Emotional Issues and Weight Loss

[cbbi]

I have heard that weight is related to emotional issues – so before any weight loss can be successful you first must address the underlying emotional issues that have made you overweight. I have always been overweight. I believe my weight issues stem from the fact that I get very little exercise and eat whenever and whatever I want. My parents were wonderful but fitness and food choice just never were topics of conversation in my house. We read, watched television, went on lots of great vacations and played lots of Scrabble and cards. But exercise or watch what we ate? not at all. I’ve always been about 50 lbs overweight. I know I use food as a reward when things go well, comfort when I am stressed, and as a hobby when I am bored. Now I have an adolescent daughter who is also 50 lbs overweight. I really want to establish and maintain healthier habits for her as well as for my younger daughter and son who at ages 6 and 2 don’t yet have a weight issue. My husband is also ready to commit to a family lifestyle change. So I guess my question is – can weight loss be as simple as changing habits and committing to the change or is there some underlying emotional issue here that I need to deal with before I begin and if so how do I figure out what it is?

I am new to WISHes board and I am so impressed. You are a very motivating group!

 

[NCRedding]

Welcome to the WISH boards. We're happy to have you here.

I struggle with emotional eating issues every day. I don't know where mine came from--I've tried to figure it out. I was skinny until I reached 28 or 29; then I lost and became pregnant with my DD, now 12. Since she was born, it has been a battle, most of the time a losing one for me. I am trying to take charge of my life and health.

Good luck with your journey.

 

[keenercam]

Welcome to the WISH boards!
I know that I have always been an emotional eater, but I don't think that everyone who is overweight is that way because of emotional issues. For example, though I have often eaten when I was unhappy or bored or to celebrate, I know that the weight issue itself is more a product of bad habits. I have always been more of a cerebral than physical type of person, preferred reading to walking and relaxing by not expending energy rather than expending energy.
A lot of this has changed because I decided I wanted to have a more healthy lifestyle (after the resolution of certain medical issues, a miracle). Now, I really try to plan what I am going to eat for the day and eat on more of a schedule, so that I don't find myself reacting to a given situation by reaching for food. Also, I have redirected my relaxation time to going to the YMCA -- as bizarre as it sounds, I find exercise relaxing. I still enjoy reading and will take magazines or a book to read while I am riding the recumbent bike or using the elliptical trainer or walking on the treadmill. Of course, that won't work when I start getting outside.

So, back to your question -- if I could make a suggestion, in your shoes, I'd encourage my kids to go outside and play. I'd incorporate family walks into our daily routine whenever possible. I'd limit TV and video game and computer time.

We have a family membership at the Y -- $65/month. DD11 loves to go and swim or play pickup basketball in the gym. There are lots of recreational swim opportunities and family swim opportunities. DD16 likes to go to the gym and use the equipment or the weights (especially enjoys watching the cute boys working out, too!) We "make" our kids do one physical activity each sports season, whether it is track or cross-country for DS or competitive colorguard for DD, they are both so much more fit than they would be if they spent all those hours in front of the tv, computer or video game.

Sedentary habits are hard for adults to change, but well worth it, especially when we are trying to set a good example for our kids. I just think the way kids learn to occupy themselves when they are young and how they eat will be lifelong habits that they can either embrace or have to unlearn.

Good luck!

 

[cbbi]

Thank you for the reply NCRedding and congrats on your weight loss. Looks like you are on your way. For some reason - I always lose weight when I am pregnant and when I have young babies. Maybe morning sickness decreases my eating and breastfeeding speeds up my metabolism. My youngest is 2 and weight is starting to creep on so now is the time to do something.

In college when I was very active - weight just fell off. Watching Oprah though makes me feel like I need to go through some kind of therapy before I can be successful at losing weight. I honestly feel that rather than an emotional issue - I have lazy lifelong habits or lack of habits when it comes to food and exercise. Am I in denial? Does it have to be some deep dark secret? So many here have had success - was it a willpower thing for you or a Dr. Phil moment or a combination of both?

 

[cbbi]

or competitive colorguard for DD

Keenercam - when I wrote in my above post above weight falling off in college when I was active for the first and probably only time in my life -- It was because I was in a winter color guard. Then I posted and read your email. That was a coincidence. They said the stamina and exercise gained in colorguard equals a full length football game.

Thank you for the advice on getting our family moving. I was just mulling over whether we should join the gym this summer. Have never joined before because I was afraid we were pay the $$$ and then not attend. But you are right we need to do something. Maybe with the kids (mine are 12, 6 and 2) begging me to go to pool there - I will have motivation on a whole different level! Also they have a nice childcare center for the 2 year old -- also motivating! Your advice about activities for the kids is also great. Thank you. What you said makes so much sense to me. I was also a reader - married a reader - and my daughter -- you guessed it -- best reader in her school. Unfortunately also a couch potato like us. I started playing volleyball outside with her everyday after school a couple of weeks ago. She's going to attend a couple of volleyball camps this summer. My littles have no weight problem but they are also naturally active as 6 and 2 year olds are and regulate their own food intake. I have read that it's not until children are in kindergarten that they start to latch onto family habits regarding eating and exercise. So now is the time to make a change.

 

[keenercam]

cbbi -- how funny that you were in a winterguard! DD is the captain of her HS marching band's colorguard in the fall months and does a competitive winterguard november - may. During the summer she does flag and rifle "camps" and I am hoping she will do a dance and body movement camp this summer. She will be spending a lot of time studying for SATs but will work as a camp counselor during the day, so I think she will stay pretty fit.

I am so glad you are considering joining the gym. If you have a YMCA near you, you may actually want to look into that. We found it to be so much more affordable and there are so many free activities that the kids would all love, including volleyball for your DD12. Ours has an outdoor pool and two indoor pools. Also free fitness classes and other, reduced fee classes like karate, etc. It is amazing to think what your DD12 will find to enjoy. Once she finds a phsysical activity that she enjoys I bet you will see her become more active, just naturally. And she will probably become friends with some like-minded kids. This time is so critical in a girl's life with hormones and weight gain associated with all that. Physical activity will provide another avenue for self-esteem, too.
I will be thinking of all of you.

 

[TigerCheer2009]

Hi, welcome and good luck. I am an avid reader too. So I read while walking on the tread mill!

HTH!

 

[TigerCheer2009]

Hi, welcome and good luck. I am an avid reader too. So I read while walking on the tread mill!

HTH!

 

[zoegirl]

cbbi-thank you for sharing. It took courage to be upfront with the fact that you are overeating. I understand what you're going through. What is it about going into your late 20s early 30s that makes your hormones go crazy enough for you to gain weight? I really started taking my weight seriously about 5 years ago and joined a gym. One of the best things I did was to start working out with a friend. Seems like your DH is ready to jump on the bandwagon with you so that's a good thing. If you keep each other acountable it will be easier to get up and go.
Another thing I did for myself was accept the fact that I will never be a size 6. Hooray for those women that are and don't have problems staying that size, but it "ain't" gonna happen for me, and I'm ok with it. Besides, I really like food too much to starve myself . My doctor says I'm healthy and that's what really matters in the long run. I excersise at least 5 days a week and try to make good food choices. I've managed to stay the same size for years now with the occasional 5 pounds creeping on and off.

Good luck to you on your journey! Stay positive!

 

[YangYang]

I get asked all the time why I finally decided to lose weight now. I don't know - I guess I was just ready. I have been overweight pretty much my entire life. I did lose weight in high school (also on WW) but gained it back and more. I don't think that I have emotional issues - I just like to eat! I do know that I used to eat because I was bored. I really just was not aware of how unhealthy my diet was. I eat just about as much now as I did 150 pounds ago it's just that I eat healthier foods. I haven't had any therapy and to be honest I think that I have more emotional issues now after my weight loss than I did before. When you go from 311 pounds to 160, you have some major changes. I will have to credit my WW meetings with helping me a lot through some of the changes plus a lot of supportive friends and family members. I think that unless you know that you have some emotional problems, all you need is the support from friends and family and it sounds like you have that.

 

[ohMom]

cbbi -- Welcome to WISH!! i commend you on your decision to get healthy and bring your children up with good healthy habits! kudos to you!!

i don't know what your Y facilities have, here in smalltown Ohio with a rinkydinky Y; I would advise you to wait and join in the fall. Spend the summer outdoors enjoying 'free' exercising, walking, bike riding, hiking, swimming, whatever. now if you have a fabulous Y like kennercam i'd say go now - i'll wait here until you get back

i just wanted to respond about the emotional eating issue. I have never felt that i had deep emotional issues causing me to gain/maintain weight. When you brought up Oprah are you referring to the twins that were just on. She was over 250+ overweight and i don't know that you fall into the same level of overeating that she does. Note her twin was very thin and probably emotional UNDEReats.

anyhoo

I gradually put weight on after having two beautiful daughters and one very sweet DH who fed my ego regardless. Then one day I realized I weight very close to what I delivered DD #1 and I thought "OMGosh i'm one of those women who says 'I weigh more now that I did when I delivered my first' " that was my wake-up call. I changed my habits and yes, did lose almost 25 pounds.

now here I sit after putting about 8 lbs back on (gradually again) but still nonetheless. I"m struggling with the mental side of it all this time. I"ve been listening to Dr. Phil UWS audiobook over and over and some of it is sinking in. I still don't think i have deep emotional eating issues; but I do fall into some of the categories he lists. for me it's: all-or-none (i blew the program today, might as well eat anything else and everything else); pipe dreaming (someday my jeans will be hanging off me, my rear tiny and i'll look 10 years younger again); and generally just eating without clearly thinking about it and the consequences and if that twinkie or cookie or whatever is really worth it. I felt SOOOO much better at my goal weight and now i focus on that when I'm tempted to stray

sorry i got so windy ------- check out the UWS book at your library and see if it helps you get going, it's very down-to-earth

 

[kfeuer]

So I guess my question is – can weight loss be as simple as changing habits and committing to the change or is there some underlying emotional issue here that I need to deal with before I begin and if so how do I figure out what it is?

I think for most people, it's both. You said that you do use food when you're stressed, bored, or as a reward. That's an emotional component of your weight issue that you will have to deal with. I'm not saying there's some deep-seated neuroses that's causing you do those things, but you've got to figure out better alternatives nonetheless.

I second the suggestion of reading Dr. Phil's weight loss book. He talks alot about changing your thinking and programming your environment for success. If you really want to get this weight off, you can't just go on a diet for awhile and then go back to your old habits. You've got to commit to a complete lifestyle change. The great thing is, you will feel so much better you won't want to just sit around doing sedentary things. It will start feeling natural for your family to do active things together rather then just watch TV.

 

[cbbi]

I did see the show with the twins on Oprah and at the time I was planning our "New and Healthy Family Summer" but that line - "you've got to find the root cause of your overeating and concur it before weight loss can be successful" kept lingering in my head. Try as I might I just couldn't think of anything. Happy marriage, good childhood, no abuse, no one picking on me about my weight (except the school bully in grade school), success in work, fairly healthy self esteem. We've had tragedies and problems as any family does but I honestly think the primary problem is terrible habits. I have been sedentary and have not had proper eating habits my entire life. My parents were great but they were 46 when I was born and though they had no weight problem as children or younger adults - by the time I was born they were much less active and putting on the pounds as most people at that age were doing during that time. What you all have said makes good sense to me. And I will get Dr. Phil's book per your suggestion. It's time (well past time) to make a permanent commitment to exercising and making healthy food choices. I stopped buying junk food quite a while ago - and our greatest challenge will be changing our "drive thru" mentality and to get moving!!! I wish we had a Y in our community - but we don't. However I am going to join the health club. Last week I started the 60 minutes of outside activity with the kids. Today we will start walking. We live next to a lovely park with a 1 mile walking trail. Though I take the kids to the park sometimes - usually I sit and watch the people walking from my porch swing!!! Shame on me. Thank you again - I sure am enjoying learning from the wealth of info you all have shared on this site.

 

[MickeySP]

Good for you - moving is the first step. Believe me I know, I started at 347lbs after 20 years of letting my food addiction get the better of me. Like you I come frm cerebral parents, lots of books & discussion very little phyical activity, that is the underlying issue. Sometimes it is not a big emotional trauma or abuse it is just what it is. I liked to eat and the more I ate the more excuse it gave my to by a "load".

If I can do it anyone can, please don't let it get as far as I let it. If you need motivation, because I know that wanes, look at your beautiful children. You are their example, if they see you active they will be active too.

I was embarassed to let people see me exercise until one day I just said "what the heck, better than being viewed in a box." It is amazing the people you will get to know if you start a routine the same times & days each week. You may even pick up a walking buddy and you can keep each other on track.

Food is my issue, I love it. I love meals, not snacks so much. Now I plan a week in advance, it is tremedously hard but saves time, anxiety and even money. I shop once a week from a list an do not vary. I thought my son would miss all the chips, ice cream etc.. he has not. As a matter of fact he has dropped 20 lbs and is now a hottie( a whole new set of problems for me!).

I put a picture of me from WDW at my highest weight on the fridge and now I can't even imagine that was me.

YOU CAN DO IT! Use this board when you feel down or slipping there is always someone around.

 

[cbbi]

Okay - you guys have inspired me! It is so good to read your stories and realize there are other folks out there like me who always had been overweight and actually managed to adopt new habits. We started our "new lifestyle" on Friday. Did 1 1/2 miles at the track at the park with my 12 year old daughter, followed our eating plan, drank the water... Both my daughter, my husband and myself have lost an average of 2 pounds -- probably water weight. Today is the first day of summer vacation and sure enough there was my daughter in her room reading a book while my 6 year old was playing a computer game. If I don't make a commitment to this - this is exactly the way the summer will go. SO following your advice I grabbed the volleyball and the frisbee and said "Come on - I'll race you outside." We had a great time. I pray I can keep this up and activity really will become a new "habit."

So Thank you - Thank You - I am off to join the Challenge! My daughter was reading the board over my shoulder and asked what the marathon was and if we could do the half marathon together next year or the year after. She said we will look funny because everyone else will be thin and then there will be us... I told her by the time we get there we will blend right in! Hope so!

 

[maryliz]

SO following your advice I grabbed the volleyball and the frisbee and said "Come on - I'll race you outside." We had a great time. I pray I can keep this up and activity really will become a new "habit."

Way to go !!! Keep up the great motivation for your kids!

So Thank you - Thank You - I am off to join the Challenge! My daughter was reading the board over my shoulder and asked what the marathon was and if we could do the half marathon together next year or the year after. She said we will look funny because everyone else will be thin and then there will be us... I told her by the time we get there we will blend right in! Hope so!

I thought the same thing, and when my sister and I showed up at Niagara Falls last fall to do our first 1/2 Walking Marathon, we realized that it was not all "beautifully toned athletes". Disney was the same ... actually probably MORE less athletic-looking participants. There are people of all shapes and sizes doing these races! How great if you and your DD can someday do this together!

MaryLiz