first time, they’d be ecstatic!

February she calls and says she has to discuss something with him, she’s planning a Disney trip for spring break, 6 months before our trip! I have never been more angry in my life! They’re currently in WDW now and I still can’t get over the feeling that she stole something from us. She knew we had plans and a trip booked that was supposed to be a surprise and swoops in and takes them before us! While I always knew she was spiteful towards my ex I never imagined she’d stoop this low. I’m so angry and while we discussed cancelling our trip or saving it for another year, we decided to still go. Anyone else experience this or have any tips on how to cope?

my stepgrandson's mother did not do that but she has in the court order that any trip that requires more than one day of school to be missed that the other parent has to approve the trip. and as you can guess she would not approve for him to go and she does not have him for school only weekends at that time. unless the kids end up hating DWD I bet they will enjoy the second trip

 

[lynzi2004]

Also remember this will be your DD's first trip! That alone will be super special...and seeing Disney through the eyes of younger siblings is something the boys will never forget!

 

[LiveYourLife]

What about doing a Disney Cruise instead?

 

[Nayan]

Anyone else experience this or have any tips on how to cope?

How do you cope with this? Put on your happy pants and act excited for the kids!! It IS all about the kids, right? Ask them how they enjoyed it, what they rode, where they ate, what they saw, etc. Then ask them what they didn't like and things they wish they could have rode/ate/etc. She just gave you a huge advantage for your upcoming trip and if I were you I'd thank her, because now you can tailor the trip around more of what the kids would like to do and see, which means less guessing for you and a smoother vacation full of smiles.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Co-parenting, co-adulting... whatever the name is, it’s all about the children.
Let it go, have an amazing First visit for your family unit. I think ur in an advantage position .. knowing the likes and dislikes, doing ur own “firsts” together.
Its only a competition if the adults make it one.
Enjoy!

 

[Turn the Page]

It sounds like DH is more upset that he isn't taking them for their "first" experience with Disney. That being the case, he needs to find something else to take them to for their first experience. They are divorced. One of them will always be missing out on a first experience. That's the way it goes. I'm not saying this doesn't sting and I'm certainly not saying not to take them on the planned trip in the fall. But if Dad is really that disappointed over missing their first experience he needs to come up with an alternative. Do they camp at all? Maybe he could take them on their first camping trip. First cruise? First concert? First game of a favorite sports team? First water park experience? Anything like that.

You have to be flexible when dealing with blended families it is not easy. I get it, I've been there.

PSA: Telling a woman who married a man with kids "you knew he had kids when you married him" is not at all helpful. It's like any marriage. You never really know what you're getting yourself into until you are right in the thick of it. If we did, we wouldn't have the divorce rates we do.

 

[Hisgirl]

Having been divorced with two kids, I understand the Daddy wanting to see the kids' expressions at their first disney trip.

And being a Mama, I understand her wanting to see the kids' expressions at their first disney trip.

Thing is, yall had the chance to take them. And she did too.

Be happy they have a mother who wants to spend time with them and treat them to celebrations.
This isn't about you.

Be happy they have a father who wants to spend time with them and treat them to celebrations.

I'm happy they have a step mom who wants to spend time with them and treat them to celebrations.

Congratulations on your little one. Enjoy them and celebrate them. They'll grow up and be gone in a flash.

Pick your battles mama. This isn't one.

Trust me on that.