Don't you get it, the problem is your ds

[luvmy3]

Just a vent. I have a friend whose ds is always having problems with other kids. It has ranged from physical altercations, to just name calling and hurt feelings. He is a good kid, but certainly no angel which my friend has no problem admitting. However she is always complaining about his "friends" and how and how her ds always feels left out, or is fighting with or others are being mean to him. I can't count the number of kids he has had issues with in the last school year. Yesterday he was at my house along with another one of my ds's friends. There has been problems between these two boys but they get along better, or at least thats what I thought. I don't know exactly what happened because I was having a party and not really paying too much attention to the kids when they were playing in the yard. My friend's ds left and called me on his way home to tell me he left because my ds and other boy were being mean to him, I asked him for specifics but he just said they were being mean. I asked my ds and other boy about it and they said he was the one being mean and calling them names and they told him to go home because he wouldn't stop. I know I am missing alot of the story, but I know my friend's ds and I have seen the way he acts, in fact I had to send him home other day because he was calling my youngest ds names and squirting him in the eye with a super soaker after I had repeatedly told him to stop. (Just FTR, I have permission from my friend to discipline him when he is at my home). Anyway I am always hearing from my friend about how her ds is having problems with so and so, and its always the other boys fault. I just don't understand how someone can be so blind when the common denominator is their own child, he is most likely the problem. I don't know how to say that to her without offending her but I am so sick of hearing how he is the "victim".
My ds is getting stuck in the middle because he is friends with alot of the boys that friend's ds has problems with. We have never had any issues with any of these kids, which I have told my friend. She still doesn't see it

 

[Pixiedust34]

I think we have the same clueless friend, only in my case is both the ds and dd who are generally not nice kids to others.

I've been dealing with it by spending minimal time with them, though by default we see them frequently during the summer. They are more "friends of friends" than our own friends. Outside of summer, we have very little contact. Luckily, my kids are old enough now that they will walk away when they should. Fighting (verbally or physically) isn't much of an option since a group of moms and kids are friends and it would cause a rift with the grown-ups. Walking away works for us.

Try to teach your kids to not be bullied and tell them it's OK to walk away when things get ugly. It is not OK for another kid to treat them badly. All the best to you.

 

[*JoGo*]

It doesn't sound like your son is really friends w/ this kid - more of a "my mom and his mom are friends" situation.

I'd start doing things w/ JUST your friend, no kids. If the kids decide to be friends, fine. But if they "drift apart" that's fine also. See what happens.

My son had a friend that is ALWAYS having issues w/ other kids. I tried to over-look it, b/c my son wasn't having any problems with him, and also kept my ears open and was watchful... until one day there was a major incident... Involving a broken bone.... MY KID'S broken bone. The end. (my son hasn't missed this friend)