"Email" vent..

[Disneylover79]

I don't have anything to add but I do want to give you a , from what I have read from you on the boards and the way you have supported others, I do not think you deserve anything hateful said to you....

 

[Sgt Mickey]

do you think he is abusive? It sounds like a very controlling thing to do.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

I'll make this as brief as possible as many of the details aren't relevant..

Yesterday morning I received an email from a friend of 20+ years.. The email was very cold and impersonal and left me with the impression that our friendship was coming to an end.. I have been friends with this person and her DH (although I have never particularly liked him) for a long, long time and was puzzled - to say the least.. Just to be sure I wasn't imagining things, I showed it to my DD and her DH and they both agreed that it sounded like "the kiss of death"..

1st off, what he did was wrong. He is acting, like others have said, like a child throwing a tantrum. I am in no way condoning what he did because it was plain in simple....wrong. But....

The one thing that stuck out to me I have highlighted....is it possible that he has always known that you didn't like him? Is it possible that he & his wife were recently talking and she unintentionally commented that you didn't care for him? I highly doubt that he did not know this. Is it possible that he has always not cared for you but his wife has chosen to stay friends with you despite his urgings to end the friendship? Maybe he thought that because you were distant friends (and by that I mean you live far apart) and maybe don't see each other often enough that the email would terminate the friendship without a confrontation. That you would take the email at face value.

I think that to confront him would be a waste of time. It would accomplish nothing more than putting your friend in an uncomfortable position and maybe that of her having to choose sides ~ friend or spouse. You & she have spoken and you realize that you need to communicate verbally and not via email (at least for now). He can only come between your friendship if you both allow it and it sounds like he is trying to control her environment ~ maybe he always has or maybe something has happened recently that has triggered it but it sounds like she could use an understanding and compassionate friend. I hope that you two can put this behind you and move forward

 

[squirrlygirl]

C. Ann, just wanted to let you know he's not the only one that does that. My son's stepmother was using his dad's email to send me nasty emails. For example, I talked to Dad on the phone and we agreed that I would take DS to get contacts. A few weeks later I receive an email from "dad" berating me for violating the court order by making such a monumental decision as getting contacts without discussing it with him. Or, after 12 years of dad and I agreeing that Memorial Day weekend starts at 5pm on Friday..."dad" sends me an email saying I'm trying to violate the court order and should be found in contempt of court for not bringing DS at 9am
I ended up mailing a letter to dad telling him that all communication would be done by phone or signed letters. I can't imagine what type of relationship him and his wife have that she would do this to him, or that he would let her.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Sounds like the husband has

a) "issues" (and I wouldn't discount the possible dementia or other neuro-psych angle - my aunt w/ Alz started out with nasty phone messages to us; I imagine if she knew how to use a computer it could well have been emails) and

b) too much time on his hands

Maybe your friend is aware he's having issues but isn't ready to discuss it yet.

Good to vent here. Your friend *may* be having more difficulty in her life than you know. I think it's wise to sit it out and keep contact to phone calls. Maybe this will be the opening she needs to let of steam even if it's not something more serious and he's just being a

Hang in.

 

[wdwfan16]

Mary knows what Joe did and it is up to her to handle it. You lashing out at Joe could put an end to your friendship with Mary. Lashing out at Joe would be just as childish a response as his initial one was.

 

[AmyinKY]

My first thought was the start of mental illness as well.

, hope you can have the same relationship with you friend as you had before and not let this taint it.

Amy

 

[kimmar067]

KirbyDog48 said "patoutie" I think that's the 1st time I have heard that outside my family!! And I know I have never seen it spelled out!!! And yes... he is a *******. But be careful you don't alienate your friend, she is married to the jerk! She just may decide to spend less time with you if you lash out very harshly! (not that he doesn't deserve it)

...yeah - she SHOULD have said 'bahookie'.....


























[...SRSLY - that guy has some real issues.... ]


.

 

[DizBelle]

I guess his "superior intelligence" didn't help him see that he would be found out.

 

[snapppyd]

I agree with changing her password and only talking on the phone from now on.

 

[sbell111]

You've already given this issue far more attention than it deserves.

 

[snapppyd]

You've already given this issue far more attention than it deserves.

I disagree. She has been friends with this woman for a long time. What this man did is horrible.

 

[okeydokey]

You've already given this issue far more attention than it deserves.

A 20 year friendship being almost ruined by a moronic husband? I think it deserves a bit of attention.

C. Ann, I think you just need to be there for your friend. Imagine being married to such a person.

 

[sbell111]

I disagree. She has been friends with this woman for a long time. What this man did is horrible.

... and now his wife is aware of the issue. She can handle it as she sees fit. It's time for the OP to disinvolve herself.

 

[Frantasmic]

Is this the same couple whose daughter you have trouble with at the lake? They sound familiar from your descriptions of them.

If so, you've somehow managed to live with this type of behavior for quite a while.

Since he's been discovered, and his wife knows too, I don't think there's much you can do to let be known what a "snake" he is. It's pretty clear to all involved.

So, I concur with others who say to let the wife handle it. However, reading between the lines (and I may be wrong) it seems OP isn't content or doesn't think justice will be done by her friend to her husband to the extent that OP desires. This is why I asked my original question. If this is the same couple, you've lived with them (his ego/her ambivalence) in the past.

If it's a different couple, why do your friends pick dipsticks for husbands?

 

[happygirl]

Is this the same couple whose daughter you have trouble with at the lake? They sound familiar from your descriptions of them.

If so, you've somehow managed to live with this type of behavior for quite a while.

Since he's been discovered, and his wife knows too, I don't think there's much you can do to let be known what a "snake" he is. It's pretty clear to all involved.

So, I concur with others who say to let the wife handle it. However, reading between the lines (and I may be wrong) it seems OP isn't content or doesn't think justice will be done by her friend to her husband to the extent that OP desires. This is why I asked my original question. If this is the same couple, you've lived with them (his ego/her ambivalence) in the past.

If it's a different couple, why do your friends pick dipsticks for husbands?

I was wondering if it was the people at the lake. I'm still not sure if the wife didn't put the hubby to it. So she didn't look like the bad guy

 

[Darsa]

I don't think it's the lake people (heh), because that was the woman she can't stand... I believe? Nellie, right?

I guess his "superior intelligence" didn't help him see that he would be found out.

Yep, there's a VAST difference between intelligence and wisdom; apparently he got the first without bothering with the second.

Sorry you have to deal with this C. Ann!

 

[kimmar067]

I agree with changing her password and only talking on the phone from now on.

....I agree with you agreeing....

 

[snapppyd]

....I agree with you agreeing....

Great minds think alike!!! (small minds don't think at all)

 

[kimmar067]