double post

[chrissyk]

double post

 

[totalia]

I have been in the past but then I realized that life is too short for that kind of ****.

 

[danacara]

Do you feel physically threatened? Is she trying to extort from you?

 

[chrissyk]

double post

 

[browneyes]

They're supportive of her abusive behavior? It sounds like they're as much the problem as she is.

 

[mommytutu]

Oh, wow...I don't know...I just want to say "Best of luck to you and you dh". A letter seems like a good place to start and point out what laws she is breaking and what the maxium sentence is. And since it is across state lines would you have to go by federal law?

 

[gr8tpanther]

How far away from you does she live? I think that I would start by changing the phone number and just not answer the door when she comes. If she makes a spectacle of herself, then call the cops, if she is THERE, they can do something.

Could get a really BIG MEAN dog

 

[chrissyk]

double post

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes I think changing your phone number to an unlisted number would be good. Make public things as private as you can. Might be bumpy at first.

Then do not have any more correspondence with them, period. No rebuttals, no nothing.

 

[chrissyk]

double post

 

[Serena]

That's an awful situation. I don't have any advice though that you don't have already. I just hope she gives up.

 

[Disney Enthusiast]

I was estranged from my family for 5 yrs over a misunderstanding and we have since mended the relationship once I brought some grandbabies into the family and we are all close and doing great now. Babies seem to be able to "fix" things very quickly. Very few grandparents can stay angry when there are grandbabies involved. But they weren't dangerous, just emotionally/mentally abusive to me and so they "shut me off" to teach me a lesson for not doing as they said. I was 26 yrs old at the time.

But I can not offer any help w/ your situation. It sounds as if it is escalating to a potentially dangerous situation and I personally wouldn't take any chances. In this day and age, we are seeing more and more bad things happen like men killing their wives rather than just divorcing them. And when drugs are involved, there's no telling what they will do. The drugs are guiding this person. Dr. Phil says in a preview commercial, "A serial killer has 14 attributes, and your son has 7 of them." I might not be exact on the quote, but if your SIL is showing many signs of being potentially dangerous, then remove yourselves from the situation, no matter what it takes. JMHO.

Be safe. And good luck in deciding what to do. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[mommytutu]

Originally posted by chrissyk
As for this being federal, I didn't think of that! Is it federal when someone makes a phonecall threatening you, but they are in a different state? The police in MA made it sound like we just had to wait and see what she would do I'm tired of being worried about what she might do to us all the time.

Well, I know they have Federal Laws protecting women from violent ex-partners.

Interstate Domestic Violence

18 U.S.C. 2261 (a)(1)
Travel or Conduct of Offender. – A person who travels in interstate or foreign commerce or enters or leaves Indian country with the intent to kill, injure, harass, or intimidate a spouse or intimate partner, and who, in the course of or as a result of such travel, commits or attempts to commit a crime of violence against that spouse or intimate partner, is guilty of a Federal crime.

18 U.S.C. 2261 (a)(2)
Causing Travel of Victim – A person who causes a spouse or intimate partner to travel in interstate or foreign commerce or to enter or leave Indian country by force, coercion, duress, or fraud, and who, in the course of, as a result of, or to facilitate such conduct or travel, commits or attempts to commit a crime of violence against that spouse or intimate partner, is guilty of a Federal crime.

Interstate Stalking

18 U.S.C. 2261A
(1) Whoever travels in interstate or foreign commerce or within the special maritime and territorial jurisdiction of the United States, or enters or leaves Indian country, with the intent to kill, injure, harass, or intimidate another person, and in the course of, or as a result of, such travel places that person in reasonable fear of the death of, or serious bodily injury to, that person, a member of the immediate family of that person, or the spouse or intimate partner of that person, is guilty of a Federal crime.

(2) Whoever who uses the mail or any facility of interstate or foreign commerce to engage in a course of conduct that places a person who is in another State or tribal jurisdiction or within the special maritime and territorial jurisdiction of the United States in reasonable fear of the death of, or serious bodily injury to, that person, a member of the immediate family of that person, or a spouse or intimate partner of that person, with the intent--


(A) to kill or injure that person; or

(B) to place that person in reasonable fear of the death of, or serious bodily injury to that person, a member of the immediate family of that person, or a spouse or intimate partner of that person, is guilty of a Federal crime.

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/vawo/laws/vawa_summary.htm

You might could get a federal protective order...I really don't know since she is a family member and not an ex-lover. Would you concider this interstate stalking?

 

[chrissyk]

double post

 

[Beth76]

I'm a little confused. It sounds like she's in Massachusetts and you are in Florida, right. So how is she threatening you still, over the phone? But, you said you didn't give anyone your #. I'm just not understanding how she is still in contact. Also, are you looking to break ties with the parents too, or just the sister?

 

[SunshineSis]

I'm estranged from my sister. I haven't seen or spoken to her in 5 years. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life, but it was necessary.

My sister is an addict and alcoholic. She's never, not once, lifted a finger to help herself and seems to live in this dreamworld where everyone else works and lives to bail her out of whatever mess she's in at the time. She lies and steals and then tries to guilt people into helping her. I spent my time cringing every time the phone rang (because she'd be drunk and criticizing me for being normal) and praying for guidance as to what I needed to do.

Eventually I realized that nothing I said or did was going to help her and that until she decided she needed help I couldn't deal with it anymore. If she called today and said she needed rehab and asked for help, I'd leave right this minute to go get her and help her out, but until then she's cut out.

I still feel guilty, but at least I have my sanity.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I was going to ask if she would go into rehab? It's so hard to be around people who are that unstable. I would probably end up cutting her off too, if she wouldn't go for help. Good luck with your situation.

 

[chrissyk]

double post

 

[mommytutu]

Originally posted by SunshineSis
I'm estranged from my sister. I haven't seen or spoken to her in 5 years. It's one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life, but it was necessary.

My sister is an addict and alcoholic. She's never, not once, lifted a finger to help herself and seems to live in this dreamworld where everyone else works and lives to bail her out of whatever mess she's in at the time. She lies and steals and then tries to guilt people into helping her. I spent my time cringing every time the phone rang (because she'd be drunk and criticizing me for being normal) and praying for guidance as to what I needed to do.

Eventually I realized that nothing I said or did was going to help her and that until she decided she needed help I couldn't deal with it anymore. If she called today and said she needed rehab and asked for help, I'd leave right this minute to go get her and help her out, but until then she's cut out.

I still feel guilty, but at least I have my sanity.

This is what I did with my sister and now she says it was the BEST thing anyone could have done. She was all strung out and I brought her into my home to help her. I took her to work everyday and picked her up, I fed her, and gave her a roof over her head, but once I had enough I told her to get out and don't bother coming back or calling. Oh, the yelling that took place that day! I told her that I didn't chose her for a sister, but I could chose if I wanted her in my life. All these years later, she says the fact that the family (yep, my parents too) was done with her crap was the best thing that ever happened to her. Same thing happened with my dad...he was an addict and mom had enough...she packed us up and moved us far away. It didn't take dad long to go into rehab. That was 13 years ago.