Doing a 5 night cruise with kids and Grandma… any recommendations on how to get space?

[Jlo85]

My wife and I are late 30s with 2 kids, 7 & 5. Agreed to a 5-night Disney cruise with my mom, late 60s. It will be a first cruise. She had been begging to do one. We have connecting verandah rooms.

I love my mom, but she drives me crazy. She tries to maximize time together, but we’re definitely going to need some space from her. I also want some grownup time. Any recommendations on how to balance the trip?

I’m thinking we’ll do a few of the signature dining options as date nights away from my mom and our kids. Also, thinking of liberally using the youth clubs. Though, I know my mom will try to do babysitting, which might be fine.

I think we’ll do some meals, the shows, and excursions together. Maybe pool time as well. Is that enough? Again, my first cruise, so not sure how it will be in practice.

 

[Mommb]

On a cruise, it is easy for people travelling together to separate for specific activities. There is a lot going on at the same time, so you, your wife, your mother, and your kids can look at the online Navigator each day (or have someone read it to them) and each person can choose a few activities that interest them. Sometimes everyone will want to do the same thing, and sometimes they will want different things, and that's fine. With 3 adults and 2 kids, you can rotate who's with the kids when they're not in the Club/Lab so everyone gets some time to themselves.

Doing adult dining with your wife while your mother dines with the kids is a great idea. If your mother will watch the kids in the evening, you and your wife can go to the adult clubs. (If your kids are OK staying up late, they could go to the youth club and your mom could go with you, but you don't need to suggest that to her.)

 

[Girl of the South]

When my sister and her two girls and I cruised with our Mom, we only planned to definitely meet at dinner. Since you want to do Palo, etc, you could say meet at lunch. Maybe if you have one time each day to connect, she will feel more comfortable to do things on her own? The bad thing is that you have those connecting rooms. The good thing? It’s a big ship and there are lots of places too . . . Hide. Talk to her before the cruise and set some ground rules. Don’t let her ruin your cruise . .

 

[DisneyDad0315]

My wife and I are late 30s with 2 kids, 7 & 5. Agreed to a 5-night Disney cruise with my mom, late 60s. It will be a first cruise. She had been begging to do one. We have connecting verandah rooms.

I love my mom, but she drives me crazy. She tries to maximize time together, but we’re definitely going to need some space from her. I also want some grownup time. Any recommendations on how to balance the trip?

I’m thinking we’ll do a few of the signature dining options as date nights away from my mom and our kids. Also, thinking of liberally using the youth clubs. Though, I know my mom will try to do babysitting, which might be fine.

I think we’ll do some meals, the shows, and excursions together. Maybe pool time as well. Is that enough? Again, my first cruise, so not sure how it will be in practice.

My wife and I are in our mid 30's and also have two kids, ages 2 and 7. We routinely travel with my mother in law and she has gone on most vacations with us for the last 7 years. She is going on our upcoming 7 night Disney cruise. One rooms is my wife, myself and my 2 year old. The other room is my mother in law and my 7 year old.

I also want to do things, just my wife and I, like Palo dinner or working out. My 7 year old will go off to the kids club while my MIL watches the 2 year old. It'll be great. She loves showing her grandkid around and I can let her know when the meet and greets are or anything else that might interest her. I also set her up with some wine tasting and another alcohol tasting.

And there will be times where my MIL is just at the bar hanging out, chatting it up with anyone that will listen. I've traveled with her so much and we hang out so much that it's just a conversation we have for her to watch the kids while my wife and I hang out. She loves being grandma. Are the kids hopped up on sugar, super crazy and have new merch after some time with their grandma? Heck yeah! But we are on vacation so it's all good.

 

[unrequited23]

My parents just decided to tag along on our next cruise. It all started because I asked if they were free to dog sit...I'm going to try to talk up the rainforest room pass, alcohol tastings and trivia. Right now, I'm feeling the pressure of bringing them up to speed on all of the stuff I've researched and the inevitable tech support I will have to offer when they have problems with online check in. So in other words, I feel your pain.

 

[AgentMama]

I guess I'm curious what the expectations were when everyone decided to book together. Was anything discussed about time together?

 

[Flossbolna]

It might be nice to specifically plan certain things with your mother. Do a tasting together, just you and your mother. If there are special events planned with her she might feel less abandoned when you want to do something on your own during the day.

You could even try to schedule something for your mother with one family member at a time, she gets quality time with that one person and the rest get free time.

The great thing is that on a cruise it’s so easy to split up and then reconnect again for meals or for family activities that I think it’s a great way to travel with a group that doesn’t want to stick together all the time.

 

[Bad Pink Tink 2.0]

I get how you feel. In 2023 2013 (edited, oops ,wrong year) I decided to take my mum to Disneyland Paris for Christmas. We were sharing a room. If you have read any of my trip reports you will know that in the parks I'm rope drop to close, commando style, everything planned and just go go go. I love my solo park trips. My mum is very different. She is not a parks person, is mainly there to be part of the atmosphere, do a few rides, see a few shows, and just have a new experience.

Before the trip we agreed on meals together, then do our own thing between meals.

I bought her one of the Disneyland Paris Guide books. Before giving it to her I went through the book and marked things for her, Must Do, Might Like to Do, Avoid This.

We also agreed on a doing a show and few rides each day together.

For you , do the same with your mom, but for the ship.

Find Personal Navigators from previous cruises and mark Must Do, Might Like to Do, Avoid This for the various activities, shows, parts of the ship etc. Agree on things to do together and times when you do your own thing.

The most important thing is managing expectations. For example, if you book an alcohol tasting, that she does not think you are abandoning her, or that if you put the kids in the kids club because theres cool things that they want to do there that she does not think this is a slight to her, that you are stopping her from having time with the kids.

The great thing about the ship is that there really is something for everyone and you shouldnt feel the pressure of everyone having to stick together with everyone doing the same thing.

Have your mom involved in the planning, so that she feels included but at the same time is aware of what other people in the group might like to do.

 

[CisforCookie991]

My wife and I are late 30s with 2 kids, 7 & 5. Agreed to a 5-night Disney cruise with my mom, late 60s. It will be a first cruise. She had been begging to do one. We have connecting verandah rooms.

I love my mom, but she drives me crazy. She tries to maximize time together, but we’re definitely going to need some space from her. I also want some grownup time. Any recommendations on how to balance the trip?

I’m thinking we’ll do a few of the signature dining options as date nights away from my mom and our kids. Also, thinking of liberally using the youth clubs. Though, I know my mom will try to do babysitting, which might be fine.

I think we’ll do some meals, the shows, and excursions together. Maybe pool time as well. Is that enough? Again, my first cruise, so not sure how it will be in practice.

I feel your pain. We very intentionally don't tell our parents about trips. My in-laws are the type to hear about something then say "oh we'll join you." My parents will insist that it's ok if we make our own plans, then get mad that we didn't spend every moment with them. My mother-in-law will be told something 473475 times and acknowledge it every time, but then when it happens, she acts like it's brand new information. Boundaries do not work for us, except for the Wall of No Information. All we can do is anticipate that they don't mean what they say ever, roll our eyes, and don't let it ruin our fun. You can't control them, but you can control how you react.

 

[Mommb]

When we had a connecting room next to my mother-in-law, she had one or the other of our kids sleep over with her on several nights. She just asked the room steward to make up one of the other beds — either the bunk or the sofa bed, depending on the kid’s preference. We then left the connecting doors slightly open, so the kid could return whenever he or she wanted to.

 

[Calantha]

So interesting to read about everyone's experiences! When we travel with DH whole family (4 rooms), we plan dinner together and sometimes excursions, but after that it is mix and match: the ladies do tastings, in-laws do brunch, some kids go to the pool, some kids go to the clubs.

When we traveled recently with just MIL/FIL, we did almost everything with at least one of them (except a tasting I did with just DH).

As others have said, it is very easy to set up away time from the relatives if needed. Go to the movies, go to a drawing class, see a tour of the ship.

Also regarding the clubs, if the kids want to leave, the CMs will call you to come pick them up. Now if you're doing Palo or something and they 'have' to stay, you can give the CMs a heads up, but I wouldn't count on the kids wanting to stay at the clubs. DS (now 8) is a notorious club hater. He'll go if dinner is running long or someone else is going, but other than that, he's not interested.

 

[Flcruising]

My wife and I are late 30s with 2 kids, 7 & 5. Agreed to a 5-night Disney cruise with my mom, late 60s. It will be a first cruise. She had been begging to do one. We have connecting verandah rooms.

I love my mom, but she drives me crazy. She tries to maximize time together, but we’re definitely going to need some space from her. I also want some grownup time. Any recommendations on how to balance the trip?

I’m thinking we’ll do a few of the signature dining options as date nights away from my mom and our kids. Also, thinking of liberally using the youth clubs. Though, I know my mom will try to do babysitting, which might be fine.

I think we’ll do some meals, the shows, and excursions together. Maybe pool time as well. Is that enough? Again, my first cruise, so not sure how it will be in practice.

You list a number of activities and ask strangers on this forum to say if it's enough? Interesting ...but the most practical answers have encouraged you to communicate with her and find out her expectations, hopes and dreams for this time together. That's the only way to know if she will feel "if it's enough".
You could have ongoing planning discussions just normally expressing excitement over the upcoming trip and activities. In those discussions various hopes and dreams will just naturally emerge.
But it comes down to communicating because you can't schedule another person's days anymore than you can create their dreams and hopes.
I'm sorry she drives you crazy but I hope you can have a fulfilling cruise for your sake and hers. The worst would be to have hopes and dreams then go home with them shattered. You don't easily get over a heartbreak like that at your mother's age.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

TBH I don't think a 5 night cruise is long enough for what you want to do.

Are you actually being realistic on how much time you'll truly be able to have with each other? Just the two of you? You want to do a few signature dinners as date nights but there are only 5 nights total. You say you imagine you'll do some meals, shows and excursions together but with a traveler who has been begging to go on a cruise and would be then alone the rest of the time or babysitting your kids but then you mention using the youth clubs liberally. What will your mom do if she's just there by herself a lot?

I get the feeling that your mom won't necessarily understand nor agree with your interpretation of your trip. It seems incongruent with what you want. Why invite your mom or agree to go on a cruise when you know she'll want to maximize time together and you know she drives you crazy and you'll want more than enough time alone?

And I honestly would not have chosen a first cruise with a parent whom you know gets on your nerves and whom you specifically say you need time away from. And I def. wouldn't have chosen such a short cruise to do it on.

I know you're looking for people to be super positive but even just your brief description doesn't sound like an amazing time.

If it were me I would plan strictly one meal and only one meal away from both your kids and your mom leaving the other 4 nights as complete family time. I'd plan a bit of time maybe 2 days after excursions to decompress with just you and your wife if your mom is okay babysitting or if the kids go off to youth club. Depending on when your mom goes to bed you might be able to have a late night drink if that's your fancy. But truthfully I wouldn't get your expectations so high on getting a lot of time away.

 

[Flcruising]

TBH I don't think a 5 night cruise is long enough for what you want to do.

Are you actually being realistic on how much time you'll truly be able to have with each other? Just the two of you? You want to do a few signature dinners as date nights but there are only 5 nights total. You say you imagine you'll do some meals, shows and excursions together but with a traveler who has been begging to go on a cruise and would be then alone the rest of the time or babysitting your kids but then you mention using the youth clubs liberally. What will your mom do if she's just there by herself a lot?

I get the feeling that your mom won't necessarily understand nor agree with your interpretation of your trip. It seems incongruent with what you want. Why invite your mom or agree to go on a cruise when you know she'll want to maximize time together and you know she drives you crazy and you'll want more than enough time alone?

And I honestly would not have chosen a first cruise with a parent whom you know gets on your nerves and whom you specifically say you need time away from. And I def. wouldn't have chosen such a short cruise to do it on.

I know you're looking for people to be super positive but even just your brief description doesn't sound like an amazing time.

If it were me I would plan strictly one meal and only one meal away from both your kids and your mom leaving the other 4 nights as complete family time. I'd plan a bit of time maybe 2 days after excursions to decompress with just you and your wife if your mom is okay babysitting or if the kids go off to youth club. Depending on when your mom goes to bed you might be able to have a late night drink if that's your fancy. But truthfully I wouldn't get your expectations so high on getting a lot of time away.

I agree. You said it all well. I hope the op reads your post and thinks about it.

 

[sponica]

The rules for group travel are the same whether on land or sea.

The most important is - Everyone needs to know what type of trip to expect. Is this a family vacation on a cruise or a cruise with family? There's a difference.

My in-laws drive my husband batty, we managed with a 2 bedroom suite on land this time around, and it was nice because they would tap out and watch the kids while we went in the parks, but I would never ever ever ever agree to be on a boat with them. If for some reason I did agree to it, we would book our own drink tastings (which my in-laws wouldn't do) and aside from meals, we'd do our own things. Probably.

 

[Jlo85]

I get the feeling that your mom won't necessarily understand nor agree with your interpretation of your trip. It seems incongruent with what you want. Why invite your mom or agree to go on a cruise when you know she'll want to maximize time together and you know she drives you crazy and you'll want more than enough time alone?

My mom actually had this idea that she wanted to 'gift' a disney cruise to us and had offered to pay for the whole thing. I wasn't going to take her up on the payment, but I actually might after these replies. My whole concern was spending so much on this and then feeling married to my mom the whole trip. If she pays for it, I don't feel so bad about it. Still need some alone time. And I'm really thinking just a couple of nights (2 of the 5 dinners doing a signature meal), and we could probably always do the lounges after the kids are in bed for the night.

Otherwise, we'll plan to probably do most activities together. This is always the struggle because my mom lives alone, and she seems to latch on to any socialization she can get when she's around other people, often invading space and ignoring boundaries. But I'd rather have that on a cruise ship than in my home, honestly. Thanks everyone for the feedback!

 

[MomOTwins]

Oof, as a mom this thread is making me feel real nervous about how hard it’s going to be once my kids grow up!!!

But as someone who just went on an awesome 4-night cruise with my mom, husband and 3 kids, I’ll tell you what we did. Although I enjoy my mom’s company, my husband and I were also celebrating an anniversary so we wanted time to ourselves too. On embarkation day we basically spent all day together getting to know the ship, except after dinner when my husband did a solo drink tasting and mom, the kids and me did trivia. The next day we did some splitting up. First some pool time—my mom and husband went on the water slides with the older kids while I stayed in the little kid splash pad with my youngest. In the afternoon my husband and I did a 2-hour couples massage. The kids went into the club for part of it and my mom picked them up when they were done and played bingo with them. We all met up for dinner and an evening theater show. On the next day, we spent the day together at castaway cay though my husband did the 5K run on his own. Then my husband and I did Palo dinner while my mom had dinner with the kids. After dinner we all watched the pirate show and fireworks together. The last day we had a mix of kids in kids club/adults in adult pool area or lounges, family bingo all together (we won!), and my mom and I took my youngest to Bippedy Boppidy Boutique and Olaf’s picnic (this was this Wish cruise ship, would be Royal Tea on the other ships), and finally dinner and a show together. So overall, I feel like we got a good mix of time together, time apart, and time for grandma to have time with grandkids by herself. Everyone was pretty happy! I definitely think you can have balance on a cruise—so many opportunities for alone time or together time you can choose what works best for u.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My mom actually had this idea that she wanted to 'gift' a disney cruise to us and had offered to paid for the whole thing. I wasn't going to take her up on the payment, but I actually might after these replies. My whole concern was spending so much on this and then feeling married to my mom the whole trip. If she pays for it, I don't feel so bad about it. Still need some alone time. And I'm really thinking just a couple of nights (2 of the 5 dinners doing a signature meal), and we could probably always do the lounges after the kids are in bed for the night.

Otherwise, we'll plan to probably do most activities together. This is always the struggle because my mom lives alone, and she seems to latch on to any socialization she can get when she's around other people, often invading space and ignoring boundaries. But I'd rather have that on a cruise ship than in my home, honestly. Thanks everyone for the feedback!

I'm not sure if you want my further advice on this but I actually think it's a really bad idea to have her pay for it. And that would further add to her wanting to spend a lot of time with you, after all she's paid for it. With you paying for it you retain the right to say "hey look it's our vacation too" but really I'm just forward thinking this whole thing may not be the best plan.

I'm also speaking from experience here, my mother-in-law is very territorial on her time and I'm right around your age (well I'm 35 I should say) although my husband and I don't have kids at this point. I wouldn't call it a mistake inviting the family to Mexico this past April for our 10th anniversary but my mother-in-law became very upset when we tried to take time to ourselves with exception to our anniversary night and we had 8 days there. We had a room snafu and to placate us the hotel gave us access to the adults only area which came with its own pool, cabanas and restaurant. When we tried to say we wanted to try out that restaurant since now we'd have access she pouted and said "well but I can't go to it" when we tried to say we were going to spend time with the cabanas she pouted again. We spent just about every moment with them (except for 1 full day of excursions they couldn't do with stamina issues) and she still pouted. I just picked up on several things with your post that made it sound like you'd be constantly worried about your mom and her reactions or worried about trying to sneak away. When you've got that type of personality on vacation it can become a stressor right off the bat.

I hope you have a wonderful time regardless

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I definitely think you can have balance on a cruise

Well of course you can but it becomes dicey when you have a shorter cruise combined with the several things the OP already mentioned. I 1000% could be on a cruise with my sister-in-law and her boyfriend because we would approach it the same way; group time and alone time. Absolutely no hard feelings if someone wants to dine alone because truth is we would want that as well! We wouldn't even necessarily plan the same excursions as I could see them enjoying hiking while we enjoying history sites. But....add in either my mother-in-law or my mother??? No. No it would not be good at all. My mom would be better than my mother-in-law but still it's just a mismatch of expectations and personalities. I've done vacations enough with both to understand we have our limits. Maybe the cruise isn't the limit with the OP but they've expressed enough concerns that I felt I wanted to comment on them. And with the OP saying their mom ignores boundaries oh boy do I know how that can be with parents and would be exactly why some vacations are just not going to happen with them.

 

[Flcruising]

My mom actually had this idea that she wanted to 'gift' a disney cruise to us and had offered to paid for the whole thing. I wasn't going to take her up on the payment, but I actually might after these replies. My whole concern was spending so much on this and then feeling married to my mom the whole trip. If she pays for it, I don't feel so bad about it. Still need some alone time. And I'm really thinking just a couple of nights (2 of the 5 dinners doing a signature meal), and we could probably always do the lounges after the kids are in bed for the night.

Otherwise, we'll plan to probably do most activities together. This is always the struggle because my mom lives alone, and she seems to latch on to any socialization she can get when she's around other people, often invading space and ignoring boundaries. But I'd rather have that on a cruise ship than in my home, honestly. Thanks everyone for the feedback!

Wow I must have missed that she is paying for it or im misunderstanding. From what you are saying it seems She's paying because she is lonely and wants time with her family.
Go to the lounges after your mother is in bed for your alone time. Or plan alone time when your at home. Your mother has enough alone time. She doesn't need to pay to buy more alone time.
She's paying so don't make her eat dinner by herself, even if she has the kids for company. She's paying she deserves royal treatment. She should be the center of attention. If you do you may find your relationship is enhanced a little. You could actually make it big deal and make her feel really good.
If she's paying this puts a whole different light on your original post.