Does anyone value marriage anymore?

[RainbowBrite]

OT is this your wedding pic? It's stunning!

Yes, it is. I am on the left and my wife is on the right. Thank you.

 

[Robindianne]

As far as the church...I thought about that. But I think God will forgive me for my divorce, all things considered.

ITA. I've never been divorced but I just don't think God wants anyone to tolerate abuse of themselves or their children. And I (although none of us can know for sure what our god thinks) believe God wouldn't want our children to grow up watching hatred, affairs, or even indiference between their parents.

and OT: I really don't agree with throwing out an "if only people brought back the church," when most organized religions promote intolerance (or at minimum an attitude of "you are sinners if you don't follow what I - as your conduit to god - say is godly, but come to church anyway and I'll convert/fix you so you can go to heaven").

When both genders, all skin colors, any sexual orientation, etc are truly welcomed and accepted as is with no thoughts of "curing" or "submitting" to a husband, etc, then I think I'd be more likely to agree that church (not just spirituality) had a good impact on societies in general and, more specifically, marriages.

Coexist

 

[Robindianne]

My grandparents have been married for 62 years. I am off to tell them that they would have more respect for each other, a longer marriage and well behaved children if only they took Church more seriously...

 

[ZachnElli]

I get what you are saying. I HATE when people say marriage is work. IT'S NOT! At least mine isn't. It is 80% fun 5% annoyance 5% insanity. I think any other equation equals a problem. I LOVE my husband but our marriage is no different than our dating relationship, or our engaged relationship. The commitment we made, NOT IN A CHURCH, was sacred and blessed and beyond beautiful. If you consider your marriage work .....

Wow, so if someone else disagrees with you that marriage is work then So you're right and that's it? Well, I consider it work sometimes and I've been married for almost 17 years! Is it work everyday, no, it's not, most days it is not. But there have been times in the last 17 years, that it was. It was no walk in the park when my DH was unemployed for 13 months, it was no walk in the park when we dealt with fertility issues and 6 miscarriages, there were many more times we had to work through things. But we stuck it out and worked through those things, even saw a few counselors. That doesn't make my marriage worse than yours since yours "isn't" work. Your way isn't the only right way.

As for all the posts about how in the old days people stayed in bad marriages and now they feel free to get out of them, I agree. But, I also see young couples not taking it seriously. My coworker hasn't been married even 6 months and has already moved out! Neither one of them seem to be taking marriage seriously at this point!

 

[LuvOrlando]

-

 

[ckay87]

I'd just be careful judging people and how "seriously" they take marriage based on whether they get divorced. When I see divorce happen, I just figure it's not my business and I turn my attention onto my own affairs.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

To me it's not valuing my marriage, so much, but valuing DH. I see marriage as a piece of paper. DH and I lived together happily before we had a piece of paper, we would live together now just as happily regardless of whether we had ever gotten one. If we eventually determine that we can no longer live together happily, well, whether or not there is a piece of paper would make little difference in our decisions to stay or leave. The only thing it can do is ensure that, if we have children, we will both be required to care for them throughout their lives.

I'm an attorney, and I know the value of a contract. Any contract can be broken, but if you do so, you're going to cause someone damages, and you'd best be prepared for the ensuing litigation. To those who see marriage as a holy commitment before their deity, well, they may feel they have additional ties keeping them to their spouse. But to me, being heathen, a committment is a committment, and calling it a "marriage" doesn't make it any stronger. A handshake deal is still a deal. The paper just legitimizes it in the minds of friends and family.

 

[Robindianne]

Yes, it is. I am on the left and my wife is on the right. Thank you.

Beautiful.

 

[Arielle22]

This post reminds me of my step-brother. His GF is currently pregnant with their second child. She's pushing to get married but he keeps resisting saying he isn't ready for that level of commitment. Since when is marriage less of a commitment then children?! Marriages can end, children are for life. This kind of thinking makes me so sad because as a teacher I see it more then would even have believed possible.

I married dh 2 days before my 20th birthday (he was 22) and that was 24 yrs ago. At the reception his brother (who is slightly younger than me) tried to tell me how I was stupid to marry so young.

BIL had 2 children (with girlfriend) at that point. I looked him in the eye and laughed. I told him "I can leave DH tomorrow and never see him again. You are tied to children's mom for the rest of your life".

I have always told DH 2 things about infidelity and abuse "she better be good because she will never be me again" and "if you hit me you better remember that you have to sleep some time". I never thought he would do either but I wanted to be clear from the start.

We have had our ups and downs but we are still going strong. He has a knack that just when I am truly ticked off at him he does something nice and thoughtful.

As to the original question, I think people still value marriage. However it is always the bad things in life that make news. With 24 hr news channels it seems like the world has taken a nose dive but really these things occurred before but never made national headlines.

 

[NTDreams]

Wow, so if someone else disagrees with you that marriage is work then So you're right and that's it? Well, I consider it work sometimes and I've been married for almost 17 years! Is it work everyday, no, it's not, most days it is not. But there have been times in the last 17 years, that it was. It was no walk in the park when my DH was unemployed for 13 months, it was no walk in the park when we dealt with fertility issues and 6 miscarriages, there were many more times we had to work through things. But we stuck it out and worked through those things, even saw a few counselors. That doesn't make my marriage worse than yours since yours "isn't" work. Your way isn't the only right way.

As for all the posts about how in the old days people stayed in bad marriages and now they feel free to get out of them, I agree. But, I also see young couples not taking it seriously. My coworker hasn't been married even 6 months and has already moved out! Neither one of them seem to be taking marriage seriously at this point!

The highlighted portion is the key. You had to work through things together but the marriage itself isn't work. You stuck it out because you love each other and nothing can change that love. I never said MY was the only way. You are taking my statements too personal and literal

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm divorced and I value marriage. But there are only so many years of being lied to, having your bank account repeatedly wiped out, being called names, getting smacked around every day (and worse) that one person can take. When your 4th marriage counselor in 8 years tells you that it's time to give up, it's time to listen.

As far as the church...I thought about that. But I think God will forgive me for my divorce, all things considered.

Now, do you honestly think the OP was referring to you, based on the scenario you outlined?

Don't you think that perhaps the OP was referring more to the people who married and divorced within a year for no good reason other than "I didn't like it" or "it wasn't fun"...yes...2 reasons I heard recently from colleagues both of whom were married less than 2 years. Both reasons have the true meaning "I had to sometimes consider someone else's feelings, it wasn't all about me all the time and I liek to get my way".

Or perhaps she was referring to the people in a presumably happy marriage where one partner suddenly discovered that the other had been unfaithful, or lying about some other extremenly important fundamental of the relationship.

Divorce is a necessary evil sometimes...your situation is one of those times. But we all know people who treat marriage like dating..."if this person isn't right, I'll move on to the next". There's a huge difference between that scenario and yours.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I don't understand other people, people like my aunt who married FIVE times. Seemingly, she married when she felt like it...no long-term plans seemed to take place at all. And one guy she married twice.

I totally value my marriage and my husband. We work hard at it and do things for each other to strengthen and enjoy ourselves. We spent this past weekend in Palm Springs just spending time together and talking and enjoying the beauty of being together. And the gorgeous mountains right behind our hotel was breathtaking, too!

We're an atheist and an agnostic, so even though we took vows, a deity wasn't our concern. Devoting to each other was important. That little piece of paper means to world to me, too.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

.

 

[sunlver]

Please no bashing, but the question was asked..so I will give my answer, and it is soley my answer and I no not the majority. I have been married 15 yrs, and have 3 kids that mean more then life it self to me. In the 15 yrs there has been no cheating, and I am certain none from my spouse either. Another relationship is the LAST thing I want.
I know if I was to ever find myself not being married anymore I would NEVER be married again.
I find it easier to be a mother(even with all that it entails, sleepless nights, dirty diapers, screaming ,tantrums)then it is to be married. I have learned I am just too darn selfish to be married. I do my best,but my heart isnt into it. No, there has been no cheating, drugs, or alcohol, but there are other major problems, that just havent gone away with time. I dont expect them to change. He is a good guy, but our priorities are just sooooooo different, not good or bad, just different.
Its hard to want to grow old with somebody like that. So far now this is what it is.
Again , please no bashing, just stating an honest opinion.