Dropping 3 yr old from trip plans

[Skubygurl]

I think this has been pretty much decided already BUT my DH thinks we should leave our 2nd DS (will be 3 this month) back home for our 1st Disney trip in Feb 2011.

Our 1st DS (6) has had numerous special events ruined by his younger brothers behaviour.
DS 2 has a wild streak-tantums- over and above a normal 2-3 yr old. Its stressful thinking about what we wont be able to do on the trip because we dont know how he will act let alone Disney is a pretty big trip with a big price tag.
As the momma, I am heartbroken thinking about leaving him back with Grandma BUT it may mean a future trip would be necessary when he gets a litttle older right?

Just looking for a little encouragement that its the right thing to do or others have done this.
Thanks.
Ann Marie

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I know you asked for encouragement, but your post just breaks my heart for your youngest ds. I have a child like that, I know you think I don't understand how difficult it is, but really, I do. I have turned down invitations to family events where children were welcome, even cookouts, postponed day trips, even not let our older children have friends over some days because of the kind of day he was having.

That being said, Disney for us is a family vacation and I would absolutely not leave one of my children at home. We have had to take our youngest out of restaurants and shows because of his behavior, but we still went. He's still part of our family. And if I felt that we couldn't enjoy WDW with him, none of us would go, I would plan a vacation that he could enjoy with us instead. Or plan to take him on a trip by himself in the future and leave the older one at home.

 

[glk2009]

I agree w/ PP about Disney being a family vacation and would bring along all of the fam with us.

But, what if you had a day or half day where your 6 year old just spent the day with you or dad and the other parent spent the time with the 3 year old. Just because it's a family vacation, doesn't mean you have to spend 24/7 together.

Just an idea! Enjoy your trip!

 

[msmayor]

I think this has been pretty much decided already BUT my DH thinks we should leave our 2nd DS (will be 3 this month) back home for our 1st Disney trip in Feb 2011.

Our 1st DS (6) has had numerous special events ruined by his younger brothers behaviour.
DS 2 has a wild streak-tantums- over and above a normal 2-3 yr old. Its stressful thinking about what we wont be able to do on the trip because we dont know how he will act let alone Disney is a pretty big trip with a big price tag.
As the momma, I am heartbroken thinking about leaving him back with Grandma BUT it may mean a future trip would be necessary when he gets a litttle older right?

Just looking for a little encouragement that its the right thing to do or others have done this.
Thanks.
Ann Marie

And you don't think that his family leaving him behind is ruinous to him?

There is simply no way on earth I would consider leaving a child home for that reason. Take the time now to use tough love and teach him better behavior and coping skills. THAT is more important and what should be done, not excluding him from a family vacation.

 

[okeydokey]

I think you should take your 6 year old on his first trip and let him have a fun and stress free time without his brother. When little brother gets to be 6, you can take him.

I know people will feel sorry for the 3 year old, but i feel sorry for the 6 year old if he has all his events ruined by his younger sibling. Does the three year old even know what Disney World is?

 

[maddiesmom0116]

This is a tough decision for anyone to make. I would be worried it would cause even more issues between the siblings further down the road and damage the relationship more. I am not sure of what you have done to fix the issues with your 2 year old but he is 2, is it possible part of the responsibility for his behavior should fall on his main caregivers? I am not saying this to be mean, only to give you a different perspective based on an experience I had recently.
Recently I went through similar issues with my DD6 and almost cancelled our trip last month, I am glad I didn't because in retrospect it would not have been fair to her and I would have felt very guilty. On the trip I realized that most likely certain foods in her diet are contributing to her behavior issues and when we got home I cut out all processed foods and reduced the sugar greatly (like only Cheerios for cereal etc..). Once home when I got the diet in order she has not had any issues at school and very minimal issues at home.
I have always cooked a nice evening meal, but breakfast was breakfast bars and frosted mini wheats etc.., that suff is packed with sugar and then packed lunches were lunchables etc..

If I would have not taken her and I now realize her behavior was partially my fault it would have been a very hard pill to swallow for me.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[cel_disney]

I would not be able to leave him home - but I would consider the idea of scheduling some one-on-one time with older DS...either leaving younger DS with a parent, sitter, or bring grandma along instead!

 

[DisneyTravelers2008]

We went for our first trip when DS was 10 and DD was 4. She is an active and opinionated little chic! As she gets older, she is mcuh better. But at ages 2-3 and 4 she was a handful.

I was suprisingly amazed that on our trip we never had to get on to her even mone time---not even ONCE!! You might be surprised by your child's behavior.

I saw the other person post a comment that you did not have to be "together the whole time"...you could plan some separate time as an alternative to leaving the other child at home

---We plan "separate time" this a lot b/c of the ranges in our kids ages...DD and I do girlie princess and kiddie stuff while DH and aDS ride roller coasters--- this gives us ALL a much needed break along the way


I hope it works out for you---

 

[JayT]

Does DS(3) have an official diagnosis? If his behavior is so extreme you're contemplating this, you may want to think about having him evaluated. Maybe get some tools or advice on how to deal effectively with his behavior instead of avoiding it would be better. I know how you feel - my son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, and it's a struggle just to go to the grocery store sometimes.

And while he may not understand what WDW is right now, he'll probably ask in a few years when looking at your vacation photos where he was.

 

[msmayor]

I think you should take your 6 year old on his first trip and let him have a fun and stress free time without his brother. When little brother gets to be 6, you can take him.

I know people will feel sorry for the 3 year old, but i feel sorry for the 6 year old if he has all his events ruined by his younger sibling. Does the three year old even know what Disney World is?

Except that a child that age doesn't have the reasoning or comprehension to understand that he's ruining things. That's why its up to parents to do what is necessary to control the situation and teach proper behavior. Not just accept it and alter family plans around it.

 

[kohlby]

Take the 3 year old with you but plan some time for the 6 year old in the parks with one parent. You can go to the park at rope drop with both kids. Then head back whenever the 3 year old starts acting up. If this is early in the day, then the other parent stays with the 6 year old. If it's late in the day, then you can all leave for a break. Then have just the 6 year old and a parent go back at night while the 3 year old gets to bed on time.

My first child was THAT child - the one whom everyone knew his name since he was so wild. We could be in a room with over 100 kids and my oldest was the most noticable due to behavior. (He does have sensory quirks and they definately contributed to his bahavoir. He had a lot of classic Asperger's symptoms from birth to 4, then he started improving. He doesn't have Asperger's though since working with his sensory quirks helped a lot of those behavors disappear). We went to Disney when he was barely 3 due to a family meet-up. I never would have tried it otherwise. (Plus DD was 2 months old). We found that cause-and-effect actually worked. It often didn't work at home but it worked at Disney. He had to wear the harness until he proved to us he would stay with us. (And the harness came with us everyday just in case. I made sure he knew we had it as well). I told him we would stay for as long as he behaved. My spirited child definately had his moments but he was easier in Disney than he was at home! We did Disney again when he was 3.5 years old and while the first trip was acceptable, the second trip was very fun!

Take him. He may surprised you. He may not. If he doesn't, the 6 year old's trip does not need to be ruined. The 6 year old will just get more one on one time instead of family time.

 

[happydisneyfamily]

I have a very strong-willed child and on our trip 2 years ago we had intended to leave that child at home for our Disney trip. The sitter fell through and we had no choice but for everyone to go. There is something magical about Disney that makes you glad your whole family is there to share and enjoy. We got a ton of pictures and did a lot of firsts. I did not get to ride all of the wild rides as my husband rode them with the older kids while I remained with our younger ones ages 2 and 3 but that was my choice. I enjoyed seeing everything "through the eyes of a child" and probably enjoyed Disney just a little more knowing my kids were happy and could all share in the experience. We are going again in January and even though it would be easier without the younger two ages 3 and 4, I would not be happy in Disney knowing I left one of them behind. Would you enjoy yourself knowing your first Disney trip was without your whole family?

 

[DISNEYFOS]

We have a 3 and a 6 year old and we were very able to split up and do things the 6 year old wanted...I did a bunch of kim possible missions with her, while my DH took our 3 year old to do other things...(look at ducks...the maze in England

3 is a tough age..but I don't think I could leave someone home from a family vacation

 

[Wendy31]

I would take him. He's a part of your family... behavior quirks and all.

At 3, he's old enough to understand he's being left behind. I'm no psychologist, but I would think that not getting to go w/ my family to Disney World would do to more to damage me (& cause possible further behavior problems) than would be the possible damage done to my older brother because his trip was "ruined".

Photos from the trip aside, what about when older brother comes home all excited about Disney World & all the things he got to do? And little brother is left out?

I think, even at the young of 3, this kind of thing would just cause more behavior issues... "Mommy & Daddy don't want me around, so I might as well be wild." There's no incentive to do right, you know?

I don't know... I know 3 year olds can be a challenge, especially those w/ strong personalities, but I would have a very hard time leaving my child behind.

 

[kymmyk13]

DD6 has Oppositional Defience Disorder, severe ADHD and sensory issues. I could never go to Disney without her. We had to be proactive and be ready for a fit but she really does behave well at Disney. We went this past summer and she had 1 meltdown, it was the first day we were there but I can understand because we had travled late the night before and fiished the rest of the drive that morning so she was tired. You souon sound very familiar to me DD started showing signs of problems when she was 2. I would take him to be evaluated because handling a child in his terible two and handling a child who has issues are two different things.

 

[sweetsusannah]

Only you know what is right for your family, none of us live your life. I agree with every other poster that I wouldn't leave a family member behind on a vacation. We do however take a grandparent (or 2) each time we go. We pay accomodations and they pay for their tickets. Not sure if this is an option for you but you make want to consider it.

 

[mamaLori05]

I have a 3 yr old and a 5 yr old. My 3 yr old absolutely knows what Disney is, and would be sooo heartbroken if we left him home and took just his sister. What are you going to tell him when you leave and he isn't going with? The 6 yr old is going to be excited to go and I can't see a 6 yr old keeping quiet about a trip to Disney. Expecially a first trip, and the excitement will be even greater when you return. I think leaving him behind would hurt him emotionally, and you can almost guarantee that his behavior will only get worse. He will begin to see himself as naughty, therefore acting more naughty. A 3 yr old isn't going to understand that his behavior from the past few months is the reason he can't go to Disney. They live in the moment.

Your 3 yr olds behavior doesn't have to ruin your 6 yr olds fun. If the 3 yr old throws a fit, send the 6 yr old with one parent to go on a ride while the other parent sits with the 3 yr old until he is able to calm himself down. Make sure you tell him he is missing out on the fun because of his behavior. Don't exclude him from the vacation. That would be sooooo sad.

 

[TheRatPack]

I'd take him....just plan some one on one time with your 6 year old. I have a 7 year old with reactive attachment disorder and some other unlabeled issues from being in foster care most of his life. While he really gives us a run for our money on vacations....we still take him. The first year we were ready to check out and come back home after just one day....second year we'd learned to see things a bit differently and this year....we were pros at it LOL He didn't ruin anyone's vacation but his own....and he was saddened by that. We were glad we took him...he deserves a vacation too....and we were really really glad that we'd learned to cope with many of his issues. His siblings have learned to ignore a lot of it too, and they had a blast.

We did have a lot of things we did with each child though. DH took my oldest to HHN with him...my two dds and I went to the food court for icecreams. My youngest ds checked out the arcade....etc. Plus they all went on different rides and such with me or their dad. It worked out and again I'm glad we took him...the mom guilt would be too much if we left him at home during our biggest vacation of the year.

 

[Scootersbabygirl]

It is a very hard decision, because while you want to make sure that the 3 year old is included in everything, you also want to make sure that the 6 year old gets some special time as well.

I'd make sure, if you bring the 3 year old, that you really make sure that he understands everything that he needs to do, and what will happen if he doesn't behave properly. Make a chart that he can understand, with pictures, if you can, and explain that if he has a tantrum he will be given a time out no matter where you happen to be in Disney. Check out some of the Super nanny episodes - this may help, because no matter where you go, you can always discipline him if necessary, while, at the same time, letting your 6 year old have the time that they need to have. The two have to learn to get along eventually, right?!

 

[Mkrop]

I could not leave one of my kids at home. I think the younger one needs to learn proper behavior, you have until Feb to work on it. And older one needs to learn compassion and patience.

When DS7 was younger he had many endurance, sensory and anxiety issues. He had meltdowns or didnt want to do things. Or things were too stimulating or noisy. The whole family learned to deal with this.

He has improved greatly and now loves Disney and other amusement parks as much as we all do. I am so gald we took the time to experience all together even with the bumps in the road.