Do you think this is rude? added more info post #34

[littleteapot]

I would not be bothered by no return call..you don't have to thank someone for a thank you!

I try very hard to not take offense easily. People are busy, you never know what is going on in someone else's life, even family. I find I am a much happier person if I don't worry about every little perceived slight. I am currently waiting on biopsy reports, I'm sure I forgot to be perfect over the holidays. I'm thankful my friends and family believe in extending grace.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

The OP was the gift receiver who left a thank you message, not the giver.
I would not be bothered by no return call..you don't have to thank someone for a thank you!

We were as well...so our phone call served two purposes. It was a family member. Just failed to type out the whole thing. Just that 10 days later we finally heard something after we followed up.

 

[Allison]

I would have taken the "give us a call when you have time" bit as just a ending to the message. Sort of like "talk to you later" or "see you soon."

I would not have interpreted it as a call I needed to return.

I agree

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I try very hard to not take offense easily. People are busy, you never know what is going on in someone else's life, even family. I find I am a much happier person if I don't worry about every little perceived slight. I am currently waiting on biopsy reports, I'm sure I forgot to be perfect over the holidays. I'm thankful my friends and family believe in extending grace.

I hope yoUr results are negative.

Things can happen, yes---I would hope the OP wasn't planning a lecture in manners or anything.

But sometimes, one reconsiders a relationship when things get too mechanical.

In my shoes---I have all sorts of things going on. This same family--I have extended grace numerous times. It is the thing with his family. No one ver intends to hurt us--they just forget us way too much. One year---the family had a gift exchange (drawn names) and it was 4 months before we got anything. It became funny because we figured they were too bust. We extended grace. The gift finally showed up, but only after the mother called. We didnt say anything to her. She just asked us, in person, about our gifts and we couldn't lie. The package arrived the following week.

Then there are the family get togethers where we don't hear about it until after the fact.


Or the lack of concern for my family....when we are going through tough times.


Sure---everyone is busy---we should extend grace.

But it doesn't make it hurt any less when you get brushed off especially when it turns out, there wasn't a really good reason in the first place.

 

[Rumpus]

I would not think it was rude if they didn't call back. I am not sure I like the idea of a "thank you" for a gift left on an answering machine however. I would call back and say, "I feel bad that I left a thank you on your answering machine when I should have spoken to you directly. Thank you again for the lovely gift". If you can't get in touch with them without the benefit of an answering machine, write a thank you note.

 

[littleteapot]

I hope yoUr results are negative.

Things can happen, yes---I would hope the OP wasn't planning a lecture in manners or anything.

But sometimes, one reconsiders a relationship when things get too mechanical.

In my shoes---I have all sorts of things going on. This same family--I have extended grace numerous times. It is the thing with his family. No one ver intends to hurt us--they just forget us way too much. One year---the family had a gift exchange (drawn names) and it was 4 months before we got anything. It became funny because we figured they were too bust. We extended grace. The gift finally showed up, but only after the mother called. We didnt say anything to her. She just asked us, in person, about our gifts and we couldn't lie. The package arrived the following week.

Then there are the family get togethers where we don't hear about it until after the fact.


Or the lack of concern for my family....when we are going through tough times.


Sure---everyone is busy---we should extend grace.

But it doesn't make it hurt any less when you get brushed off especially when it turns out, there wasn't a really good reason in the first place.

So there is wayyyyyyyy more to the story than a forgotten return phone call. I think you should just work on never allowing these people to hurt your feelings, they don't deserve to have any influence on your feelings. I have family in my life that I do mechanical things for, just to honor parents and grandparents. Good return treatment is a pleasant surprise because it happens rarely.

 

[Jennasis]

I think it's a bit, maybe not "rude", but perhaps odd to leave a thank you for a gift on an answering machine. A Thank you is the kind of thing that warrants either a hand written note or at least a personal call or in person thank-you.

That said, there is NO need for the "thankee" to have to thank the "thanker" for the thank-you in any form.

Whew, that was hard to write!

 

[Becky2005]

I wouldn't think anything of it but I'm usually the one that I think people think I'm ignoring. I know my SIL must REALLY think I'm ignoring her but she has a knack for calling at the most inopportune times and it literally can take me several days before I have a chance to call her back. I don't get home from work until 10:30 pm and that is way too late to be calling anyone back unless it's an emergency and/or I'm on my way out the door for something and don't have time to chit-chat. I try to call back when I know I'm not going to have to be rushing out the door for something. There have been times she has called a couple times and each time I don't have a chance to call her back.

Of course, it doesn't help that my answering machine doesn't really have a clock on it so "I will be home for an hour" doesn't help me when I listen to the message since I have no idea when it was left.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So there is wayyyyyyyy more to the story than a forgotten return phone call. I think you should just work on never allowing these people to hurt your feelings, they don't deserve to have any influence on your feelings. I have family in my life that I do mechanical things for, just to honor parents and grandparents. Good return treatment is a pleasant surprise because it happens rarely.

Perhaps--but it really doesn't change my opinion.

I will side with Jennasis on a thank you for a thank you to the thankee is not necessary--but it seems that based on the OP, she did expect to be called at some point so that she could speak with the giver and wish them a Merry Christmas and all that.

I don't allow anyone to hurt my feelings, don't worry about that.

Just a bit sick of getting the short end of the stick sometimes especially when it is met with profuse apologies. We just don't understand how they can all convene and not notice that someone is missing. We do let it go--but when they don't dislike us, it is one of those things that makes you go hmmmmmm.

And I have a stomach virus right now--so it makes it easier to go into pity party mode. Easier to dwell in sorrow when you feel like tossing your cookies.

 

[dakcp2001]

I would have taken the "give us a call when you have time" bit as just a ending to the message. Sort of like "talk to you later" or "see you soon."

I would not have interpreted it as a call I needed to return.

I totally agree with this

 

[ckay87]

OP, no I would not be offended. I facebook, email, IM and practically never talk on the phone. I think we've come to a time where there are so many different options that people have very different preferred means of communication and they tend to lean strongly toward one.

 

[design_mom]

I would not have been offended. Like some other posters have mentioned, I would have assumed that the main purpose of the phone call was to offer thanks for the gifts (which you did in the message.)

If it ended with a non-specific "Give me a call sometime," I would have chalked that up to small talk/pleasantries and would not have assumed that a call-back was required/expected. If it had been specific like "Give me a call because I need to ask you about ______," or "Give me a call because I'd love to hear how your visit with Aunt Polly went," etc. then I would definitely call back.

If someone needs to talk to me, I have no trouble calling them back, but I don't usually make phone calls just to chat.

 

[cm8]

I would not find it rude and I would not be bothered.

 

[npmommie]

Some folks might say that the thank you should have been written (not me!) I wouldn't read into it either way. Some folks aren't phone people.

I would say no however it is going to depend on the person. Is the person that is irritated normally a demanding person? Then of course they are going to be offended.

If you know this then send them a thank you note and be done with it.

I would not think it was rude if they didn't call back. I am not sure I like the idea of a "thank you" for a gift left on an answering machine however. I would call back and say, "I feel bad that I left a thank you on your answering machine when I should have spoken to you directly. Thank you again for the lovely gift". If you can't get in touch with them without the benefit of an answering machine, write a thank you note.

here is some back story.
I left the message saying thank you because these two are the type to get offended if they do not get a thank you quick enough.
it is my dh's brother and his wife.

they offend easily over all sorts of things.
So I have started over the years to just call to say thank you, I have on occasion had the kids write a thank you, most times we call and if a message is left, the kids leave the message, this time I left the message cuz the kids were not in the room, they were outside playing and it was the day after christmas and my dh was adamant that we call and thank them immediately before they got offended.
see a pattern here?
( the gift I was thanking for was for the kids)


strange family dynamics.

so I think I got a little miffed because yesterday we were coming home and we see them walking their dog, they live in our neighborhood, so we stopped said hello, chit chatted for a few minutes, and I say to my BIL, btw did you get our message, and he says yes. I can't type how he said it, but it was like " yes I got it so?"
but they didn't seem upset with us over anything, we talked for a few minutes and went on our way, but I got to thinking, sheesh, we call to say thank you........ say merry christmas, its the holiday and you don't even call back to say merry christmas either?

that was why I was thinking how rude.
its the holidays, its his brother, and he doesn't even return a call wishing merry christmas.

my dh is the youngest of 6 brothers, he says he is used to how they are.
but after being married to him and in this family for almost 24 years, they never cease to amaze me with some of the stuff they do.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

I would love it if they never called me back. The message itself might have been enough for them.

 

[npmommie]

I would love it if they never called me back. The message itself might have been enough for them.

LOL,
I actually told my dh it is nice when SIL doesn't call me very often, she is a very negative person,
she always wants to talk about negative things, and sometimes it gives me an ulcer when I talk to her

 

[jrmasm]

here is some back story.
I left the message saying thank you because these two are the type to get offended if they do not get a thank you quick enough.
it is my dh's brother and his wife.

they offend easily over all sorts of things.
So I have started over the years to just call to say thank you, I have on occasion had the kids write a thank you, most times we call and if a message is left, the kids leave the message, this time I left the message cuz the kids were not in the room, they were outside playing and it was the day after christmas and my dh was adamant that we call and thank them immediately before they got offended.
see a pattern here?
( the gift I was thanking for was for the kids)


strange family dynamics.

so I think I got a little miffed because yesterday we were coming home and we see them walking their dog, they live in our neighborhood, so we stopped said hello, chit chatted for a few minutes, and I say to my BIL, btw did you get our message, and he says yes. I can't type how he said it, but it was like " yes I got it so?"
but they didn't seem upset with us over anything, we talked for a few minutes and went on our way, but I got to thinking, sheesh, we call to say thank you........ say merry christmas, its the holiday and you don't even call back to say merry christmas either?

that was why I was thinking how rude.
its the holidays, its his brother, and he doesn't even return a call wishing merry christmas.

my dh is the youngest of 6 brothers, he says he is used to how they are.
but after being married to him and in this family for almost 24 years, they never cease to amaze me with some of the stuff they do.

Sorry but it doesn't should like your BIL and SIL are the only ones that are easily offended.

 

[npmommie]

Sorry but it doesn't should like your BIL and SIL are the only ones that are easily offended.

you wouldn't say that if you knew them and me in person.
really. LOL
you don't even know the half of it.

 

[Jennasis]

here is some back story.
I left the message saying thank you because these two are the type to get offended if they do not get a thank you quick enough.
it is my dh's brother and his wife.

they offend easily over all sorts of things.
So I have started over the years to just call to say thank you, I have on occasion had the kids write a thank you, most times we call and if a message is left, the kids leave the message, this time I left the message cuz the kids were not in the room, they were outside playing and it was the day after christmas and my dh was adamant that we call and thank them immediately before they got offended.
see a pattern here?
( the gift I was thanking for was for the kids)


strange family dynamics.

so I think I got a little miffed because yesterday we were coming home and we see them walking their dog, they live in our neighborhood, so we stopped said hello, chit chatted for a few minutes, and I say to my BIL, btw did you get our message, and he says yes. I can't type how he said it, but it was like " yes I got it so?"
but they didn't seem upset with us over anything, we talked for a few minutes and went on our way, but I got to thinking, sheesh, we call to say thank you........ say merry christmas, its the holiday and you don't even call back to say merry christmas either?

that was why I was thinking how rude.
its the holidays, its his brother, and he doesn't even return a call wishing merry christmas.

my dh is the youngest of 6 brothers, he says he is used to how they are.
but after being married to him and in this family for almost 24 years, they never cease to amaze me with some of the stuff they do.

Sorry but it doesn't should like your BIL and SIL are the only ones that are easily offended.

Agreed.

And it never fails that when someone posts something about their wacky family and the masses don't agree with the OP about how horrible the family is, or even *gasp* points out the wrongdoing of the OP, the OP chimes in with "new" or "additional" info or backstory to try and justify the anguish.

OP...let it go.

 

[frndshpcptn]

I would not be offended if I didn't get a call back (unless I left a message specifically asking them to call back for a reason).