Doesn't anyone parent based on their individual child?

[LisaR]

There is at least one thread on the Dis a week that asks, "at what age should a child be allowed to.............." Today there were three on the front page alone. And it isn't just on the Dis. I hear it IRL, too.

I will never understand parenting based on the masses. There isn't a magic age for anything unless you are talking about a law. Aren't kids individuals with their own maturity levels? I would never allow my son to do the things I allow my daughter to do. He simply isn't as equipped to handle certain situations. I have never given my kids an age to do anything like date, wear makeup, have/attend sleepovers, stay home alone, get a cell phone, go to the bathroom alone in public, stop riding in a stroller, etc. I can't imagine allowing my child to do something because the masses say a child *should* be able to do that by a certain age. My kids are allowed privileges when I feel they are ready. Am I the only one that parents this way?

 

[Mickey's Minion]

There is at least one thread on the Dis a week that asks, "at what age should a child be allowed to.............." Today there were three on the front page alone. And it isn't just on the Dis. I hear it IRL, too.

I will never understand parenting based on the masses. There isn't a magic age for anything unless you are talking about a law. Aren't kids individuals with their own maturity levels? I would never allow my son to do the things I allow my daughter to do. He simply isn't as equipped to handle certain situations. I have never given my kids an age to do anything like date, wear makeup, have/attend sleepovers, stay home alone, get a cell phone, go to the bathroom alone in public, stop riding in a stroller, etc. I can't imagine allowing my child to do something because the masses say a child *should* be able to do that by a certain age. My kids are allowed privileges when I feel they are ready. Am I the only one that parents this way?

No, you are not the only parent that parents that way. But then again, I am a full fledged member of the bad parent club

 

[golfgal]

There is at least one thread on the Dis a week that asks, "at what age should a child be allowed to.............." Today there were three on the front page alone. And it isn't just on the Dis. I hear it IRL, too.

I will never understand parenting based on the masses. There isn't a magic age for anything unless you are talking about a law. Aren't kids individuals with their own maturity levels? I would never allow my son to do the things I allow my daughter to do. He simply isn't as equipped to handle certain situations. I have never given my kids an age to do anything like date, wear makeup, have/attend sleepovers, stay home alone, get a cell phone, go to the bathroom alone in public, stop riding in a stroller, etc. I can't imagine allowing my child to do something because the masses say a child *should* be able to do that by a certain age. My kids are allowed privileges when I feel they are ready. Am I the only one that parents this way?

We do. We have never assigned an age to anything, more of a "when you are ready". When DD asked to shave her legs, we bought a razor and SHE shaved her legs. For the kids staying home, DS17 was a lot more comfortable staying home alone at a younger age then the twins. The twins were just fine being home without a parent if they were both home, but not alone. Same thing with sleepovers, if they were comfortable and wanted to go, we didn't have an issue at all--they were all doing sleepovers with friends in pre-school. I don't understand the "magical" age thing either.

 

[Christine]

No, you're not the only parent!

I didn't respond to any of those threads because I can't answer those questions. It depends on the child, the location, where you live, crime rates, etc.

I think that before I had kids I thought I had answers for those things--probably based on when *I* did certain things. But after having kids and seeing their different personalities, it isn't a one-size-fits-all thing.

There are many things my daughter was allowed to do at an earlier age than my son because of maturity levels. Alternatively, now that my kids are much older and their personalities are so different, there are probably going to be things that I allow my son to do in high school that I didn't let my daughter do (because he is much more level-headed and less of a risk taker).

 

[SaraJayne]

I do parent based on my individual child, but I think that it helps some parents to bounce ideas off other parents, kwim?

The Dis has so many members, with so many different life experiences, that sometimes I think people like to pull from those different perspectives, to maybe help them see a situation a different way.

 

[X and G's mom]

Sorry, but I was one of those parents that asked
I guess that it's just some of us parents that are interested in what other parents think. I read all the advice that I was given. Ultimately, I am the one that is going to decide for my child. In my case it was make-up for my almost 12 year old daughter. I realize times have changed and just wanted to hear from other parents who may have gone through the same thing. That is why I started that particular thread....... JMO

I realize that every child is different! My DS is much more comfortable being home alone than my DD. My DD is way more into boys than my DS is into girls.

I guess I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't too much of a dinosaur about certain issues and it's great to hear what other parents have gone through and done with their children. I was given some great advice on here! Will I take some of it into consideration? YES!

 

[MiniGirl]

And in everyone of those threads, there will be several people who respond that it just depends on the child. Many will give examples of how they were comfortable allowing one child to do something at one age, but wouldn't dream of allowing another child to do the same thing at that same age.

So, yes, it seems there are lots of people who parent based on their individual children. I also don't see a problem with asking. I can ask just to see where I stand in relation to others, but it doesn't mean I'm going to go with the DIS majority. In the end, I will always do what I feel is best for my child -- even if it means going against the norm.

 

[Magpie]

I'm in the "it's always good to bounce ideas off other parents" camp. I enjoy those threads because it's so interesting to read other parents explaining why they've made the decisions they've made.

Threads like these challenge me to think a little harder about why I parent the way I do.

 

[DMickey28]

My kids are still very little so I haven't really had to ask for much advice yet but I imagine that I will at some point have general questions for the DIS parents.

It's not that I don't base my final decisions based on my child's individual personality but I might get ideas that I wouldn't have thought of on my own. My knowledge is limited to just that ... my knowledge. Someone else might have an idea that never would have crossed my mind.

 

[Arielle22]

DH and I parent on both age and personality. For instance, we set an age minimum of 16 for dating. We were not comfortable with a younger age regardless of whether our DDs were ready.

For staying home alone we left DD16 stay home at a younger age than DD14. DD14 is flightier and would open the door to strangers before she thought it through. Heck, she still would at 14.

I am fortunate enough to have many sisters that I bounce ideas off of. So I view posters with similar questions in the same vein, just looking to see what others are doing.

 

[merryweather20]

Your post confuses me. Its similar to the people that post complaints that posters should just "google things".

Just because I'm interested in other peoples opinions and experiences on things doesn't mean I haven't realized my child is an individual. People discuss things on messages boards, at after school sports at family dinners, they talk its always been that way and it always will.

There is no child so supremely unique and unusual that they can't benefit in the least from any experienced parent.

 

[monkeybug]

I'm in the "it's always good to bounce ideas off other parents" camp. I enjoy those threads because it's so interesting to read other parents explaining why they've made the decisions they've made.

Threads like these challenge me to think a little harder about why I parent the way I do.

I love to ask my friends and family for their opinions on everything from how they fold a fitted sheet (I'm still trying to conquer that one) to what age they let their kids go to the mall alone.
I'm always interested in discussions about parenting in particular because it's the one thing I try really hard to not screw up too badly! I learn a lot from how others parent their kids, and as much as I like to think I'm a great mom, there are plenty of times when I've realized someone else has a much better way of doing things, and that I don't always know what's best!(which is a hard pill for any mom to swallow) Input from others makes this imperfect mother a teensy bit better at a really difficult job.
And yes, sometimes my ideas are dumb, or inappropriate, or short sided, and as much as it pains me to admit I have benefited (and my family has too) from someone else pointing that out to me! (hopefully in a kind way)
I don't think there is anything wrong with threads asking for parental advice and opinions. I think they're great!
I'm happy there are parents out there who are so good at what they are doing that they don't ever need any input from others to know whats best for their kids. I'm not one of them! I say bring on the advice and opinions! I'll take all that I can get! I don't even want to think about how big a therapy bill my kids would have racked up if I had just tried to wing this thing on my gut instinct.
And how do you fold a fitted sheet????

 

[Magpie]

And how do you fold a fitted sheet????

You don't. You just kind of crumple it up and stuff it into the shelf with the others.

 

[binny]

No, you are not the only parent that parents that way. But then again, I am a full fledged member of the bad parent club

Right there with the rest of you!

Each child is different, my son was ready for certain things way before my girls would be at that age.

He is much more independent and is pretty aware of things. My girls OTOH are much more dreamy and prone to view everyone as a friend. He had a lot of freedoms early on that the girls wont have for a while yet Im afraid.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Sorry, but I was one of those parents that asked
I guess that it's just some of us parents that are interested in what other parents think. I read all the advice that I was given. Ultimately, I am the one that is going to decide for my child. In my case it was make-up for my almost 12 year old daughter. I realize times have changed and just wanted to hear from other parents who may have gone through the same thing. That is why I started that particular thread....... JMO

I realize that every child is different! My DS is much more comfortable being home alone than my DD. My DD is way more into boys than my DS is into girls.

I guess I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't too much of a dinosaur about certain issues and it's great to hear what other parents have gone through and done with their children. I was given some great advice on here! Will I take some of it into consideration? YES!

I can definitely see the value of bouncing ideas off others. That makes sense.

However, it always seems that there are a few posters that will be very rigid in their age ideals and take other posters to task if they vary from their ideal vision. The heated threads are a testament to this. When I read the OP's post, I had those posters in mind, not the ones that are just bouncing ideas off to see where they stand.

There is a big difference in posters that post a thread asking for ideas just to see where they stand and posters that start a thread asking for age limits and then argue with everybody that doesn't agree with their preconceived notions. That is just asking for validation of their parenting decisions. (and no, I don't have any particular thread in mind, just past experience of reading threads).

 

[stashbin]

I like to read what other parents/kids are doing because it helps me to know if what we are doing is normal.

Like I never thought I would be plucking eyebrows and shaving a 9 year old! But thankfully, others here on the dis are having to do the same so I don't feel like a weirdo!

 

[monkeybug]

You don't. You just kind of crumple it up and stuff it into the shelf with the others.

Well that's certainly my preferred method!
I've seen Martha Stewart fold them into perfect flat and neat little squares though. I even tried to follow along. Sadly it just ended in the crumple and stuff method.
And please, no one point out that people who can't figure out how to fold fitted sheets (even after watching instructional youtube videos) probably shouldn't be entrusted with children. I'm aware, and I'm sorry.
I'm raising little crumple and stuffers.

 

[stashbin]

Well that's certainly my preferred method!
I've seen Martha Stewart fold them into perfect flat and neat little squares though. I even tried to follow along. Sadly it just ended in the crumple and stuff method.
And please, no one point out that people who can't figure out how to fold fitted sheets (even after watching instructional youtube videos) probably shouldn't be entrusted with children. I'm aware, and I'm sorry.
I'm raising little crumple and stuffers.

MEEE TOOO!!!! I mean who really cares what the sheet looks like in the closet anyway??? Luckily for me, I only have one set of sheets right now so as soon as they are washed they are back on the bed!

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Well that's certainly my preferred method!
I've seen Martha Stewart fold them into perfect flat and neat little squares though. I even tried to follow along. Sadly it just ended in the crumple and stuff method.
And please, no one point out that people who can't figure out how to fold fitted sheets (even after watching instructional youtube videos) probably shouldn't be entrusted with children. I'm aware, and I'm sorry.
I'm raising little crumple and stuffers.

For shame!!!!











Me too. And I don't iron my sheet either.

 

[monkeybug]

For shame!!!!











Me too. And I don't iron my sheet either.

Oh Crud!!! Are we supposed to be ironing the sheets????
I missed that episode of Martha!!
My poor children, the things they have to endure with me as their mother!