Ever NOT been invited to a relative's wedding?

[Mimi1965]

How did you react?
What did you say to the couple when you saw tham later?


Just wondering why we are not included (just an at home reception after a courthouse wedding) so its not the cost or trimming the list.
We think we have a cordial relationship-dont see him (groom ) but a couple times a year

 

[Mommee]

Twice. The first time it was my step-brother. His mom (my stepmother) was in charge of invitations. She told my dad I was invited, but then didn't invite me. She told him I was a selfish brat and had ignored the invite . Because my stepbrother was innocent, I sent a gift and a note saying I was sorry I missed the wedding, and wished him well.

Last weekend my cousin got married. He lives several states away now, but held his wedding back home. I don't mind not being invited since we're not very close, but our grandpa was led to believe that we had been invited. I'm kind of ignoring this one (outside of letting Grandpa know we weren't going to be there because we weren't invited), because I'm not really sure if there was ill will or just a small guest list. Grandpa's getting a bit old, and he may have misunderstood someone.

 

[gator75]

We weren't invited to my husbands brothers wedding that is because of different religious differences my husbands brother is morman and my husband is not therefore since they where marrying in the temple the non beleivers shall we say where not welcome to attend so we simply didnt attend we live in ND and this was in utah. I know for a fact that our feelings were not hurt and he my dh moved on very quickly.

 

[lisajl]

Yes, and it was okay with us. Sometimes it's better that way!

 

[Robinrs]

My family is HUGE so it happens a lot. I don't mind because I frankly HATE going to weddings... I know I'm weird.

 

[powellrj]

My family is HUGE so it happens a lot. I don't mind because I frankly HATE going to weddings... I know I'm weird.

No you aren't weird because I hate going to them too. There is a family wedding at the end of the month that we weren't invited to, but I know it was because of cost cutting so there are no hard feelings, its my birthday weekend so now we can do something I want to do instead of feeling like I need to go to a wedding I didn't want to attend.

 

[sunnyday123]

My cousin got married for the 2nd time last year. We've been close since we were little-we were each other's moh the first time around. Very close.

Not only was I not invited, but there was no wedding talk whatsoever. Even if you asked, they gave a vauge, roundabout answer. No one knew when it was, if it was, etc. She invited her Mom ( my Aunt ) & SF,her stepsister and her husband and their kids, and his side of the family.

No one on our side knew when it was. Then she got mad that no one sent cards/gifts!! She's always been a little out there, but this was the cherry on top of here crazy sundae.

 

[tigercat]

Yes my neice's. I thought our family was close but I guess not. Only certain family members were invited. I did send a gift but now realize I probably will not be invited to any of the other weddings of that family. I don't thing I am of the right "type".
tigercat

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

not a family member, i had a friend whose wedding i wasn't invited to but was asked to come before the wedding to help set up chairs and tables, it was assigned seats, and my name was nowhere. i went anyway and just stood around waiting for dinner. found out later my buddy "the groom" blaimed me for something he did that the brides family didn't like and they decided it was better not to invite me. i am fine with taking the blaim for a friend but at-least tell me. they finally warmed up to me after realizing he's an idiot, now i think they like me more than him.

 

[Scurvy]

How did you react?
What did you say to the couple when you saw tham later?


Just wondering why we are not included (just an at home reception after a courthouse wedding) so its not the cost or trimming the list.
We think we have a cordial relationship-dont see him (groom ) but a couple times a year

I have not been invited to some family members' weddings before. Typically it's been the ones I don't see or talk to more than once or twice a year or those who are wanting a fairly small wedding. When I saw them later I congratulated them and told them how happy I was for them. It didn't change our relationship at all.

If I'm reading your post right, I think you are saying that the reason you were excluded was not a matter of cost or keeping the list small because it was a courthouse wedding and home reception. I don't necessarily think that's true. Most people I've known who had courthouse weddings (which isn't very many people) wanted to invite very few people. Most people I've known who had home receptions (a larger number, including me) also wanted to keep the list fairly small, because their homes couldn't accomodate a large number of people. And cost could easily still be an issue. As a matter of etiquette, people are only supposed to throw the sort of party that they can afford. It's possible that your family member couldn't afford (or chose not to afford) a large reception. I chose to have a small wedding and reception and we only invited those closest to us, not everyone to whom we were related or everyone with whom we had a cordial relationship. We did not invite anyone that we only saw (or talked to) a couple of times a year, but that didn't mean we didn't like them. Unless you have reason to believe that your family member intentionally excluded you because they have some sort of problem with you, I don't think you should take it personally that you were not invited.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Yes, my sister's.

She invited my parents, her husband-to-be's parents, sisters, brothers, aunt and other relatives, and a bunch of friends. She didn't invite me or my other two sisters. The reception was a "pay for your own meal" set up in a local restaurant - that's right, everyone had to pay for their own food and drinks. So it certainly wasn't to save money!

My dad opted not to go, so my mother brought me as her date. My other two sisters were furious and didn't talk to her for years. My one sister was especially angry because just a couple of years earlier she had this particular sister as a bridesmaid in her own wedding. So not to be invited at all was pretty insulting.

I've asked her why she didn't invite any of us and she doesn't really have an answer. She'll say "she thought we wouldn't enjoy it" or "she didn't think we'd come anyway." I don't know, maybe she thought we weren't up to her friends' standards? She's ten years younger than me, and at the time was pretty "hip" and I was a single mother with four young kids - therefore not very "hip."

Teresa

 

[Lintasare]

My cousin got married last year and we were not invited. But the thing that rubs me...we were not even told he was getting married. Never even got an announcement. Found out from my aunt that he had gotten married months afterwards. Apparently we were not invited because he was marrying into some big Philly family and my dad is considered an embarrassment to the family by his brother. All because my dad joined the military and moved away from home.

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

I wasn't invited to my SIL wedding. My spouse was. I was not.

How did I react?
I was peeved. Very peeved. Spouse did not attend the wedding.

What did I say the next time I saw them?
Congratulations.

We went to the not-a-reception reception the happy couple held a few weeks later. Though billed as a not-a-wedding-reception party, the bride wore her wedding gown, there was a photographer, a wedding cake, a first dance, and all the trappings of a traditional wedding reception. And then the happy couple took to the stage and performed a lip-synced routine to Ike & Tina's "Proud Mary."

My FIL was excluded from our wedding (and my SIL wedding). That was a manipulation orchestrated and enforced by my MIL.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

We had some cousins get married right down the street - we found out when we drove by and I said "Hey what's Uncle Ted's car doing at the Rec Center?". Yeah nobody bothered to tell us. I was pretty peeved but they have pretty much cut our side of the family off for a few years now. No idea why but we suspect it has to do with my FIL. Oh well - their loss.

 

[Feralpeg]

Yes. My nephew is getting married in two weeks. I am not invited. I am good with that. He was married once before. It was a huge blowout. It cost me a lot of money to travel to the wedding location, pay for a hotel room and taxi fares. I also bought them a very nice wedding present.

They were married for a little over a year. Now, he is marrying a girl who was also married before. They are having a very small wedding. Less than 20 guests. It is taking place in St. Louis. I am in Florida. My brother told me that they were not inviting anyone except the grandparents and some of their closest friends. Sounds good to me.

 

[sturdypeasantstock]

My cousin's. Didn't even know she was getting married. Found out about it when I saw the pics on Facebook. Just going by the pics, it looked like a fairly big, fancy wedding. She is well-off financially.

I felt slighted and I thought maybe I had done something to offend her which led to my not being invited. But I just said "Congratulations" and wished her and her new hubby well.

 

[Mimi1965]

Most people I've known who had courthouse weddings (which isn't very many people) wanted to invite very few people. Most people I've known who had home receptions (a larger number, including me) also wanted to keep the list fairly small, because their homes couldn't accomodate a large number of people. And cost could easily still be an issue. As a matter of etiquette, people are only supposed to throw the sort of party that they can afford. It's possible that your family member couldn't afford (or chose not to afford) a large reception. I chose to have a small wedding and reception and we only invited those closest to us, not everyone to whom we were related or everyone with whom we had a cordial relationship. We did not invite anyone that we only saw (or talked to) a couple of times a year, but that didn't mean we didn't like them. Unless you have reason to believe that your family member intentionally excluded you because they have some sort of problem with you, I don't think you should take it personally that you were not invited.

Thanks -your words make me feel a little better.


Its DH's nephew-its his invitation-reception at his house-his bride (met on Internet from Canada-no relatives)


He has only 3 older relatives-(all on his Dad's side-his Mom has no relatives)
His uncle- myDH
His Aunt-Dh's sister (invited) and her husband
His Grandmother (the above's mother) invited

It just seems odd to not include us-but I wont take it personally

 

[dakcp2001]

My cousin recently got married and invited me & my parents but not my sister. They said they were afraid she would misbehave or cause a scene, since she had been kind of a rebellious teen (20 years ago) another cousin was also excluded for the same reason.

I decided to send a gift & my regrets, cuz it was the mother of the groom who was being nasty, not the groom or his new bride. They didnt seem aware of the fiasco until after the wedding, and they are now trying to figure out how to make amends. A lot of family boycotted, so the bride & groom suffered. The mother of the groom was the one who made the invite list & addresses to give to the bride. She didnt even know people were excluded.

 

[Disney Doll]

Not that I recall, but it wouldn't bother me if I was excluded...I just don't get all crazed about stuff like that....

 

[mousey]

A cousins daughter was getting married and they excluded a lot of relatives. That's fine because when my kids get married, I will exclude them. They are the type that feel that everyone is looking for a gift!