Ever NOT been invited to a relative's wedding?

[Pigeon]

I've not been invited to a few cousin's weddings. I have a huge family and I'm sure it was about not bankrupting them. I was fine with that.

I've got a relative who joined a high control religion that only allows certain members of that religion to go. Not only was I not invited, the bride's parents could not attend.

It is a tradition for people who are not "worthy" to come to the wedding place and hang around pathetically outside so that they can be in pictures. This I declined. I was home consoling the mother of the bride who sobbed her heart out all day because she couldn't attend her only daughter's wedding.

 

[punkin]

My cousin recently got married and invited me & my parents but not my sister. They said they were afraid she would misbehave or cause a scene, since she had been kind of a rebellious teen (20 years ago) another cousin was also excluded for the same reason.

I decided to send a gift & my regrets, cuz it was the mother of the groom who was being nasty, not the groom or his new bride. They didnt seem aware of the fiasco until after the wedding, and they are now trying to figure out how to make amends. A lot of family boycotted, so the bride & groom suffered. The mother of the groom was the one who made the invite list & addresses to give to the bride. She didnt even know people were excluded.

DH's cousin is getting married soon and DH's father and brother were invited but we were not. I think they just forgot and frankly don't care one way or the other, but DH's father is freaking out. I still have no idea how this will all work out, but I am leaning towards not going anyway. Of course if I actually get an invite, I will send a present.

 

[Robinrs]

Thanks -your words make me feel a little better.


Its DH's nephew-its his invitation-reception at his house-his bride (met on Internet from Canada-no relatives)


He has only 3 older relatives-(all on his Dad's side-his Mom has no relatives)
His uncle- myDH
His Aunt-Dh's sister (invited) and her husband
His Grandmother (the above's mother) invited

It just seems odd to not include us-but I wont take it personally

You have this much info and you're not taking it personally?

How is their relationship? Are they very close? If so maybe asking Grandma might help. Chances are the bride is in charge of the invites and this was an oversight.Some men don't get involved in any of the planning.

My nephew and I are super close and I was not invited to one of his weddings. Why? His new wife didn't know anyone in the family but his parents. It was his third so it didn't bother any of us! I think he thinks marrying is a sport!

 

[Inigo]

I have 50 first cousins (both sides of the family). No way would I even WANT to be invited to everyone's wedding. I didn't invite all of my cousins to my wedding, since I don't see most of them except a couple times a year. If I did invite them all, I'm sure it would seem like a gift grab. That's how I would probably look at it if most of them invited us--that I'm only being invited because they want a present, not because they want me there.

Now if I were close to them, I would wonder why I wasn't invited unless it was just a small wedding or a destination wedding.

 

[cm8]

Yes, I considered my Best friend my sister and she was invited to our wedding, she actually was supposed to stand up for me, but she decided that her future husband's party was more important, needless to say, I got someone else that Morning to be my MOH . That was very hurtful what she did, but I'm glad to see that she did it cause it mad kicking her out of my life even easier.

So fast forward to her wedding day 3 months later and she calls and tells me that her wedding location had been moved and that she would call me when they knew the new location (day of her wedding) OK, no problem I guess, got dressed and ready waiting on her to call me with the location and she never did calls me after the wedding to let me know that she was "married now" and that she just wanted me to know that she did not want me to come but did not know how to tell me, I paid $300.00 for a dress and shoes and got my hair "did' for her wedding and that is what she does.

Her reasoning was that she was upset that I told her father that she did not show up to my wedding since she wanted to go to her boyfriends party and he got mad with her. So she tried to make it seem that I did to her what she did to me at her wedding so that someone would feel sorry for her SN: he didn't believe I just didn't show up, he called me and asked what happened and I told him. Still SMH to this day when I think about it. Oh well, I learned a very hard lesson, Friends are not always who they portray themselves to be. We had been friends since we were 5 so that was not what I would have expected. But thank God for REAL friends uckerup:

 

[PrincesCJM]

I was on the other end of it. DH and I chose to keep our wedding small and invited immediate family and close friends. We had between 20 and 25 guests and it was perfect! DH has an aunt/uncle and their three teenage girls and two grandsons who we can't stand - they are the definition of "trailer park trash". Because of them, we decided immediate family. We saw several of my aunts/uncles last month and there was no weird feelings about it.

 

[Keli]

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. It would bother me to be excluded from a wedding that I would expect to be invited to unless it was because of limiting the numbers.
I've never not been invited to a wedding that I felt I should have been if that makes sense. I have 7 siblings and 30+ first cousins so I haven't been invited to lots of the cousin's weddings but I'm not close to them all so it wasn't personal.
I would probably feel slighted if a nephew or niece invited their other aunts and uncles on our side of the family but not me since I adore them all and I'm supposed to be their favorite, j/k. Actually even then I would understand if it were a numbers thing.

 

[Wishing on a star]

How did you react?
What did you say to the couple when you saw tham later?


Just wondering why we are not included (just an at home reception after a courthouse wedding) so its not the cost or trimming the list.
We think we have a cordial relationship-dont see him (groom ) but a couple times a year

I have not read any of the responses, at all.
So this is my personal view, totally and completely unswayed and unadulterated.

IMHO, cordial relationship, maybe twice a year, does NOT dictate/entitle a wedding invite.

And, like several other recent threads... if one has a problem with it, I suspect selfishness and entitlement.

Sending a gift when one learns of the wedding, completely and totally up to you. It goes both ways... The bride and groom also have no entitlement to gifts.

 

[Pooh67_68]

My husband's family is not very close, so there has been many weddings we have not been invited too. But since they are not real close, no big deal not being invited.


My family is very large and we don't see a lot of them on a regular basis, so again not being invited is no big deal.

 

[tlbwriter]

It sounds like they simply decided to have a very small wedding - whether for costs (an at-home reception still costs money) or for other reasons. I wouldn't be offended if I were in your shoes, since you only see him twice a year. The next time you see him, I'd just say "congratulations."