Embarrassing need for advice on shoes and a toddler.

[ppony]

Okay. I'm a bad mom. We have 2 boys. One is 9 and he was an angel child. We said "no" and he listened. The 20 month old, not so much. Pretty much he's not been made to wear shoes. Often because he's almost always in a stroller or cart in public and in the winter we just had him in the Hanna Anderson moccasins but otherwise, no shoes. Of course now that he walks and will need to be walking on his own a little bit anyway for our Nov trip, we are struggling w/ getting him to wear shoes and not cry and throw fits.
Does anyone have advice for me on how to get him to wear shoes and not cry for hours and make everyone miserable? I've bought Crocs, sandals, and we're using some of my oldest son's Stride Rites but he just complains and tears them off. (we need an icon for tearing our hair out)
I'm desperate. I know we should just put them on and make him wear them and deal w/ the crying, but it's difficult to make everyone out in public deal w/ it too. I hate that too.

THANKS in advance! DIS rocks

 

[VBAndrea]

We always stuck with Robeez on our kids. If they do alot of walking at Disney they will wear out fast though. You can get knock offs at Target for much cheaper and while they are soft, they are better than nothing.

ShooShoos is another brand of cute soft leather shoes, again, they wear out quickly and aren't true shoes.

Pedoodles look comfy and have thicker, rubber soles. Hard to justify cost though if he still might not keep those on.

Try a search for "Comfortable toddler shoes" and see what you find. I thought I rememebered another brand called Preschoolers or something of that nature that might work as well.

 

[loveysbydesign]

I second trying Robeez...they are having a big sale on their site right now(my youngets ds loves his).
On a different note my 7 y.o.dd has always hated shoes, we weren't able to get her to wear them until she started preschool ... then she would only wore Crocs, everyhting else felt too tight to her. It's hard to explain to other parents when you go to pick your older child up at school why your 2 y.o. won't keep shoes on...even in the winter. It took us until she was 5 and in kindergarten to be able to get her to wear socks and sneakers...once a week for gym. She still only wears shoes when absolutely necessary...that being said she is an extremely strong-willed child who seemed to have sensory issues when she was younger. Things were always too loose or too tight or bothered her. She still has a few issues but thankfully now that she is almost 7 it is easier to deal with her. People who don't have a strong-willed child will never understand!
Best of luck to you on your venture!

 

[woodkins]

This may not be applicable but I thought I would mention it since I went through the same situation with my dd (now 6). She would not tolerate any shoes other than slip on crocs, no sneakers, sandals, or solid shoes. She was a preemie & had some other sensory issues going on, so we were chalking it up to that, but after mentioning it to my occupational therapist she sent us to an orthopedist who discovered that my daughter was a toe walker & consequently had extremely tight achilles heal tendons and had developed calcifications on her heals which are very very painful. She started physical therapy & wearing braces on her feet at night to allow for a prolonged stretch of her heel muscles & within a few months was able to wear all types of shoes with no complaints.
I only mention it as you said he can wear the one type of shoes in the winter and I wouldn't want him to have to go through the pain that my daughter did.

 

[evanthep]

ever thought about putting the power in his hands. take him to the store tell him he can get whichever shoes he wants, but he must wear them. At least he will then have his little feet protected.

 

[*Seanaci*]

Sounds like the problem is more about him just not wanting to wear shoes than the type of shoes you're buying.

The best suggestion I can offer is is put the shoes on him with the understanding that if he takes them off, you'll promptly be returning to the car/house/wherever because we all have to wear shoes when we go somewhere. If he leaves them on, but cries/fusses/screams about it, let him. He'll learn, with enough consistency on your parts that it's nota choice he has, ever.

Good luck! Hope that helps.

 

[bumbershoot]

We used Robeez until DS was well over 2. Even camping in October on the coast of WA (those got a bit wet), but we also had Robeez boots for that trip that he liked for part of the time. Soft soled all the way!


Once we started going towards a hardER sole, we went to See Kai Run. Those were incredible (and expensive, but worth it). Still buttery soft (we're vegetarian and they use something like lamb or pig skin and that would usually keep us from using it but we did b/c they were the only things that seemed right, THAT's how right they seemed), very flexible, but a bit more protection to the tootsies as Robeez.

 

[bumbershoot]

Oh, and don't feel bad b/c you've treated your children differently! There's not much wrong with realizing that they are individuals, that some are more compliant than others, and for relaxing yourself in between kidlets.

I've purposely tried to treat DS like he's a third child, LOL. The longer he's an "only" the harder that gets, but I still try. (you inspire me, by the way, with such a big gap!!!!!)

 

[la79al]

I have one that won't wear shoes either. I am amazed at what she is willing to walk on (mulch at the playground for example). I let her play with her shoes now and she tries to put them on herself, which I am finding makes it a bit easier when I try to put them on. Then she takes about 2 steps with them and rips them off. The only suggestion I have is maybe take him someplace like the playground (where there are screaming kids anyways) and put them on right before you get him out of the car. Maybe he will be too distracted with the playground to throw a fit. Good luck and hey, if all else fails, there's always duct tape

 

[ppony]

Gosh! Such a GREAT group guys. I'm continually amazed at how DISers just get toegther to support each other. I shouldn't be amazed becuase the thing bringing us all together is the Happiest Place on Earth right? It has to be full of happy and kind people.

Let me see if I can answer everything.

First: YES> I'll try those Robeez! They look like the exact thing he might tolerate unless we are just doing the battle of wills as *Seanaci* said. At least he can't crank or shake them off of his feet easily. That will make him mad.

A bunch of you were talking about trying to get him to understand or choose. Great ideas of course. I may be sorely undertimating him, but I'm not sure if he understands. That is probably me underestimating him. He's a pretty tall little man and very active in walking and running, but he doesn't really talk yet and he's 20 months. He says a few words, but only when he wants to and getting him to follow instructions is a struggle. I'm not sure if it's just his personality or if we are dealing with something deeper here. His Ped. is a little concerned about Austism and should he not be talking in a few months, we will have to go in and see what might be at issue. So, perhaps there is more than meets the eye? I don't know. I know very little about Austism. It's it funny how kids from the same mom and dad, same ingredients can be so different?

Thank you Woodkins! If we don't get anywhere soon, I'll bring that up to his Dr. as well. We did have to do physical therapy w/ our first as he was a slow walker and was very late in his gross and some fine motor skill development. Thankfully it dind't seem to be pain related. But I'll keep watch.

la79al: What gives!??!?! LOVED the tape advice! My husband DOES work for 3M!

Guys, I'll try any and ALL of your advice. Hopefully something will work! I love being able to go to other moms. I feel so isolated sometimes as a SAHM. My fault I know.

Oh, and don't feel bad b/c you've treated your children differently! There's not much wrong with realizing that they are individuals, that some are more compliant than others, and for relaxing yourself in between kidlets.

There was a drop on the radio the other day. I think it was taken from a TV show or movie. "You know you're from the Midwest when you're in pain and still apologizing for it." I guess I just grew up apologizing for anything and everything. Feeling guilty when I shouldn't. I apologized all teh way through the birth of my second son becuase it was taking so long. It only took 1/2 an hour but I felt bad that I was taking my Dr. away from lunchtime and I had bragged that our first had only taken 10 minutes. Of cousre my Dr. was laughing at me for apologizing, but still. It's me.

(you inspire me, by the way, with such a big gap!!!!!)

Oh gosh! thank you. The gap was actually deliberate...in a way. I had almost the worst case of post pardom you can get. Not a danger to my child but I was a danger to myself. I was literally terrified of that again. SO it took me 7 years to get the courage to do it again. And that was only with the acceptance that I was going to go back on Paxil before I left the hospital after having him. Which I did. Riddled with guilt for doing it too. So it was actually cowardice that made that gap. On the beautifully bright side, my 9 year old is the best big brother one could ever ever hope for. He makes Daniel laugh like no one else. Daniel goes to HIM for hugs and playtime. Nick deliberatly seeks Daniel out to play with him. I never thought an older child would do that but he seems to have a way with children. All of them. Kids in public seem to flock to him.


ANYWHOO! thanks SO much! Everyone!

 

[woodkins]

It is interesting that you mention his pediatrician may suspect autism....They thought the same about my daughter & the diagnosis was Sensory Integration Disorder which many kids have in different degrees, but is co-morbid/intertwined with Autism. He may have sensory issues and the tight feeling of shoes, texture/seams of the socks are too much for him to handle
. When my dd was younger she could not tolerate any cotton socks at all, only microfiber and they had to be worn inside out so that the seams were not against her skin. We went through a crocs only phase for about a year. She also cannot wear jeans/denim type pants (too stiff) only sweatpants/yoga pants. She had lots of issues with loud noises and becoming overstimulated. If you google sensory integration disorder you will find out some of the signs to look for. It could be that he cannot handle the sensory input that the shoes are giving him but he cannot communicate that to you. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

 

[bumbershoot]

My brother was the second born and he didn't talk until he was 3. Goofy kid, he knew we knew what he wanted. He had his own personal translator (me).

So it might be something big, or it could just be him. My guy wasn't talking much at all at that age...I was getting tired of our no TV thing and decided that Blues Clues couldn't hurt...after a relatively short period of seeing that show, he just burst into speech. It was amazing. I'm at home with him, and though I talked to him ALL the time, it seemed that having a man talking "to" him sent him over his quiet edge. A year later I saw a cousin who had a boy about 20 months old with the same quietness, I mentioned BC and the same thing happened with him. Wild! Plus it's just a good show (with Steve, not Joe, as I'm sure you might remember from your 9 year old if you "do" TV).

I have half-sibs along with my full sib. The first born when I was 13, next when I was 15, and my sis rounding it all out with another girl when I was 25. The two boys were fabulous with their sister, they just loved her, and they were around the age of your older son. That age seems really good.

I don't think I have that long to wait, and it has not been deliberate for us at all, but as time goes on I realize that my personality would have gone over the edge if I'd gotten another while DS was still difficult (he was great, but difficult and demanding, now he's mainly great), especially if the kiddo had been the same as DS.

 

[hugabearjo]

I didn't read all the way through the other advise but, wanted to quickly give my two cents. My youngest son we had the same problem, in fact until he was 6 ish we struggle to keep him in shoes he shed them any chance he got. It was quite the battle, his feet were thick top to bottom wise and we learned later that the shoes we were trying were very uncomfortable if not painful we happened to find some merrell shoes on clearance, they were the ugliest things I think I have ever seen however he finally would leave his shoes on. Found that they were wider top to bottom then most.

He now (at age 15) prefers "skate" shoes because they are made wider and bigger so they don't hurt.

Hope this helps. I thought forsure his was behavioral until we happened upon the shoes he loved.

Good luck, I know this isn't easy. Keep trying different styles, you might just be surprised like we were that he finally will keep shoes on.

 

[ppony]

Oddly enough, I ahve tried playing BLue's Clues for him. Meh. He has mild interest in Elmo's World. But the BIGGIE for him since he was even 6 months is...... Wheel of Fortune! Go figure! None of us watch it but it always caught his attention at the end of the news and we just didn't change the channel because he loved the wheel and the noises. I've got pix of him watching so I can scrapbook about it.

Of course we're hoping he just bursts out w/ words but so far, it's a very rare occurrence and not even regular. He'll say momma when he's scared or looking for me and I'm not around. Naturally I'm just hoping he's holding back.

I'm going to order a couple of the Robeez. Figures that he seems to be right at the upper level for the 18-24 but a little small for the 2-3 years. Figures


Sorry if I'm missing anyone right now. Typing and feeding kidlets. Can't thank you all enough.

 

[tiggger1]

They make these new water shoes that are neoprene socks that have a rubber soles maybe those would work?

 

[MissionWDW]

I always put shoes on my kids late too and for a couple of them (I have four) it was a tougher transition. Come to find out the two that had the problem have the sensory intergration (or processing) disorder that a previous poster mentioned. It wasn't just their clothing (ugh...socks), but they have eating problem due to textures and bathtime is/was a nightmare. My oldest DD8 has never been able to handle noise and can not tolerate fireworks...that was fun last time at Disney...lol. It may or may not be that, but it is worth mentioning. At 20 months they are still so young that it is tough for them to understand. BTW...my 25 month old is just now starting to really talk. My 4 year old had major speech delays, so I feel your pain with not being able to communicate. Robeez are great little shoes. I used them for three of my kids and it is a good transition shoe. I think I bought the Target brand a few times and really liked them. I've also heard good things about Pedipeds. They are soft and flexible like the Robeez, but have a sole that may be better for the wear and tear. Good luck with everything!

 

[grace&philipsmom]

This post reminds me of something that happened on our last trip to the world. My then 18 month old hated shoes too and so every time he was in his stroller he would take them off. We were getting some shade in the store across from the magic carpets ride in adventureland at MK. Suddenly a door in the store opened and out walks Aladdin and the Genie. Aladdin took one look at DS in his bare feet, bent down and said "Ah yes there was a time that I had no shoes to wear either!"

 

[A&E'sMom]

My thought is that it doesn't matter what type of shoes you buy. If you've ruled out any sensory issues, then I'd say it's more of a control issue now. My advice would be to put whatever shoes on him that you want him to wear, and then take him someplace where you wouldn't be so embarrassed if he yelled his head off- like your backyard or a park or something. Then try to distract him with a game or treats or something.

 

[ppony]

I always put shoes on my kids late too and for a couple of them (I have four) it was a tougher transition. Come to find out the two that had the problem have the sensory intergration (or processing) disorder that a previous poster mentioned. It wasn't just their clothing (ugh...socks), but they have eating problem due to textures and bathtime is/was a nightmare. My oldest DD8 has never been able to handle noise and can not tolerate fireworks...that was fun last time at Disney...lol. It may or may not be that, but it is worth mentioning. At 20 months they are still so young that it is tough for them to understand. BTW...my 25 month old is just now starting to really talk. My 4 year old had major speech delays, so I feel your pain with not being able to communicate. Robeez are great little shoes. I used them for three of my kids and it is a good transition shoe. I think I bought the Target brand a few times and really liked them. I've also heard good things about Pedipeds. They are soft and flexible like the Robeez, but have a sole that may be better for the wear and tear. Good luck with everything!

BIG huge hug! And thank you for sharing about yoru speech delays as well. It makes one feel better knowing they aren't alone. My heart goes out to everyone that has these sensory issues. Who knows, we might. We'll find out. I am heartened a little (though it may mean nothing) in that he has never minded wearing socks, tags on clothes have never bugged him, baths thank GOD are great! He's actually over in the hallway rolling around in a ton of blankets. He LOVES blankets. He never minded the moccasins so I wonder if A: it's a weight issue? Or it could be B: control. I totally get that it might be that. A&E'sMom, I think we'll protty much have to do that. I ordered a few of the Robeez last night. Unfortunately, the only ones in his size on their site now were the sandal type. But that's fine for now and for FL. I think though, I'll get a pair of the Pedipeds (CUTE shoes) for fall. At least if we can get him to wear a softer sole regularly, a transition to a harder sole will be easier and met w/ less resistance. Maybe?

This post reminds me of something that happened on our last trip to the world. My then 18 month old hated shoes too and so every time he was in his stroller he would take them off. We were getting some shade in the store across from the magic carpets ride in adventureland at MK. Suddenly a door in the store opened and out walks Aladdin and the Genie. Aladdin took one look at DS in his bare feet, bent down and said "Ah yes there was a time that I had no shoes to wear either!"

CUTE!!!!!
Daniel does try to take them off in the stroller. I just fear one of these times I'm not going to SEE it and walk away w/o the shoes. We've got 4 months to go to WDW. THANKS for all the advice everyone! I'l report back when I have something to report.

 

[loveysbydesign]

BIG huge hug! And thank you for sharing about yoru speech delays as well. It makes one feel better knowing they aren't alone. My heart goes out to everyone that has these sensory issues. Who knows, we might. We'll find out. I am heartened a little (though it may mean nothing) in that he has never minded wearing socks, tags on clothes have never bugged him, baths thank GOD are great! He's actually over in the hallway rolling around in a ton of blankets. He LOVES blankets. He never minded the moccasins so I wonder if A: it's a weight issue? Or it could be B: control. I totally get that it might be that. A&E'sMom, I think we'll protty much have to do that. I ordered a few of the Robeez last night. Unfortunately, the only ones in his size on their site now were the sandal type. But that's fine for now and for FL. I think though, I'll get a pair of the Pedipeds (CUTE shoes) for fall. At least if we can get him to wear a softer sole regularly, a transition to a harder sole will be easier and met w/ less resistance. Maybe?




CUTE!!!!!
Daniel does try to take them off in the stroller. I just fear one of these times I'm not going to SEE it and walk away w/o the shoes. We've got 4 months to go to WDW. THANKS for all the advice everyone! I'l report back when I have something to report.

Did they have the sandals on sale at robeez.com?? if so I need to get a pair...my ds had them last year and loved them!