DS is at the park, kids are smoking pot...

[erincon23]

DS14, who really sees the world in black and white, just called. He's at a local park with friends (the first time he's ever done this). He says some kids (not the kids he's with) are sitting smoking pot, and he wanted to know whether I thought he should call the cops. He says he knows who the kids are. I told him to move away from those kids, leave them alone, don't call the cops. I understand his intentions -- he really is very anti-drug, which I'm happy about, but I know kids can get beaten up very badly for being considered "narcs," and it's happened at our high school before. He said he can't just do nothing, and I hope I convinced him that doing nothing is probably the best thing at this point. Had it been anything more serious than just smoking pot (and believe me, I am not in favor of this at all -- my concern is completely for the well-being of my child) I would have been over there in a flash, not letting him call the cops without me there, but I'm not quite sure what to do here. I want him to learn that there are situations that yes, break the rules, but no, don't need your intervention because the potential hazards are greater than the benefits. WWYD?

PS I just called him to make sure that he's sitting tight -- he's doing ok right now, but says he intends to tell the deans at school tomorrow. I told him we'll talk about it, and maybe it would be best if I called so we could keep his name out of this? I'm concerned that if he knows those kids, they know him too and would know who saw them in the park.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Yes, I really think your son should mind his own business. It is not his place to 'police' other students, particularly since the activity in question did not involve him or another vulnerable student (i.e., bullying) and it was not on school grounds.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Thank goodness he is a good kid. However I would encourage him not to get involved as it may bring unwanted attention upon him. As for telling the dean at school, unless it happened on school property there isn't much anybody can do after the fact.

 

[Magic Mom]

Yes, I really think your son should mind his own business. It is not his place to 'police' other students, particularly since the activity in question did not involve him or another vulnerable student (i.e., bullying) and it was not on school grounds.

I don't understand this line of thinking. He is a citizen and is witnessing a crime. If he wishes to report it, it certainly is his "business" and his right to do so.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

yes it is a crime but is he willing to go to court and testify?

 

[Magic Mom]

yes it is a crime but is he willing to go to court and testify?

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. My comment was in regards to it not being his business to police other students.

 

[NotUrsula]

I don't understand this line of thinking. He is a citizen and is witnessing a crime. If he wishes to report it, it certainly is his "business" and his right to do so.

And it's his parent's right to try to talk him out of doing so if he/she thinks that the result will be that he will get the crap beat out of him while the kids who are smoking dope will get no punishment at all for it from the police.

Sometimes the better part of valor is knowing when not to be brave.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DS14, who really sees the world in black and white, just called. He's at a local park with friends (the first time he's ever done this). He says some kids (not the kids he's with) are sitting smoking pot, and he wanted to know whether I thought he should call the cops. He says he knows who the kids are. I told him to move away from those kids, leave them alone, don't call the cops. I understand his intentions -- he really is very anti-drug, which I'm happy about, but I know kids can get beaten up very badly for being considered "narcs," and it's happened at our high school before. He said he can't just do nothing, and I hope I convinced him that doing nothing is probably the best thing at this point. Had it been anything more serious than just smoking pot (and believe me, I am not in favor of this at all -- my concern is completely for the well-being of my child) I would have been over there in a flash, not letting him call the cops without me there, but I'm not quite sure what to do here. I want him to learn that there are situations that yes, break the rules, but no, don't need your intervention because the potential hazards are greater than the benefits. WWYD?

PS I just called him to make sure that he's sitting tight -- he's doing ok right now, but says he intends to tell the deans at school tomorrow. I told him we'll talk about it, and maybe it would be best if I called so we could keep his name out of this? I'm concerned that if he knows those kids, they know him too and would know who saw them in the park.

Agree with MYOB and for the love of all that is holy never involve the school, unless it happened on school property.

This is a case where you teach your son, "no good deed goes unpunished".

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Not worth my kid getting targeted over.

Cops probably already know that the park is a hangout where there may be pot smoking. It's up to the police to police it.

 

[Hannathy]

Yes, I really think your son should mind his own business. It is not his place to 'police' other students, particularly since the activity in question did not involve him or another vulnerable student (i.e., bullying) and it was not on school grounds.

I agree with this 100% and your son is old enough to learn that there are gray areas in life and unless they were hurting someone else or someone elses stuff you leave them alone.

I wouldn't call the school either. They will find out and his life will be a living heck.

 

[Hannathy]

And it's his parent's right to try to talk him out of doing so if he/she thinks that the result will be that he will get the crap beat out of him while the kids who are smoking dope will get no punishment at all for it from the police.

Sometimes the better part of valor is knowing when not to be brave.

Especially in a victimless crime!!!!

now if they were beating up a little kid go for it but smoking no way, they are only hurting themselves.

 

[Magic Mom]

And it's his parent's right to try to talk him out of doing so if he/she thinks that the result will be that he will get the crap beat out of him while the kids who are smoking dope will get no punishment at all for it from the police.

Sometimes the better part of valor is knowing when not to be brave.

Again, I was only commenting on whether it was his business to report a crime. I said nothing about the mom's advice.

 

[ols386]

OP, I think you should encourage your ds to not get involved in this. The kids that he would be reporting, will know that he did it, and they could make his life a living h***. I wouldn't wish that on any kid.

I think there are times to get involved, and times to NOT get involved. This is a time for him to not get involved.

 

[minkydog]

And it's his parent's right to try to talk him out of doing so if he/she thinks that the result will be that he will get the crap beat out of him while the kids who are smoking dope will get no punishment at all for it from the police.

Sometimes the better part of valor is knowing when not to be brave.

I have to agree. "Snitching" to the police is a good way to get your head busted. In some neighborhoods, it could cost you your life. And once you're identified as a narc, whether true or not, they can make your life a living hell. A friend of mine in HS was thought to be a narc. I don't know that he was--he ws just the new kid and didn't have many friends. But once the druggies fingered him that was the end of his teenage normal life. He and his family finally had to move because the torment against the family was just relentless.

 

[LuvLDM]

And it's his parent's right to try to talk him out of doing so if he/she thinks that the result will be that he will get the crap beat out of him while the kids who are smoking dope will get no punishment at all for it from the police.

Sometimes the better part of valor is knowing when not to be brave.

Agreed

Op, I think you gave your son good advice.

 

[rigs32]

In NY smoking pot isn't a crime, it's a violation. You cannot get any jail time if convicted or if you plead guilty.

 

[Hannathy]

Also believe me the powers that be in school (administration, police liaison officer) Know who is smoking pot and who is doing drugs.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Also believe me the powers that be in school (administration, police liaison officer) Know who is smoking pot and who is doing drugs.

You think?

My dd's middle school has a monthly drug dog search unannounced.

Plus all the kids on probation from whatever (school or juvie) see the counselor. My dd says she can hardly ever see her because the druggies are always in her office.

 

[bluesaturn]

I would definitely tell him not to tell on them. Telling would be a good way to make high school a living hell.

Does your son have something against these kids, do you think he's trying to get them in trouble to get back at them? Is he maybe being teased already?

 

[SadieDog]

I agree with this 100% and your son is old enough to learn that there are gray areas in life and unless they were hurting someone else or someone elses stuff you leave them alone.

I wouldn't call the school either. They will find out and his life will be a living heck.

I agree with this.