Ease My Aching Heart

[lovinwdw]

My 9 year old neice is killing me. My DH and I are planning a trip to WDW in September. We went with my entire family in October of '04. This year we figured we would have 1 more trip to WDW before we start talking about having kids. Heck, who am I kidding, DH wanted to go to Vegas, I wanted WDW!!! Anyway, since our trip in October my 9 year old neice has been talking non-stop about WDW. (Even found some of her iteneraries. She has every single minute of every single day planned out to the T). I have spoken to my brother in law and have asked him not to tell her that we are going in September because I don't want to hurt her feelings. I have spoken to my DH about taking her with us, but 2 problems: (1) She has a 12 year old sister (who isn't as into it as she is, and really didn't like all of the walking and the heat the last time we went); and (2) the hubby would like to have an "adult" vacation, just me and him. It kills me everytime I talk to her and she brings up WDW. I am so excited about my trip, but I do not want to break her little heart by telling her that we are going without her. She is so sweet, saying how much fun it is going to be when we all go back. I know it might sound a little silly, but her mother (my sister) passed away in November and I am so protective over her and her sister now that I hate to do anything that is going to hurt their feelings in any way. Someone please help me feel better about this!!!

 

[kimwim8]

Ugh, I feel for you! I know it's gonna be hard, but you and your DH definitely need an adult trip before you have kids. I'm sure if you're niece finds out that you're going she'd understand that.

Your niece can help you plan it out..and you can keep a journal just for her to have when you get back. Something like that.

Sorry, I don't know if anything I said actually makes you feel any better. It's so hard when kid's feelings are involved.

 

[Mich Mouse]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is easy to understand why you do not want to hurt your nieces feelings in any way. I am sure these last few months have been a nightmare for everyone, and that you and your husband really need some time to spend alone. Please do not feel guilty....You must take some time for your marriage. I am sure that you cannot be the pillar of strength your nieces need, if you are feeling guilty. If you really think that this trip will hurt their feelings, then it may not be nesessary to tell them about it.

Another option is to plan another vacation (Vegas?) I think the important thing is that you and your hubby have some time to spend together, whatever the location.

PLease do not feel guilty! I just said a prayer for you and your family.

 

[2x_dis_dad]

If it were me in this situation, I would take the girls. You and your husband could plan another trip to a more adult place for another time. It sounds as if the girls could really use the trip. Invite your Brother in law too. That way you can still have some alone time with your husband while he has the girls.

 

[WDSearcher]

I don't think your niece is going to crumble to pieces if you mention your trip, as long as she understands it's a "grown-up trip." Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I understand the emotion behind it, but you're allowed to have a Disney vacation of your own, without kids, without guilt. And if your DH specifically requested a "no kids" vacation, I think bringing the kids would be a bad idea.

If you feel so strongly about taking your niece that it would totally spoil your Disney vacation if you didn't, then by all means, take her to WDW. But plan an "adults only" trip to Vegas for you and your DH. That's only fair.

 

[experiment626mom]

Don't feel guilty about taking this trip. Be honest with the girls and let them know that this is an adult trip. They will be disappointed, but they will understand. Bring them back something special.

Go and enjoy the time with your husband!!

 

[anditoo72]

I am sorry for your family's loss and can totally understand where you would want to take her with you (speaking from one who takes one or two neices or nephews with us every time), but this trip should be about you and your husband. Once you start having kids I would say take her then, you'll be going back.
Instead of hiding the trip from her, she actually might be upset if she found out. Ask her for help planning. It sounds to me that like she just likes to talk about disney, like us here on the Dis boards. I am sure if you explain to her that you want a vacation with just your husband before you start giving her cousins she will be fine, and probably happy that you came to her for some planning advice.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

AS I was reading your post i was saying to go without her for sure untill i read about the passing of her mom. I am so sorry for all your loss. I think it will be a tough decission and in no way should you feel guilty no mater what you decide. I do kind of like idea of your husband and you going somewhere else and then going as a family to WDW but an adult trip to WDW would be nice too. If you do take her I would at least extend the invitation to her older sister too. 12 is a very tough age to loose a parent and I am sure she is dealing with even more issues than the younger child. Good luck and God bless your family.

Jordan's mom

 

[safetymom]

I would say to take them both. You truly haven't seen Disney till you see it through kids eyes.

It would be a truly special wonderful thing if you could take them with you on your trip. They have been through a lot.

You will have the chance to do something special with your husband someday. Please think about taking them. You will have a great time.

 

[lovinwdw]

I would say to take them both. You truly haven't seen Disney till you see it through kids eyes.

It would be a truly special wonderful thing if you could take them with you on your trip. They have been through a lot.

You will have the chance to do something special with your husband someday. Please think about taking them. You will have a great time.

We did actually go to WDW with them in October of 2004 (while my sister was still with us). I really wish that I could take them with us on our September trip. I am just afraid that it would cause a major strain on our marriage. Especially since my DH asked for a vacation just me and him. Pretty much one day of every weekend we have the kids, while their father either works or has some much needed alone time. Our trip is already booked with WDW for the week of 9/10/05. We booked it before my neice got really Disney crazy again. I am just trying to think of the best way to tell her without hurting her feelings. I don't like hiding things from them. I have been very close with them since they were born. They are a very important part of my life and always have been. I am thinking that maybe when they go (hopefully in 2006) with their father, I may go with them then. DH isn't as into it as me, so I am sure he wouldn't mind that. I am just trying to get over feeling bad about not being able to take them this time.

 

[Traveliz]

So you are saying as of now your niece does not know you are planning a trip?

If that is the case you can break it to her easy by telling her you and Uncle so and so are going for your vacation and talk again about how much fun you had with her on the prior trip.

I am way too a softie so I would be planning a way to get the niece on a trip to Disney another time - even if it was a aunt and niece trip only for a shorter time.

Liz

 

[WDWBetsy]

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers!!

It sounds like you and your DH need some time alone. You're both going through a lot, not only grieving, but also helping out your brother-in-law with the girls.

I would sit down with your niece and tell her sooner than later. I'm sure she'll appreciate you confiding that you wish you could take her, but you and her uncle need to spend some time together. A special souvenir for her and her sister might make a nice keepsake to present to them when you get back.

Again - you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[jlaspoq]

What a tough situation. I would say that you and your husband should have this vacation for yourselves. I also agree that your niece would probably love to help you plan the trip. Bring them both back something special. Most importantly, enjoy your vacation with your husband - time alone with him before you start your own family is so important. But be careful - I got pregnant the month after we did our "just the two of us" trip! And we've been going back ever since.....

 

[Tinkim]

I agree that it sounds like you and your DH need to spend some time together. Maybe you could go with your nieces and BIL on their next trip like you said or perhaps you could even plan a girls only trip just for you and your 9-year-old niece or both of them if the 12-year-old is interested. I am so sorry about the loss of your sister. That must be very difficult but it sounds like you have been a great source of comfort to your nieces and a wonderful help to your BIL. Your niece may have her feelings hurt if you are going to WDW without her; however, if she has her own trip to look forward to I think that would be very exciting for her. I dreaded telling my best freind that the kids and I were going to WDW (leaving this Saturday) because her DH passed away in April and she and her two DDs went to WDW with us last year and loved it but due to financial difficulty and many other things they can't go this year. I so dreaded telling her but one night I just said it. I knew I couldn't keep it from her and she needed to know even though she would be sad. For Christmas though I bought them all tickets to Disney on Ice to see Beauty and the Beast (her favorite) so that made me feel a little better. Maybe you could take your niece to see Disney on Ice if it is showing in your area. Just some thoughts. Good luck whatever you decide. You sound like a wonderful aunt that any girl would be lucky to have.

 

[Renysmom]

Can you possible tell your niece about the adult trip but can you surprise her with her own "Ladies Only" weekend trip at a later date? If she has her own trip, just her and her Aunt to look forward to I bet she wouldn't care about you and your DH trip. I a sure if you planned it out far enough, with codes and low airfare rates may not cost much, BUT while you are planning this determine if her sister would want to tag along and make it a real ladies only trip, or maybe there is somewhere close to where you live that just you and other niece could have your own girls weekend, doins something she likes to do.

Sounds to me that your niece is now looking to you as her 2nd mom and it is awesome that both you and DH are willing and able to be there for them now. I applaud you Also, it could be the dreaming of a new trip is her way of having pleasure in her life, all of her making, during such a sad year.

I just noticed your from NJ, maybe if a girls only weekend to WDW is too much, how about a girls weekend to NYC with a special day at the new Disney Store, with all the special Princess parties and such that they have, maybe this would be a easier (and cheaper) solution.

Let us know what you decide.

Kelly

 

[i12go2wdw]

This is such a hard situation and I am sure you will make the decision that is right for your whole family. One thought is that maybe the girls could fly down on the Friday night of your last weekend there and spend that time with you. Our dd9 has been flying alone since she was 7 to spend time with her best friend who has moved away. They take such good care of the kids on the flights and it gives them such a feeling of independence to go on their own. This may not work in your situation but it could be a win win for everyone.

Christine

 

[wide awake]

It could be that your niece will lose some of her interest in WDW in the next couple months...I don't know the circumstances of your sister's death but could your niece be associating WDW with the last good family time ? Is it possible to start her in a new hobby...dance lessons, gymnastics, swimming ? Maybe that would help. I can see why you're having a hard time, I love having my nephews around and taking them on trips, but my DH wants us to go as a family of three sometimes.

 

[lovinwdw]

It could be that your niece will lose some of her interest in WDW in the next couple months...I don't know the circumstances of your sister's death but could your niece be associating WDW with the last good family time ? Is it possible to start her in a new hobby...dance lessons, gymnastics, swimming ? Maybe that would help. I can see why you're having a hard time, I love having my nephews around and taking them on trips, but my DH wants us to go as a family of three sometimes.

I never thought of that. My sister died after a 1 1/2 year battle with lung cancer and she actually went into the hospital the week after our trip. She was only able to join us on 2 of the 7 days we were there, but I know the kids really enjoyed their time with her there. It was the first time we all saw a smile on her face in a while. That is definately a possiblity. My neice is into soccer, I know the season starts soon, so that will make her happy and keep her busy.

Everyone has been mentioning taking them on weekend trips. I think that is a great idea. Maybe not to WDW but Hershey Park in PA is supposed to be fun. Unfortunately, I am terrible at driving far and I would need DH to go. He adores my neices, but I don't know if he will be able to handle 12 and 9 year olds fighting for 3 days straight. I don't know if he would go for it, but I will have to ask him. Never hurts!!! Thank you so much.

 

[Musky]

Well, perhaps if your DH really wants to go to Vegas, you should cancel your WDW trip and go to Vegas with him. Then he might be so grateful that he would encourage you to take the girls to WDW separately. If he's not as into Disney as you are, this might answer everyone's needs.

Becky

 

[MossMan]

Your niece doesn't need someone to take her to Disney, she needs an older female in her life that she can trust and depend on.

Trust is built on a foundation of honesty. So the only way to make sure she gets what she really needs from you is to be honest with her - always. Hiding the the truth from her not only won't work (since she will find out anyway) it will only serve to separate you from a little girl who so obviously needs to be close to you.