DSIS...Wedding....Mexico....ARGH!!!

[mrsv98]

I have to vent before I explode.

DSIS is finally getting married to her long-term BF. We like him very much and are thrilled. She asked me to stand up with her and DD to be the flower girl. Excellent, we fly to CO, have a great time, and DH may even come.

Now the complication. DSis and DFi have now decided they want to have a destination wedding in Mexico.....in July.

While I love my DSis very much, I think she is nuts. I don't understand why they can't get married in CO and then go to Mexico. They have a group of friends who travel together and the plan as it stands is for this group to rent a villa for a week and have the wedding.

Here are my problems/complications.

1. I am not thrilled with the thought of schlepping my DD thru 2 flights each way to Mexico. DH does not fly and will not come meaning I have to do this on my own.

2. It will cost me $2000 easy when you figure in air fare, hotel, even for 4 nights, food and clothes for the wedding. This means that we will probably have to curb or completely curtail our summer vacation to Door County meaning DH works all year but doesn't get to go somewhere for vacation. I feel like it is really presumptious for DSis to impose this cost on us.

3. I have no desire to go to Mexico, I am very worried about DD and diseases and the water, etc.

4. It is JULY in MEXICO!!!!! Not only hurricane season, but incredibly hot and humid. I don't even go to WDW in the summer, why would I go to Mexico????

5. I don't particularly like most of DSis and her DFi 's friends. They are in their 30's but act like they are in a frat. They smoke, drink and swear constantly, even around the kids. The thought of spending several days with them is not fun. Also, there won't be any other little kids around. DD will be 5 and her DCousin, who she loves will be 10 but will want to hang around the older kids and not "the baby".

So, I go, try not to be resentful and anxious, spend lots of money and make DH unhappy. Or I don't go and tick DSis off since we are not only supposed to go but be in the wedding.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!! (That was my primal scream ) So really, what do I do?

 

[Rock'n Robin]

I've never been involved in a destination wedding (except for getting a room in Grand Rapids MI for a night) but my first instinct is that if she wants you two to be there, she should foot at least a portion of the bill for the travel. If you went to CO you would be paying a lot less.
You could cut your hotel stay down to 2 nights (rehearsal and wedding)--if she wants you there more for some frou-frou get togethers, she can pay.
She doesn't sound very considerate. I always thought with destination weddings, you only had to go if you could afford it (except maybe mom and dad) and then the couple could have a reception back home for all who could not attend.
Shoot me down if I'm wrong guys, the last time I was in a wedding was 1996 and I could be way out of touch.
Robin M.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

You sould have an honest discussion with her. Let her know how you feel. Then see what she says and go from there.

 

[helenabear]

I can feel your stress on this one. But honestly if I were in your shoes, I would do it in a heart beat. I spent just about $1000 on my friends' wedding that was more or less local. I know if I had thought of the costs up front, I doubt I would have gone to her wedding or at least not done all I did do. But in the end, it was money well spent.

I would talk to her, and express your concerns with it. Good luck with your decision.

 

[Beth76]

It's her wedding, she should be able to have it wherever she wants. If you choose not to go, then she shouldn't have a problem with it. People who have destination weddings need to understand that not everybody will be able to attend.

 

[mickeyfan1]

If you do decide to go................

Hurricane season in in August.
Not all of Mexico gets hurricanes.
You will need a notarized document from your husband giving you permission to take your child into Mexico.
There are always travel bargains to be had, you just need to look.

I think you should explain to your sister your concerns. If she is really stuck on going to Mexico, and you can't justify it, tell her honestly. Rather than saying you really dislike their friend because they are immature, tell her you are uncomfortable with your daughter being exposed to behavior that she might not see as fun.

Good luck.

 

[Missy1961]

Talk to her, tell her your concerns. Maybe you can reach some kind of compromise. Maybe you go, but not your DD? Or go less days? I understand your frustration. But I've been lucky--when my sisters & brothers got married, only one wasn't in NY. And that was in North Carolina (he was living there) and we were able to get inexpensive hotel rooms or we stayed at his place.

 

[CEDmom]

I understand your frustration. I wouldn't want to go through all that either. Honestly, if I were you I'd have a conversation with your SIL. I'd start off with the fact that your DH(her brother) won't be attending, then go onto your worry over traveling so far with a young child, bring up the weather issues and finally the money. If she still wants to have it in Mexico I'd wish her the best and send a nice gift.

 

[DoeWDW]

I'd simply tell her that going to CO and seeing the family were part of the appeal of being in her wedding. Now that the wedding is in Mexico and much more expensive and with a group of people that your DD won't find enjoyable, I'd politely bow out and plan to visit them 3 - 4 months into the marriage, when you can spend some quality time with them (and NOT all their friends) and really enjoy each others' company.

 

[Muffin]

Hurricane season in in August.

Not meaning to discourage you from going to Mexico, but hurricane season is June 1 through December 1.

 

[Mishetta]

I've been to Mexico once & it was not a good experience. With that being said, the last thing I'd want to do is bring my kids there. If you really don't want to go, then I would just tell DSIS that it's just too much to travel with a young child, alone to a foreign destination. Tell her that you thought about it carefully & it's just not possible. Be sure to mention (before she gets a word in) that you knew she would understand.

Good luck!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

If it's a destination wedding in Mexico, I am guessing it will be in Cancun or some other touristy place. While you need to be aware of your surroundings, I wouldn't worry too much. I have seen both sides of Mexico, the touristy and the real life. In Cancun and the like they treat the water and cater to Americans. Most deal with US dollars. I am not afraid to take my kids there. I haven't yet, but there is no reason I wouldn't.

Now if you were going to some border town or Mexico City, I would have more worries.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I love my brother dearly, and cried like a sappy older sibling should at his wedding this past May. But if he was doing an expensive "destination" wedding in a country I have no desire to go to (Mexico would probably be on that list, esp. IN JULY!!!!!) I would have politely told him I could not attend the ceremony and because my brother is a mature adult, he would have understood why and accepted it.



Not the same but my best friend got married this past May as well and she really wanted me to go. She got married on the beach in St John. Well, needless to say, I could not afford the airfare or the vacation time and as much as I would love to have seen her big day, I did not feel that I should have to cancel my previously scheduled Dec. Disney trip just to be able to afford the money/days to go. She understood 100% and I ended up planning her a surprise shower before she left since I could not go to the actual ceremony.

I think if you do not want to go, you should not go. Esp. if you are concerned for your DD.

 

[castlegazer]

Just went through this exact same dillema with my oldest and dearest best friend - I even set them up. They decided on a destination wedding in Cancun. I heartached over it for months, talked to them about it ad nauseum, talked separately with my friend. Bottom line, its their choice and what they wanted to do. It breaks my heart, but I am not going. The cheapest package they could get me would have cost $2,500 for four days, two of which I would spend flying. I have better things to spend my money on - and yes, to all who have thrown down that type of money for best friends weddings, I do love them to death, but geez to wees, come on, that is the equivalent to my vacation spending for my yearly trip, and no I am not willing to spend it to be with them on this day.

I truly angst over this and really feel it will be awful not to be there with them and I am pissed at them for doing this, but it really comes down to, again, their decision, and not mine.

Here's is one other thing. They are footing the bill for family members to go down. So I think for family in the case of destination weddings - you want one - you pay for family to be there.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Wow, where are you guys pricing packages????? DH and I stayed at the Grand Oasis for a week for around $1000 all inclusive(not counting air fare). With air fare, DH got his ticket for free (FF miles) and mine was around $500.

 

[DMickey28]

I am doing a destination wedding. We are getting married on St. Thomas. We discussed our plans with the people closest too us before deciding offically.

My best friend and her husband are going. Their honeymoon was the only vacation they have been on. This is there vacation too.

My parents are going as is my brother. His mom is going as are his two brothers and his best friend.

We invited many others, but understandably they could not go. Not a big deal.

Everyone is getting a vacation out of the deal. Our wedding is the monday of a week long cruise and the rest of the week we are spending with family and best friends we haven't seen in 10 months since we moved away.

i don't feel bad in the slightest because everyone had a choice and our thoughts were discussed with everyone important before the final decision was made. We can't pay for anyone else to go, we can barely afford ourselves, but it's our wedding and it wil be a vacation of a lifetime! Everyone in our circle of family and friends, no matter fi they are going or not, think it's the greatest idea and either wish they had done it that way or are thinking about doing it that way when they get married!

Wouldn't change it for the world!

Be honest with her. maybe just you can go down for the wedding, or plana trip later. i am sure that she will understand that everyone she would like to attend can't be there. It's part of the deal!

 

[JayBee]

I also can not imagine wanting to go to Mexico in July....the heat would be intolerable. But besides that, you sound as if you really don't want to go...so don't.

 

[castlegazer]

Originally posted by Miss Jasmine
Wow, where are you guys pricing packages????? DH and I stayed at the Grand Oasis for a week for around $1000 all inclusive(not counting air fare). With air fare, DH got his ticket for free (FF miles) and mine was around $500.

Well I didn't want to dive deeper into my pissed offness here in her thread, but since you asked this is yet another part of why I was thoroughly ticked off - they picked the most expensive all-inclusive in Cancun that is not even near any other hotels, its actually not even in the Mayan Riviera, its in that inbetween area so there are no alternative hotels near it. When I asked them to make sure they priced alternatives for people my best friend said they would and would pay for the resort fee their resort charegd for people to be there for the day - then come to find out his fiance had a completely different take on things. She said and I quote, "Oh, I would never recommend another hotel to anyone, God knows what other hotels are like. This is where we will be and this is where ou guest WILL be!". Yeah, OK! Kinda tipped the scale for me as I know there are more affordable places and well, if they aren't willing to help me get there, I guess I know where their priorities are.

I wish they had discussed it with all their friends prior to announcing it and laying down the deposit because it is a hardship on all on my friend's other friends and his family, but not on hers. He is going to have only his brother there for him, who he is paying for, and his mother, who again he is paying for. Meanwhile she will have all her friends and family there.

Yeah, its making me bitter.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Yikes, Castlegazer. Sorry that your friend is that inflexible. There are quite a few nice resorts in Cancun.

 

[*Fantasia*]

If your Dsis really wants you and your daughter to be at your wedding that bad, she will help you pay for the trip. I don't think staying for 2 days (rehearsal and wedding day) is worth paying for the air. Just like if I fly to the Philippines, I would at least stay there for 2 weeks. I would hate to spend $1,300 rt and the long flight just to stay for a few days, it's just not worth it.