etiquette question - do you have to let everyone bring a guest?

[pintradingwedding]

my future mother in law told me not to invite single family members/friends and THEIR GUESTS. (She knows i'm struggling with the financial burden of throwing this magical dream come true happily ever after wedding)

But I think she is totally wrong. I think you HAVE to let people bring a guest. Especially if it's a destination wedding! I mean, you're basically then asking them to go on a vacation alone. I wouldn't want to have to someone's bermuda wedding by myself.

am i right? advice please dear disney friends!

 

[cryssi]

while ours was not as much of a destination as WDW, many family members did travel from Northern Cal. We only invited "and guest" for a couple of people. If single people were dating someone but not living together/engaged, or didn't know anyone at the wedding, they were invited solo. Harsh, but only 2 people asked if they could bring a guest. One we said yes, the other no. The one we said yes to was my friend from up north who would have been coming by herself and getting a ride from her boyfriend...we let her boyfriend come. The other had been dating this guy for like a month...nope! We had to cut family from the list b/c it was too big you know...

Honestly, I would only invite "and guest" if you knew who the guest would be. With the exception of my friend's boyfriend, we knew or were related to everyone. Your single guests could always travel with a friend, then they can vacation at WDW together, just not go to the wedding. I think a lot of people will be more understanding than you might think...

good luck!

 

[Rustyflwr3]

I struggled a lot with this when we were coming up with our guest list. I still dont know if we are right for what we did, but here it goes: We pretty much had the same concept as Cryssi. For family members we are not inviting them with a guest. For friends, we are only inviting them with a guest if they are engaged or living together or if they do not know anyone going to the wedding. For old high school or college friends we are inviting the majority of them solo, because they all know each other. Recently one of my old old friends was telling my bridesmaid that she was going to be taking her bf to the wedding. I haven't talked to her yet, but she has been dating this guy for about 2 weeks and if she thinks he's invited, she's got another thing coming I dont know what is right or wrong, but this is how we are judging it! Good Luck!

 

[starflower]

It's really up to you. I think worrying about your single guests being lonely is a valid concern, especially if they've come a long way and/or don't know anyone else at the wedding (other than you and the groom of course). You're not required to allow anyone with a guest option if you don't want to, however. It is an extra expense, and sometimes it's a little weird to have someone you don't know at your destination wedding.

My fiance and I aren't allowing anyone to bring a guest, but that's because all of our friends already know each other so we know they won't be lonely. The one or two people we have that don't know anyone else at the wedding are married and bringing their spouse/kids. If we were in your situation, however, we'd probably determine who could and could not bring a guest on a case by case basis.

 

[hmgolden]

Generally, you are only 'required' to invite people with a guest if they are in a serious relationship. However, even my super duper ettiquette following mother thought that or the desitination wedding it wouldn't be fair to the single guests to not invite them with a guest - afterall, who wants to go on vacation by themselves? For me, the extra cost of paying for someone I might not know was outweighed by my desire for my friends to have a good time at the wedding.

 

[princessblueeyzes]

I fortunately only had to let FMIL know that her new boyfriend is not invited and we only had room for her- I haven't even met the guy and she wants him to come and besides DF felt uncomfortable with someone we don't even know coming to the wedding. After all we only invited immediate family and she knows everone and we felt that it would be a great way for her to be on vacation with her family and grandkids from FSIL.

 

[JDR2b777]

I think I have asked you this before, but where was that picture with you and your DH and the fireworks taken? I LOVE IT!!!! That bridge adds to the good look of the picture. And the umbrella, too cute! Who was your photographer?

Generally, you are only 'required' to invite people with a guest if they are in a serious relationship. However, even my super duper ettiquette following mother thought that or the desitination wedding it wouldn't be fair to the single guests to not invite them with a guest - afterall, who wants to go on vacation by themselves? For me, the extra cost of paying for someone I might not know was outweighed by my desire for my friends to have a good time at the wedding.

 

[JonetteA]

I did the same thing that cryssi did. I invited alot of my friends as singles and leveled with them beforehand. That I really wanted them there, but I couldn't due to our budget have their whole families there. They were excited just to be invited. I did get a few that balked and I just made arrangements to include their "extras" in our totals but only after I heard from everyone else and we had room. It all comes down to the money and what you can and can't do financially.

 

[twojo21]

its up to you & your budget. remember family members arent alone theyll be at disney with their family & yours.

we invited some of our single guests with dates (those who were engaged, lived together, had been dating someone) all others were invited solo. it was not an issue for us or our guests.

 

[ead79]

No, etiquette does not say that everyone has to be able to bring a guest. You must invite spouses, fiancés, and those who live together however.

What we did was invite guests for a few of our very closest friends. We also allowed anyone in a serious relationship to bring a guest as well.

 

[cryssi]

They were excited just to be invited.

that pretty much sums it up...

p.s. Jonette you got tagged!

 

[allisonswonderland]

My bridesmaids are single, well 2 - but one is my cousin and the other is a friend- the only issue I see with that is what are the "dates" going to do? Neither are in serious relationships. I have several "just the girls" activities planned - so won't the "dates" be bored? It is not so much of an issue w/ the disney wedding, but it is creating problems with my guest list for the home reception, b/c many on that list are single and the place only holds 300 and his mom is already way over the limit on her end, so to me unless they are in serious relationships (living together or engaged) a guest will not be invited, just because we can not fit people-

I also think for a destination weddding the idea of going on vacation alone...my cousin will be with all of her family and the other maid, is a close family friend and her mom will also be there - so I do not see it as they would be alone, it may be different if the person would not know anyone there so I think it depends on your situation.

 

[mickeyfan2]

You are correct and a guest is the right way to do an invitation. This way the person invited has somebody to dance with, sit with and talk to that they know.

 

[AnimalPrincess]

We are having 40 ppl maximum, due to the room requirement so we are not allowing anyone to bring a guest unless they are serious, like the others said, which is basically just two friends. Everyone else will know other people there. The only thing that I am worried about is my bridesmaid is one of those two people and I just dont know what her bf is going to do since he wont know another soul there. However as mean as it might sound that is just really not my problem. can you tell i dont really like him

 

[twoDISNEYfans]

Im having an intimate, and as you can guess, I really struggeled with the 18 guest max. There were only two people we added the "and guest" to and thats because the "guest" happen to be the groomsman and bridesmaids life partners. Thats the only way I knew how to word the invites!

 

[pintradingwedding]

like my boyfriend's 3 cousins have life partners. but we only know one of them personally. do i really have to invite the two i don't know? this is a group of brothers and sisters-- it's not like they won't know each other! they are family. they can all hang out together!!! it's actually going to come down to i won't be able to have a disney wedding if i have to invite all these people. i'll just have to do something boring back in new york SIGH

 

[Whilykit]

You are absolutely right!!
the ettiquete (sp) is that if the person is over 21 y ears old - they must be invited with a guest. Especially if it is a destination wedding. You dont ask people to come on vacation without someone to share it with!
Good Luck!

 

[ead79]

I think this depends on where you look for your etiquette rules. According to Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette (and she is considered the definitive wedding etiquette authority in the South), you are only required to do “and guest” invitations for spouses, fiancées, and those who live together. These people are to be invited whether or not you know the guest. Anyone else having a guest is optional, though it’s always polite of course.

 

[pintradingwedding]

You are absolutely right!!
the ettiquete (sp) is that if the person is over 21 y ears old - they must be invited with a guest. Especially if it is a destination wedding. You dont ask people to come on vacation without someone to share it with!
Good Luck!

I can't afford to invite everyone with a guest. SO is it more insulting to be invited WITHOUT a guest? or more insulting to not be invited at all?

 

[ead79]

I can't afford to invite everyone with a guest. SO is it more insulting to be invited WITHOUT a guest? or more insulting to not be invited at all?

See my post above. According to traditional Southern etiquette, you only need to invite guests for spouses (which isn’t really a guest anyway), fiancées, and those who live together. Anything else is just a courtesy. We just invited those mentioned above, plus guests for our bridal party members that were single and guests that had been dating a long time. If I was close to the bride or groom, it would definitely hurt my feelings much more to be not invited than to be invited without a guest. I would still want to help them celebrate their marriage.