Ethical dilemma

[mikeymouse2]

I am at DW right now. We have been here for 7 days and it has been bearable with the GAC. My son is 4 and has SPD and possibly other undiagnosed things that have really shown up on our first family trip. He has had some serious overload issues this week but we are handling them. We asked for the GAC because he is a very ( polite word) rambunctious little boy. He cannot sit still, always has to be moving touching seeing. Regardless, we received the GAC and have been using it the last 7 days. My sister in law and her son have been in our party and now our 8th day, we will be doing at a different time than her. She has asked my wife if she could "use" the GAC card. It's my wife's twin sister so of course she wants to let her use it, but I am extremely against it. I think it is abusing the system. I don't even want to use the GAC, but I have to say it has been the best thing for us to help minimize the meltdowns, because there have definitely been some of those. Without it, i would have been miserable. To me it's kind of an insult for her to ask for the card. It's like she is not acknowledging my child has a disability. This isn't "fun" for us!! It pisses me off. Sorry venting. Unfortunately I have to live with my wife, and she doesn't take it as serious as I do. How do tell my sis in law no, while not pissing my wife off or the rest of the family, because I'm already on the hot seat this week as we have had our meltdowns too. I'm in an ethical dilemma. I don't want to be the 1 bad apple that ruins it for the whole bunch. Any advice on how to handle this would be helpful. Thanks. Just talking about it has helped my frustration level.

 

[Wcpedorc]

I say be honest about your opinion, which is right, like you were here. You know the purpose of it, maybe they just need to be reminded.

 

[bidnow5]

I would say no it is for people with disabilities. I would also explained that cheating the system isn't the kind of lesson you want to teach your child

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I would say no it is for people with disabilities. I would also explained that cheating the system isn't the kind of lesson you want to teach your child

Absolutely agree with this. I could not have said it better!

 

[Ambassador]

Honesty is the best policy, and try to avoid inflammatory language: be matter of fact, and don't make it personal. You can also mention that Disney is cracking down on GAC usage abuse, and you would not want them to get into trouble.

 

[ttintagel]

I don't even want to use the GAC, but I have to say it has been the best thing for us to help minimize the meltdowns

This would be a good point to bring up with her - that you wouldn't even be using it yourself if it wasn't a medical necessity.

 

[camper06]

I would tell her that with the recent publicity regarding GAC abuse, you don't want to jeopardize the privilege by misusing it.

If she is that comfortable lying and cheating the system, tell her to go to guest relations and get her own

 

[excitedfamof4]

Honesty is the best policy, and try to avoid inflammatory language: be matter of fact, and don't make it personal. You can also mention that Disney is cracking down on GAC usage abuse, and you would not want them to get into trouble.

Yes, I would use this as a reason too. They just had this on The Today Show and said if Disney catches someone using the card without merit they can be kicked out of the park and lose there GAC privileges. That could be a good thing to tell her, so you don't seem like your just saying "No" for no reason. I also agree with another poster...she is not setting a good example for the children..using it to cheat the system.

I am glad the GAC has worked for your family this week. Enjoy the rest of your vacation!

 

[SueM in MN]

Absolutely agree with this. I could not have said it better!

Honesty is the best policy, and try to avoid inflammatory language: be matter of fact, and don't make it personal. You can also mention that Disney is cracking down on GAC usage abuse, and you would not want them to get into trouble.

Agree with this.

 

[goofieslonglostsis]

Answer could be;

"would love to take you to GS to get you your own, which as you know does require having an actual need for it and deal with the consequences of said need during your day".


Basically same answer I give any and all that think it is so "easy breasy perky"; I'll be happy to take you along in my party but with one requirement; do it as I do. Nobody has EVER wanted to.


I understand your dilemma with your wife, but your opinion is very non-judgemental, valid and very important to make. Not just "to be right", but because you are indeed advocating for your son. Explain the results if you were to go along with such abuse, how this can directly influence a next trip for HER (yours, of course ) son. How this will already impact those families with an actual need as soon as she goes along with this. Each and every "twin sister" in line with this impacts those in line with a true need. How lovely would wife take it if she realised this can be the make or break for being able to ride or not for those who need it.

This is not ethical, this is a marital question. I might be coming from an "easier spot" since it is always very known how I stand in these things and it will not come as a surprise that I will very clearly state my opinion and take no part in such practices. If it were my family? I would seriously consider so called "ratting out" if SIL wants to go forth with this. I would consider the impact it could have on my child who is innocent, but could risk dealing with the consequences of his mother and aunts immoral behaviour and what could follow if I speak up. But, I'ld likely end up speaking up and if need be, actively discussing how son can be secured of no negative impacts. But then again I would be so peed off by such behaviour that I would even be OK with that perhaps resulting in a GAC that would allow son and family to use but not mom (and whomever involved in abuse).

Only you can decide what is right. But remember; you are not "just" the husband that might be in for a huge fight or argument but an advocate for your son. Which is why you have this opinion of "no way jose" to begin with. Stick with that, in however the outcome will be. Advocating for him is always right. You're an adult, as is your wife and you can handle arguments in a relationship. The answer might very well be in one question; what might you end up regretting not doing/doing? When you find you might not regret X even if it were to come with consequences you do not like or even hate, you might just have your answer.

Good luck with your dilemma.

 

[Mama Who]

"Sorry, the GAC goes with the kid."

Can I offer a suggestion? I am certain that your kid has a real need, but I think the way you speak about it downplays that and maybe if you've spoken to the sister in law that way it could be leading to her confusion about the ethical line.

"My kid is rambunctious" doesn't really translate as "my kid has a disability and a medical need for alternative access." If that's how you described his need to her, maybe she thinks since her kid is being a little bratty it's the same thing? It might help to clarify the situation to her so she understands why your kid needs the GAC and she is not entitled.

As for your wife... well, my husband and I have a rule that a really strong "no" trumps a carefree "yes." When one of us feels strongly (like you do) about a moral or ethical issue, that's more important than a "who cares, where's the harm." Is that a thing you could agree on between the two of you?

 

[clanmcculloch]

Your son's name is on the card. Disney is very strict about the person for whom the card is issued must be the one using the card and they can bring up to 5 people with them. I've had many CMs ask who <insert name here> is so he can confirm that the person is there. Does she plan to lie when asked? CMs can take away the card and I believe possibly even kick people out of the parks for GAC abuse and using it for somebody other than the person whose name is on the card is abuse. You and your family can get in a lot of trouble.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Tell your wife if you get caught you can get permanently banned, and with all the media around GAC abuse everyone is being scrutinized. None of that is a lie.

Let us know what happens.

 

[HopperFan]

My DS is very clearly and obviously disabled, yet we often have CM's say "Who is XXXXX?" to which he looks at them or perhaps extends a hand. If he is off resting, the card rests with him. Aside from the general bad lesson to her son, is she also going to tell him to say his name is the one on the card? No way this is okay and I would tell anyone including my sister - no.

 

[mikeymouse2]

"Sorry, the GAC goes with the kid."

Can I offer a suggestion? I am certain that your kid has a real need, but I think the way you speak about it downplays that and maybe if you've spoken to the sister in law that way it could be leading to her confusion about the ethical line.

"My kid is rambunctious" doesn't really translate as "my kid has a disability and a medical need for alternative access." If that's how you described his need to her, maybe she thinks since her kid is being a little bratty it's the same thing? It might help to clarify the situation to her so she understands why your kid needs the GAC and she is not entitled.

As for your wife... well, my husband and I have a rule that a really strong "no" trumps a carefree "yes." When one of us feels strongly (like you do) about a moral or ethical issue, that's more important than a "who cares, where's the harm." Is that a thing you could agree on between the two of you?

First of all "rambunctious" was an adjective to describe his behavior, not a term to define my sons disability. As far as "describing" his need to her, she is pretty well aware of it, as she has been with us for the last 7 days. I don't think it was "lost in translation". Thanks for your input.

 

[Aliceacc]

If that GAC card gets taken away, then your son loses access to it. It's making the trip easier for him. It's not fair to risk HIS vacation to convenience someone who doesn't have a disability.

 

[SueM in MN]

If that GAC card gets taken away, then your son loses access to it. It's making the trip easier for him. It's not fair to risk HIS vacation to convenience someone who doesn't have a disability.

 

[jocon]

"I don't want to be the 1 bad apple that ruins it for the whole bunch."

This may not be a popular thing to say here, but honestly, IMHO at least 50% of the GAC users are "gaming" the system. My best friend, who is a Dis'er and who's son is disabled, completely concurs. I'm not giving you advice on what to do in this situation, but rather saying that you shouldn't put so much weight on your shoulders. Remember, you have your wife to deal with too. My daughter has SPD, ADHD and an extensive medical history. We've never asked for the GAC. Some will. We were tempted to ask to use a family member's GAC this past May. We didn't. I don't think St. Peter is going to ask you about the GAC, but your wife and sister in law will.

Again, nothing PC, but just talking to you as if you were at my kitchen table.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

I have to say, "no", it belongs to your son, and has your son's name on it. Allowing someone else to use it is basically "cheating" the system point blank. There is no other way to say it. Your initial thoughts are correct, do not allow her to use it for her son.

 

[bidnow5]

"I don't want to be the 1 bad apple that ruins it for the whole bunch."

This may not be a popular thing to say here, but honestly, IMHO at least 50% of the GAC users are "gaming" the system. My best friend, who is a Dis'er and who's son is severly disabled, completely concurs. I'm not giving you advice on what to do in this situation, but rather saying that you shouldn't put so much weight on your shoulders. Remember, you have your wife to deal with too. My daughter has SPD, ADHD and an extensive medical history. We've never asked for the GAC. Some will. We were tempted to ask to use a family member's GAC this past May. We didn't. I don't think St. Peter is going to ask you about the GAC, but your wife and sister in law will.

Again, nothing PC, but just talking to you as if you were at my kitchen table.

Not sure where you get your numbers but there is no way of knowing that. I don't look like I need one but I do as a lot of people with GAC's sorry you feel that way but I learned not to judge or guess a long time ago you can not tell what hidden problem another guest might have