Erg. Had to drop the ax on Eric today...

[minkydog]

Some of you have followed our story. Eric is my 23yo foster son who has lived with us off and on since he was 17. He has been with us currently since last July. We have been allowing him to live here while he goes to school full-time. Most of the time he had been keeping his room clean, doing odd jobs for me, paying rent or buying small amts of food, working hard in school,and generally toeing the line.

In the last couple months he has really slacked off. He's not cleaning his room, despite multiple requests.He's laying around, sleeping a lot, and generally being a slob. He leaves the bathroom in a mess. He doesn't clean up after himself when he cooks, and he cooks during the night when we're trying to sleep(the food smells wake us up.) But he really did it last night. DH heard something at 1am and got up to check it out--Eric had his GF up in the bed with him. I don't think they were doing anything, and DH backed up so they didn't see him, but that is a big no-no in my house. You don't bring your friends of any gender into my house after we've gone to bed, and you don't bring girls in particular to stay the night. They left about 7am.

Well, DH confronted Eric when he came back at 8am. He has given Eric through the weekend to find other accomodations. I'm kinda sad and anxious about it. I had hoped Eric would get with it and move out under better conditions. But this is a situation of his own making. He is 23 and resourceful. I hate it, but it has to be done. We didn't tolerate it with our son John and we're not going to tolerate it with Eric, either. In fact, when he heard what happened John said, "I totally agree with you. That's off-limits. He broke the rules, he has to go. " This from the young man who last year thought he should be allowed to live for free, play video games all night, and not do any housework or have a job. John landed on his feet and has done real well. I'm sure Eric will to.

Still...

 

[AKL_Megs]

I mean, yeah... he seems ready. He seems to want the life of an adult, but still live like a child under your roof.

If you don't act, you might just end up with an ACTUAL child moving in... if you know what I mean.

You are doing the right thing.

 

[golfgal]

I probably posted this on your original post but my in-laws had to do this with one DH's brothers. It was the hardest thing they ever did but DH's brother, now 20 years later, says it was the best thing they ever did for him. He is expecting his first child in October and we are all VERY excited--oh and it HAS to be a girl because there are 6 granddaughters and 7 grandsons and it has to get evened out.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

I think you're doing the right thing, its time for him to sink or swim.

 

[minkydog]

I mean, yeah... he seems ready. He seems to want the life of an adult, but still live like a child under your roof.

If you don't act, you might just end up with an ACTUAL child moving in... if you know what I mean.

You are doing the right thing.

Bite your tongue! We already have a child who will never grow up. I don't need any more!

I probably posted this on your original post but my in-laws had to do this with one DH's brothers. It was the hardest thing they ever did but DH's brother, now 20 years later, says it was the best thing they ever did for him. He is expecting his first child in October and we are all VERY excited--oh and it HAS to be a girl because there are 6 granddaughters and 7 grandsons and it has to get evened out.

My own mother kicked me to the curb with 30 minutes notice when I was 20. I was mad as heck at the time, but eventually I realised that she did me a favor.I was being obnoxious and not even paying rent, and one night she had enough! And you know? I survived. I found someone sympathetic to take me in(cuz, you know, it wasn't MY fault)And thus began my adult life. If I can do it, they can do it.

 

[bigbabyblues]

I remember reading about your son leaving. You're doing the right thing, but it has to be hard.

My IL's didn't have the heart to do it to BIL. He is now 30 years old and lives in their basement with his 32-year old wife and 4-yo child. They have no plans to move out, and why should they? They do nothing around the house, they don't pay for anything, they don't even do their own laundry! They do complain about living there though--SIL actually made a comment that it would be nice if MIL & FIL went out of town so they could have the house to themselves like a normal family!

FWIW, SIL owns a home that was willed to her, but it isn't up to their standards, so they "rent" it out to one of her friends for free.

 

[minkydog]

I remember reading about your son leaving. You're doing the right thing, but it has to be hard.

My IL's didn't have the heart to do it to BIL. He is now 30 years old and lives in their basement with his 32-year old wife and 4-yo child. They have no plans to move out, and why should they? They do nothing around the house, they don't pay for anything, they don't even do their own laundry! They do complain about living there though--SIL actually made a comment that it would be nice if MIL & FIL went out of town so they could have the house to themselves like a normal family!

FWIW, SIL owns a home that was willed to her, but it isn't up to their standards, so they "rent" it out to one of her friends for free.

O.M.G. That just takes the cake. Maybe MIL & FIL need to sell the house and go out of town permanently--to a house without a basement!

My husband's father and mother lived off DH's grandmother until FIL died at age 63. DHs uncle lived off of her, and helped himself to her bank accounts until HE died at 62. Grandma outlived them all, but her funds were very depleted. DH has no respect for his uncle or his father. He left home when he graduated HS and never looked back. I am very proud of him for breaking that cycle and I sure don't want to restart it in my home.

 

[ilovejack02]

Hugs, it is so hard, but usually the best thing.

My oldest is now 21 , we did this when he was 19. Yes, he was quite a bit younger than yours but he graduated at 17 , went to school one semester and then did NOTHING. Nothing motivated him , like not having Mom and Dad foot the bill. We still helped with gas money once he got a job because we knew he wasn't making much, it was only a certain amount a month and really only enough to get back and forth to his job.

He has landed on his feet ok , with quite a few stops and starts. Full time job now for over a year and heading back to school in fall.

Being a parent is not always fun .

 

[golfgal]

soooo, Do you have plans to redecorate the boys' cave yet .

 

[4nana]

Good job Mom ! Minky, I think it's wonderful you've been there to help and guide Eric since he was a teen, he's been very fortunate . Yes, he's way over stepped his boundaries. Have to agree, old enough to have an overnight sleeping partner, old enough to get your own place! We always told ours, our house, our rules...no exceptions. Always held them accountable and responsible, thankfully it work, we're very blessed and couldn't be more proud!!!

 

[minkydog]

soooo, Do you have plans to redecorate the boys' cave yet .

Yeah, but I think it's going to take me a month to clean it out. I guess I *could* make them do it, but they'd never get it up to my standards. I'd rather just do it myself. There are two rooms. The larger(about 14x11) will be DD17s dance practice room. I'm gutting the whole thing and putting up large mirrors for her. The smaller room(about 9x11) I'm turning into a craft workplace. I can put my sewing machine in there along with DDs paints, et al, along with a good comfortable chair and a strong light for quilting. I'm going to paint the small room a calm soft blue with chocolate brown, I think, and the larger room DD wants to be kinda peachy. Not my favorite choice, but it will be "her" room. I can always repaint it when we sell.