Don't know what to do...

[dis75ney]

We invited DS's friend J to join us this weekend for a trip to Wisconsin Dells. I called him mom and invited him two weeks ago, and she said she'd think about it and call me back. I followed up last week and she said she still hadn't decided whether to allow J to come with us. We leave tomorrow and I've left three messages for the family over the past few days, but no one has returned my call. Should I just assume that J won't be coming with us? I'd hate to get a call when we're on the road asking us when we're coming to pick up J...

 

[momof1princess]

you might try calling one more time and if no one answers, leave a 4th message that says "this is my 4th call regarding our wisconsin dells trip, and my first 3 calls went unanswered. we leave tomorrow and if no one returns my call before XXXpm today, we will assume that J is not going with us." it may sound a little harsh to some, and perhaps you could word it a little more tactfully, but goodness, by the 4th call, i think my tact would be halfway out the window! to not answer 3 phone messages is just plain rude! have fun on your trip, with or without J!

 

[branv]

*sigh* why am I still so surprised to read things like this. It's a shame that you've been so gracious as to extend this offer to her son and she can't at least respond considerately. Well, you hate to disappoint the son, but this is all on her now. If you want, just leave another message saying that since you haven't heard from them you will just assume he can't make it. Either she'll call back in quickly to say "come and get 'im", or she will be glad to have washed her hands of having to call you at all. If you don't want to call even one more time, that's okay too. You've done more than you should have had to already.

If they do call after you've already left, just tell them it's too late. Feel free to say that since you hadn't heard from her *cough, cough* you had to go ahead and make your plans Seriously, you've done everything right at this point. I just feel sorry for your son and his friend. Maybe next time she'll play nicer with others.

 

[NeedaVacation03]

I agree that you have done more than enough. I would probably leave a final message that stated that since you have not gotten back with us we are assuming that J is unable to join us.
I think that you have gone above and beyond. Now go and enjoy yourselves. If she calls to say he can go than consider that a bonus for your son. But if it is after you leave than too bad.

 

[disney1990]

Yes, I would call one more time. Leave a message if they don't answer and tell them that you need to know by XXX time today if J is going.

It sounds to me like they really don't want J to go, but are having a hard time telling J that he can't go -- and therefore, telling you that J can't go.

 

[cm8]

Unless they had to leave town on a family emergency, their phone died and could not replace one, and or the phone company crossed their phone lines, I would assume it is safe to say that the son will not be able to go with you. I think that what you did by calling and even making contact with the Mom the few times were good enough. Since we don't really know her or her family, does she have other kids? I was just wondering because if she did, maybe she felt that the other kids would feel left behind? and to avoid them becoming , she decided to keep them all and did not bother to tell you out of guilt? Either way, I think you did your part and well,


I hope you and your family still have a blast!!

 

[kbheap]

I agree with the others. Call once more, at a different time of day than you are regularly calling. Maybe they just weren't available at certain times of the day. Leave one more message, a nice one, stating what time you are leaving and if J can go, please call you and you will be happy to pick him up. If not, you guys will see him when you return. Good luck and don't let it ruin the trip.

 

[Dizneydaz]

I would leave just the one more message saying that since you haven't heard back you are assuming J isn't coming. That would be it.

Since you haven't heard otherwise, I would assume J can't make it. It is rude of the mom not to have called you back. I think you have gone above and beyond on the amount of messages you have left.

I'm sorry for your DS that his friend can't go. I'm sure he would have loved J to go along.

 

[disykat]

I think you've done all you can and I'd just leave it. Go and enjoy your trip!

One of my biggest pet peeves is passive aggressive people. I seem to know a lot of them. I bet you a dollar that she's thinking "why can't she take a hint, I did everything I could to say no without saying it outright." If she calls when you are already on the road, she gets what she deserves. Two can play this game - just don't answer her call. That way you can't be the bad guy. IMO -either way she is being passive aggressive.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

I agree with the other posts. Just call and say ... since I haven't heard from you, I am assuming your son is not going.

I have a friend who does this as an adult with events that we ask her to. It is VERY frustrating ... however, at this point in my life and dealing with her for years, if she doesn't call back to confirm, I just assume she is not coming. I don't keep calling to find out. (In some weird way, I think she likes this situation and it is her way of controlling things ... or she just doesn't want to go and won't say "No, I don't want to go.") I love her to death, but it is really weird!

 

[Perditamarie]

I think you got your answer, in a rude way and manner that you did not expect, but I don't know why you would call again.

 

[sweetsusannah]

How rude. Here you are nice enough to invite her son to go on a vacation and she can’t even give you a straight answer or return your calls? I think you have already done due diligence. I would not call again unless they are really good friends and this is out of character or your son will be traumatically upset over J not going. Either way I think she has already answered you by not answering you.

 

[disykat]

I'm glad some agree with me not to call! I'm surprised how many people are saying call again.

 

[okeydokey]

Did they know you were leaving on Thursday? If so, no more calls.

 

[dis75ney]

Thanks for the advice, everyone! At this point, I'm assuming that J will not be coming with us this weekend and I won't be calling again. I specifically mentioned in my last message this morning that we are leaving right after school dismisses at 2pm (parent teacher conferences are tomorrow and Friday) and that I would need to know whether J wouldb be joining us so I can purchase attraction tickets and such. Oh well...

DS is handling this whole situation very well. And apparently, he and J had a bit of a falling out at school today (J's known for playing the shadow game WAY too often and did it to DS all day today), so it seems like everything is working out for the best. We'll go and have a great time...just the three of us!

 

[Ava]

I have a friend who does this as an adult with events that we ask her to. It is VERY frustrating ... however, at this point in my life and dealing with her for years, if she doesn't call back to confirm, I just assume she is not coming. I don't keep calling to find out. (In some weird way, I think she likes this situation and it is her way of controlling things ... or she just doesn't want to go and won't say "No, I don't want to go.") I love her to death, but it is really weird!

I have a friend like this too. At least 3 times in the last couple years she was supposed to come to a concert with us & didn't show up. She'd say she wanted to go, have me buy her a ticket, and then a week or so before the concert start making excuses for why she couldn't go. I'd try to sell her ticket for her, but at least one of the times I remember I couldn't sell it so she ended up paying me for a concert she didn't attend. (At least I was never out money, I'd have been really mad then!) So I just stopped asking her to go to concerts or shows with me. I am actually seeing a band next month that I know she likes but I didn't even offer to buy her a ticket because I'm 99% certain she'd end up not going.