Does anyone else have a child (teen) who hates school?

[DisneyObsessed]

My 15 yo son hates school so much he is miserable. I don't know why he hates it so much, he just does. He is basically very lazy which may have a lot to do with it. I don't know how to instill more positive thoughts in this boys' head.

 

[GailT]

My son was the same way, he did summer school grades 7-12, trust me my nerves were shot. but alas he is in his 3rd yr of college and loves it, does very well, guess it was just a matter of maturing, boys will always be boys to a point. Watch, they make a change for the better, when he hits 18 you will like/love him so much more, he will be tolerable no matter what. Good luck and stay calm, it does get better

 

[debster812]

My brother had a laundry list of learning problems. As such, even though my folks had him tested and diagnosed, school, reading, and books was SUCH a struggle for him. He absolutely HATED it. He was 'discovered' by the track coach in 8th grade, ran 3 seasons of track for 4 years (except one season of indoor due to arthriscopic surgery) and excelled. My parents think that this was the only thing that kept him in school, and graduated. He ended up going to a technical college after HS, and is now actually one of the few people I know, who is working in the field that their degree is in. (Marine Engineering and Mechanics).

I think it is a matter of finding something that they love, be it sports, music, activities, whatever. My brother could not run if his GPA was not above a certain mark. It was a struggle, but he did it.

 

[FINFAN]

My DS is 9 (4th grade). He started daycare at 2, pre-school was fine. Once he hit kindergarten...he was crushed. For a child who loved going and wanted to be like his big sister....his first "big school" teacher only took the time to tell him what he did wrong, never right. She had been a 2nd grade teacher and did not adjust well to kindergarteners who she had to actually teach how to read etc. The tone was set. He has hated it ever since.It was so bad last year that I HAD to change his learning environment as he completely lost the desire for learning, and was getting severely depressed, AT 8 YEARS OLD! Fast foreward to this year where I switched him to another school, it is still in our district, follows same curriculum, still has to answer to NCLB, but truly believes kids are still kids, and need positiver reinforcement, not negative. He has flourished! Even tho he still does not like homework taking up his free time (after working all day, he does get a bit lazy) he brags about his teacher, just asked me last night if he could invite himover....was just in the talent show and is getting a's and b's. Sorry to hi-jack this into a brag fest, but had I never gotten him out of where he was at, I don't know what would have happened. We saw a child Psych (old school insisted he has LD and blatantly told us he needed to be in their special ed program..his state scores were too low because he hadn't finished the written portion of the test and he was bringing down the 3rd grade overall score)anyway, after a solid week of tests/visits with/psych..he does not have any LD, just depressed felt completely worthless. I got him out of tere as fast as I could!If you have a way to see how his teachers are commenting about his ideas, skills, projects, activities,ANYTHING that can be a positive thing for him to focus on about his education...even friends,clubs....HS is a really hard time for the happiest kids,so I know what you are dealing with. I go day to day....this years teacher is awesome, but next years may not be. DH is job searching and I am going nuts beause I am so worried DS will fall back into his prior ways if a new school is like the last. With NCLB, lets face it, teachers have to force the kids to be perfect test scorers to save their jobs. Hang in there, maybe call his counselor and tell them what you are concerned over.I could not even think about grades etc., as the priority was DS mental health. You are a good mom to be on top of this.

Pam

 

[piratesmate]

DS absolutely loathed school! Most of his teachers & DH said he was "just lazy" but it turned out that he had undifferentiated ADD (as in not hyperactive). Working hard at things & being told you're lazy or "just need to try harder" can be damaging to emotional health. We lived that horror....in the end we homeschooled him & found our son again.

Hugs to you. Hang in there!

 

[Mari annie]

I have a son who turned 15 on Saturday. This age, they are moody, irritable and do have some mood swings, part of growing up!
I had some concerns earlier in the year, we had long talks, and he told me alot of things, High School has really changed since I have been (20 years ago) and he told me that the Freshman kids are immature, they want to be accepted so bad, they do drugs,drink, anything, so he found his niche through work and football, he is more comfortable around 16 & 17year olds, I don't allow him to drive around, or stay out with them, but he's friends with them in school and the sports program and now he has found that niche that he "belongs" he has more motivation to go to school, and he doesn't love school, but now it's enjoyable and he looks forward to going and seeing his friends. His grades have improved and he since he has the social interaction now, he wants to do his homework, and do good.

I also encouraged him to join clubs and stay after school, this has helped alot as well, and working pt on the wknds also has boosted his self asteem.

I contacted his pedi and discussed my concerns, his pedi also sat him down in his office and talked to him as well.
Most of the time it's the adjustment of growing up, peers, studying, someone they like--who may not like them--
teenage issues.

There could be alot of factors, the best thing is talk to him and tell him some of the stories you went through in HS, discuss your feelings you had as a teen, we did this as well, it shows kids, that all these feelings, of being an adolescent are normal, it's okay to be happy/sad and not like something 100%...
This is a hard age, they are not small boys anymore yet not adult men. I wish you the best,

 

[Tiggeroo]

As others have said, try to find a sport or club he likes. My boys run track and cross country. I really believe it would be almost impossible to keep them in school without this. They still don't like the school part, but they have school friends and have something to look forward to every day.
I might seem like a bad guy, but I actually had a household rule that they join something. I didn't care what it was. It could have been French club, newspaper, anything. Something that would have them invested in their school.

 

[ducklite]

My son is a senior in HS. He used to HATE school, now he deals with it. The difference? He is learning disabled as well as having some other disabilities, and the local public school didn't have a program that met his needs, so he was really struggling and always frustrated.

Five years ago we got him into a private school for LD kids, and what a difference! His grades have come way up, and he will actually graduate in a few months. If it hadn't been for this school, I'm sure he would have dropped out or been kicked out by now.

Also, you mention your son is lazy...it's very possible that he might be clinically depressed. I'd speak to his doctor about that. Don't let it go, it won't get better on it's own, and the earlier you catch it the easier treatment is and faster recovery is.

Anne

 

[nativetxn]

My son never hated school. He just hated <i>school work</i>.

He loved his extracurricular activities. Is your son involved with any school activities?

 

[yourtravelpro]

Originally posted by DisneyObsessed
My 15 yo son hates school so much he is miserable. I don't know why he hates it so much, he just does. He is basically very lazy which may have a lot to do with it. I don't know how to instill more positive thoughts in this boys' head.

Hi!

My son will be 15 this year and I am struggling with the same situation. I don't know what to do either. I have contacted his school and counselor, but they offer no help. Funny thing is every morning with out fail he gets up and off to school by himself, no trouble there. I wish there was some miracle or some answer to helping him enjoy school.

 

[CBRorBust]

It may not be that he hates school, but rather that he hasn't found anything in school that sparks his intrest.

Does he have any hobbies? Is he into music? There's always band. Drawing? There is always Art. Cars? Auto body.

Every kid has a different learning style. Maybe his teachers don't use teaching methods that trigger that lightbulb effect.

Then again...he is 15.

 

[powellrj]

my oldest DS was the same way. He got a bad start and just never recovered from it. He loved learning but hated school. When he was a junior we enrolled him in vocational school. He studied auto body. He loved it and it kept him in school. Now he is a Medic in the Army and already has 60 hours of college credit. Something I never thought would happen. When he gets out of the Army, he is planning on using his GI money to go to college full time. He has seen the other side of the world and now has some direction. If you would have asked me 20 years ago if this is what I wanted for him I would have said "NO WAY", but he is finding his own way. Just encourage him and let him know how much you love and support him in whatever he does. My DB who is in his 40's also hated school and my parents enrolled him in vocational school in building trades. He went on to get his MBA. People don't support vocational school, but its really a godsend for some, and you can still go on to college, its just a different path.

 

[DisneyObsessed]

Thanks guys. At least I know I'm not alone. It is so frustrating. I am basically a happy, go lucky person, and it is hard for me to understand his negativity and depression. (Although I take an antidepressant too) He has been on 2 antidepressants for quite a few years for depression, high anxiety, impulsiveness and he has ADD. I am feeling though, that the ADD has never been addressed correctly and that these are the wrong meds for him. We have left that psychiatrist and we are seeing his pedi next week to reassess him. He has even has a tonsillectomy and adnoidectomy for sleep apnea thinking that was a big part of all of this. It hasn't shown any signs of helping at all. That was back in December.

He is in the band in school. He has been playing the trumpet for a few years. He's quite good. He has such unbelievable mood swings. One second he's depressed and miserable about everything, and the next, he's telling me about something that happened and he's quite animated about it. Ugh. It's like a yoyo. He's not very athletic at all. He is in a bowling league on Saturdays that he has been doing for a few years. Even there, when he's doing well, all is fine. But if he is having a not so good day, look out.

It just seems like nothing we try to do helps. Hopefully his pedi will help next week.

 

[Mari annie]

Hi again...

A friend of my had her teen age son on some med for ADD, he may not be on the right one for him, a specialist would help better with that.

We live outside Boston and Children's Hospital THE BEST* is the BEST hospital for kids of all ages, they have specialized clinics/MD's for everything.
Call their switchboard, they can direct you.

My son was treated there for Migranes (stress caused) through Acupuncture *the Acupuncturist is a MD, PEDI/Anthesiologist/a Teaching Professor at Havard U. So we knew he was no quack!
I am taking him in May there to their Dermatology Clinic for kids.
He has mild acne and his pedi cannot seem to help the problem.
Pedi's are good, but rememeber they are specialists, I know I went through all this already.

They do have phycological staffing their and the best in the world.
It's a drive, but well worth checking it out.

Best Wishes and Take Care

 

[ducklite]

Sounds like you're dealing with more than depression. Has bi-polar been ruled out? There are some excellent drugs that will make a dramatic difference if this is the case. Perhaps a mood stabalizer might help as well.

If your son is on Ritalin or Concerta or any derivitive, long term use can affect dopamine levels, causing depression. If he's been on one of these meds long term, perhaps it's time for a switch. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant with a side effect of controlling ADD.

I agree with you, it sounds like he hasn't been properly assessed. I'd ask the pediatrician for a referral to the psychiatrist. There are several classes of antidepressants, and he might need a different one. Trust your instinct. I've "fired" a few doctors because I thought they "didn't get it".

Feel free to PM me if you want more info.

Anne

 

[Flyfly_Eclipse]

I'm a 16-year old sophomore in high school and HATE it. I guess for me it's a mix of things that contribute to it: rude administration and guidance...they treat all teeenagers the same way: like they are all rude and disrespectful kids that don't know anything and are out to cause trouble. I'm not one of those people, and even though these people never talked to me before in their life (or even if they had) they treat me like I'm on the border-line of getting ISS or OSS or something...drives me insane! Like today, I asked an office lady about FCAT make-ups and she snapped back at me, like it was a huge inconvenience to tell me the answer. I wasn't rude at all to her...and even after she was rude to me, I just said "thank you" and left. But I was silently fuming.

Also, last minute schedule changes that you are stuck with despite it not interesting you in the least (photography class removed....got Stained Glass instead! ughhh)everytime I find a class that interests me, I somehow always have to get taken out of it due to errors made by guidance.

Plus the early mornings...have to get up at 6AM if riding the bus, or 6:30AM if getting a ride from parents. And I don't even get up as early as most kids at my school! Still I am so tired that I can't focus, so I feel miserable.

In addition our classes are too long, and have too much work. We have block scheduling which gives us 4 classes a day instead of 6. That means: 85 minute classes. 25 minute lunch. Oh joy... but I admit I am a bit lazy...but maybe it's contributed to not even being fully awake

 

[DisneyObsessed]

Clare, that is a lot of it I think. He is exhausted all the time. He's up at 6am and he too has block scheduling. I think it makes the classes waaayyy too long.

Anne, Wellbutrin is one of the meds he's been on. That and Paxil. If he does happen to miss a dose we can tell so we know it's doing something for his moods. However, I feel there has to be something out there to help him feel better and happier, never mind to help him focus. We've seen neurologists and they say nothing is wrong with him that adulthood won't cure. They say he will probably flouish as an adult, but is having a hard time with being a child.

 

[Talking Hands]

Originally posted by Flyfly_Eclipse
In addition our classes are too long, and have too much work. We have block scheduling which gives us 4 classes a day instead of 6. That means: 85 minute classes. 25 minute lunch. Oh joy... but I admit I am a bit lazy...but maybe it's contributed to not even being fully awake

Do you think the teacher's like the block scheduling any more than you do. They don't. If itis a good class it is ok but when you get the class from hell you just want a padded room for yourself or to lock them in. Oh ours are 110 minutes with 3 blocks perday and a 25 minute lunch and a 15 minute home room.
Get up at 6 or 6:30am to be at school in time. Try 5 or 5:15am and I live 5 blocks from the high school I sub at.
And don't get me started on FCATs. Trust me everyone is stressed out with these tests. Have pity on the poor office staff, because their work has more thn doubled the last 2 weeks. Some ought to treat them after this is over. Frankly I think the whole school needs a fun day Friday when it is all finished!
I can see why the kids are frustrated with school. It is not easy to be in high school these days.

 

[Flyfly_Eclipse]

Talking Hands - Oh I do not doubt the staff dislikes the schedule any less than we do. Though I was just offended that she thought it was wrong of me to simply ask when FCAT makeups were. I had never missed an FCAT test before yesterday, and wanted to ensure I didn't miss my only opportunity to make it up before having to wait another year.

I still thing school is too long and starts too early. We have half days during Finals before Winter and Summer Break. These are GREAT. Not too long to put your exhausted brain in overload. I'd rather go to school practically all year if I had less school per day!!

DO - yep! Though once I moved to my tiny town...they started block scheduling in GRADE SCHOOL already!!!