Doreen's New Way of Life (comments are welcome)

[geetey]

Hi Doe!

I am finished with my long training day (YEAH!) and thought of the other WISHers sticking with their training as well. It sounds like you are doing great. Keep walking those miles! Pretty soon those 14s will be hanging on you!

 

[DoeWDW]

IT'S FRIDAY!!!! YIPPEE!!!

Well, last night did not go as planned. I got home around 5 PM and was so tired. I laid down for a nap at 5:30 and slept until 10 PM. I got up & helped DD with some homework issues and then went back to bed around 11 and slept until morning.

Now, normally one would think I'm tired and I just NEEDED the rest. However, I know me better than that. I fear it was my mind shutting down, which happens when I'm really anxious or depressed. The funny thing is that I don't FEEL all that anxious or depressed but the signs and symptoms are certainly there - I had a shut down episode where I was extremely fatigued and sleep didn't help, I'm gaining weight and my eating has been out of control, I'm fussing at the skin around my fingernails, I'm avoiding tasks that have me stressed, the house and my office are looking awfully cluttered, I'm not cooking meals.

I'm 40 years old and am still unraveling the mystery that is me! So now that I've identified all of this, what do I do about it? I guess I just try to recognize the patterns. There are all the usual steps I take to cope - exercise (been doing the training walks), drink my water (yep), take my meds faithfully (yep), break things down into baby steps (am trying), ease up on my expectations of cleaning and cooking without feeling guilty, However I'm still showing all the same signs and symptoms and they're getting worse instead of better.

Now is usually the time when I frantically try to find some new plan or program to help me get back on track. I know that just adds more stress though and more expectations that I probably won't be able to meet.

I also need to remember that I'm headed toward the latter part of my cycle - the DZone. My hormones are probably all out of whack because of my bad eating lately. When I stay strictly low-carb, my monthly cycle symptoms are so much better. However I just don't have the strength to jump back into low-carb wholeheartedly at the moment.

I think maybe my plan of action is to just feel the anxiety and keep going. I can acknowledge it without letting it pull me down into the abyss. It will pass as I work on the stressful projects at work and as my monthly cycle progresses. I'm going to be gentle with myself and the expectations that I have for myself.

Sorry for the deep ramblings but I need to get these thoughts down somewhere.

Oh, and obviously I didn't do my 2 miles of walking last night - I'll get that done tonight while taking my niece trick-or-treating.

So, the plan is to be gentle and loving with myself and understand that I'm not "running on all cylinders" so to speak. I'll lower my expectations and do what I can do, without guilt. I'll take baby steps to make progress on the work that is making me so anxious. When all these signs and symptoms lessen, I'll know that it's time to start being more strict with my food and pump up the exercise but until then I'm going to cut myself some slack.

We'll see if all this helps! Time will tell.

 

[septbride2002]

Hi Doe! I think it is great that you are putting all of this into perspective. I do think though that you need to get back into the low-carb lifestyle. Easier said then done - I know! Let me know when you are ready to make a go of it and we will do it together!

No worries about the walk - we will get it done tonight. Remember we've got 4 miles due on Sunday!

~Amanda

 

[lulu201]

Gentle for you, Doreen. I think being 40 (or 40+ in my case ) is a good thing. Like you said, we're finally getting to know ourselves. Reading your journal entry this morning was a positive for me today--it made me think about how we've all learned about ourselves and grown in self-knowledge while here on the WISH.

You know yourself. You know that you're down in the valley right now, but, more importantly, you know that you will rise up out of it again. I'd imagine that the descent into the DZone is making things worse--I know that my own level of fatigue (we kinda share this problem, don't we) is practically debilitating when I'm in those "last days"--hopefully the edge will be off that body and mind-numbing tiredness soon.

What struck me about your entry, though, was how your self-knowledge is now your plan, your tool. "Now is usually the time I frantically try to find some new plan or program" were the words you used. By choosing to allow yourself to pass or float through the anxiety, tension, fatigue, you don't add extra worry and fear to it. Just like you said, fighting it or scratching and clawing toward more energy and enthusiasm just requires more effort and sets up unrealistic expectations.

The fact of the matter is that you're not an Energizer Bunny. To work each day with deadlines and stressful expectations and to deal with busy schedules, family issues, etc. is difficult. Sensitive people who feel things deeply often have physical and emotional reactions which also require periods of healing. You need some of that, honey! Every day! Time to heal from all that you're bombarded with and from all that you're going through. Your depression is alerting you that you need to take care, to take stock of things, to lighten your load some. By releasing some of the expectations on yourself you're doing just that!

Fortunately, you know you've got all of us here to help share that load you've got. Plus you also know that there is Someone to lift you when you're weak, to hold you hand as you shuffle through the day to day when you're tired and you're weary. This was my Upper Room verse today:

"The Lord says, 'When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you."
Isaiah 43:2

These deep waters that you're dealing with will not overwhelm you, Doreen. You know too much about yourself to fear that any more. You're doing what you can to honor yourself, your emotions, and your physical needs right now and you're going to
float through the rough times. Before you know it you'll be sitting on the beach, drinking a margarita, and calling for the pool boy.


Love you, WISH-sis,
Erin

 

[DoeWDW]

Dear Erin, some days I think we were separated at birth! You know me so well! The verse you quoted was also in a devotional I read this morning. I'm meditating on it and it is helping. I'm praying more and turning these feelings over to God. I'm also practicing my deep breathing to ease the tension built up in my body. I'm at Day 21 of my cycle so I'll be feeling better in another week - 10 days.

Dear Amanda, you are right! Low carb will definitely be a priority once I am through the DZone. I'll be ready in about 10 days and until then I'll try my best to make decent choices (in spite of all the Halloween candy at work and at home! ).

to both of you! Before WISH, I felt so alone and hopeless during these times. Now I truly feel I have my WISH friends walking with me every step of the way and it has made all the difference in the world.

 

[Strings]

Hi Doreen,

I am really proud of you for recognizing these symptoms and working to stay out of abyss. You are a very strong woman.

I want you to consider something. You have depression that you are treating with medication. You were doing great with it in the Spring and summer. Is it possible that the shortening days are affecting you? Could you also have seasonal affective disorder? You might benefit from light therapy or an adjustment of your meds during the winter months. I know that you don't want to take more meds. I just want you to consider the possiblilty, if you aren't feeling better on the other side of DZONE.

I hope this weekend is stress free for you. Take some time just for you and do something fun. You deserve it.

I'm sending you a PM.
Beth

 

[toystoryduo]

Doreen,

I pray that the Lord would give you His strength to help you meet the challenges of each day and His perfect peace to calm your heart and mind.

Take extra special care of you this weekend ,

Tracy

Psalm 23

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Doreen,
just wanted to offer my support, it sounds like your plan is a good way of getting through this tough time, i hope you start to feel better soon, in the mean time take it easy.
Take care Tracey XX

 

[DoeWDW]

Thanks, all!

I hosted my family on Friday night for Trick or Treat (my 4 yo niece always trick or treats at our house) and to celebrate my brother's birthday. All went well. I walked 45 minutes around the neighborhood at a slow pace but I figure it was about 2 miles.

Yesterday I did nothing - yep, just laid around and rested and recharged the batteries!

Today, I've already walked my 4 miles. DH was nice enough to walk with me. It was a perfect fall day with a strikingly blue sky, bright sunshine and leaves of all colors on the trees and ground. We finished in time for DH to see the start of the NASCAR race, so all is right with the world.

I'm definitely feeling more rested and less stressed. We'll see if I can carry those peaceful feelings to work tomorrow - I fear not.

Tomorrow is the start of a new month. Part of me wants to set goals and get all enthused but I'm going to refrain. I think I'll wait and start NEXT Monday, after the DZone is over. For now, I'm just riding out the wave .

Bon voyage!

 

[DoeWDW]

Yep, November 1 - start of a new month!

As much as I said I didn't want to set goals, I think they are already in the back of my mind. I know the habits that are healthy and even when I stray, I feel those healthy habits calling me.

Okay, why not! I'll set some modest goals and try to account for the DZone in my expectations.

1. Devotionals. This is a new habit for me but one I'm finding helpful. I'll try to do this daily, but since it's a new habit, I'm going to allow for some forgetfulness on my part. I'll try to read my devotionals 22 of 30 days - that's 3/4 of the time.

2. Meds & vitamins. The meds are an imperative. The last time I forgot them, I ended up with severe vertigo. I haven't had a problem remembering them since then. Vitamins are another story. I get lazy with them. If I put them with my meds, I should be able to remember them. I'll shoot for 30/30 for both.

3. Water - lots! I NEED to do better on this, especially when at home. I need 60 oz of water a day at a minimum. I'll shoot for 22/30.

4. Healthy eating. Oh boy! This is the one I've been struggling with. What's reasonable, given how I've strayed lately? I want to set a goal I can be successful with. I know what is healthy for me so I'm going to be a bit subjective. I'm going to assess each day honestly and decide if I made reasonable choices. I hope to make reasonable choices 22/30 days.

5. Exercise. I will do all my half marathon training walks for November, even if I have to shift the actual DAY I do the walk. There are 17 training walks scheduled for this month so I'll be 17/30.

Those look like good goals to me and I've allowed some leeway for the DZone and other stressful times.

I'm feeling upbeat on the outside but stressed and anxious on the inside, if that makes sense. I'm going to finish this journal entry and get down to work for a full hour before I come back to the DIS. Maybe I should consider a goal of limiting my computer time - between the DIS and Pogo games, I've been using the computer as an escape too much lately. I'll think about this.

EDIT:
1. Devotions -
2. Meds & vitamins -
3. Water - Mug 1 (7:30 - 8:30), Mug 2 (8:30 - 11:15), Mug 3 (11:15 - 1:15), Mug 4 (6:15 - 7:15), Mug 5 (7:15 - 8:30)
4. Healthy eating - B = half C sugar free pumpkin custard, AM snack = an apple, L = burger (no bun) w/ mayo and a Coke C2, D = 2 crab cakes (6 carbs apiece)
5. Exercise - 2 mile walk on schedule for today - walked with DH

 

[lulu201]

Good morning, Doreen! We're here together with our WISH friends taking this healthy living journey step by step, day by day. I'm glad about that!

I read over your goals this morning and it struck me that a year ago, we were both all about that number on the scale. I'm not denying that that's not important, but it seems to me that we've come to realize that there's a whole lot more to healthy living than just our weight. Looking over the goals that we've both set, I think that they reflect that we're intent on nurturing ourselves as WHOLE people--our spiritual, emotional, AND physical sides. Hmmm, , makes me think we're growing here on the WISH!

I hear your anxiety about goal setting, Doreen, but cast your cares on Him and celebrate your bravery for stepping out there on the limb. You can do this.

,
Erin

 

[septbride2002]

Okay who else needs the recipe for the Pumpkin custard? Good morning my dear friend! I'm in the same boat as you - I will be working on my goals for the month. We have a lot of walking this month but it is okay to switch the days around if our schedules conflict. How are your legs feeling after 4 miles on Sunday? Mine are a bit like jello.

I think you need to reread "How I gave up my lowfat diet and lost 40 lbs." I know I get it out every now and then to boost me up. Maybe start modestly with your carb goal at 75 per day and then try to lower it every week. Only by counting carbs do we actually become accountable.

I'm home today so PM me or IM me. We haven't chatted in forever!

~Amanda

 

[toystoryduo]

Sending gentle your way today, Doe. Let the Lord lead you beside quiet waters while He restores your soul today. (Psalm 23) He will give you the strength and the peace that you need. I am praying for you.

Tracy

 

[lulu201]

Just stopping by for an afternoon "hello". . .I hope that you're remembering to treat yourself well. I know that I may be overstepping my boundaries a bit, but I don't think anything that is in that EVM could possibly be a nice thing for you today. Also, if there's any Halloween candy lying around at home, AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE! It's only going to make your blood sugar dance around and make you beg for more.

There. I'm through. For now.

Hugs, dear WISH-sis,
Erin

 

[Strings]

Doe,

I am impressed with your goals. Perhaps by keeping track of what your do accomplish everyday, the rest will come easier. I think they are reasonable, and you can achieve them.

I know you are deep in DZONE today, so I am sending extrapotent and

Beth

 

[sharoncity]

Hi Doe! Just a few additional thoughts from me. I am glad you set some goals for yourself. You have made them reasonable and obtainable. Now, when you meet them, you will have that wonderful positive to help you cope with the other issues! Seriously, I have definitely strayed over the summer, but having come back to WISH and WW in Sept has gotten me back on track. Although the weight is going down slowly, it is going. And I have made so much positive progress that I am EXCITED again! That is a really nice feeling! The positive "I can do this!" attitude makes me meet all my other issues in a more positive light as well. I WISH that positive sense of accomplishment for you dear Doe!!

And as for that Halloween candy, well as Marcia said to me last winter about something else - "Someone sneezed all over it! Big gooey mess! Yuck!" You definitely don't want any of that now do you??!

Have a wonderful day Doreen. Small baby steps towards your goals and an over all positive attitude!

TTFN-
Sharon

 

[vald1977]

Hi Doe,
I just read through your goals for the month and they all sound wonderful. Sending a to help get you through the DZONE. I hope tomorrow is a good one for you !

 

[DoeWDW]

I'm borrowing Princess Michelle's idea (thank you, Michelle ) and considering yesterday a 5 day! I met every one of my goals! What a wonderful way to start off the month!

Tonight the only thing on the schedule is voting. I'm guessing there will be a long line and I'm happy about that! I'm glad to see so many people willing to take the time and vote this election! DH and I will go after work.

I'm feeling good this morning!!

Today's goals are the same and I'll update my progress throughout the day:

EDIT:
1. Devotions - II Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2. Meds & vitamins - taken.
3. Water - Mug 1 (7:15 - 8), Mug 2 (8 - 9:30), Mug 3 (9:30 - 11:15), Mug 4 (11:15 - 1), Mug 5 (1 - 2:30) & still drinking more
4. Healthy Eating - B = 1/2 C s/f pumpkin custard, AM snack = small grapefruit & QSmart lc bar, L = burger (no bun) w/ mayo, PM snack = apple and trail mix, D = grilled cheese sandwich, noodle soup and half a cup of ice cream - I'd call it a healthy day as long as I can keep from snacking on candy tonight
5. Exercise - today is a rest day

I've avoided eating evil candy so far, but it's getting tougher!! I keep repeating my Bible verse and reminding myself about the "strong mind" part!

LATER: Beth, thanks!! The extra pixie dust helped and I've remained candy-free! YAHOO! So far my food has been healthy - just gotta make it through the evening! I'm winning the battle!

 

[lulu201]

Good morning, Doe-Doe, good morning to you!

I hope you're still along through the DZone. Before long you're going to feel all strong and renewed again, just like a . Keep riding the wave, though, 'til you get back to being your royal self.

How did yesterday go? You know I'm thinking about you and lifting you up in prayer as you go through the challenges of work and family life.

Have a good day, Doreen, and stick your tongue out at the EVM whenever you get the chance.

Erin

 

[Strings]

Hi Doe,

They are thinking it will be a record breaking turnout. I waited for 1 hour. I didn't mind, but the guy behind me did. Then he found out he was in the wrong place. He wasn't a pleasant man, so I am evil. I don't feel bad for him.

Great job yesterday! 5 is AMAZING with you being in DZONE. I feel that November will be a great month for you.

I hope that you have a wonderful and peaceful day.
Beth

BTW, I'm wearing my princess hat.