Does every parent have a favorite kid?

[Kittyblue]

I mean don't ask me in front of the kids, but it totally changes day to day depending on their moods. I have two teenage daughters, God help me

 

[low-key]

my parents would say we just have one we hate least

 

[HiStitch626]

My mother loves us equally, but my sister is her favorite, and this does not bother me at all. They just have more in common and always have. I guess you could say their personalities just mesh better. I was my grandfather's favorite. It's good to be someone's favorite!

 

[TipsyTraveler]

That isn't the question. I have two children. Both middle age now. One is very close to me and we have hours of discussion every week. We are so close that I am scared for her when I pass. I think she will be very upset, she will adjust but will have a rough time and I don't want that but short of not dying, I don't know what I can do about it. I love her she is my baby girl and always will be.

My other daughter has never done anything to me or said anything to me in a negative sense, but our opinions and beliefs couldn't be further apart. I still love her, she is my first baby and really was a great kid through out the part of her life that we spent together. Now, even though we live about 3.5 miles apart the only way I see her is on her kids birthdays, my birthday, her birthday and Christmas Eve. She never calls me, but seems like she feels that the couple of hours every other Saturday that we play 9 holes of golf is all the exposure she needs. In fairness, she acts that way with the whole family, her sister, her friends, or as many as she has left, and her other relatives. She just doesn't seem to want to spend any time with any of us. However, is cordial to all of us when we do get together. I don't know how to figure her out so it is tough to have any real relationship. As I said, that doesn't mean I don't love her, she's my flesh and blood, but the word like enters into the discussion.

I believe that you can and many times do love your children equal, however that doesn't mean that you cannot like one or more better than the other(s). Not every human you meet can be someone that you like to spend time with, just human nature. I fully expect to leave both of them totally equal shares of whatever I leave behind. If I plan it right, there will be very little to worry about left behind, but whatever it is it will be equally shared.

She spends all of the birthdays with you, some of the holidays, and has a standing golf game with you every other weekend? She’s making a ton of time for you — don’t take that for granted. That’s a hell of a lot more time than I would give to someone who’s lukewarm on whether they even like me.

 

[mom2rtk]

That isn't the question. I have two children. Both middle age now. One is very close to me and we have hours of discussion every week. We are so close that I am scared for her when I pass. I think she will be very upset, she will adjust but will have a rough time and I don't want that but short of not dying, I don't know what I can do about it. I love her she is my baby girl and always will be.

My other daughter has never done anything to me or said anything to me in a negative sense, but our opinions and beliefs couldn't be further apart. I still love her, she is my first baby and really was a great kid through out the part of her life that we spent together. Now, even though we live about 3.5 miles apart the only way I see her is on her kids birthdays, my birthday, her birthday and Christmas Eve. She never calls me, but seems like she feels that the couple of hours every other Saturday that we play 9 holes of golf is all the exposure she needs. In fairness, she acts that way with the whole family, her sister, her friends, or as many as she has left, and her other relatives. She just doesn't seem to want to spend any time with any of us. However, is cordial to all of us when we do get together. I don't know how to figure her out so it is tough to have any real relationship. As I said, that doesn't mean I don't love her, she's my flesh and blood, but the word like enters into the discussion.

I believe that you can and many times do love your children equal, however that doesn't mean that you cannot like one or more better than the other(s). Not every human you meet can be someone that you like to spend time with, just human nature. I fully expect to leave both of them totally equal shares of whatever I leave behind. If I plan it right, there will be very little to worry about left behind, but whatever it is it will be equally shared.

My goodness. How much time do you want her to spend with you? That's a lot already.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Nope not at all. Love both my boys the same. One gives me more grey hairs than the other but my love never changes.

 

[VandVsmama]

That isn't the question. I have two children. Both middle age now. One is very close to me and we have hours of discussion every week. We are so close that I am scared for her when I pass. I think she will be very upset, she will adjust but will have a rough time and I don't want that but short of not dying, I don't know what I can do about it. I love her she is my baby girl and always will be.

My other daughter has never done anything to me or said anything to me in a negative sense, but our opinions and beliefs couldn't be further apart. I still love her, she is my first baby and really was a great kid through out the part of her life that we spent together. Now, even though we live about 3.5 miles apart the only way I see her is on her kids birthdays, my birthday, her birthday and Christmas Eve. She never calls me, but seems like she feels that the couple of hours every other Saturday that we play 9 holes of golf is all the exposure she needs. In fairness, she acts that way with the whole family, her sister, her friends, or as many as she has left, and her other relatives. She just doesn't seem to want to spend any time with any of us. However, is cordial to all of us when we do get together. I don't know how to figure her out so it is tough to have any real relationship. As I said, that doesn't mean I don't love her, she's my flesh and blood, but the word like enters into the discussion.

I believe that you can and many times do love your children equal, however that doesn't mean that you cannot like one or more better than the other(s). Not every human you meet can be someone that you like to spend time with, just human nature. I fully expect to leave both of them totally equal shares of whatever I leave behind. If I plan it right, there will be very little to worry about left behind, but whatever it is it will be equally shared.

Ok. Since we're splitting hairs, the answer to the question of "Does every parent have a favorite kid?" the answer is no. Not every parent has a favorite kid.

Do SOME parents have a favorite kid? Yes.

Do ALL parents have a favorite kid? No.

 

[goofyernmost]

She spends all of the birthdays with you, some of the holidays, and has a standing golf game with you every other weekend? She’s making a ton of time for you — don’t take that for granted. That’s a hell of a lot more time than I would give to someone who’s lukewarm on whether they even like me.

You're probably right, but it is hard for me to not have a close connection. I do appreciate it except that I have a feeling that what she does is done because she thinks it is expected not because she particularly wants too. I have not said that I don't like her, we were talking about do we have favorites, and I say that most of us do. That doesn't mean we don't worry about them, hope for the best for them and are even in many ways proud of them. Both my daughters made me proud of them with only a few exceptions, but that was more personal stands or actions, it never altered my love for her and I do like spending time time with her. Besides she has no more reason to think that I am lukewarm (which I'm not) on whether I like her then I should feel that way about how she feels about me. There is more then two degrees of like. It's not either I like her to the fullest extent or I don't like her at all.

However, let's look at the actual time. Spending her birthdays and those of the kids and mine amount to about 1.5 hours each or a total of 6 birthdays, including mine and 9 hours a year. We play 9 holes every other week on a par three course for a total of another 1.5 hours time 26 weeks if it doesn't rain for another total of approximately 39 hours a year. Add them up and it's 39hrs + 9hrs = 48 hours a year. Two days out of 365 is not what I would consider making a ton of time. At least not for what I would consider a close knit family. But, she is who she is, and because it is impossible to feel really close I have to say that I like my other daughter more simply because I am almost always in contact with her, even if it is just texting.

 

[goofyernmost]

Oops! Double post!

 

[goofyernmost]

My goodness. How much time do you want her to spend with you? That's a lot already.

When I live 3.5 miles away I would think that more the 48 hours a year. You don't think that I spend an entire day with her on birthdays or holidays or golf. If you folks have less then that it might be because you don't live in close range. The very reason why I moved down to NC was to be near them. I don't live with them, I don't demand time from them, I don't expect them to do anything other then give a damn whether I'm alive or not. I don't think she is thinking consciously about it, but they have families and I am alone. My wife asked for a divorce because she no longer wanted to be married after 29 years. she passed away 5 years ago. My sister lives in Vermont. My other daughter is 14 miles away and I hear from her, sometimes just in a how are you text at least every couple of days. I do not demand a bunch of time from either of them but one seems to enjoy my company and the other seems to avoid it as much as she can. That is what constitutes favorites in my book. If you have less time with your children then I feel sorry but that also was not the question.

 

[goofyernmost]

Ok. Since we're splitting hairs, the answer to the question of "Does every parent have a favorite kid?" the answer is no. Not every parent has a favorite kid.

Do SOME parents have a favorite kid? Yes.

Do ALL parents have a favorite kid? No.

No argument their, but I wonder which direction the needle points. Are there more that will honestly say they like one a little bit better then they other or are there more that will honestly say no.

 

[wenrob]

You're probably right, but it is hard for me to not have a close connection. I do appreciate it except that I have a feeling that what she does is done because she thinks it is expected not because she particularly wants too. I have not said that I don't like her, we were talking about do we have favorites, and I say that most of us do. That doesn't mean we don't worry about them, hope for the best for them and are even in many ways proud of them. Both my daughters made me proud of them with only a few exceptions, but that was more personal stands or actions, it never altered my love for her and I do like spending time time with her. Besides she has no more reason to think that I am lukewarm (which I'm not) on whether I like her then I should feel that way about how she feels about me. There is more then two degrees of like. It's not either I like her to the fullest extent or I don't like her at all.

However, let's look at the actual time. Spending her birthdays and those of the kids and mine amount to about 1.5 hours each or a total of 6 birthdays, including mine and 9 hours a year. We play 9 holes every other week on a par three course for a total of another 1.5 hours time 26 weeks if it doesn't rain for another total of approximately 39 hours a year. Add them up and it's 39hrs + 9hrs = 48 hours a year. Two days out of 365 is not what I would consider making a ton of time. At least not for what I would consider a close knit family. But, she is who she is, and because it is impossible to feel really close I have to say that I like my other daughter more simply because I am almost always in contact with her, even if it is just texting.

Do you go see her? Text/call her?

 

[AuntieMe3]

We have an only so yes she is my favorite. DD says even though she's an only she still isn't the favorite of DH...she says one of the dogs takes that spot.

Never felt like my parents had a favorite.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I do not demand a bunch of time from either of them but one seems to enjoy my company and the other seems to avoid it as much as she can. That is what constitutes favorites in my book.

It sounds like one DD might just be an introvert and the other an extrovert. (Especially where you said the less in-touch one is that way with everybody, not just you.)

 

[jaiminee krikit]

My parents definitely have a favorite. My mom's is my middle sister (her mini-me) and my dad's is my baby sister.
My in-laws both like the baby best, and her two kids are their favorite grandkids.

 

[sheilafri]

My daughter is an only child so, she my favourite.

I’m the oldest of four and if my parents had a favourite, they never showed it.

Now, I think we’re all their favourite for different reasons.

I have three children. You nailed it in your last line. I have a favorite thing about each of them.

 

[goofyernmost]

Do you go see her? Text/call her?

Yup, but she is a busy person and doesn't have time. I text and I call and sometimes it takes up to a week to get a response and they are a very heavily engaged in all electronics. You'll have to wait until you get older and know that your children have their own central family if something happens to them. No one is observing me. It isn't an even playing field is it? I don't demand that they do, I only expected that since I was very aware of when my mother was alone, I remembered to call her because she like me where/are not going to ever force myself on them. It seems like there is an effort underfoot to blame me for this. I can assure you that I have done everything I can to not interject myself into their lives unless they want me there. I guess what I did in connection with my parents is something that I shouldn't expect to be happening to me.

I'm not whining about this I am just explaining how even though there may be more than one child, it doesn't mean that they have exactly the same personalities. I'm just saying why it is possible to have a favorite and it is usually the one that seems to give a damn about you. Believe me, if you have this experience you will understand what I am saying.

 

[bjscheel]

DD20 has a bit of a running joke that she is definitely not her dad's favorite of the two. Last summer her boyfriend lived with us for several weeks. We were all talking about something as BF headed out the door and said "Guess I'm not the favorite child around here anymore" and DH (as reflexive reassurance and not really thinking) said "Oh yes you are". So DD proclaimed herself as moved down to third, or possibly fourth, after the cat

 

[handinpocket]

Yup, but she is a busy person and doesn't have time. I text and I call and sometimes it takes up to a week to get a response and they are a very heavily engaged in all electronics. You'll have to wait until you get older and know that your children have their own central family if something happens to them. No one is observing me. It isn't an even playing field is it? I don't demand that they do, I only expected that since I was very aware of when my mother was alone, I remembered to call her because she like me where/are not going to ever force myself on them. It seems like there is an effort underfoot to blame me for this. I can assure you that I have done everything I can to not interject myself into their lives unless they want me there. I guess what I did in connection with my parents is something that I shouldn't expect to be happening to me.

I'm not whining about this I am just explaining how even though there may be more than one child, it doesn't mean that they have exactly the same personalities. I'm just saying why it is possible to have a favorite and it is usually the one that seems to give a damn about you. Believe me, if you have this experience you will understand what I am saying.

Given how you feel, I would forgo the golf games, if I were her. Bless her.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

I have 5 kids and they each always joke that they’re the favorite. I always tell them the favorite child changes from minute to minute, it’s whoever’s bothering me the least at that moment lol