"Do you want to put his dad as the guarantor?"

[isyne4u]

This was the question asked of me yesterday when I called to make an appt. with the urologist for my 21 month old. Now let me say the woman had not asked for my name, my marital status, or the name of my husband. So she had no idea my situation.

I'm single by circumstance with my eldest ds but I'm single by choice with my youngest ds.

When it got to the insurance part she asked me, "Do you want to put his dad as the guarantor?" I thought for an instant and said, "Sure you can put him down but I don't know who he is, he was #such and such from the sperm donor catalog, but I doubt if you could find him, he would be willing to claim him on insurance." I said it more flippantly and with a little laugh because I didn't want to be terribly sarcastic, but it irritated me that they automatically assume that DAD is going to be the one holding the insurance. The girl laughed and agreed that we probably wouldn't get much from dad, so she asked if I wanted to be the guarantor....um yeah.

So why in this day and age of families coming from diverse backgrounds would they automatically assume this.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I feel better now
tara

 

[vettechick99]

It's kinda like nurses always being "female" and doctors "male". People need to open their eyes!

 

[isyne4u]

It's kinda like nurses always being "female" and doctors "male". People need to open their eyes!

exactly!!!

Or teachers are always women!!

tara

 

[phorsenuf]

Guess some people are just old fashioned that way is all.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm not sure if it is old fashioned or thoughtless. When my DD took her dd for one of her first check ups, the receptionist asked for her state ins card. My DD was shocked that an educated person would asume that a young mother must be on welfare. She had an excellent job with very good benefits. SHe let it go the first time, but it happened again. She has a new pediatrician now, and his office staff does not stereotype their clientele.

 

[DisneyDotty]

Along the same lines, why are the family pets in my DH's name? Like he ever takes them to the vet?
And why is my car in his name at the repair shop? Again, I'm the one taking it in!
Whenever I say something, the receptionist just gives a nervous laugh and moves on.
I tell ya--there's a lot to be cranky about today!

 

[lulugirl]

Things like that irritate me too.

 

[Marseeya]

The schools have been doing this to me! I take care of 99.99999% of our dealings with the schools. But who does the mail come addressed to? Who gets the first phone call, even though I have written on the emergency cards to call ME first?

I know there are some really involved dads out there, but I'm willing to bet the vast majority of parents who do most of the work with their kids are the moms (in our school district).

 

[SC Minnie]

The schools have been doing this to me! I take care of 99.99999% of our dealings with the schools. But who does the mail come addressed to? Who gets the first phone call, even though I have written on the emergency cards to call ME first?

I know there are some really involved dads out there, but I'm willing to bet the vast majority of parents who do most of the work with their kids are the moms (in our school district).

Last year when filling out DD's info for the school directory under contact I just only put my name for some reason. So in the directory it only listed my name as the parent. DH gave me one of these

A funny story-- my mother took care of everything when she and my dad were married. The dry cleaner they used wrote your name in your clothes instead putting a tag on them. She signed his paychecks for him and everything was in her name because she handled things. Well, when he moved out he was furious that he had NOTHING in his own name. Even his clothes had her name written on them I guess I get my independent streak from my mother!

 

[isyne4u]

Last year when filling out DD's info for the school directory under contact I just only put my name for some reason. So in the directory it only listed my name as the parent. DH gave me one of these

A funny story-- my mother took care of everything when she and my dad were married. The dry cleaner they used wrote your name in your clothes instead putting a tag on them. She signed his paychecks for him and everything was in her name because she handled things. Well, when he moved out he was furious that he had NOTHING in his own name. Even his clothes had her name written on them I guess I get my independent streak from my mother!

now that's funny!!! I guess that taught dad to do somethings for himself!! hehehe

Marseeya...here everything comes in "the parents of" so that helps.

Nancyg56...that's terrible to assume that a young woman with a baby is on state ins. I can't believe they would even ask that. I would have switched too. That shows total bias. I'd be ticked too!!

Glad I'm not the only one that finds stuff like this frustrating. I know in the grand scheme of life it is not a big deal...but it's still irritating!!

tara

 

[shoes99]

I worked at a professional job for 35 years and was able to retire at age 54. DH retired at age 53 and we were both covered by his insurance, not great but only cost us $30.00 per month.. The first time I used his coverage, I was taken back by the receptionist asking me "are you a housewife"? I was never a housewife, but I guess I am now.
Michele

 

[DVC Sadie]

What's funny (not) is I am the one who is retired from the Air Force and my dh is the dependent but lo and behold everytime I have a doctors appointment be it on base or civilian they always ask me for my husbands social security #, so just being me I go ahead and rattle my dh's ss# off to them. After a few minutes of them searching they say, " sorry but you are not in the system". I just look up and smile and say," of course I am in the system here's my social security #." Let me tell you that after a couple of times even they catch on to how silly it makes them look to ASSUME.

 

[isyne4u]

It looks like some people who work with the public don't know what ASSume means of course it only applies to them and not me!!!

tara

 

[Stacerita]

It looks like some people who work with the public don't know what ASSume means

They should tell them about ASSume when they go to orientation. It would probably make a world of difference.

 

[FreshTressa]

It's too hard sometimes to think about all the things you are not supposed to assume anymore.

I guess you assume nothing...but that is hard to remember sometimes.

I'm sure I offend people all the time. I don't try to, but I don't have the brain power or energy to contemplate how everything I say might be taken. At least I don't work with the public.

 

[delilah]

Along the same line as the original post, I am a female doctor and I use my own birth name professionally, legally and socially. The only Mrs. XXX that is related to DH is in a NH 1000 miles away. So, at my son's school, some of the staff steadfastly refuse to call me by my correct name--Dr. YYYY. Two weeks ago, I received a notice addressed to "AAA and BBB XXX" about my son's preparation for First Communion. Most interestingly the woman who is the coordinator for First Communion is a patient in my office (of one of the other docs). Surely something that makes you go "Hmmmm". Sort of makes me want to call her "Gertrude" instead of "Julie". I thought in general that the individual being addressed got to choose which form of title was used. I don't want to be confrontational with the woman, but, really.

 

[isyne4u]

FreshTressa....you are right there are a ton of things any more that need to be thought of before we speak. And maybe this goes back to things being PC. I would like for people to ask more generic questions that are non gender oriented or traditional role oriented. I know this is difficult but it would make things so much eaiser.

delilah...you're right you would think this person would know how to address you and your husband. When I was in elementary school I had a teacher who kept calling me "terra" I corrected her everyday "tah-ra" and she would just ignore me. Her name was Hughes. So I started calling her Mrs. Huges (she was a little chunky so she really didn't appreciate it!) She got my name right after that!! hehehe

tara