Dont want to watch nephew anymore...

[smkiya]

I agree with many of the posters on a lot of points.

First, you will be losing an income from a "job" that gives you the flexibility to be home and take care of your kids. If you are not reporting the $600 income from day care, you will have to when you find a part-time job. You may lose your food stamp benefits because the income will be reported. Remember that your part-time work income will be taxed. Depending on the job you get, you may only end up with $600-$800 (take home) monthly anyway, plus the loss of food stamps, plus the loss of flexibility for your kids. When you have a part-time job, they don't care to hear that your husband is out of town and you can't work, or your kids are sick and you can't go in.

I live in new jersey and there are very affordable child care options for kids 2 and up who are potty trained. Many of these facilities only take kids who are 2.5 and potty trained and no younger (preschool basically). Your nephew will be 3 or close to it by that time right? Full day 5 days a week can start at $125 per week. Some facilities will even let you do 2 or 3 half days for like $50-$70 per week.

Another poster suggested increasing your rate to $800-$1000 month. Maybe you could say to your brother that you were considering increasing the rate, but thought that maybe he could enroll your nephew in preschool a couple of days per week to equal the difference you would increase your rate to. 2 or 3 half days could really help you out. It would also help your nephew, as he's getting to that age where being around other kids with a structured learning plan is good for him.

But, if you really just want to stop, like I said, your nephew is old enough to qualify for the preschool option full-time for the same amount your brother pays you now. Full time hours are usually from 6am to 6pm. Part-time is usually 6am-12noon. The actual class time is usually from 9am-12pm then lunch, then nap, then activities and playtime, and then pick up. If he's not potty trained, he has until fall.

Good luck with whatever you decide, but decide quickly. Many preschools/daycares are enrolling now for the fall, so the sooner your brother knows what you intend to do, the better.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just tell brother that you are ending the agreement with them. Put in your notice just like a professional job.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

OP'er, you are well within your rights to stop watching your nephew and not have any guilt. If it isn't working out, it isn't working out. But I think you are fooling yourself if you believe you will be able to find a part time job that allows you the flexibility you need with kids and a husband who travels. And as someone else mentioned, you will have to claim that part time job so those food stamps may disappear.

I'd ask your brother for a raise. I do believe you are being grossly underpaid.

I'd reevaluate and make sure you truly believe a part time job will help you regain your sanity more than a job where you are always available for your kids and have a 2 year old to watch.

But she should already be claiming what she is making for watching her nephew.

 

[LisaR]

But she should also be claiming what she is making for watching her nephew.

The reality is, most people getting paid under the table don't claim it.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

The reality is, most people getting paid under the table don't claim it.

I hope she isn't one of them. That is fraud. And if you are collecting assistance from the government and not claiming all income, you can get in serious trouble. I was assuming that she was claiming it.

 

[scrapquitler]

I think you are well within your rights to not watch him any more. I do think you need to give them time to find some new childcare that is good quality--until fall is PLENTY of time. It probably is a good time to shift as the start of the new school year can even be the est time to start in a daycare.

I think I would just put it on yourself--not that the little boy is a handful. Say you are at a point in your life where you are ready to get out of the house and will find a part time job next year and not be home to watch him anymore, and you want to give them plenty of time to find the best care for him so you are telling them now.

I would not involve your mom in the conversations or your thought process at all .

I agree with this.

You are not obligated to take care of your nephew. It was very nice that you did it for all this time, and it is perfectly fair and reasonable for you to be ready for a change.

I would explain it just as the poster above did, and tell them that by September, you will NOT be watching him anymore. When you start to get the guilt trip from them, don't fall for it. And don't discuss with your Mother.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, you do not have some inherent obligation to provide full time care for them for their two year old.
Why would that feeling even be there?
Any pressure or guilt trip is totally inappropriate!

Give them ample notice...
Do what you need to do...

NO GUILT... NO DISCUSSION... PERIOD...

 

[eliza61]

OP'er, you are well within your rights to stop watching your nephew and not have any guilt. If it isn't working out, it isn't working out. But I think you are fooling yourself if you believe you will be able to find a part time job that allows you the flexibility you need with kids and a husband who travels. And as someone else mentioned, you will have to claim that part time job so those food stamps may disappear.

I'd ask your brother for a raise. I do believe you are being grossly underpaid.

I'd reevaluate and make sure you truly believe a part time job will help you regain your sanity more than a job where you are always available for your kids and have a 2 year old to watch.

Totally right! OP if you think handling your nephew is getting stressful what's going to happened when you get a pt job? You need to net 600 bucks a month? for a pt job?

You definitely need to do what's best for your family but I'd try to work out a compromise due to your current financial situation.

 

[dana1003]

Yes i am claiming the income. I have to. They have access to our savings/ checking accts and are able to look. They evaluate us every 3 mos and they look at our deposits and payments and trust me , if you think I "make out" with the $ they give me you are sorely mistaken. It doesn't pay for my groceries, it supplements. I live in a town that is not well off and what they give me does not have me living like a king hence my neighborhood As far as getting a raise they used to pay me $30 a week .. When they found out how much child care is , when I told them I couldn't care for him anymore ( after a whole blow up between him my parents- it was ugly) they raised it. I was already receiving snap and my allowance went down. I am grateful for even having the little they give me( snap). As far as fraud ing the system, I don't know how anyone can?? They have access to all accts??

 

[dana1003]

Forgot to mention this- I'm ok with finding a job and being taken off snap. This is not a lifestyle for me, it was done out of necessity. Everyone comes to a point in their life when they must ask for help and I am not ashamed to ask As far as people claiming $ under the table, IMO you would have to be making allot of cash to be able to still pay your other bills such as rent , car, etc.. I am not in that boat

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Yes i am claiming the income. I have to. They have access to our savings/ checking accts and are able to look. They evaluate us every 3 mos and they look at our deposits and payments and trust me , if you think I "make out" with the $ they give me you are sorely mistaken. It doesn't pay for my groceries, it supplements. I live in a town that is not well off and what they give me does not have me living like a king hence my neighborhood As far as getting a raise they used to pay me $30 a week .. When they found out how much child care is , when I told them I couldn't care for him anymore ( after a whole blow up between him my parents- it was ugly) they raised it. I was already receiving snap and my allowance went down. I am grateful for even having the little they give me( snap). As far as fraud ing the system, I don't know how anyone can?? They have access to all accts??

I'm sorry. I never meant to insinuate that you were frauding the government. Quite the opposite. I assumed that you were claiming your income as any other law-abiding citizen is doing. I don't see how you would be "making out" with SNAP, either. I mean, gosh, the S stands for supplemental. I think that you will be able to find a part time job that will be during school hours for your children and will end up paying more than what you are currently making watching your nephew. I think that the added income as well as the extra time in the morning devoted to just your daughters sounds like a very positive thing for your family. I have no idea if the extra income will put you over the top and no longer make you eligible for assistance, and frankly, that is none of my business. I just think that you sound like you want more time to focus on just your daughters and a little more income through a part time job. More power to you. I think that your daughters will appreciate it, as well. Also, best of look in the job hunt.

 

[Mkrop]

OP'er, you are well within your rights to stop watching your nephew and not have any guilt. If it isn't working out, it isn't working out. But I think you are fooling yourself if you believe you will be able to find a part time job that allows you the flexibility you need with kids and a husband who travels. And as someone else mentioned, you will have to claim that part time job so those food stamps may disappear.

I'd ask your brother for a raise. I do believe you are being grossly underpaid.

I'd reevaluate and make sure you truly believe a part time job will help you regain your sanity more than a job where you are always available for your kids and have a 2 year old to watch.

I would have to agree with all of this...I understand that you think it might be easier to have a PT job than watching your nephew...but if you really need that income, make sure you can find a job that will work with your kids schedules and will pay enough.

 

[FlyingDumbo]

WHat is the real reason you do not want to watch him? Get to the meat of the problem. Is it the stress? Is it resentment that they are getting such a sweet deal (they are) or is it that you want to get out of your home and get a part time job? I think you are using the part time job as an excuse for not wanting to care for him anymore. Of course it is your prerogative. You don't owe them an explanation you have done PLENTY for them already. I think whatever you reasons are, and you have every right to have them, you are giving them plenty of notice to find other arrangements. Do not let your mom (who wants you to do what she herself is not willing to do) give you any guilt. Just turn anything she says to you back as a question to he on why she wont do it. Whats good for the goose...... Anyway it sounds like your brother can afford to make alternate arrangements.

 

[Mkrop]

I'm sorry. I never meant to insinuate that you were frauding the government. Quite the opposite. I assumed that you were claiming your income as any other law-abiding citizen is doing. I don't see how you would be "making out" with SNAP, either. I mean, gosh, the S stands for supplemental. I think that you will be able to find a part time job that will be during school hours for your children and will end up paying more than what you are currently making watching your nephew. I think that the added income as well as the extra time in the morning devoted to just your daughters sounds like a very positive thing for your family. I have no idea if the extra income will put you over the top and no longer make you eligible for assistance, and frankly, that is none of my business. I just think that you sound like you want more time to focus on just your daughters and a little more income through a part time job. More power to you. I think that your daughters will appreciate it, as well. Also, best of look in the job hunt.

Please tell me where these jobs are....I have yet to be able to find one that works with the hours the kids are in school, allows me flexibility if one gets sick or there is a 2 hour snow delay etc. They are not that easy to come by. And the money I would have to spend on sitters if anything happens or to drive my kids where they need to go in the afternoon so I could work later basically negates all my earnings. Maybe I am looking in the wrong places

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I can see her being able to find a job part time as an office assistant doing some simple filing, copying, answering phones, setting up board rooms, etc. for at least $9.00/hr. If she works from 9:00 until 2:00 (all hours that her daughters would be in school) she would be making $45 a day. Times five days a week and she is looking at $225 a week. That means she will be making $900 a month. You take out a third of that for taxes and she is still bringing home $603. Personally, I think she will be making more than $9.00 an hour, but maybe not. Either way, she will still have more time with just her girls as her job will only be while they are in school.

 

[bookgirl]

I think she can find a job. Just think outside the box. check your childs school system. cafeteria worker, office/classroom aide, all those are partime or full time with hours that work around your kids schedule. Look at local museums, family attractions and libraries they have hours that can be flexible and have added perks that will work great for families.

Don't just think of part time as mall hours.

I know where I work (library) we have mothers and students and people who have primary jobs and we are very flexible. In fact we are very popular because we can be flexible. People campaign for our jobs. LOL

I did 'nanny' my nephews while I was in grad school. It's hard to work for family. I don't know that I would ever do it again.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

Please tell me where these jobs are....I have yet to be able to find one that works with the hours the kids are in school, allows me flexibility if one gets sick or there is a 2 hour snow delay etc. They are not that easy to come by. And the money I would have to spend on sitters if anything happens or to drive my kids where they need to go in the afternoon so I could work later basically negates all my earnings. Maybe I am looking in the wrong places

Around here, lots of retail places have up "Help Wanted" signs. So do restaurants and fast food places. I have seen signs posted outside of office buildings saying that they are looking for help.

 

[eliza61]

Yes i am claiming the income. I have to. They have access to our savings/ checking accts and are able to look. They evaluate us every 3 mos and they look at our deposits and payments and trust me , if you think I "make out" with the $ they give me you are sorely mistaken. It doesn't pay for my groceries, it supplements. I live in a town that is not well off and what they give me does not have me living like a king hence my neighborhood As far as getting a raise they used to pay me $30 a week .. When they found out how much child care is , when I told them I couldn't care for him anymore ( after a whole blow up between him my parents- it was ugly) they raised it. I was already receiving snap and my allowance went down. I am grateful for even having the little they give me( snap). As far as fraud ing the system, I don't know how anyone can?? They have access to all accts??

So let me ask you and please I realize this is a sensitive question, don't answer if yiou don't want to, I just want you to think about it,.

You are making and claiming the 600 a month income and you are still on assistance. Basically right now you guys do not make enough to provide for your family. I don't mean to be insulting but that's really the reality of it.

What will happen if you can't find a pt job making at least what you are bring in now after expenses?

Now it's not an issue of cutting out vacations, now we are talking an issue of having enough to eat.

 

[Mkrop]

[

I can see her being able to find a job part time as an office assistant doing some simple filing, copying, answering phones, setting up board rooms, etc. for at least $9.00/hr. If she works from 9:00 until 2:00 (all hours that her daughters would be in school) she would be making $45 a day. Times five days a week and she is looking at $225 a week. That means she will be making $900 a month. You take out a third of that for taxes and she is still bringing home $603. Personally, I think she will be making more than $9.00 an hour, but maybe not. Either way, she will still have more time with just her girls as her job will only be while they are in school.

I think she can find a job. Just think outside the box. check your childs school system. cafeteria worker, office/classroom aide, all those are partime or full time with hours that work around your kids schedule. Look at local museums, family attractions and libraries they have hours that can be flexible and have added perks that will work great for families.

Don't just think of part time as mall hours.

I know where I work (library) we have mothers and students and people who have primary jobs and we are very flexible. In fact we are very popular because we can be flexible. People campaign for our jobs. LOL

I did 'nanny' my nephews while I was in grad school. It's hard to work for family. I don't know that I would ever do it again.

The want ads around here are very lacking in the type of jobs you both described. I have called many of the places you mentioned and you have to know someone to get in...esp the school districts! Once again these jobs are in very high demand if they even exist and most moms do not give them up.

 

[LisaR]

I'm sorry. I never meant to insinuate that you were frauding the government. Quite the opposite. I assumed that you were claiming your income as any other law-abiding citizen is doing. I don't see how you would be "making out" with SNAP, either. I mean, gosh, the S stands for supplemental. I think that you will be able to find a part time job that will be during school hours for your children and will end up paying more than what you are currently making watching your nephew. I think that the added income as well as the extra time in the morning devoted to just your daughters sounds like a very positive thing for your family. I have no idea if the extra income will put you over the top and no longer make you eligible for assistance, and frankly, that is none of my business. I just think that you sound like you want more time to focus on just your daughters and a little more income through a part time job. More power to you. I think that your daughters will appreciate it, as well. Also, best of look in the job hunt.

Minimum wage in NJ is $7.25 an hour. If the OP'er is lucky enough to find a part time job where she can work the same 32 hours a week that she is working now, that will bring her $928 a month BEFORE taxes and gas or transportation costs to get to and from the job. I think it would be a lot easier to ask the brother for an extra couple hundred dollars a month raise.
Most part time employers aren't overly willing to work around school schedules of 9 y/o children, sick/snow days for said children, and make sure that there won't be any night shifts/weekends since the husband travels. And I can't imagine any part time job is going to give her the entire summer off unless it is a job with the school system.