Etiquette Help

[labdogs42]

Perhaps a roundabout but easy solution is to let people bring whatever they want. If you get a diaper genie or stroller or big-item-of-your-imagining, you should be able to return it for store gift cards. WalMart, Toys-R-Us, etc. are probably where you will be returning things and you can figure out where to take them without ever asking the person who purchased the item. Go online and check out several large retailers: Target, WalMart, Toys-R-Us to see who sells the item. Return it for gift cards there and your niece can use the gift cards at a store near her home or to purchase online and sent to her. My experience is that if I am not told where there is a registry, I will ask the party-thrower. Otherwise, people will usually just buy clothes, blankets, etc. if they don't know what else to get. These items can easily go home in an empty, extra folding duffle bag that she brings with her for the trip home.

Be careful with this approach. Babies R Us and Toys R Usdon't even do returns without receipts any more. Target won't let you return items over $75 without a receipt. So, this strategy could really backfire.

I like the card shower idea, or having people put pictures of the gift in a card and shipping the real item to hawaii.

I think some of that etiquette stuff is for the birds. Sure, we all need to have manners, but there is a lot to be said for practicality. I find it much better to ask for what you want (e.g. registries and putting the info in the invitation) than to expect people to just guess what you might want or need. There, I got that off my chest!

 

[horseshowmom]

I normally don't care for showers that give me specific directions as to what I should purchase, but this situation is a little different. Normally, I wouldn't consider this under any circumstances, but her situation is extreme due to the costs involved.

First off, I would only invite people who are very close to her. That makes it much easier to do your explaining. I would do as someone else said and send the invitations followed up with a phone call explaining the situation.

I wouldn't specify what they should get, but you could mention that gift cards or shipping items to her house would make it easier for her (as someone else said, they could bring a picture of the gift to the shower). If you are only inviting close family and friends this will be understood.

I do recomment that she bring an empty suitcase to carry back any clothes, etc. that she gets (that's not that hard to do with baby things).


Again, I normally believe in following the rules of etiquette, but this situation is different IMHO.

 

[Bren's Mom]

"Can the host include registry information in the shower invitation? Yes, it is fine for the hostess to include gift registry information with (but not on) the invitation. It’s important, though, to remember that it’s totally the guest’s choice as to gift selection. "

http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/rude_situations.htm

Gift info in a SHOWER invite is different from any other kind of invite because a shower in and of itself is specifically a gift giving occasion, to 'shower' the bride or mom to be with what she'll need.

I think it would be fine to put something in the invite, a separate card or piece of paper, that says it would be helpful to the mom to be to give her small gifts or a gift card that are easier to transport home to Hawaii. Surely no one could think that was rude, it's only a request to make it easier on the mom to be.

 

[disneyhand]

Thank you everyone! So many great suggestions and ideas. I will consider them all! Hockeyprincess, that poem is great. I knew this was the right group to ask. You're all the best! I'll let you know how we handle this.

Someone asked if this will be close friends and family. Yes and our family is huge!

My sister (niece's mom) told her to bring an extra, empty carry on bag

When everything is firmed up, I'll come back here for party planning ideas.....

And finally, since Emily Post says it's ok to mention a gift registry, it's like having permission! Wow, thanks Bren's Mom.

 

[Bren's Mom]

And finally, since Emily Post says it's ok to mention a gift registry, it's like having permission! Wow, thanks Bren's Mom.

You're so welcome!

 

[Lexxiefern]

I agree in this situation it is fine. But I would state that small gifts are appreciated as well.

I was recently invited to a small baby shower and was told that they were collecting money to give a gift a card. I was put off by this. I was intending to make a baby blanket for the mom and the way it was worded to me (in person, not on an invite) made me feel obligated to donate - like I had no choice. I have since come to realize that I am under NO obligation and will make her the blanket and pass on the gift card as I had originally intended.

I would just try to not come across as telling people what they HAVE to do.

 

[2binak]

Be careful with this approach. Babies R Us and Toys R Usdon't even do returns without receipts any more. Target won't let you return items over $75 without a receipt. So, this strategy could really backfire.

Target used to allow you to return 2 items, under $75, per year without a reciept.

We live 6 hours from my family. Most people understood the travel issue and gave us gift cards, some shipped items to our home and others brought gifts to the shower (which we were ok with since we had room in the car). We tried to return an item that was on our Target registry. We didn't get a gift receipt so we had to print a copy of our registry to show that it was in fact on there before they would take them back. Even then, they counted that against our 2 allowable returned items per year.

I think that given the situation, it's ok to go against ettiquette on this one and make a cute mention in the invite about it being a card shower. Do a Google search and I'm sure you'll find tons of ideas.

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree in this situation it is fine. But I would state that small gifts are appreciated as well.

I was recently invited to a small baby shower and was told that they were collecting money to give a gift a card. I was put off by this. I was intending to make a baby blanket for the mom and the way it was worded to me (in person, not on an invite) made me feel obligated to donate - like I had no choice. I have since come to realize that I am under NO obligation and will make her the blanket and pass on the gift card as I had originally intended.

I would just try to not come across as telling people what they HAVE to do.

I agree completely! Some might want to consider using priority mail boxes to ship things to her (like the item you're talking about - it will have real sentimental value). As someone else had mentioned, bring an empty suitcase or collapsible duffel that can be carried on (we often do that on trips to Orlando to handle our outlet shopping).

 

[Smile4Me]

I'm going to have to disagree with the majority of posters...It is not rude to make suggestions...thats pretty much what a registry is, isn't it? Almost all wedding and baby shower invited anymore list where the couple or parents to be are registered! How is that any different?

My suggestion is to come right out and call it a card shower, and specify in lieu of traditional gifts, if you so choose, please bring a gift card.

 

[disneyhand]

I realized after posting the Grand Parent thread on the Community Board that I hadn't updated this thread.

Shortly after I posted here and when we were just starting to plan the baby shower for my Niece, they decided to move back home

A job opportunity here for him fell in their laps and they were back home by Easter. Very sudden and quick. Everything worked out well too, even with some initial stress.

So we had a lovely shower w/ 50 friends and family here and didn't have to worry about gift etiquette, shipping or anything else because she is back home

Thank you all for your advice!

 

[horseshowmom]

I realized after posting the Grand Parent thread on the Community Board that I hadn't updated this thread.

Shortly after I posted here and when we were just starting to plan the baby shower for my Niece, they decided to move back home

A job opportunity here for him fell in their laps and they were back home by Easter. Very sudden and quick. Everything worked out well too, even with some initial stress.

So we had a lovely shower w/ 50 friends and family here and didn't have to worry about gift etiquette, shipping or anything else because she is back home

Thank you all for your advice!

Glad everything worked out for you and them!